Head Over Heels
by Shinsei-Kokoro
Summary: SS. AU. She was a nice family girl who went for nice polite boys. But when she falls for the bad boy druggie with police records, Syaoran Li...resisting him becomes the last thing she wants. [Rated for language]
1. Unlucky

**Disclaimer:** I don't own CCS and it's various characters, although the rights to this plot and some of the characters are of yours truly.

And I hope every reader thoroughly enjoys this story. Any complaints, then please drop me a mail, and I'll answer it as soon as possible.

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* * *

Title:** Head Over Heels 

**Chapter:** 1: Unlucky

**Author:** Shinsei Kokoro

**Updated:** 22nd January 2004

* * *

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

It sucked.

Everything sucked.

Everything that week had sucked. Sucked. Sucked!

Downright! Fallen off the cliff! Whatever you guys wanna call it!

From the day I had fallen down the stairs, hearing Touya's mad laughter, which may I say had added to extra bitterness when my dad had announced the news that we would be leaving Tokyo till the day when I stood outside my new home.

Staring at it's exterior…err…parts.

A pastel-yellow looking family town-house…y'know the ones you see in usual small towns?

Like Tomoeda? The unusual small town?

That's right people. Tomoeda. This one town which I'd never heard off until the day my dad had broken me down on the news. This one town…that I had to go map hunting on.

This was the town I was gonna live in…at least until college.

And it sucked.

Gosh…do I hear a sentence in repetition?

No?

Let's make it clearer then.

It SUCKED!

And do you want to know what sucked?

The fact that I was no longer in a grand city.

The fact that I had to abandon my school and all my friends!

The fact that I could no longer see my hot neighbour…who by the ways I'd had a crush on for months!

The fact that I'd have to get accustomed to sleep walking in my new house.

The fact that I'd have to go to a new school…and make new friends.

The fact that I'd be moping around missing everything I had left behind in Tokyo…yeah…that's right…I'm crying…well I was apparently.

I could probably list a few more facts…but…I couldn't be bothered making my already disturbed mind…more disturbed.

As I fell back in more distress I immediately felt something wet lashing against my leg, and as I looked down, I scratched the scruffy ears of my golden retriever.

"Yeah Kero…this is it. Our new home. It'll probably be bad for you, since you might go snatching off our neighbour's newspaper. But if I'm gonna have to live through all this…you will have to too boy"

"For the love of god Sakura…would you rather spend your time talking to a dog…or helping yourself get your things inside?"

I instantly turned around as the sharp voice blared in my ears.

That was Touya. My stupid brother…who had been sent from hell to make my life…well…hell.

"Alright. Alright" I sighed as I marched towards him, and grabbed the particularly large suitcase, which he had out for me.

"Will you stop making that face?" Touya mumbled as I stopped to heave the suitcase in front of him, "Dad is already on the guilt trip…so might as well give up…since we are here"

I looked up at him.

Did I forget to mention how much I hated him?

Hated him for always being right?

"I know…" I started dragging the suitcase, after confirming how heavy it was, "But it's easy for you to say"

After giving a word to one of the shifters who was asking where to keep the TV, he turned to me again, "Hey…I'm gonna be going to a new university too"

I didn't bother turning around, "Well…it's harder making friends in high school than in university. You just have to go to classes…but I have to spend seven sodding hours in an alienic school"

Touya gave me one of his weary looks, as he walked past me, with two suitcases in each hand, "Theirs is no such word as alienic you dumass"

I stopped dragging my suitcase, and stared at his figure, which was travelling inside the house.

"Hey! That word's in my dictionary. And I can say any word I like! So bug off!" I shouted after him, as I continued to drag my rather heavy suitcase, past the iron gates that stood stoic.

Excuse me here.

I'm never really this impatient…but today…actually this whole week…has been quite dreary…and eye drenching.

But before I could start moving at my own pace once I was inside house, a man behind bumped into me stiffly.

"If you're trying to race a snail Sakura. Don't bother…a monster like you always ends up loosing" Touya came up to me, a large grin on his face, as he took my bag from me, and started his way upstairs.

What may I ask was so funny?

After giving a wise apology to the man behind me who was trying to bring in the fridge inside, I followed Touya upstairs, taking two steps at a time.

"Touya. When is dad coming again?" I cried out as I looked into each and every room, seeing which one was mine.

And the moment I reach the last room in the broad hallway, I heard Touya answer.

"Tonight…at six something I reckon"

I was actually quite surprised to see my stuff already there. Touya was sitting on my bed. Five bags surrounding him, and six cardboard boxes.

"What do you have in all these? Nuclear bombs?"

"Har har" I managed to give a sarcastic laugh, as I pulled Touya off, and pushed him towards the door, "Maybe I can stick one inside your brain…and whoopee!"

He rolled his eyes as he walked out of the door, "Nice virtual imagination" he mumbled as he continued to walk down the hallway, "But better luck next time flea"

Tired to say anything else, I closed my door with a kick from my foot, and leaped onto my double bed.

"Ah" I sighed, not looking around the room.

I'd seen it already…and it would probably take me a year to unpack all these things.

Well…at least I had my bed.

But the moment I closed my eyes, I couldn't help but wonder all over again.

How would my new school be?

Would I make friends?

What was it called again? Err…oh yeah…Sanron High. A public school.

My dad had mention the school was quite known out.

He didn't exactly say what for…

Oh well…I guess…that's for me to find out. And you know what? I didn't have to wait any longer.

Because the next morning…the second I stepped out of my brother's precious car…it all stood right in front of me.

And I was very wrong to think it small…because…Sanron High was huge. I'm telling you. Huge. With huge amount of students buzzing around like bees.

Hmm…never really seen bees kiss. I was glancing a guy who practically sucking up a girl's face.

Looking away, I turned around to meet my brother's laughing eyes.

"Go on. If I've to wait here watching you until you disappear, I'm gonna be late for my job interview"

That's right. Touya was taking on a part-time job. He hadn't mentioned where though.

"Ok. I'll see you at three-thirty dot then" I sulked

"Laters flea!" he stepped on his gas pedal. And you know what? I could actually hear his evil laughter trailing behind, until he was a few metres away.

Grunting I turned around at my new school again.

So much for a helpful older brother.

"Your name again?" the baldy man in front of me peered through his stylish reading glasses.

"Sakura Kinomoto sir" I said as I shuffled in the seat I was on, watching a particular fly buzz around the man's head.

Presently I was in the Principal's room…and he was filling some kind of form. One of those admission forms maybe.

"Age?"

"Um…seventeen"

"Location and name of last school?"

"Tokyo…Seijuu High School"

"Your three options?"

"Um…Computers…Biotechnology…and Music"

"Name of father?"

"Fujitaka Kinomoto"

"Mother?"

At that I turned on a hesitant look, "Divorced"

The fly had now perched on the man's bald.

The man nodded sincerely, "Ok" he let out a deep breath, as he scanned down at everything he had written about me from A to Z.

I couldn't give in my telephone number yet…since I had no idea what it was.

"Alright then Miss Kinomoto. I would like you to take this to the office. They'll give you your timetable…and the lists of books you need…which you'll have to either purchase or take on loan. Since second term's just started here…make sure you go fast in learning all the things from last term"

"Yes sir" I nodded as I stood, and walked to the door, "Thanks again"

"And Miss Kinomoto…" the man interrupted before I could even open the door.

"Yeah?" I turned to look at his grave face.

"Be careful around here please"

"Uh…" I stared hard at the man, the fly still buzzing around his face, "Okay. Thanks" And with that I closed the door.

Weird.

What had he meant when he said that?

Confused, I shrugged it off, and walked to the office Mr Principal had directed me to.

"Um…" I looked at the lady through the glass wall, "I'm new here…" I mumbled as I slipped in the bunch of papers in my hand through the slit at the bottom.

"Alright…" she nodded as she skimmed through it. But before she could say anything the bell—which was few feet away from my ears—gave it's shrill ringing.

I practically whirled around with fright…but I turned back around after a glimpse at the oval red piece of instrument, giving the lady a nervous smile.

"Okay…" she started as she rolled the curser down the screen of her flat computer, "I need to find a class for you now…" she frowned almost too herself, absorbed in whatever she was looking at.

From behind me, students suddenly started to walk by. Some chattering…some laughing…I could even hear a few guys swearing at each other.

So I just stood straight, my back to everyone, as I tapped my knuckles nervously on the desk edge.

And by the time the bell had rung again, every student had disappeared inside, though through the corner of my eyes, I could still see five or six students hanging by the quads, one with a basketball in his hands.

"Here you go…" the attendance lady suddenly said, handing me three pieces of papers, and a padlock…which I took was for my locker.

"Hm…" I mumble das I glanced at each paper.

"One of them is your time table…" the lady went on, "And the time of each bells…the next one is all the books you need to get. There are four that you need to get from the library. And two that you'll have to buy. And the last one as you see is your school map. I'm sure you'll be getting lost around here for a few days."

"Okay…" I looked up at her.

Thanks for the warning.

Then she quickly wrote down something in a Post-It green paper.

"This is your home room and locker number"

"B18" I read.

"B Block's the one on the right there," she pointed to me, as I turned around and followed the direction of her finger.

"Okay…"

"I suggest you go to homeroom first then get your books from the library…then go to your classes"

"Okay Miss. Thanks"

She gave a curt nod, and then went back to her computer. Sighing, I walked to the Block on the right.

Homeroom was all right. Like I was expecting, the teacher didn't make me introduce myself. Which was so relieving. He just asked me to take a seat, after he wrote my name down in the attendance book.

But what I hadn't expected was the attention from the students. They were all staring at me the moment I took a seat in the second last row.

Right.

Like I've grown another head.

"Hey babe…what's your name?" a guy I passed asked me.

I looked at him for a second, then shrugged, "Sakura" I said taking my seat behind him, which was the only empty seat other that the ones in the front.

"Wooow…" the guy beside me grinned, "Saa…kuu…raa" he rolled, pressing on each of the syllable.

"That's right," I mumbled under my breath, "Three syllables"

The guy in front of me, turned around on his seat fully, facing me with a large Cheshire smile.

"Well Sakura…it's nice to meet you"

I raised a brow at him, feeling suddenly that I was the centre of attention in the group I was in.

Then the girl beside me leaned my way, "You're new here right?"

I nodded.

"Yeah…" she continued, "I saw her by the office" she said as if talking to the guys around her.

"Where you from?" the guy in front asked me again, missing out on saying 'are'.

"Tokyo"

"Sweet…why the hell did you quit the city then?"

"Uh…" I didn't know what to say, "My dad…"

The girl beside me cocked her head, "I'm Rika—,"

"The duckling" another guy behind me finished sneering.

"Shut your trap Van" she scowled at him.

"Eriol…" the bloke in front of me introduced himself, catching me in the flash of his thin-rimmed glasses.

"Hi" I managed to say lamely.

"Just for notification…" a guy diagonal to me glanced wearily, "Lenses are out of fashion…"

I gave him a scrunched up look, "They're not lenses"…you blind bat…I added to myself.

Seriously…why did people always think having green eyes was such a big deal?

The bell ran soon after some time, and everybody rushed out of the room, running off as if there was some tidal wave after them.

Snorting to myself, I walked out of the room last.

Then suddenly I remembered what Rika had told me a few minutes before.

"Be careful"

Now…what had that meant?

Jesus…if I didn't know better…people in this school were stuffed with no-brain riddles.

And as I walked by, lockers after lockers, unfamiliar faces after faces…I could feel few stares here and there on me.

Okay…freaky.

Gathering my wits for the hundredth time that day, I made my way across the almost empty quads again. After a few wrong turns here and there…and asking a guy who obviously knew I was lost, I finally found myself entering the library.

And the moment I entered alone…students across tables were once again giving me curious looks then going back to whatever they were doing.

Shuddering, I strode to the Information Desk, and slapped my paper gently on the table.

"Um…I'm here to get these books?" I mumbled to the teacher opposite me, who just grabbed the paper without saying anything and disappeared in the room behind.

Humph.

Was she mute or something?

But I didn't bother saying anything, as she came out after ten minutes, with four thick books.

She stuck a fill-out form in front of me, and then gave me a small card, which looked like a library card.

After filling out the form, I stuffed the card in my jeans pocket, and said a 'thanks' to the Miss Mute.

Grabbing the four books, I marched out of the library, suddenly noticing that I was very late for my first class…since there was no around…except for a snogging couple, and a guy with thick glasses, who glanced at me dreamily as I walked by him with heaved books.

And to make matters worse…it took me at least twenty minutes to find my locker area. So as I looked by their numbers, frustrated, tired, and with heavy hands, I soon found myself, standing in front of an open locker.

Pushing the books under one arm, I opened it widely, and stuffed, all four books in there.

Sighing…I rested my back against the lockers, and rummaged through the pockets in my jacket for my blasted padlock. Turning around again, I patted the butt of my jeans. Then unzipped my jacket, and looked through the two pockets in my shirt.

I gave out another large sigh…as I held the golden lock out, and stared hard at it.

Stupid padlock. I growled, as I unlocked it with the key I was given too.

Just then I heard footsteps behind me.

Ugh. Probably a warden.

Come on Sakura…hurry it up.

Hastily I scraped my jacket off, and quickly threw it inside. The footsteps suddenly stopped beside me, and a pair of masculine arms started working on the locker next to mine.

Sighing I realized it was just a guy.

Slamming it shut gently, I frowned as the door bounced back with a loud noise.

Feeling the eyes of the guy's on me, I firmly pushed against it slowly this time. Embarrassment crowed in me, the moment the door creaked back again. Letting out a frustrated sigh I banged against it again…this time harder…and yet…it flounced back.

And so I tried again…trying to keep my temper down…since the guy beside me was still fumbling into something inside his locker.

Through the corners of my eye I noticed the side of his face, with dark brown hair falling over his eyes, and a ringed ear. He had on a black leather jacket, and black baggies from what I could see.

I almost felt like dying when he shut his door close, and started to stare at me yet again.

Hey! Quit it! I yelled to him…mentally.

It wasn't my fault that this sodding door wouldn't close…probably rusted by the lack of use.

"Move…" the guy's rough but somehow soft voice spoke, making me look at him, and stagger back a little…not because of what he had asked me to do…but because of what he looked like.

A damn hot guy let me tell you.

But my mind suddenly blew, the moment I watched him aim a solid punch at my locker door.

"Hey! What the heck was that—," I broke off in mid-sentence; as I stared at the closed locker…then slowly back at the guy.

"Heh…" I gave a short nervous laugh, as I felt my knees swaying a bit, as his intense golden brown eyes stared into mine, "Um. Thanks?"

He watched at me hard for a second, as if looking me over, then frowned a little, turning around and walking away in process.

What?

Had I said something wrong?

Didn't he like girls in jeans?

Wasn't I supposed to thank him?

What was it?

And that's when I mentally started to rip out hair from my head.

Why was it that every guy I thought was hot, had to end up giving me that 'I think you're weird' look.

Why oh why?

Sighing…once again…at his swaggering form, I turned around, and quickly laced the padlock in the slit of the locker.

"Let's get your ass to History class Sakura…" I sulked, "…no point in letting your jaw drop anymore."

* * *

**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

I was late…like always.

I didn't bother saying anything as I walked past the teacher who was standing in front of the whiteboard, going about some shit about Hitler's past.

Taking my seat at the back corner as usual, I sent a pissed off look as the guys in front of me turned to sneer.

Yeah yeah…what else was new?

Assholes.

Pulling a leg up, I pinned my knee to the desk and threw my head back against the wall. Time to get that sleep…

But before I had a chance to even doze off, there was a hurried knock on the door. I didn't bother to look at who it was, but all I heard was a slight rumble, and a deep catcall from a guy and the class was instantly hustling.

"Aight! It's the new chic from the city bro!" I heard Van's voice boulder.

New chic?

I quickly opened my eyes, and let the scene envelop me. I frowned inwardly.

That girl.

"Class" the teacher went on nevertheless over everyone's statements, "Quieten down!" she shrieked; as the girl walked to the seat she was appointed to. The one on the last row, on the other side of the room.

I went back to my sleep, ignoring the calls from the guys and hefty curses from the girls.

Hell…I didn't even know why I bothered coming here…

"Ahem!" the teacher cleared her throat, attempting a risk in quieting down the class, but all she got was a small buzz.

Thinking it as reward, she went on, "Just because we have a new student, that doesn't mean you can have the rest of the class flaking her"

Jeez…talk about a teacher with no sensible words…

But class went on again…and I kept finding myself staring at the girl through the corner of my eyes.

She was staring intently at the bull crap the teacher was writing on the board and taking down notes at the same time.

Her name—I had found out from legal eavesdropping—was Sakura something. The newbie.

I snorted ungracefully.

No wonder she had thanked me when I'd given the door of her locker a fist.

Didn't know whom she was talking to…

I didn't fail to notice the couple of guy near her trying to get her attention…and I certainly didn't fail to notice when she glanced at me uncertainly with a slightly surprised face.

She smiled at me…and I quickly forced my eyes back to the board.

I don't think anyone saw that.

Because chicks in this school didn't go around smiling at me…they would get their boys to jump me instead.

As I continued to stare at the ceiling, I felt the sudden need to pop a cigarette in my mouth.

Getting up from my seat monotonously, I strode across the room, past the frowning teacher, and past the door…not bothering to stop or say anything to her.

I just had to get out of there. Stranded in a room full of assholes and bitches wasn't exactly where I'd like to spend most of my time.

Lightening a cigarette as I walked down the hallway, I didn't fail to notice Minas leaning against the door of the Resource Room.

Smirking, I disposed off the pinched cigarette in a nearby bin, and let her throw herself on me, as I pushed through the door she was standing against.

Yes…she was a good kisser…that's all.

The cafeteria was full like always the moment I barged in there. A few people turned around on their tables to give me withering looks, but I just stalked past them. My eyes scanned the area for the guy I was looking for.

But instead I caught the eyes of that exact same girl, whose locker I'd punched. And the moment she gave me that small hidden smile from the midst of the friends she was with, I tore away through the people hastily.

I saw Yamazaki hovering against the back door of the cafeteria with another guy by his side.

I growled the second I was standing face to face with him, "You said near the freakin' windows" I hissed quietly.

"Easy man…" Yamazaki grinned in my face, then he punched the arm of the guy next to him, "This guy's got some heavy bags of huggies I'm tellin' ya"

"How much?" I asked scowling at the guy.

"A few thousand bucks" the guy replied smugly.

"And the supply?"

"I have it at home…"

"When will we get it?"

"When will I get the money?"

I grinned as I patted the guy's cheek, "Soon. But I need the supply first"

Watching him look me uneasily, I nodded at Yamazaki, then took off through the back door, grabbing another cigarette.

Dealing with guys from other schools was pathetic…but it was worthwhile…especially for things that made you happy.

Oh yeah.

Happy.

I glanced back, then continued my way to the back fence in the backfield, where Chiharu was gonna introduce me to some girls from a nearby all-girls school.

* * *

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

I was crying.

I'm telling you. I was practically crying…inside my mind offcourse. He had just walked away.

God. Why was it so hard to get reactions from guys?

But before I could go on mourning, the girl beside me had brought me back from dreamland.

"Sakura. You ok?" she asked me frowning.

"Yeah Tomoyo. I'm alright…" I answered as my new friend.

At that moment, I was in the cafeteria…with the bunch of friends I had made on my first day.

I was proud of myself…but I never got far…well…the moment he just rode past after all the courage I had gathered to smile at him…twice.

How sad could a guy get huh?

Couldn't he at least smile back, and leave me happy?

"You look like you've just had a trip from the la-la land" Rika smirked at me.

Yup, the exact same girl in my homeroom. Actually she was the one who introduced me to everyone else in our last Chemistry class.

"So…who's the guy then eh?" another girl peered at me, her glasses flashing.

"No one Naoko…" I said under my breath, my face hot. Was I an open book or what? "It's no one," I repeated firmly.

"Sure"

"Really"

"Right"

I sighed. Really…not.

After lunch, Rika had decided to give me tour…saying that I was gonna get lost one time or the other. But the first thing they brought me to was the Notice Board.

"Okay. Sakura. Before anything else. You should know the rules," Tomoyo had said almost gravely.

"Rules? What rules?" I asked hesitantly.

Naoko only pointed it to me.

A large flowing paper, which seemed to be a bit brown. I could help but ask, "How…how old…is this?"

"Dunno…" Rika shrugged, "Just a few years I guess"

I had to practically, stand on my tiptoes to read the lines.

"Rule number 1. You must sit a majority of at least 10 detentions per year. That way everyone has an equal standard"

I looked at Tomoyo puzzled, "Huh?"

"I've done six till now" she answered me, making me turn back.

"Number two. If you don't fit in any cliques, please change schools. One must keep the school fun to be in"

Okay. Weird.

"Three. Teachers are pests. They reside only to haunt. So if you fall in love with them, get ready for your nightmare"

Rika giggled at that, "I remember when I used have that crush on Mr Tereda in Elementary School"

"Number four." I went on, "If you backstab last year's junior prom queen or prom king say goodbye to your reputation"

Naoko helped me out on that, "Eriol and Rika" she said to me, to which I nodded.

I didn't think I'd be backstabbing them anytime now.

"Rule number five. It's our duty to change principals every 2 years. So if you contribute, you get a free pass to stay untouched from fists and kicks"

That's helpful. I thought wryly.

"Six. We go on strikes one week every term. If you contribute the best idea, you get a free opposite sex for through out the school year"

"I've been trying for that" Naoko sighed next to me.

Very weird.

"Seven. Think you're an A-grade bitch? Try out for the cheerleading team. You'll have more friends that way"

"That's lovely don't you think?" Tomoyo laughed, "I as in it last year. But I quit it"

I wonder why? But I didn't speak my thoughts out aloud.

"Rule eight. If you think you're a player, you need to pass the test. Other wise go get another life."

That was nice…I guess.

"Nine. Are you a newbie? Get a copy of this page, and by-heart it off before you get in shit."

Now…that wasn't very nice.

"Don't worry" Rika patted my shoulders, "You'll learn it off pretty quick"

You bet I will.

"Rule number ten. Wannabe a thug? Let's see if you can last an entire night in the three alleyways down the main highway. And if you loose against the girl in the red, make sure you carry around a white flag."

I giggled at that.

"Eleven. If you wanna tattletale. Check out how you look without any teeth before you do anything rash."

"That's very painful, let me warn you. Never try that," Naoko advised soberly.

Right. I went reading though.

"Twelve. You get mixed with any ringed junkies; you talk to the hand. You go in deep with them; we'll drown you in sand. Simple."

I stopped to re-read the line, then turned around, "Uh. Ringed junkies? Who're they?"

The girls looked at me with hard faces, "The outcast group" the three of them said at the same time.

"Uh…I don't get it"

Tomoyo was helpful enough to explain to me, "Junkies. Y'know druggies? They are out of reach to us…and we to them"

I still didn't get it.

"It means you don't talk to them. You don't look at them. You don't breath with them. You're never to be seen with them. Never ever"

Alright.

This school was weirder than I thought.

"And…how do I know…who these…ringed junkies are?"

Naoko rolled her eyes, "Well…for one…they have body piercing"

I looked at her scathingly, "I had my belly button pierced last year Naoko"

Tomoyo made a frustrating noise at us, "Sakura. You'll just know when you look at them"

"Yeah" Rika put in, "They like to keep different from us. So you'll notice them in no second. And if we see one around. I'll show you okay?"

Okay.

And with that I went back to the rules.

"Lovely ladies are for cost here. So if you're looking for one you better be loaded. Guys are for free. There are heaps around. But the ones with the price tags are very limited. No cheques by the ways"

I grinned helplessly.

"Fourteen. No carrying school bags. And if you, don't sulk when you find them going round on top of the fans."

Wow. Then maybe it was a good thing that I couldn't be bothered bringing mine today.

"Rule fifteen. Follow the above fourteen rules, and you'll find your years at Sanron a breeze"

I scoffed at that.

Sure. A breeze…

"C'mon girl. Stop looking like you've been stoned. Eriol's been wanting to talk to you. Let's go" Rika rolled her eyes as the three girls decided to drag me away.

I didn't her…because I was in my own thoughts

A breeze? At Sanron?

Right.

Enrolling here was probably the biggest mistake…but there was nothing more I could do.

And while we were making it to the quads, laughing while Rika flirted with every two guy we passed, Tomoyo suddenly pulled me back.

"Look" she pushed me against the wall, and pointed.

"Wha-what?" I asked surprised, as I remain squashed against Tomoyo.

"Look!" she repeated herself, "Those guys over there"

Frowning I followed her finger and frowned harder, "Who?"

"Those three guys there you stupid!"

I peered harder. Maybe I needed glasses, "You mean the one with that girl?"

"Yes. Yes. They are one of them"

"What?" I looked at Tomoyo confused.

"Outcast junkies. Rule number twelve?" she reminded me.

It didn't take me long to know what she was talking about. I didn't really know if it was rule twelve or whatever, but I knew what she meant.

"Oh" I looked at her for a second, then looked back at the group that was apparently walking towards us.

"Oh god" I murmured after a while as their faces came into complete view.

"Oh god what?" Tomoyo asked momentarily looking at me from her nails.

I slumped against the wall, suddenly feeling like a withered flower. I didn't say anything to her. I couldn't. Or I'd never hear the end of it. I couldn't tell her that the guy I'd been thinking of in the cafeteria was one of them.

Oh man…

Why were guys that I'd wanted always out of reach?

* * *

**A/N:** Well, tell me how you liked it! Go go go! 

**§ђϊη§зϊ-Кσќσѓσ **


	2. Droolin'

Title: Head Over Heels Chapter: 2: Drooling Author: Shinsei-Kokoro 

Updated: 27th Jan 2004****

**Syaoran Li P.O.V **

It was grey today. Which added extra on to the already bitter mood I was in.

Yamazaki was beside me, trying his best to soothe me with his words.

"What the hell was wrong with you there you asshole!? You know we could have talked it out!"

Not exactly soothing but…whatever.

I chose not to speak, because the vivid anger in my head continued to lash around like a trapped shark.

"Now he's probably gonna bring his guys on you and pick up the most unexpected moment to jump you. And do you why!? Because I told you!" Yamazaki was almost screaming to himself, "I told you not to mess with them! I told you that like how many times!"

I suddenly froze, then glared at him full force, "You told me he went to some school!! Why did you lie!?"

"I didn't! I said he dropped out last year!"

"No you didn't!" I snapped at him.

"I did!"

But I knew better to let Yamazaki get the leach of my anger, so I just strode past him, digging my hands deep into my jeans pocket.

The first person that dared to come in front of my face was Meiling. She was like always looking very stoned.

"Forget it Syaoran"

But that didn't get past me, "Look bitch! I just lost five thousand bucks! I can't forget it!" I screamed shoving past her.

That's right. Four thousand bucks.

"Well, it was your own fault to start dealing with some random people!" Meiling fired back at me, "I told you something like that would happen!"

"Haori hasn't come up with our supply for almost a month!"

"So?" Meiling frowned at me, "That doesn't mean he's packed out on us. He's probably having some trouble"

"Right. For a month?"

"Probably got caught" Meiling sat herself on the bench in the backfield.

Right again.

We were wagging.

But I wasn't in the moment to give a damn of anything I was doing.

I had just lost four thousand bucks…to some scatty son of a—

"Can't you get it back from them?" Meiling had chosen the time to interrupt my thoughts.

"No…the bastards decided to take a break from Japan" I sighed sitting beside her and letting her pat my shoulders.

"Do you think Aunty is gonna find out?"

"Hell yeah! The first she's gonna do is threaten to send me any money"

Meiling laughed at that, "But you're Mommy's boy. She wouldn't be able to live with that"

I turned to her, and grinned a little, "Actually, I don't think she'll be able to live with the fact that I'm spending all that money on drugs"

Meiling gave me a wry smile, then leaned her head against my shoulder while looking gat her nails, "You know Syaoran…I think you should quit. You just got out of jail last month"

"So?" 

"I don't want you getting in anymore shit. Not that I care"

I gently slipped an arm across her shoulders. Sometimes I wished she had never decided to follow me.

"I know you don't"

"So…" she said after a few minutes, "What happened between you and Minas yesterday?"

I shrugged carelessly, "She wants a _relationship_"

"And you?"

I tore myself away from her as she asked that rhetorical question, "I don't. Not with her"

Meiling suddenly scowled at me angrily, "I don't get you Syaoran. You're practically sucking her face every time…and you say you don't want a relationship! Will you stop leading her on then?"

"I'm not!" I snapped back with all the dignity I had left, "I already told her before all this, that I _don't_ want a relationship! It's not my fault that she decides to move in tighter"

"Then change girls!" Meiling threw her hands up in the air, "Do anything! But stop leading her on"

"I told you! I'm not!"

Meiling gave me one of those 'disgusted, ashamed, and frustrated at the same time' look, then sighed, knowing that it was impossible to win an argument with me, "You'll never understand will you?" she asked after a while.

I gave a pissed off look, "No. I won't" I replied sarcastically, "What the hell do you expect me to do. Tell her to go jam her mouth down someone else's?"

Meiling rolled her eyes as me, "Stop being such a bastard"

I couldn't help but put on a small smile, "Yeah well…you're not one of those good bitches either"

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

Believe it or not…a week had passed. And I still turned into a jelly every time I saw that guy.

School went fine…but there were times when I just _had_ to smile at _him_.

Yes him…that druggie…that outcast…in conclusion the guy who's name I still hadn't found out.

It wasn't fair in a way.

I mean why should they be called as the outcasts and treated like dirt just because they were on heavy drugs, had police records, and always started fights.

They were students at our school too…and the fact that you couldn't even talk to them was a bit too far stretched.

What if you were stuck in a position with them where you _had_ to talk to them?

I sighed all the way Touya had driven me back home after school.

I guess I was just trying to find a way to talk to _that_ guy. There were other guys that I'd seen were hot…but this one…he just seemed to catch my attention every time he passed me by.

And I was getting so desperate, that today I almost said 'thank you for punching my locker the other day' to him in History class.

I never even saw him by his locker anymore…since it was next to mine. So you could usually see me delaying time after class bells rang, in a little hope to see him.

But no.

And there were times in class, when I would just tune out, and keep wondering if he's single or not? If he was a datable kind of guy or not?

What I also noticed was that while I'd kept on sighing about _him_, guys around me were keeping on trying there best to get me to notice them.

It was quite sweet actually.

Especially when this one guy, ordered me a bouquet of red roses, and a teddy bear on my desk in homeroom today. 

When I thanked him today, I wished I hadn't. Because by lunch he was jumped by some guys, and then ended up going home with a broken nose.

Quite sad.

But things like these had never happened in Seijuu. I don't mean the giving presents and flowers part…but the part where guys jump the poor victim.

I'd tried finding out who the guys where, but Tomoyo had stopped me saying that this was what happened to new hot chicks.

"Who are those from?" Touya scowled at me from behind the wheel.

"Oh. Just this guy" I shrugged, then screamed, " Touya! Look at the ROAD!!"

And thankfully he was just in time to swerve before we crashed against a lonely sneering lamppost.

"Seriously Touya…who the heck gave you your driver's license?" I mumbled under my breath, as he kept on trying to peek a look at the sender's message, which was attached to the bouquet.

When we reached home, dad had to ask me the same question again, "Honey…nice flowers"

Well…that was his way of asking '_are you going out with guy without telling me?!_'

"No daddy" I sighed, kicking Touya at the same time wiping the smug smile off, "I'm not going out with anyone"

"And Sakura?" he called out once again when I was half way down the stairs, "Your mom called today"

I froze as I took another step up, and my grips around the bouquet tightened, "For what?" I asked after a while.

"She…" my poor dad started as if trying to fit the phrase properly, "She was asking if you were free this weekend"

At that, I immediately turned around and stomped back down the stairs, "Isn't she getting _married_ this weekend?"

Touya was leaning on the chair beside my dad, who was trying to hide his eyes, "She…wanted to know if you'd like to be her bride's maid?" he shrugged still not looking at me.

I could have screamed right there and then, but when I saw Touya send me a tight look, I shook my head, "No dad. I don't. And don't even bother calling her to tell her that" I said in a small whispered as I went back up the stairs angrily.

The nerve of that—bitch!

First she strands us in the middle of a holiday!

Then she breaks my dad's heart!

And now! She's expecting me to be her bride's maid!?

How low could a woman stoop God!?

Slamming my door, I threw myself on my bed, "I hope she rots right in the altar!!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, "I hope her face disappears! I hope she goes to hell!!"

And that's what I did for the rest of the evening. Scream and swear.

The thought was unbearable. My beautiful, yet wicked mom marrying another man. My mom! Not Touya's, but my mom!

How could she do that to me?

**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

It was midnight.

And I was still smoking. Probably my tenth.

But the anger in my veins still hadn't gone to hell. My mom had called. Demanding to know why my bank account had suddenly lost weight.

Actually, that wasn't the only thing she was demanding. She was practically cursing me to come back to Hong Kong.

I had swiftly hung up on her at that. 

How could she expect me to come back, when I was the one who had run away from home?

I gave a frustrated laugh, as I fell back against my window still.

Sure. Like I would go back.

I snorted, breathing out the smoke, and tapping the cigarette. 

Like Meiling had asked me to, I had solved the problem with Minas. She had grudgingly agreed. I couldn't do anything more. It wasn't my fault that she had a crush on me.

Speaking of which…I couldn't ignore the stupid smiles _that_ girl had been giving me.

Sakura Kinomoto.

And it had gone to such an extent, that it was getting really annoying. Hadn't she read the freakin' rules already?

People like her—girls like her—do _not_ smile at me.

Girls like her do _not_ walk into walls by just looking at me.

That's right. Walk into walls. 

So it was either she had a crush on me or she wanted me to get jumped from her guys. 

Meiling had pointed her to me today, saying that she was the new girl in her P.E class. The only girl who could beat her in 1800ms track. The only girl who had said 'hi' to her.

So it made me wonder.

Was she trying to join us or something?

Or was she just so knocked out in the head, that she could take a hint?

I tried to go with my second answer.

I couldn't imagine her as an outcast. Especially when she was already a magnet for so many guys.

Ahh…I threw my cigarette. Who cares about her anyways?

I had much more important things to think about…like explaining to my mother how my account had just went down four thousand bucks.

And I think I have the perfect lie for it.

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

After letting out a bucketful of tears, I decided to let dad bring me dinner to bed. He had sat with me for a few minutes, while I stared at my hot soup and explained things. Like of why he and mom had separated.

I've heard that like about thousand times. So in the end I had to give dad the fake sweet look, and that was enough for him to leave.

Here's a little flashback.

After Touya's mom Nadeshiko Kinomoto had died, my dad had somehow fallen in love with another woman after a few years. They got married and—POOF—there I was!

Then my stupid, devilishly evil mom decided it was time to hop on to another man. And that was exactly what she did. She had walked out on us. Left me motherless on my sixth birthday.

She'd tried to talk to me a few times, but I'd ended up shoving all the swear words Touya had encouraged me to say in her face.

I didn't mind after that…not having a mother I mean. Dad, Touya and me were just a great big happy family. I can still remember the day I had made dad promise me that he wouldn't dare marry any other woman, and he had laughingly agreed.

I still think that laugh was just an act.

But today…had just brought back all those memories.

If I'd thought that I was the only one suffering, I was wrong, because somewhere deep inside, my dad still has a corner for my mom.

When I fell asleep, mom's 'about to be crashed wedding' wasn't the only thing I was dreaming about. That 'not yet named but hot anyways' guy was there too. 

And while I tossed and turned, I wasn't surprised when I found myself face down on the carpet, imagining it was the guy I was on.

Touya had unfortunately dragged me up, before I could even murmur his name.

"You were kissing the carpet!" By breakfast, I think the whole neighbourhood had heard Touya's evil laugh. And if it weren't for dad I would have probably nailed him on the wall, with a photo frame hanging by his nose.

And speaking of walls…I rubbed my forehead. I had stupidly walked into the wall yesterday.

And oh yes. Blame it on the 'not yet name but hot anyways' guy!

In school, I walked past a room, where—three guys had hanged up another guy's bag and were cracking up evilly—and straight to where I always met Tomoyo and Rika.

They were both laughing about something today, but the minute they caught sight of me, they sealed up.

"What?" I frowned.

"Nothing" Rika lied through her teeth.

"Right"

But Tomoyo blurted out everything very non-elegantly, "Van wants to ask you out!" and with that both she and Rika fell into crows of laughter.

I stood there shocked for a second, then shook my head, "Uh…um…I need to go find Eriol," I muttered under my breath, which immediately caught their attention.

"Why?" Tomoyo asked at once, composing herself.

I held the Chemistry book in my hands up, "He let me borrow his book" Then I walked away, not hearing what Tomoyo had mumbled after that.

Eriol apparently was the guy who was always the centre of attention. I saw him in a large group of guys and girls laughing our loud his friends, and cheering as a girl tipped over a guy, and kissed him soundly.

Hesitating suddenly to go to him, I turned around, my nose wrinkling.

But I had to give him the book…since he was in none other of my classes…and I didn't have Chemistry today.

Gathering up enough strength, I walked to the group, and I was instantly the girl they were all staring at.

I heard a low wolf whistle from someone behind me, but I had my eyes only on Eriol, who was gazing at me with a boyish grin.

"Hey Sakura" another guy flashed me a grin.

Ignoring him, I kept my eyes off Van who was looking at me as if I were a big juicy piece of chicken.

"Here" I held the book out to Eriol, "And thanks"

"Did you get everything you wanted from it?" he asked taking off his glasses and making me gulp.

"Yeah. I didn't get one of the experiments though"

"Nice!" another guy sneered, "She's making a move man"

I frowned at the guy, "What?"

"Sakura" Eriol caught my attention as the guy gave me an 'Easy girl. I was only kidding' look, "What are you doing this tomorrow?"

The question almost made me loose my balance, "What?" both Van and me flushed at the same time.

"We're going clubbing in Sora's" Eriol went on, ignoring the look from Van, "Thought you'd like to come…since you probably haven't seen clubs in Tomoeda I reckon"

I went a pink colour at that.

Man. That was near.

I thought he had asked me out.

"Um…sure"

Not being able to stand the penetrating looks from several other guys, I smiled weakly at him, "Gotta go. I'll see you around…or maybe tomorrow"

And with that I walked out of there hurriedly. I could hear evident cheers from behind me. 

Ah! I could kill myself! Why had I agreed going clubbing?? With them?

I was in such despair, that I hadn't noticed the 'not yet named but hot anyways' guy frowning my way.

Maybe I could ask Rika and Tomoyo to come with me?

Yeah.

That would be good.

Asking dad if I could go was easy. But Touya? I had spent an entire hour after finishing dinner hearing his Scandalous Lecture, and by the time I got to bed, I was grinning. 

I had my ways with Touya sometimes, and as I flung open my wardrobe Kero was by my feet almost begging for more dinner with his tongue hanging out and panting.

"You're growing too fat boy. And I'm tellin' you in this shape you won't find any girl. Now go fart on one of Touya's books or something" And with that I had him pushed out of my room.

Now all I needed to do was choose what I'd wear for tomorrow, which seemed to breeze by.

Because soon enough I was standing outside Sora's with Rika and Tomoyo by my side. Yup. That's how fast a day goes by. Especially Friday nights.

"Uh…guys…" I laughed nervously, as I spotted a couple of guys smoking by their cars, and a couple making out heftily, "Maybe this was a bad idea?"

"Hell no!" the two girls screamed as they dragged me in.

It wasn't long before Eriol was standing in front of me handing me a drink.

"I thought you'd never come" he smirked as he eyed me down, making me more self-conscious than usual.

I had on a strapless white top, and a blue skirt.

Taking a sip to soothe my frozen throat, I grinned weakly, "Couldn't miss it, could I?"

And before sending me a warning, he grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the dance floor.

That's what I did all night.

Dance and rave. And it was a hell of it. With the disco lights, and the drunk music.

What I hadn't known was that the drink Eriol had handed me was alcohol, and that Tomoyo was glaring at me as fell against Eriol drunk, dancing all the while with him.

He had handed me down, and as I danced with a chain of guys, I grinned when Van held on to me.

I was so drunk that I had no idea of what I was doing. And just the moment when he was leaning down to kiss me, I thought I saw the 'not yet named but hot anyways' guy. So I tore away from Van's grasp, and pushed my way through the crowd, but when I reached towards the guy, he had a girl in his arms.

Pushing the girl away, I turned the guy around, then smiled dizzily, "Hey!"

Soft brown eyes looked down at me wearily, and I didn't loose a moment in falling against him, "Remember me?" I giggled.

He wasn't dressed in black this time, but in a blue shirt, and dark brown pants.

"No" I thought I heard the guy answer, but that didn't matter. As long as he was there.

"Sakura…" I could hear Van's voice from somewhere.

But with the music so loud, screams and laughter, I didn't not know what came over me, as I slumped in the guy's arms asleep in two seconds.

I knew it…I had known it all along…I shouldn't have come to this club at all. It just proved my obsession to the 'not yet named but hot anyways' guy.

But the last thing I could remember was someone peeling me of the guy's arms, and throwing me over their shoulders.

And guess who that guy was? Oh yes. None other than my stupid half brother, Touya who had decided to come take a look at how I was doing partying with my new friends.

I spent the whole of early Saturday morning with Touya's Scandalous Lecture Part 2. Let me put aside the part where he stood outside my bathroom door yelling, while I was erupting a volcano that equals puke into the toilet.

"Touya!" I screamed, "Will you at least let me die in peace!?"

"I told you not to go there didn't I? If I hadn't been there in time some guy would have probably come to pick you up instead of me! Who knows what he would have done with you!" he continued to babble while I continued to empty my stomach.

Ugh. I'd never felt worse since last summer…when this exact same thing happened to me.

Except last time I didn't have a watchdog on the other side of my bedroom door. Couldn't I at least party while my so-called mom was probably exchanging corny vows?

So I didn't let Touya get the best of me, and stayed locked in the bathroom until it was probably late in the after noon. Before I left, I took a shower, and got dressed. And the moment I opened the door, I could see my dad sitting with an almost patient look on his face.

Oh great.

Scene 2 Scandalous Lecture 2. Action!

But the action I'd expected came out all the wrong way.

Instead of taking up on the role of the 'mother + father' mode, he looked like he was almost gonna start bawling.

"Do you think she's probably in her honeymoon now?"

It didn't take me a second to run to my dad and hug him tight. We spent the hour crying. Well…I did. He just kept on jabbering about how fantastic it had felt when he had thought that he'd be spending his entire life with my mom since the day he had gotten married to her. It was sad actually. We never spoke about things like these usually.

In the end I ended up insulting my mom, and saying how lucky she was to have found him.

Hey! I may be a lovesick girl who doesn't even know her crush's name, but I do know how to handle moments such as these. After a few shredded tears here and there, we somehow ended up talking about last night.

"I thought you never touched alcohol sweetie"

Oh yes. Even in harsh topics he uses his nickname for me. And it was time for me to feel guilty; because last night wasn't the only time I had taken alcohol.

"I didn't know that every drink there had alcohol. And I was thirsty"

Okay. Part of this was right .I _was_ thirsty. But it was Eriol who gave it to me…and I did _not_ know it was alcohol.

"I just want you to be careful next time okay?" he gave me that 'I'm warning you' look and finally left.

I slept after that. Dad's anxiousness had gotten to me too.

So as I drifted off to meet my 'not yet named but hot anyways' guy, I couldn't help but wonder. Where would mom be spending her honeymoon?

Syaoran Li P.O.V 

I wiped my lips hastily against the back of my hand, and continued my way away from Minas.

"Chiharu told me you were seeing those girls from that private school" she called out to me.

I turned around at that, "Yeah. So?"

She swamped towards me in her dress, and looked at me with large almond eyes, "I thought you were seeing only me"

I scowled at her as she reached her arms around my neck, "Well, I'm not"

"I don't get you Syaoran. At times you seem so attracted to me. But times like now, it's like you're gonna meet of some other girl" she frowned decidedly.

I shook away her embrace, and held her hands in mine, "How many times do you want me to explain this to you dammit?" I hissed, beware of her, Monday morning attitude already. 

She cocked her head gracefully, then leaned up to me, catching me in a slow kiss.

After a few seconds I broke apart, "I gotta go" I murmured as I got hold of myself, and turned around hastily.

"Where? To see off your other girls?" she asked in mock laughter.

I knew at that moment, I could probably pin her against the wall, and make her take back everything she said, but at that moment, I had to get away from there…from her.

"If that's what you wanna think. Then yeah" I walked off, "I'm gonna see my other girls off"

With that said I left her there steaming.

Sometimes, I enjoy the pain I put her through. It's the truth, I don't lead her on. She just comes onto me.

During lunch, I met up with Shiroi in the backfield once again. That's our territory. Y'know. The dock where the junkies hide out? Yup. Junkies that's what they call us.

Somehow I let him drag me to this teacher he owed notes to.

As we stalked down the crowded hallway, heads were turned in our direction. We kept on with our conversation, while some snickered along their lockers at us.

Bah! I didn't give a damn for these shits.

They were losers in my mirror, and I hated losing thoughts on them.

The teach was another piece of shit too. He kept on glaring at me through out the time Shiroi went explaining on the notes.

What could I do? I was known out. By teachers, wardens, and a few police officers here and there.

This old dude, was one of the guys who had asked for me to be suspended once. And nah. I hadn't forgiven him. Instead I'd set his desk to fire.

It wasn't very drastic, as he had complained it to be. Just papers in crisp cookies. And since I was on suspension his complains on me were lost. The principal had said that it was probably something else.

So while he shot daggers at me, I took my time in running a finger down his new desk, then I knocked on it making him jump a little.

"Hmm" I hid a grin, "Nice wood" I nodded at him approvingly.

In a few more seconds he was kicking us out.

"I know you did! You put it on fire! I know you did! You hooligan! You fire-setter! Students like you don't deserve to be put in a school! You gangster! You druggie!" And so it went on.

But as I walked to the door, my head turned back as I laughed along with Shiroi, I didn't notice the door swinging open, and smash straight in my face.

"Shit!" I fell back loosing my balance, holding tight to my nose.

Through the slits in fingers, I could see a girl hurriedly walk in, and almost scream.

"What were you thinking!? You stupid bitch!" I hollered at her, still holding my hands to my face.

The girl fell back a step, obviously taken back. I didn't know if it was because she had just slammed a door on a victim. Or that an outcast like me was cussing at her hard out.

"I…I…I'm so sorry! I didn't see you. Oh god. Are you hurt?" She neared me as she said that.

While I was busy nursing my face, I didn't notice Shiroi checking the girl out, but the moment her fingers touched my face, all hell in me broke loose.

And as I slapped her hands away furiously, I stopped short to look straight at the girl's wavering green hurt eyes.

It…it was that girl.

She seemed almost equally surprised to see me, because I could see the evident blush rising to her face.

"Oh…shit," she mumbled under her breath, suddenly looking very embarrassed.

"You…" I looked away quickly, then noticing Shiroi's hard on gaze on her. I scoffed, then walked off, brushing past her in process, with a whistling Shiroi closely behind me.

"Man oh man!" he kept on chuckling, "Syaoran, she _talked_ to you!" his face was so bright with that smile that, it seemed as if the sun had let him borrow the hot look, "And she was god damn hot baby!"

I turned around to look at him steadily, still rubbing my forehead "She's a newbie"

"And a gorgeous one"

"She's out of your league"

The boy grinned at him, "I was talking about for you"

I rolled my eyes at him, and continued my way, sending a finger to a guy who decided to ask, when I'd come out of jail, "She's a freakin' ditz for crying out loud"

But my friend didn't sound so sure about that, "You're a mad man Syaoran. It's so obvious she has the hots for you!"

"So?"

"Whaddya mean so?" he asked cockily, "Dump the bitch"

"Minas?"

"Who else you asshole?"

I steadied my pace, while we took the route to the backfield, "That girl walks into walls"

He laughed out loud, "You must have gone blind then"

I gave him a blunt look, "I'm serious. She walked into the wall when she saw me. How pathetic is that?"

"That, my friend, just makes it clearer that she wants you" he went out, taking out a cigarette, and handing me one.

"Girls like her want every guy" I spat lighting my stick, and throwing it to Shiroi.

"Jeez. Aren't you tired of Minas yet? She's been hogging you for like the past year. And she's contagious"

"Hell yeah" I grinned, "But I have her on a leash"

Shiroi gave a wistful sigh, as he let out the smoke from his mouth, "Actually chicks like her end up chewing up the leash"

"Obsession" I told him, and he nodded smirking.

"But I gotta tell you…if you're not interested in her…don't say I didn't give you the chance"

"Lay off her toad. You know you can't go after chicks like her. If you get a hiding I'm not gonna be there to save your sorry ass," I reminded him.

"Shucks" he managed a sigh, "And here I was, dreaming what a good kisser she might be"

"Dream on then" I opened my mouth hand sighed the smoke.

"But man…she had guts to talk to you…in front of a teacher. Do you think he'll go and blab?"

I shrugged carelessly, "Don't know. Don't care"

"Do you think she'll loose her reputation if he'll blabber?"

"I told you man. Don't care"

Shiroi gave a little whistle, "But since she's already the girl on the pan, I think you'd better be ready for a punch here and there"

"I'm always ready. Have you heard of anything from the bastards?"

He gave me a lopsided smile, "The bastards at school or the ones who stole your money?"

"The ones who stole my money you dumass" I scowled at him.

"Well…this guy who stays with me said that they are still in Japan"

I frowned, "Yamazaki said that they left"

"Wrong information. They're still in Japan. And I reckon they're gonna be after you. You broke that guy's collar bone"

I shrugged, "The fool deserved it. But the next time I see them, I'm gonna dissemble their faces"

Shiroi laughed again, and I gave him a threatening look.

"What happened to those girls Chiharu set you up with?"

"They're full of poison candy, man. Too slow for me"

"Dude. You don't know how to handle girls like I do"

"Oh yeah" I rolled my eyes sarcastically, "That's why you got jumped for trying to get that airhead down"

"Rika wasn't an airhead. Pretty feisty though. The black eye was worth. They don't make airheads prom queens"

I shook my head at him, "I don't know why you mess with girls from here. You won't get them, and you know that. It's not like a girl will suddenly pop in front of you. Everyone here thinks we're shit, and we do to them. We don't cross boundaries no matter what, and everything stays good. Deal with that won't you?"

"Then why did that girl talk to you? She even touched you" Shiroi managed to bring the topic up again.

"She's run over in the head for all I care. Besides she's Eriol's girl"

"Eriol! As in Hiiragizawa?"

"Yeah"

"Honest to who?!"

"My dead body"

"Then why did she talk to you today?"

"I don't know!" I snapped at him, dropping the cigarette and flatting it with my shoes.

"Do you think she wants you to get a hiding from Eriol?"

"Would you quit talking about her?! I don't care about her Sakura. If she wants to lose her reputation, or wants Eriol to fight me then—,"

"Hey!" Shiroi suddenly grinned ear-to-ear, "You know her name! Are you going out with her, without telling me or something?"

I suddenly felt lost. Really. Why did I bother with nitpickers?

I wouldn't care less if she were Casanova, or some joy rider. I wouldn't care if she walked into a wall again and lost her brain in doing so? I wouldn't care if she even started stalking me!

I stopped for a second there. No. Stalking me wouldn't be good. If she wants to stay alive that is.

And besides…I don't mix up with bright, cheery girls with large, twinkling emerald eyes.

The trouble was…the more I started to avoid thinking of her, the more I did.

Not good. I hoped Minas would be wagging next period. She was probably the only one who'd help me get my mind off the girl.

**§ђϊη§зϊ-Кσќσѓσ**

**Leave a review please**


	3. Crazy

**Title: **Head Over Heels****

**Chapter: **3: Crazy****

**Author: **Shinsei-Kokoro****

**Updated:** 3nd Feb 2004

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V 

I could have screamed and pushed myself off a cliff or something. The past three days had been so so _so_ maddening!

Tomoyo had been quite furious at me throughout the whole week. Well, I hadn't quite noticed really until three days ago. Once, when I was waiting for Eriol by his locker, she zoomed past me in eyeshot calling me a bitch. I tried asking her at times, but she would just sulk and ignore me.

Van was trying his best to get me to notice him. For example: start conversations and laugh at everything I said. Even if it were the driest thing. Like when I forgot my Bio book and got a detention…again. Today he had to snicker when I was wondering where my mom would be staying with her new husband. And when I passed him a glare, he immediately started to apologise.

"I thought you hated your mom though," he'd said.

I did. I didn't bother answering him though. I was too tired.

But those probably weren't the things that troubled me the most. I still hadn't found out the 'not yet named but hot anyways' guy's real name.

Teehee…yeah I know. That's quite a long and cheesy nickname.

But man…there's just something about him…that makes me go blank. Haha. Yup. I'm laughing. At myself though. I feel like one of those obsessed junior schoolgirls who nickname their crushes.

It hadn't really bothered me that he had called me a stupid bitch when I'd slammed the door against his face the other day…it was my fault anyways…I think.

I'd become so desperate over him, that I'd spend an entire hour in the morning dressing up…and wearing skirts this time. Rika somehow had suddenly noticed the change.

I'd spend longer times after classes at my locker so I could see him, and still I never got a chance to talk to him without anyone seeing us. Now tell me? What else was a girl supposed to do?

It was obvious that he hadn't even looked at me twice, and probably thought I was one of those freaks to fall for an outcast like him. Hell. He probably knew I was all over him. And Jesus, I almost touched his face that day.

Thank god he had slapped my hand away, or I would have really fallen on him. Seriously, I've got weak knees. Just joking.

But today, I swear was _such_ an embarrassing day. We were doing gymnastics for P.E, and just when it was my turn on the balance bar, the 'not yet named but hot anyways' guy _had_ to choose that moment to come into the gymnasium and talk to Meiling. This girl in my P.E class.

And you're not gonna believe what happened next? _Just_ when I was doing a cartwheel on the bar, one sight of him was all I needed to slip and fall, hitting my nose hard on the beam.

Let me tell you…it had hurt like hell! And _everybody_ was staring and hurrying to help me up.

And it was even bleeding! My poor poor nose…

Thank god nobody had laughed, because I thought I'd probably die of humiliation. Heck. I'd probably go pound their noses. Seriously, a nose is a very important part of a girl's features.

Next. The 'not yet named but hot anyways' guy always seems to have Chemistry in the class opposite my Chemistry class.

Today, Miss Zhang—my teacher—had said that we would be starting our practical assignment week. Eriol had graciously paired up with me before I could even ask anyone else.

For a process where we were supposed to mix ammonia with hydrochloric acid I decided to let Eriol handle the heating up. And just when I was carefully tipping over a large amount of ammonia into another empty beaker, my eyes had _glanced_ at the doorway and _he _just had the chanceto pass by. Yeah well…you can probably imagine what happened next. The jar just _slipped_ out of my grasp, and I had ended up wasting the class's whole supply of ammonia. Great isn't it? And to make matter worse, I ended up spilling some on a girl's dress, who apparently wasn't wearing a lab coat, who screamed and took such a large step back that she'd fallen on me. Not excluding the fact that she was twice my size, and by the time Eriol had picked me up, I was probably looking like a pancake

Not my fault right?

No. I just had to end up getting a detention. Is that dreadful or what?

Then it was in the cafeteria during lunch. I was glad to be there for the first time, since Mr Outcast would never be around here. Rika had said that the 'outcasts' never came here for lunch. So I was glad for the first time that day…just to have a little time away from pain. But while I was pouring the juice from the jar into my cup, the 'not yet named but hot anyways' guy _had_ to pass me by. Oh. You could have probably seen my frustration erupt. Because at that exact moment, I ended pouring the juice from the jar _not_ in my cup but on a guy's head—a guy who had decided to pick up his fallen spoon.

And yes. I'd spent the entire lunch apologising to the guy. He turned out to be a nerd who thought I was the most attractive goddess he had ever seen. So for the rest of the day I was busy avoiding him. So that's what happened. That was how my day had been.

I didn't miss the funny looks from people when he'd went and told all his friends that god had sent an angel to him by pouring juice onto him.

Seriously. How bad could things get? 

"Sakura? Are you still in bed?" a voice knocked on my bedroom door.

Argh. Leave it to Touya to break the extreme tension.

"Yes" I yelled from my position in bed, half annoyed that he'd disturbed my train of thoughts.

"It's 1 in the morning you doofus! Go to sleep. And turn that radio off! Kero's howling in my ears"

"Yah. Yah. Maybe it's because of the way you snore…you toasted brain," I mumbled as I slipped out of bed, and pulled the plug off. I could hear the distance howls of my dog fade away.

That poor Kero. I snickered evilly. Hopefully he'd be howling the whole night in Touya's ear since it's a full moon outside.

Whoops…wolfs do that, not dogs. My bad.

Glancing at the clock, I yawned. Touya was right. It _was_ past midnight. Did that mean that I was in bed thinking of that—you know who—since the moment I came out of the shower?

Seemed like it.

I shrugged. After getting changed I hopped back inside the covers if my bed, and went back to my thoughts again.

I had to stop thinking about him. And it was driving me crazy that he wouldn't even have the _eyes_ to give me a second glance. I mean, couldn't he see? My clumsiness was only a result of his appearance?

After crossing the border of my proudness and resistance I'd come to notice that every time I'd see him, I'd freeze, and do something terribly wrong. Embarrass myself most probably.

Was that why he never turned to me? Because I was too embarrassing?

I sulked and sighed the entire night. Probably.

Maybe I wasn't attractive enough for him. But I could never start wearing mini skirts and tight tops that'd show cleavage. That wasn't my style. And I wanted a guy to like me for who I was.

I nodded in affirmation. I had to forget that guy! I had to. I had to. I had to. How could I probably start going la-la over him when I didn't even know his name? It was a good thing I hadn't started to write 'Sakura 4 'not yet named but hot anyways''.

Yeah. That would be kinda corny. But at least I hadn't taken the leap to the 'last level of obsession'. Maybe I had a way out of this trance…

And yet again. The more I thought of him…the more I thought of what he thought of me.

You don't need to guess again. He was in my dream tonight too. And he was holding me. In his warm arms. Tight. He didn't seem like the guy who I'd be dancing with or singing with. He was the kind of a stoic guy. Always looking serious, but would laugh anytime. And in my dreams he laughed. Maybe it was because I'd seen him laugh today. But whatever the reason, we ended walked down this empty street. Y'know. A night with a bright full moon. And trees with their flowers blowing by the breeze. He'd taken me somewhere all right. Because in the morning when I was awake, I was in my bathroom, sprawled in the tub, with sore back muscles.

Hehe…guess I'd learned to sleepwalk this house well in only two weeks.

But here's not very funny part. I had to find out something about him.

**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

Meiling was yelling at me as I continued to fire back at her curses. Yup. The same ol' curses.

"You asshole! Why did you have to bring me in this!? Huh? God! I could kill you!" she screamed as she leap and took me by the collar of my shirt.

"Hey! Watch it bitch!"

"Shuddup! _You_ are the bitch! Now I probably have to go home because of you! You stupid chicken!" she continued to shake me like as if I were a rattle for a kid. More like peeling away he chicken's feathers.

I would have probably slapped her across the face if she weren't my cousin, and if I'd never known her since we were kids playing naked in the sandbox.

"Do you mind!?" I scowled at her instead, standing straight.

"Yes! I do! I'm gonna kill you!!" she went on.

"Will you let go of me and listen for a sec!?" I hollered the moment she punch me across my jaw.

"No! Because I would probably have my bags packed by the time you start explaining, and I might even loose my flight!"

"Hey! It's not like you don't want to go back"

"Shut up!! I'm being sarcastic!" she continued to scream. But after five minutes of yelling and making her voice hoarse, she slumped beside me on the couch, "You better have a good explanation for this Syaoran. Because there's no way I'm going back to Hong Kong"

I rolled my eyes. Alright. I'll be honest in my personal thoughts. I didn't. I didn't have a good explanation.

"There was nothing else I could say. That was the only thing I could come up with. Saying that you were sick with tuberculosis, and I had to spend all the money on you. What else could I say?"

Meiling unhappily sneered at me, "That _you_ were the one in hospital maybe? That _you_ were the one with tuberculosis!?"

I gave her a tight look, "I've already had my vaccination"

"Guess what?" she said calmly, then screamed at the top of her lungs, "I've had mine too!! At the same time you did!!"

I shrugged, as she continued to punch me, "Then mom must really be having that memory problem she thought she was having"

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

It was my fourth week here. And so far so good. I'd escaped humiliation, prosecution of reputation, but still been through three detentions for damage of school equipment, and loads of embarrassments. About seven guys had asked me out already, two who ended up getting jumped from a gang of guys who were apparently fanatic over new hot girls.

It was kinda surprising…that they found me hot I mean. I mean sure, I knew I had nice looks, especially because of my green eyes. But if I had all that, then why was it gathering all the attention of the wrong guys?

I'd ended up getting information out of Tomoyo today. We were seated out on one of the benches in the front field, where I had dragged her out too.

"Tell me what's wrong now?" I demanded, as I watched her sluggishly sit down, and pull a leg over her other leg lady—shly.

"Forget it" she looked away.

"Hey! If you don't want to tell me, will you at least act civil with me then?"

"What?" she turned to me, "I do act civil with you"

Duh…

God could she give a rest to her lies for a second please?

"Spill"

"I…I have the hugest crush on Eriol," she blurted, making me frown. To tell you the truth I hadn't expected to hear that.

"And?"

She looked at me as if I'd grown two more heads, "What do you mean 'and'? I've wanted him to ask me out since the starting of this year!"

"Why don't you ask him out yourself?" I reasoned shrugging.

She glared at me at that, "Stop playing me a fool Sakura!" she suddenly scowl.

"What!?"

She looked away from me quickly and went on, "You guys are like _always_ over each other. Rika said he used to have a thing for me before, but after you came along he hardly even looks my way"

Let me tell you something. I was very _very_ appalled at _every_ word that was coming out of her mouth.

"Every time I get alone with him, he's like always talking about you. What you did. How hot you are. How you got a detention. How he's been trying to ask you out. How you get into trouble. How brainy you are. How some girl fell over you. What your phone number is. Where you live. What flowers you like. Who you stay with. How you'd look in a bikini. How—,"

"Ok!" I cried out, halting her words, "Stop! Ok. Just stop!" I shook my hands at her, extremely taken back at everything she was saying.

How I'd look in a bikini??!!?

That dude was sick!

"Look!" I held my head in hands, standing all the while, "Let's make one thing clear here eh. I do _not_ like Eriol"

"Stop faking it Sakura. I don't really—,"

"Really! I'm not faking this. I do not like him. I didn't even know he liked _me_!"

Tomoyo nodded shrugging, "He said you were dense too"

"Hey. Hey. Hey. Look here. I am _not_ dense. I do _not_ like him. And I hate bikinis!"

The girl stared at me hard, "You sure?"

"Offcourse, I'm sure that I'm sure. He's just my friend. And besides he's not my type"

"Right" Tomoyo rolled her eyes, the tense look on her face gone, then she added, "And…uh…I guess…I'm sorry…I called you a bitch and all. I guess I was just a little jealous"

This time I shrugged, "Don't worry. I got that a lot at Seijuu. But you should have just told me before"

"I thought I was obvious"

"No. Trust me. If there's anyone obvious around here. It's me" I sighed. I mean, it wasn't like she walked into walls like I did.

"So…what are you gonna do?" she asked after a while.

"What do you mean? There's nothing to do"

"I meant Eriol. What are you gonna do about him?"

I glanced at her, "Nothing. I'll just keep ignoring him"

"You'll keep ignoring Eriol?" she scoffed, "That's impossible"

"Why? Has he got some irresistibility problem?" I asked sarcastically.

"You can say that. He always gets what he wants. And he's hella' rich"

 "So?" I made a face. That's right. I ain't some object lying around for sale on discount that only hella' rich people can buy, "You ask him out then. I don't think he's gonna be saying no"

Tomoyo looked defeated, "Sakura there are rules here"

"Yeah. I know. And they're all full of crap. I mean how stupid can this school get? No bags. No talking to junkies. Changing principals. Selling girls as if we're some hot new soda in town. Putting all bitches in a cheerleading club. What more nonsense?"

"You forgot the detention and the backstabbing part" Tomoyo sighed, "Yeah. I know it's full of shit. My mom wanted me to change schools because of this. She thinks all we do here is ride bulls"

I grinned at her, "We're not backstabbing last years prom king Eriol are we? No. So chill"

"Girls don't ask guys out here at this school Sakura"

I frowned, "That wasn't in the rules was it? Man. I didn't know that. Maybe I didn't read it. Was it the last one…because I remember reading something at the bottom? Why didn't you guys tell me? I'd like written it all—"

"It's unsaid" she interrupted my long tale, "But it's like a steel bar. You can't break it"

"Seriously" I plopped down next to her, "Is this a school or what?"

"It's Sanron High"

"Stop drying it already Tomoyo. Maybe I can make Eriol ask you out"

"Sure" she laughed, but there was no humour in it, "You expect him to ask me out when he's head over heels with you. Nice girl. You just scored a goal in the coach's nose"

I turned to her, shielding the bright sun from my face, "I'll tell him that I like someone else. He can't do anything about that can he?"

"Oh yes. That guy would probably have broken ribs by the next time you see him"

I stiffened, "What if I tell him, he's not from this school"

Tomoyo turned on a thoughtful face, "That might work. But he might try and bring it on to you"

"Nah. I don't think so. I'd kick his ass, and send him to Antarctica wearing a bikini with the penguins"

"Don't tell me I didn't warn you"

"Hey! Do you want him to ask you out or not?" I snapped feeling unnerved that she was still taking his side.

"Cut the bull, and let's go Sakura. Bell just rung"

"Really?" I stood up with her, "Never heard it. Okay. So will you start hinting already to him"

Tomoyo looked aghast, "Are you kidding. I'm not gonna be looking like some die hard obsessed chick with no brains!"

Which you probably are—I wanted to so badly add, put zipped it.

"Nice analogy" I said instead, "But if you want the peek-a-boo from Eriol, you'll have to try just that"

"I know that" she shot back.

"Right"

"By the ways Sakura?" she asked as we headed towards homeroom, giving me a grin which said 'enough insulting me, let's start with you now', "Do you even like anyone yet? I mean, there are like guys playing cat behind you"

"Um…" I said after a while, "Maybe…"

Tomoyo was instantly chuckling like a guy "Is he in our school? Do I know him? Have you kissed him yet?" she shot at me with arrows of questions.

"No. No. And definitely no"

"Aw shucks"

"Yeah" I nodded sulking once again. I couldn't tell her who it was. Or I'd probably have to be changing schools, "It sucks all right"

**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

Meiling could stay. After a long talk on the phone with mother, she finally agreed for her to stay.

After giving in my Physics assignment, I made my way, through the hallway, looking around for Yamazaki. I saw him in the corner by the Vice room, snogging up Chiharu again.

But before I could near them, I was pushed against the wall suddenly.

"Who the hell do you think you are huh?!" a lock of blue hair crammed onto me, giving me an unexpected punch right in my stomach, and then sending my head against the wall again.

It was Eriol Hiiragizawa. The school's Mr Hot Shot.

"Fu—,"

My words got cut off, as he aimed punches after punches at me.

"You goddamned asshole!! I thought you knew better than to run after our girls!!"

I didn't know what he meant. And I didn't give a shit. Because the moment I blocked his attack on my face, I punched his, sending him flying backwards.

"What the fuck are you talking about!?!" I screamed at his face, as he lunged himself at me, and attacked me again ruthlessly.

I didn't know how many onlookers were on us, but by the time I looked through the corner of my eyes, we were surrounded by glares from other students. All cheering Eriol on.

"Don't give me your shit Li!!" he swung his legs against my guts, while I back-strapped his head with my arms and hauled him down to the cement floor, "You know the price for gagging our girls!!"

"I didn't lug any of your girl you asshole!!" I punched him across his face again, while I took the chance to rub away the blood that I had spat out.

"Stop funckin' lying!!" he sent his arm down hard on my neck, as I doubled over, "And you've been deserving this all along, you sick druggie! You and your sucked up gang!!" he grabbed me by my jacket collar, and sent me across the wall again, as the cheers for him increased.

"You know who's sick!?" I spat at him, sending a kick at his face as he neared me, "You!" I kicked him across his neck this time, and grasped the front of his T-shirt, and pushed him against the wall, punch the wall beside his head, as he pulled away.

"I'm gonna finish this right now! You son of a bi—,"

"Try me!" I yelled, as I sent a flying kick in his abdomen allowing him to let a grunt out in pain. He got out of the way before I could work it on him again, and caught me by surprise as he turned onto me using my jacket as an attack weapon.

"People like are you are supposed to be put to death!" he hissed at me in the midst of the cheers from the crowd. I could hear some cuss at me hard, and through a far distance, I heard someone yell for me.

As Yamazaki pushed through the crowd, he yelled out to me, with Chiharu by his side, "Kill him Syaoran!!"

I took a double take at him, but made the mistake of doing so, because Eriol took the chance to back punch me across my eyes with his knuckles.

"You're going down" he chuckled hoarsely as he jabbed the point of his arm in my face.

"Not a chance" I grinned before I pushed up my thighs and got him in the groin, "Hurts huh?" I asked as he fell back in pain, "I'll show you what hurts more" I lunged at him, my fists ramming against his nose, "Let's get your sorry ass to hell Hiiragizawa"

"Stop!" I heard a yell behind me.

It wasn't a teacher's voice, so I just continued to punch him, while he jumped and held his arms out to shield himself.

"Eriol! Stop!" the same girl cried out again louder this time.

"Sakura?" I heard him murmur as he made the mistake of glancing behind my shoulders, before I sent him flying across the wall again.

"Come on Eriol! I thought you wanted to kill me!?" I screamed at him hoarsely, as he struggled to get up from his crouching form, "You'd said it! Sick guys like me are supposed to be put to death! What? Are you feeling too dead now? Huh?"

There was a bitter silence around us, and I was panting, as drops of blood dripped involuntarily from my mouth.

"Not with you put in hell" he looked up at me, then pouncing on me suddenly, sending a swift kick across me ankles, then taking my distraction to kick me again.

"Welcome back alive" I sneered, punching him in a double.

He didn't loose a moment, in shielding my kicks. But as he chose the moment to kick me in the face, I grabbed his shoe and pulled back my hands and, making him sway without balance.

"Stop! Please! Eriol, stop it!" the girl's cry came again, as he double kicked me in the chest.

"You don't know what he's done Sakura!" he spat through clenched jaw, as he caught me a headlock, and kicked his thigh in my face.

Sakura?

I glanced at the girl through the corner of my eyes, then grabbed Eriol's knee, and pulled on it, making him fall back.

"I ain't done anything to your girls!" I bawled at him, as he jumped up on his feet, and failed an attack.

But before I could punch him back, my arms were pulled back.

"Stop this now!" a man's voice yelled grimly, as I struggled in his grasp, and kept swearing.

Eriol chose the moment, to punch me again.

I'd had enough by now, pushing the joint of my arm in the man's stomach, I dove at him, grabbing his neck, and hurtling him against the wall.

I think he could actually see the fire in my eyes. Because at that moment I knew it. If the man hadn't pulled me back again…I would've probably killed him right there and then. 

The man turned out to be one of the wardens, and behind him were two more men. The Vice, and the Principal.

"What's going on!?" the Vice held Eriol stiffly by his shoulders, "What's all this about?"

While we both ignored questions to seethe at each other, another guy decided to answer.

"Li went against the rules"

"Shits" The Vice scowled.

As I continued to struggle in the grasp of the warden who was holding me, by my jacket, the Principal made his way towards me, "How many times do I have to suspend you Li?? How many times!? I'd told you to stay out of trouble didn't I? I don't know why I even bother with you! I could expel you!"

"Hiiragizawa started it!" Yamazaki yelled, as teachers ushered the crowd away.

I ignored the stare from Sakura and the cold harsh looks from other students, as I glazed my eyes into the man in front of me, "I didn't do nothing"

"Then what the heck was all this for huh?" he growled back at me, "You think the two of you would be trying to kill each other for nothing?! I don't think so Li!"

Feh.

And I expected this dude to be much brighter than the rest of the principals?

Right.

"I did not break any rules"

"You suck at lying!" Eriol hollered at me.

"You're lucky I didn't break your neck!" I bit back at him, struggling to get away again.

"Stop this!" the Vice hollered once again, "You both are acting childish!"

"No, we're not!" both of us cried out at the same time.

While giving us both tight glares, we were dragged into the office. I fitted into my jacket lightly, and a gave a 'hands of asshole' glare at the warden.

I didn't give a damn about whatever was gonna happen next.

I always got into fights like this. Trust me when I say don't mess with Rule 12. Because you don't wanna mess with outcasts like me. All they see in us is bad. I've always had half a mind, to just never come here, but attendance is important to my mom. Because she doesn't know what I'm up to in Japan.

I never used to care about these rules before, but the day I'd held a crying Meiling in my arms I'd vowed that before I ever left this school, these damned rules wouldn't existing.

These bunch of guys, who had taken her on, had harassed her. I'd smothered one of those guys in public.

Heh.

I still remember the first time I was behind bars because of that. It wasn't so bad after that. I still made several visits there. For assaults, claimed harassment, and even for striking an officer. When my mom found out that I had a police record, she tried her best to get me back to Hong Kong.

But those days were a period to my anger. She gave up after that. I don't regret any of the times I was in jail, except once when they caught me for a drug meddling. They caught me in my doped stage, and I was so high, that I hadn't even realised that I was in jail for that one day. I kept treating the guards like waiters.

It's funny now that I think about it.

I gave up interest in education and high points of life, after my first time in jail for assault.

If there was anybody to blame for it…it was me. Neither my stupid father nor the guy's I'd given bloody noses and broken ribs…but me.

I didn't feel horrible about it either. Cuz y'know why? That was my life. And that was the way I liked it.

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

Even though I'd seen only the last part of the fight…it was downright horrible. They were hitting each other like strangled gooses. Punching, kicking…I'm still trying to get over the image.

Eriol's bloody nose was conformed intact…and even through the macho act he was putting on, I could see he was thankful to have his nose.

It had never appeared to me, that my dream boy and Eriol would be such fighters. I never knew they had a personal hit for each other.

After tailing around Eriol I finally found out what the fight was about.

It seemed that 'Syaoran'—as he called him—had broken the rules. A girl had complained that he had forced onto her, and that was what had set him on fire. I figured he just needed an excuse to punch his lights off. I couldn't actually believe my dream guy doing something like that.

From what I'd seen, he'd been protesting against it, and it actually hurt me a little to even imagine him doing something like that.

Instead of being happy for finding out his name, I was feeling depressed the whole day. While Tomoyo and some other girls were cooing about Eriol's wounds and how brave he'd been, I felt like I'd been thrown in the dumps, while passer-bys' were busy eating their bananas and throwing their skin on me.

I didn't bother apologising to Eriol for distracting him during the fight. I didn't even touch the food in my cafeteria plate during lunch.

I was so dejected, that when I was out on the grounds, I didn't hear Eriol come up next to me.

"You like soccer?" he asked me all of a sudden making me jump a little.

Right.

How much more cheesy could he get?

I stared at him for a while, then shrugged smiling weakly, "I don't play it, but it looks fun"

He chuckled at my response, and I couldn't help but think how heroic he'd been. That is…if his rumour was true.

"Are…are you alright?" I asked for the first time that day.

"Yeah" he murmured, "My nose hurts a little though"

I noticed he hadn't his glasses on, and he was wearing a thin material shirt, "It was pretty intense" I said after a while referring to the fight.

He looked at me softly, then turned away, "I guess"

I don't know why I asked him the next question, because it just slipped out of my mouth, "Did he really break the rules?"

Eriol looked grim at that, "Mika said he did"

"Who's Mika?"

"The girl he tried having" he answered quietly.

"Oh"

There. Now I was starting to feel depressed all over again.

Had he really done that?

We stayed silent for a few seconds then I heard him growl, "You shouldn't have come like that Sakura. Syaoran's a low life. There's no telling what he can do"

I looked at him my eyes frowning, "I…I…I was just stopping the fight"

He shook his head at me, "You shouldn't stop fights like these. He deserved what he got. The guy's a bastard"

I winced inwardly at his tone, and choice of words, "You guys were tearing each other up. When did you want to give up? Till one of you two were dead?"

Eriol stared hard at me as I said that.

But I went on; "There are other ways of dealing with matters such as this. You guys could have seriously gotten hurt"

I stopped for a moment, to see if he had something to say. And he did.

"You were scared…" he looked at me closely, smiling a bit, "Weren't you?"

Hell yeah! I didn't want my dream-date's face to be re-assembled! I didn't say it out loud though, because what he said next made me feel more dejected.

"You were scared for me, weren't you?" he asked softly.

We were standing so close, that I almost thought he would lean down and kiss me. And just then the talk I had with Tomoyo hit me like a bomb.

I cracked an uneasy smile, "What do you think? I care about my friends, thank you very much!"

I didn't think that that was response he was looking for, because I immediately watched his smile falter for a second.

"He deserved it" Eriol repeated himself shrugging.

I felt a little guilty as he looked away, then put on another fake smile, "You know. Tomoyo was worried like hell about you"

He shrugged again, looking me, "Everybody was"

I gritted my jaw, then went on, "But seriously. She wouldn't stop talking about you!" At that I got a reaction.

He looked at me with a raised eyebrow, "Right"

I grinned a little, "I think she likes you"

He looked at me a little sadly. Instead of saying a 'so do I' I was fervently expecting, he simply smiled, "I like someone too"

I froze a little as he said that. He was staring at me meaningfully. But I couldn't lead him on anymore. I turned on a surprised look, "Really?! Cool! So do I!"

The look on his face fell, but I chattered on nevertheless. Way to go Sakura.

"And you know what? Maybe we can even go on a double date! That'll be so cool! I can even imagine it!"

I could really.

Syaoran and me.

Eriol and Tomoyo.

But really. I felt bad. I'd never felt so guilty around with guys until now. Because Eriol was trying his best to look happy. Although I could see the remorse in his facial expression.

But before I could go on about the place we could dine, he interrupted me.

"What's his name?"

I stopped short to look at him, "Uh…um…r…Ryoga" the name blurted out from my lips, "Ryoga Li"

Actually, the last name blurted out of my mouth too.

He frowned a little, "Do I know him?"

"N-no! He's all the way in Tokyo. Not here. Hehe…he's never been to Tomoeda"

"Oh…then how did you expect us to go on a double date?" he asked

"Uh? Oh. Um." Good lord. He had me there, "I…" I said the first thing that came to my mind, "I…I'm forcing him to come here. Y'know, I've been going out with him for so many years. We're almost inseparable! We were so sad when I had to move here. I've been missing him so much. So…err…I thought it'd be best if he moved here too. But you see, his parents aren't allowing him to. They…uh…don't like the education here. Um. Yeah. So he's trying. But I don't think he'll really be able to make it. But it's not bad to have hopes right? All I can do now is wait?"

He muttered some under his breath, that I heard very clearly, "And hopefully his plane will go crash somewhere"

I didn't say anything more about it, but Eriol went on.

"So…how long have you two been together?"

"Eh? Uh…f…four years"

Eriol suddenly cried out, "Four years?!?"

"Yeah…" I said uneasily, then decided it was high time we changed subjects, "What about you? I mean, who do you like?"

I saw him hesitating as he looked at me, "Just this girl"

"I know it's a girl. What'd her name?" I pressed on.

Hah! This'll be fun. If he can threaten my imaginary boyfriend, I so am allowed to pester him!

"You wouldn't wanna know" he shook his head, looking away form me.

"No. I would. Who's she?"

He hesitated again. Then turned to me, his eyes crestfallen and serious. For a moment I thought he was gonna confess, but when I heard what he said next, I almost lost my balance and fell, "What if I told you it was Tomoyo?"

**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

I wasn't allowed to leave school. _That_ was my punishment. Since suspending me or detention would never work, the principal had decided to chain me up. I would usually wag last two periods, and go to city.

But he'd threatened me to staying full hours at school, until I'd learned how harsh I was. And do you what he had threatened me with? My mom. He'd said that if I was found wagging periods, then he would personally call her, and tell her all that I've up to.

He thought my mom knew I did drugs, but there was no way in hell, I was gonna let her knew that. So I did the only thing I could do.

Agree with him.

I met with my buddies, during lunch, and they were all grinning at me. Meiling was suddenly into sister-mode and demanding why I didn't kill him.

Right.

Like I'd decided to spend my wrecked up, damned life in jail.

No thanks.

After my last class, Minas had dragged me into our usual mode again, and by the time I'd finish talking with my friends, I walked to my locker. Meiling had said that she'd meet me at the backfield.

But the moment I neared the locker areas, I saw that girl…uh…what was her name again? Oh yeah. Sakura Kino-something. She was fumbling with something in her locker again. The hallway was empty by then, and no one would be at school by four. And it was probably four-thirty now.

Never the less, I continued my way to my locker. The moment I was next to her, she looked up at me, blushed and went back to whatever she was doing.

Rolling my eyes, I opened my locker and dumped my books in there. 

Seriously. Was there a chance of a face exploding because of blushing too much? 

But as I turned to leave, she looked at me hesitantly, and opened her mouth to speak.

"Hey…" was the only thing she managed to say, then she left me staring at her flushed face, and her hesitating green eyes, which she used to study me discreetly.

"What?" I snapped feeling a little edgy because of the 'wonderful' day I had.

She frowned a little, then put on another shade of blush, "Uh…I…eh…" she stumbled on her words, flashing me a weak smile all the while, then looked around uneasily.

"Speak up bitch. No one's here" 

I think my words hit her harder than I thought it would.

I didn't see the hurt look pass her face, because the only thing that became evident was the scowl she had on.

"Would you stop calling me that!?" she blurted out suddenly.

"Ok then klutz. Speak up" I said, and then watched her go pink again.

But the scowl didn't disappear, "It's Sakura"

"Look. I don't have to take shit from someone who's blind. What do you want?"

She frowned at me, "Did I say I wanted anything?"

"Then stop flogging up at me!" I snapped once again. Heh. And I'd gone thinking that she would blush again and ask me if I was alright from the fight. Man. These days, you can't expect anything from girls.

"I didn't do anything to you!" she cried out, as I _attempted_ to walk away.

I whirled around. God. I had never met a klutz who was so dense! So I decided to get straight to the point and a break a few hope strings.

"I'm _not_ interested in you! Get it? I'm not stupid enough to not see bitches walk into walls!" I barked in her face, watching her face go to an extreme red, "Do you know what they do to people like me who try and even _talk_ to girls like you? They beat the shit out of them. So, would you go give someone else your stupid smiles?!"

She looked at me as if I'd just read her mind. Feh. I probably did.

"Wha…what are you talking about?"

I turned my back on her, "Look. Get off my back. I know what girls like you want. And I ain't giving it to you aight? If you want me to get jumped from your boys it won't work, 'cuz you're not the only girl who's been wanting me"

"Wha…?"

"We stay away from your people. And you stay away form ours. In that, no one gets hurt. Your airheads must have already gotten you to the rules by now. Follow it before you get kicked out of here"

"I just told you" she said grimly, "I don't give a damn about those rules. What'll they do? Make me an outcast too? Hang me down the fan, and laugh while they watch me get dizzy? Yeah. That's very entertaining"

That _would_ be quite entertaining.

I didn't know why I was even bothering talking to her. But it felt different. I hadn't really talked to girls from this school that weren't one of us 'outcasts'. And not many of these girls were really against the rules…like this one.

Girls usually looked at me with those disgusted and freaked out eyes…but this one? Na. It just felt weird I guess. Me talking to the girl who walks into walls. Hah.

"Whatever" I shrugged walking away, hands dug deep in my pockets. I had to get out of there.

And this girl had to go get another crush. Walk into walls after seeing someone else. Fall down the gymnastic beam and hit her nose after seeing someone else. Pour juice over a geek's head after seeing someone else.

Someone else who wasn't me. Besides…she wasn't really my type. And yeah I'd seen it all.

**~∙~ §ђϊη§зϊ-Кσќσѓσ ~∙~**

**Leave a review please **


	4. Denial

**Title:**Head Over Heels

**Chapter:**4: Denial

**Author:**Shinsei-Kokoro

**Updated: **19th Feb 2004

*

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

*

He had talked to me!! Can you believe it? We finally had the chance to talk! But instead of jumping around and dancing with Kero while he howled, I was on my bed fuming.

I was really angry. Really _really_mad. I mean what the heck did that guy think of himself!? Sure he was hot! Sure he had the most fascinating style! Sure I dreamt about him and sure he was the reason for me attending school every single day. But so what?! That didn't give him the right to tell me indirectly that he didn't want anything to do with me!

Seriously. It was the first time I'd been rejected. Insulted. And it hurt like hell. I mean, my heart.

Why did he have to go and say, "I'm not interested in you"??

That's like the ultimate statement in the "Tips on Rejecting Losers" scroll book.

Really. I was so embarrassed! I felt like I was about to explode right there and then, and strangle him! And I couldn't even come with up anything, other than say he'd taken me the wrong way.

So here I am, frowning like the stupid ass I was.

Why did I've to ever go thinking that I would have a chance with a guy like him? Why?

He'd said it himself. He was an outcast. And I'd have no chance with him. He'd said that…then why?

I'd known it before.

I'd known it that there would never be a chance for me to be with him. For him to like me…then why am I still here sulking acting like a stubborn brat?

Arghh…darn it. I'm really starting to turn into one of those hung-up girls.

And I'm telling the truth! That's not me! I don't usually go obsessed over guys. And it was all Syaoran Li's fault!

If it weren't for him, I would have put more concentration to that Bio practical, and cut out the rat's stomach, instead of stabbing it's head.

Falling back on my bed, I pushed Kero away as he hung his wet drooling tongue above me.

Sighing, I closed my eyes.

Ahh…Syaoran Li.

I could remember a friend from elementary who'd once said that if you liked a guy with the same starting letter as yours, you both were meant to be.

Full of crap that was.

If we were meant to be, then it would probably end up with him as a rat and me as a rhino. Sure. We're meant to be.

Letting out a frustrated plus angry cry, I stuffed a pillow over my face.

What could I do now?

What was there left to do?

And how was I supposed to get over him?

How was I supposed to get him out of my head, and fit him inside the garbage bin in my backyard?

Because the thing was. The more I thought about getting rid of his face from my 1000 KB memory brain, the more he got stuck there.

And you know what?

I dreamt of him again that night.

It wasn't very pleasant though. Because he was rejecting me again.

*

**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

*

My Maths professor was impressed. I'd scored a full mark in our last weeks test. He'd asked me to stay behind after class and given me another one of those big lectures.

Y'know the ones where they say, "You're really brainy Syaoran. I don't know why you go stuff yourself with dope, get high, beat up people, and then sleep the night behind bars. You can do so much with intelligence like this. Become an engineer, a businessman, a doctor or even a teacher like me. You just need to concentrate more, and get yourself out of these gangs and screw-ups. Last year you got shot in the leg and survived. But maybe this year you won't. Don't you want to have a good future? Don't you want to make your parents proud and show them what their good little boy can do? Don't you want to have enough money to support a family when you grow up? Don't you wanna-," And just at that point I'd stop them.

I'd never answer. Just shrug and get the hella out of there.

But you know what? Sometimes. I ask myself those same questions.

I don't study much.

I like stuffing myself up and get high. It's the only way I get to feel free. I like beating up people. It's the only way I can get their heads straight.

I've never wanted to become an engineer or a doctor or a businessman or even a freakin' teacher as a matter of fact.

Last year I'd gotten shot because this guy was out to kill me. And there's no way of dying this year unless he decides to spring up from hell or bring up his comrades. Yeah. He's dead.

My parent's don't really care about my future. My mom seems into it, but I don't think my dad's even gonna take the energy to think about his good little boy, since he hadn't thought twice of having an affair when my mom was pregnant with me. And yeah again. I wouldn't care if he was dead, or even if his coffin got stolen.

And as for a family? I've never really thought about that? What guy of my age would? If only wives were like girlfriends. Then I reckon I'd be doing good. But since they're not…I don't really think I'd last long with one wife. I'd like to spend my life being free, and not taking crap from anyone. Maybe alone. I don't really care.

"Syao…ran…" the girl in my arms purred leaning her cheek against my neck, "Pass me that drink…will you baby?" she chuckled for nonsense as I rolled my eyes, and let her kiss me while I leaned her way for a while.

Passing her my half finished drink, I peeled myself away from her.

Hmm…I'm in a club right now. And yeah. I can actually see people literally dancing their sweats off. Oh. And I just saw this saw this girl slap her heels into this other guy's face.

Painful eh?

The girl I'd left behind groaned as she fell off the chair she was in.

Making no attempt on pulling her back up, I left her there to lick the floor with her tongue, and then start unfilling her stomach of the many drinks she might have had.

That's what she always did. Get drunk almost every night at this club, and go back to the family that abused her.

Heh…that's why I decided to become independent. I hate taking shit from anyone. Who ever they are.

Pushing away the girl who was evidently under Shiroi, I saw him turn a glare to me.

"What the hell was that for?!"

"Got a cigar?" I asked suddenly feeling it very hard to keep my eyes open.

He eyed me wearily for a while, then patted my cheeks, "Go sleep it off man. You look dead"

"I _am_dead you asshole" I grinned, making him roll his eyes as he snapped me a cigarette that I caught swiftly, "Peace" I gave him a fist shake, allowing the girl behind me to light my cigar up.

Kissing her fully on the lips while mumbling 'thanks' I pushed my way through people. Swearing my way back at their yells, I gave up a backhand punch to a guy who had taken up the chance to hold me back by my jacket collar, for pushing his girl.

"Fuck you!" he cried out at me with a bloody nose, while I busily showed him my finger.

Right.

You could say I was a little drunk.

And at that moment I felt so down the sock that I fell completely over on the metal bars once I was out of the door

I lost my cigar in that way, and then ended up cussing 'thanks' to the man I snatched another lit cigar from.

"Why?" I asked myself while I swaggered down the sidewalk of the road. Why had I even come here?

"Oh right" I suddenly remembered. To drown my miseries.

That's right…those painful miseries…that you feel like getting it all out on someone…and apologising at them hardcore.

I'd gotten a call from mom. She'd said it carefully. God! Bull shit!

"Oi!" I sneered with laughter at a near-by group of kids, "I got a call a from my mother!" I yelled out loudly at them, "And yah know what she said?!" I let out a roar of laughter again, ignoring the shaking heads I got from them.

"She…" I stumbled over my own step, "She said he's dead! My goddamned father!" I crowed once again, this time at a couple that moved out of my way.

I gave them a miserable smile, "She said he killed himself!" I kept on my way, still shouting out my verbal skills, "You know what that is called in other words?!" I demanded to a girl who backed away from me fearfully.

I gave her nose a tap. "It's called suicide! Y'know where the man stabs himself because he went broke?! Lost his shares! His family! Himself!"

The girl hurriedly nodded her head, and gave a small cry.

"But you know what!?" I laughed out, throwing off my cigar, as I walked to the middle of the empty road, "I'm happy! I've never been so happy in my entire bleeding life!"

I missed seeing the cars coming down, swerve around and miss me by inches. I missed all those honks and screams. I missed hearing the people call for the police. Actually I missed everything I was doing. Because the only thing I saw ahead of me, was my father.

That same old stupid bastard who left me.

He was holding me. Whispering those soft words into my ears. And all I could say was four damned words. Those four words that I'd never said for eleven years. Those four words that my mom would break down crying at.

I opened my eyes, and saw men. Police men actually. One of them held me up firmly, while I leaned my head on their shoulders giving up.

"I miss you dad," I'd murmured like the pathetic guy I'd become. Sad man. I really needed a life.

*

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

*

Tomoyo was pestering me. Again. Sakura this. Sakura that. And it'd come to such an extent that I was just about to snap at her.

But then again. I hated rubbing my bad mood onto other people. So I just gave a weak smile, nodded and answered her questions, "No Tomoyo. I don't have boy problems. No Tomoyo. I don't dream of killing people. Yes Tomoyo. I had dinner and breakfast. No Tomoyo. Eriol didn't ask me out. Yes Tomoyo. I had that bubble bath. No Tomoyo. I didn't poison my dog"

They were all lies. All except Eriol not asking me out, and me poisoning Kero. Geh. Which finally allows me to tell myself that I do have boy problems. I did dream that I was strangling that particular boy. I missed dinner and breakfast, and I did not have that bubble bath that I'd been wanting to take yesterday.

Damn that Syaoran Li.

Damn him. Damn him. Damn him!

Because of him I'd missed that Italian takeaway my dad had ordered to drown his melancholy over my mom, who at the moment was in Hawaii.

Err…yes…he'd somehow found out.

I even read that Playboy magazine I stole from Touya yesterday, and I still didn't get that 'I'm finally getting over him' feeling. I tried flirting with that geek I'd dropped juice on, and still no use.

And I'd been so frustrated that I snapped when Van asked me out. My bad.

"But he's cute! I went out with him last year, and he has no bad breath problems. He's a perfect kisser. Especially his Frenchie. It's awesome!"

I rolled my eyes as Tomoyo and Naoko kept commenting on him.

Yeah. He finally got the guts to ask me out. I could see Eriol was a bit bothered, since he kept shooting these secret glares at Van in homeroom this morning. Some he didn't know, that I'd actually said no.

"And he's loaded! He'll like buy you anything you want!" Naoko went on, as I continued to do my late Maths homework, which was due next period.

"Have you seen his car? It's like the latest Mercedes! It's got a cooler! And even a beautiful stereo! And the back seat's so large! So soft!"

"Okay!" I cried out loudly holding my hands up, and halting both girls in their words, "I told him no" I looked up at them, and watched them widen their eyes.

"You what?" they whispered together.

"I said no. Eriol apparently told him what I told him"

"And what did you tell him that he told him?" Naoko asked confused.

"That I already have a boyfriend in Tokyo," I said slowly looking at Tomoyo who rolled her eyes.

"What!?" Naoko hissed at me, "You never told _me_that!"

I grinned at her, ignoring Tomoyo's wry looking face.

"Yeah sorry. But I love Ryoga too much to be going out with someone behind his back"

"Ryoga? Is that his name? Hey is he hot? Do you think maybe he could get my photo to one of his friends? I've always liked long-distanced relationships" Naoko giggled, "And you know why? They don't last long. And you can go out with anyone when he's not there. You guys must really be having a serious relationship if you don't wanna go out with _Van_"

I nodded at her weakly. Heh. If she wanted, I could probably list her a few 'not so good' things about her richy-rich Van who god knows what he did in the back seat of his new Mercedes.

One. He was annoying as hell! Two. He spoke with his mouth open. Three. He'd walk like he owned the whole floor. Four. He shouldn't stress a girl to go out with him when she already has a boyfriend. Well…in this case let's just say _imaginary_boyfriend.

_And_he'd made me get a detention at home because he'd called me on my cell, _which_just had decided to lie next to Touya, _who_had decided to answer my call, and _then_get into a huge fight with him. _Which_had also resulted in him telling _dad_that I wasn't allowed to get calls from guys until I was _eighteen_!

Which in all sense is trying to mean is till next year. I'm frustrated! No make that irritated!

I wasn't even this angry when last evening Syaoran Li had decided to reject me in his own damn special way.

Sorry. For my language I mean. I'm in just a really bad mood as you can see.

Because of the whole 'Van calling me on my cell and then calling Touya an asshole and a god-damned sucker' ordeal, my wings of parachute had really blown away.

Touya and dad had kept insisting last night about how ashamed they were of me. That I'd went against the house rules. Which was me not having a boyfriend who could 1.kiss me 2.hold me 3.spend more than two hours with me all ALONE 4.call me on my cell 5.hold my hand in public and 6.visit me after 12 o'clock unless it was an emergency (like having cut tongues, squished lungs, and a body disorder kind of things) until I was eighteen.

That was the apparently the _boyfriend_rule for me. No going out with any one (opposite sex). _That_was my family.

But hey, if your wondering if I've never been kissed, held hands, and had a few drunk nights with guys ALONE…then you're wrong. I mean it's not _that_big of a crime to sneak out after twelve in the night, and then return hyped up after at three in the morning right?

Well, that was one of the reasons I liked Seijuu. It was fun. No one cared about anything or anybody. I got good scores. Teachers liked me-excluding my Maths professor that is. It was all fun there. You know? No _hand-written rules_at school…you could carry along bags…there weren't large groups who hung out together and never talked to each other.

It was fun there. I'm telling you. I never got in trouble. And now that I've mistakenly broken the 'boyfriend' rule…Dad has now cut down some of the points on the "Trusting My Daughter With A Male Stranger" bulletin board.

It really sucks. I was gonna…argh!

Okay. Here's the truth. This is what I had planned after Syaoran Li would one day ask me out. I was gonna fall on my knees near my father, and plead him to death until he allowed me to go out with him. But now, since he already thinks I have a 'boyfriend' I can _do_that anymore!

Man! This sucked big time!

But the thing that sucked more was that, Syaoran Li found this _Mika_girl much more _interesting_than me. That is…if the rumour going around was the truth. And once again it was much worse than his rejectment. I mean, here I was, showing the obvious to him, and there he was trying to get some other girl on.

Moronic lil' ass!

How bad could all this get?

My hopes dead.

Touya and Dad warning me about how some guys tend to get a bit on the rough side the moment I step into the house.

Kero yapping in my ears because the shot he got two days back was too painful and became a bruise.

And Tomoyo's giggling and blushing about how Eriol was talking to her more. It made me a little jealous let me tell you. Not the fact that he was communicating with her more, but the fact that Eriol was at least talking to her. Y'know. She'd made progress. But me?

It's been five and a half weeks, and nothing for me.

But I guess if Tomoyo's been waiting for a year for Eriol, I guess I'll have to wait longer than that.

I mean, Eriol's not out of reach or anything like that, but Syaoran? Too far. Probably wouldn't be able to reach to him even with nine lives.

Even with all the harsh things he'd been able to say to me-like calling me a bitch-I could still never get him out of my mind.

What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I get the _message_?

The guy was a damned player.

But there was still the point where I am guessing that Eriol could be mistaken. Because by the look on Syaoran's face when he was busy punching Eriol, he didn't look like the kind of guy who'd go nagging a girl. And also the way, he'd said yesterday, about us staying away from them and vice versa. It hadn't looked like he was the one guilty.

Maybe I'm just taking his side because I'm still not over him.

Yeah. That must be it.

There's one lesson I've learned from the years of going out with guys (eek…I know, I know…but dad doesn't know that…yet). And that's never believe in a guy who you're in love with but he's not.

You see, the roughest experience gives you the roughest sketches.

That's the motto I live by. But for these past few years I'm not really being committed to it.

And you know what? I'm sick of waiting like this like a hoodlum. I wish he would just push me against a wall, kiss me and then ask me out. How hard would it even be huh? Going out in secret I mean.

*

Syaoran Li P.O.V 

*****

The day went by like the usual. Literally. Got out of jail sometime at four in the morning, when I was fully conscious. Slept some more. Came to school. Ignored all the shit looks Hiiragizawa and his up-hung gang where shooting me. Punched this stupid nerd, who had the nerve to call me a drunken rapist. And lastly told Meiling to keep her mouth a tad bit sealed. 

Seriously. When I find that girl. Mika or whatever. I'm gonna _really_screw her up. Honest man. She used to be a doll in junior high. But now all she can do is hog like a lying bitch. Probably break a few of her rib bones, and her nose so bad that even plastic surgery wouldn't be able to fix it. And then maybe get her drunk, and drown her in the sewage.

Something like that. Drastic.

Meiling didn't bother coming to school today. She said something about PMS-ing. But I guess she was just having a really bad hangover.

But me? No. I'd unfilled my stomach right there behind bars.

And unfortunately, I couldn't miss a day…y'know the punishment and all.

"Syaoran. You alright man?" Yamazaki peered at me, with such scrutiny that I had to roll my eyes.

"Yeah. The damned officer punched me in the jaw too hard" I flexed my wrist.

"Heh. Crude" he grinned.

"I'll say"

"You know, Chiharu found out that, that Mika was just bluffing"

"You think I don't know that?" I scowled at him, falling back on the bench we were on.

"Down man. Just giving you info"

"Here's another info. I'm gonna go and seriously break her neck"

"Right. You're being dry"

I didn't say anything more, but Yamazaki just had to open his big mouth, "Heard about your father"

"So?" I snapped at him, making my head fall behind, and staring wide-eye

He instantly narrowed his eyes, "Cool it man. You weren't even high about him before, why go around sulking now?"

"Darn it dude"

"Alright. So you don't wanna talk about it"

"No"

And I really didn't. Keh. It wasn't like I cared so much that he was dead. It was worth it all. Those years of pain he'd put me through. Maybe I was feeling so cranky just because he deserved something much worse than death.

And along those lines, I'm hoping some crazy robber, would steal away his coffin.

Nice eh? I can see the headlines already.

*

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V 

*****

Van was still pissed off with me for rejecting him, and Eriol seemed to be taking advantage of it. Seriously, couldn't he re-adjust his brains only for a while??

Hmm. I'm equally pissed off too. Not only did Touya steal away my last piece of doughnut from the fridge this morning, but I'm also having problems holding off on Syaoran Li. I mean, at times when I see him, I feel like dragging him out of public, and _really_confronting him. Blurting everything out, and asking him if he really did nag that girl.

I was trying to find that today, but she had chosen today to take the day off. Bitch…

I know. Acceleration of language problems. But I can't seem to NOT be angry with everyone today. It's all been so frustrating. And in Maths, I was practically banging my head on my desk. Not only is that subject not in my deal, but these guys behind me keep _trying_to flirt with me.

It's always, "Hey Sakura. Those books look awfully heavy. You want me to carry them for you?" Or "Nice one babe. But could you lean a lil' closer?" OR "Is that tan natural, or do you get someone to do it for you?"

Tryhards, I'm tellin' you.

Keep hovering over square one.

"Hey Sakura" I heard Eriol's voice next to me in Music.

"Hmm?" I managed to respond not looking up from my violin notes.

"We're going down to the City tomorrow after school. Wanna come alon'?"

At that, I peered at him through the corner of my eyes, "Sorry. I've got the 400ms practice"

"Oh" he looked a bit disappointed, but he did hide it quickly, "Shucks" then he gave a wide grin, "Maybe we'll come along and watch ya"

I suddenly felt my breath getting stuck, "Wha—what? No! I mean, no need. I mean, we're not allowed. To have spectators…I mean"

He gave out another "oh" then decided to get straight to the point with a scowling expression, "Are you trying to avoid meor something? Because you know, it's not that quite hard to tell"

Yes.

I'm avoiding you.

And I'm really happy you can understand my obviousness.

But man, I couldn't say that could I?

"N-no Eriol. It's not that. I mean why would I try to avoid you?" came my disturbed voice.

"You tell me"

"It's just that…that…"

"What?"

"Well…we _are_allowed to have people watch…but I don't like it" I finished, getting that 'hello. Knock. Knock. I don't understand your gibberish language' look.

"Okay" I explained, "Here's the thing. My track team's _real_good. And I can only concentrate harder, without anyone watching me. You know? Like a hawk. I'm not used to people yet going 'Go Sakura!'"

Alright. So maybe that was a little white lie. I mean I absolutely _loved_people watching me run, since I beat most of their asses. Whoops. Touch wood.

I ran a finger over the wooden bar that stood next to me, and gave him a small grin.

"So you see…I don't even allow my friends to see me doing the track"

Eriol gave me a raised eyebrow at that, and I groaned, "I don't really get that, but hey. If that's what you want. Then whatever"

After that statement, I was expecting him to leave me in his dust, but instead, he started a conversation about how he was supposed to get back to England after graduation.

This guy. Was seriously getting me down.

Well…see the _real_thing is that I challenged this girl. Meiling. The one in my PE class. And also the one who's Syaoran's cousin to a 400m run.

The only reason for that is because she's like the only one that I've never raced before. And because she's like the only 'outcast' in our class, she usually runs alone. And boy, she's fast. So I challenged her. She was a little surprised, but she had a game spirit.

She's awfully pretty too, and nothing like her stupid *censored* cousin. I don't mean in the looks page. I hope he hasn't opened his mouth to her about me. Now _that_would be pretty embarrassing.

"Kinomoto!"

I snapped my head up in the speed of light as the sharp voice echoed through my ears, "Wha…?" Let's just put this in small words. My face was red. The class was snickering my way, and I could tell that I was in deep shit, "Oh sir…good day eh? Question four? N-no. Five was it? Right. Patricia Normans. She wrote to about seventeen books till she died on about 24 August of 1994. Her second husband committed adultery after sevens years of her marriage, and was killed by her son, who chopped his head in a factory machine he worked in. She bailed her son out from jail using all her banking, and then settled down in Seattle in February 1990. She'd stolen a little kitten that had once belonged to her ex-neighbours, and rose up an orphan. Then after two years, she married again to a man who was twelve years younger to her. Don't know what happened next. But I'm sure they lived happy ever after. Right?"

"Uh…" Mr Fukahashi shifted his feet slightly, "Um…I…"

"Well?" I insisted, ignoring the roll of eyes a girl gave me.

"He never even asked you a question, you bird-brain" the girl behind me mumbled, making me gulp, and sit back straight.

I gave a nervous laugh, scratching the back of my head. I turned to Eriol next to me, who was grinning like crazy. Don't know what it was he did, but he seemed to be in every class of mine except PE, Biochemistry and Computers. Weird.

"Uh…Miss Kinomoto?"

I peeked at him with a small smile, "Um yeah?"

He shook his head after a second, "Would mind going to the little Resource room, by the corridor, and get the box of English Productive books please?"

I stared at him. Rather awkwardly. Maybe because I wasn't expecting that.

"Now"

Hearing that, I quickly got up from my seat, gave him a quick humble nod, and raced out of the door.

"Man!" I cried out, shutting the door behind me. Talk about embarrassing! Yup.

I've been embarrassing myself a lot lately aye?

Damn me.

Now…where did he say that resource room was again?

*

Syaoran Li P.O.V 

*

"So you're telling me that you're innocent" Minas leaned against the dark wall in her extremely short denim.

"What the fuck?" I scowled at her.

She gave me skimpy laugh, adjusting her off-shoulder top at the same time, "Syaoran. You're a bastard, and everyone knows that"

I glanced up at her from where I was sitting, "What are you on about?"

She looked at me with those 'oh my gosh that tutu you're wearing is mine!' expressions, "You deny too much"

Not being able to hold my frown, I stood up, "What? That I didn't do nothing to the bitch, or that I'm a bastard?"

She continued on giving me that mad smile, and shrugged, "Both" she answered carelessly.

"Fuck you" I muttered, "Like I didn't see you at the bar sucking some guy up"

She raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow, "You mean on Tuesday?" she gave out a little laugh, "Yeah. That was me. So? You can't expect me to go behind you yelling, 'My father's dead, so give me all your shit'. What do you think I am huh? Some aggro drummer?"

Narrowing my eyes, I leaned down over her, "You're goddamned"

Doing a little move with her lips, she settled her arms around my neck, and smiled smugly, "What do you think?"

"Getting there," I mumbled before I pushed her against the wall by her shoulders, and came down crashing to her lips.

She was a good kisser, I'd admit it. But if I ever had the chance to kill her, I'd take my chance. She was messed up. Much more than me.

Pushing down on her, I felt her run her fingers through my hair. But although she was deciding for a slow one, I went rougher. Somehow, what she'd said about my dad got on my nerves a little. I wasn't sure why, but I wasn't gonna let her go, until she was breathless.

And I mean breathless.

I heard a little noise from the door but ignored it. No one really came into the Resource room during class times. And I'd left Accounting a few minutes ago with a bathroom pass. So I didn't really think Mr Bhakshi would come looking for me to see where I was. Though I wouldn't count so much on that.

I pulled away a little the moment Minas let out a moan from underneath me.

She was red, and breathing hard like me. Her hands ran down the middle of my shirt, but the moment she reached to unbutton my third button, I grabbed them.

"What?" she looked at me with fake sad eyes, "Don't want to play with me anymore?"

I stared at her. Somehow I could never find a way to push her away. She was like one of those leeches. The moment you push them away, they spit fire at you.

"I have class," I muttered, as I brushed past her, and left through the door, leaving her behind.

Shiroi was right. I really had to dump her…even though she wasn't really my girl. But as I turned left in the hallway, I couldn't help but notice a flash of red in the corner. And till I got to my class, that girl didn't leave my mind. Sakura. Hadn't she worn a red shirt today too?

*

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V 

*

I was angry. Disgusted! Furious! Mad! Seething! Appalled! Down in the mouth. Whatever you wanna call it! My hands were shaking so hard that I slammed the door of my locker, making the girl on the other side of me to shift away.

"Sakura?" a voice behind me broke my vulgar thoughts.

"What!?" I barked, whirling around on my heels and watching Tomoyo take a step back.

"Down girl! Are…are you okay?" she asked grinning a little.

"No. What do you think!?" I answered her flatly and stalking off.

But never the less she seemed to follow me.

English had just finished.

"You know, he just asked you to get the books from the Resource room. And even thought you answered the wrong question, Mr Fukahashi was quite impressed about all you said about Patricia Norton"

"_Normans!_" I snapped at her.

"Okay okay. Nortons. Normans. Doesn't really matter aight? And he wasn't pissed off because you couldn't find the books. He was even telling us about how you'd picked up so fast on the work, even if you'd just arrived a month before. And you know, you should stop being so—,"

"I am not _angry_!!" I whirled around once again and glared at her, stopping a few kids around me too.

"Right" she nodded, "I was about to say bitchy. But that's alright. Quite an improvement if you ask me"

Yes. Right.

So what if my words lie? That doesn't give anyone the right to get under my skin at this moment.

The moment where I'm feeling really insulted! For—argh!! Okay. Forget it Sakura! Your time is precious, and you cannot waste it on guys who you think are hot!

"Shit! Did one of the outcasts' touch you?" she suddenly cried out, making a few girls by me halt suddenly and stared with wide eyes.

"Oh my gosh! You poor girl!" they started shrieking.

I stood there for a second, the fume escaping from my ears turning red, "No!" I scowled at Tomoyo, and shooing the seven girls away.

"Then what's your problem?"

At that I sighed. Could I tell her? _Should_I tell her? I needed consoling, but she wouldn't give me any. I needed a shoulder I could stuff my tears in, but could she give me that?

My nerves were running thin, and I just had to blurt it out at someone.

Yes. Who care anyway…I didn't really have anything to loose.

Instead of making a teary faced, I brought on the most disgusted look, "You know that dude you showed me to on my first day?"

Obviously I could say his name.

"The bastard?"

I gritted my jaw discreetly as she said that, "Yes the _bastard_"

"Did he do something to you?!" she glared at me. "Oh my god! I'm gonna make Eriol kill him!" And with that she started speed-walking away.

"Tomoyo!" I whined pulling her back by her arm, "I saw him kissing some girl in the Resource room! And it was disgusting! They were practically like joined together, and it was so horrible!"

There. I'd told her. Pushed my guts out. Cried out like the stupid little schoolgirl I was.

I'd seen him in there. All over that girl. And I'm telling you. All over. It makes me wanna kill someone!

And so I just kept up the façade as Tomoyo continued to stare at me.

"That's all?" she asked slowly, as if my intelligence was under the belt.

"Yes" I snapped again.

That's right. I wasn't in the mood. I was disgusted. Infuriated. Feeling _really_rejected. And very under the ground.

"Then what are you so mad about?" she asked me confused.

I sighed. Why did I even have to open my big mouth? I felt like screaming it all out to her.

I just saw the guy that I've been dreaming of, kissing some random girl! I'm angry! And I really wanna kill someone! Would you mind being my first victim?!

I sulked. I couldn't.

"I'm not mad" I sighed, "It was just disgusting I guess"

That's right girl. Just hide it all in. Then maybe one day when you find the guy of your dreams who likes you back, you can strangle him and ask him why he'd made me wait so long.

Tomoyo gave me a pitiful face, "You poor girl. You should have just pushed them away, given them the fingers and taken the books"

I raised a brow at her, "You think I could've done that?"

"You're right. No"

Oh yeah. She's right all the way. I'm a girl with no guts. No intuition. No brains. And no life.

My only mother has forgotten about me. My dog keeps thinking I'm a bone. My family thinks I should dress with more closure. And the only guy who I think is so very sexy that I could spend an eternity only by looking at him, has really tripped me.

Really.

Why do I even bother?

*

**~ §ђϊη§зϊ-Кσќσѓσ ~**

**Leave a review please**


	5. The Romeos

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Title – Head Over Heels

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Author – Shinsei Kokoro

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Chapter – 5 – The Romeos

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Updated – 6th May 2004

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Syaoran Li P.O.V

I was just in time for my first class on Thursday. Though I'd missed homeroom, I couldn't give a toss about it. 

I got the same ol' evils from a group nearby while I opened my locker door and grabbed my Chem book. It was a bit wet, from the rain yesterday, but I quickly made a double take at the locker next to mine as something red caught my eyes.

Dayum. That new girl was getting awfully popular.

There was a rose hanging down from the slit, and the petals were just waiting to be ripped off. But instead, I slammed my door, and took off.

I had much important things to take care of. Like take care of who'd spinned Shiroi into the hospital.

I quickly grabbed Yamazaki's shirt, as he played with a strand of Chiharu's hair. He yelped as I peeled him away from her, and ignored the scowling looks she gave me.

"Where is he?"

Yamazaki didn't need to be told twice of whom I was talking about.

"Home man. Where else do ya think eh?" he gave me a fed up look, and pushed my fists away, "Pretty bashed up. Needed twelve stitches on his jaw, got him a black eye, and he's up on a prick. If it weren't for his mum guarding him, I'd probably give his other eye a colouring too"

I scowled at him, and hissed, "Why didn't you call me?"

He turned around and threw his hands up in the air, "What? How was I supposed to know that? What am I? A fortune-teller? They broke into his house. Gave almost everything in sight a crack"

"How did they find his house?"

"He says they stalked him. Dunno what else"

I sighed, as I fell beside Chiharu.

"Why'd they go after Shiroi? Aren't _you_ like their target or somethin'?" she asked me after a while of me groaning, and running all my fingers through my hair.

"They probably thought it'd tick me off for jumping him"

She gave an ungraceful snort which didn't me feel any better, "That sure worked"

"So whaddya gonna do now?" Yamazaki crouched in front of us leaning his back against the metal pole.

I didn't look up for a while, and when I did, I narrowed my eyes, "Make them pay"

He raised a brow, while Chiharu, gave my shoulder a push.

"You've already paid charges for three assault Syaoran. Another try, and you might as well spend a month with a bunch of greasy jailers"

I shook a leg, and stared hard at my loose laces, "I'm not letting them off easy. First they run off with my money, and now they trying first-handed attacks. I'm not waiting to find out who's next"

"You?" Chiharu guessed.

"No shit" he glanced at her, then back at Yamazaki, "Where'd he say the place was?"

"The Courts. Down the Diner's alley. But he's not sure if that's the place. He just heard them talking random"

"We'll check it out. If we find 'em, gore's what they'll get"

Chiharu, flipped through my Chem book already bored, "You're doing too much of Literature boy. You dirty Shaksphere's words"

I smirked at her just when first period bell rang, "And you need to get out of bed, and stop being tacky like your boy"

After few more greet-slaps to my friends, I headed towards my first class.

I didn't miss seeing that new girl walk into the class opposite mine. She was obviously laughing at something said by the bastard.

By bastard I mean Eriol Hiiragizawa offcourse. 

The moment we came face to face, we stopped. We glared. But before I could decide weather or not to rattle that smug look of his face, the girl dragged him away. Grumbling something about guys not being able to keep their hands to themselves.

"Bitch…" I mumbled walking past the scowling looks of my classmates, and taking the corner seat of the class. My favourite.

Sometimes guys took too much shit from their girls. I stopped for a moment to think about the 'talk' I'd had with Minas last night. She'd come over. Wanting to stay over for the night. And if it weren't for Yuzhen who'd just moved in last month, she wouldn't have gotten out without a broken bone. Girl or not. She needs to be stiffed. Seriously. 

I'd forgotten to do my homework. Obviously.

All Mrs. Happy could do was give me that grim look of hers. Why Mrs. Happy? Because she's anything but smiling. Yup. She's been my science teacher for about two years straight, and we still have that hate between us. Not anything serious. Because I doubt anyone in this damn school won't take the chance of strangling me till I'm kicking their ass.

Balancing myself over the last two legs of my chair I watch Mrs. Happy rap the whiteboard with her meter wooden ruler, which sure is not used for a cane.

Yesterday had been a rough night.

Not only couldn't I stop thinking about what I was supposed to do with Shiroi's dumped condition, but I also had to increase my scores, which were now flat ran-over. Orders from mothers who can't drop the baby poop subject.

The guys, chairs away from my side were sneering stupidly at me.

"If your little drones hadn't called on, Eriol was sure to have finished you off that day" one of them looked over their shoulder at me.

I shifted in my black leather jacket, "You wish" I turned away, "He's lucky or you all would be at his funeral right now"

They laughed.

Pointed and laughed.

I had half my mind made up to be the smooth guy I try to be, and snap their fingers. Then stick it down a dog's mouth. But the moment I saw Mrs. Happy giving me the frosty look, I stood my seat.

"Fuck you too…" I murmured before I scribbled down some notes in my Practical workbook.

In two years, they were gonna be history. And so were the guys who'd decided to play rough on my back.

They weren't surviving. Not one of them.

****

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

Eriol was grumbling. Under his breath offcourse.

"He still shows his fuckin' face" he'd murmured all the while when I carefully poured some hydrochloric acid in the test tube with the magnesium.

I wouldn't have minded his swearing towards Syaoran. But I was kinda getting irritated. Because that's all he'd been doing from the last fifteen minutes. And as my Lab partner, he was supposed to have in mind, that I get absolutely freaked out of fire. 

And since I was so dangerously close to the burning flame, I kept my mind on the task at hand. Two mishaps in this darn lab were enough. Another one? No thanks.

"Hey" I called out Eriol, passing him the another test tube, while I kept my eyes trained on the tube I was holding above the fire with my tongs.

He took it from me nevertheless.

"Blue flame" he reminded me, as he moved around the spiral of the Bunsen burner.

"It's bubbling," I suddenly said, watching the horror in my hands.

"Your hands are shaking"

"What do you expect?"

He gave the first smirk in fifteen minutes, and held his hand over mind to stop them from trembling.

I was too surprised really. Him holding my hand, I mean.

Not as in fingers entangled, but just having his hand holding my fist was making me a little light-headed.

Relax girl. I chided myself. Deep breaths remember? Just try to relax.

But I guess it wasn't so easy. To relax, I mean. Because all in all, I noticed Eriol was just having his time. He was behind me. His chest molded against my back.

I gulped. I looked down, and watched his feet right next to mine.

Eriol. I tried to say. You're invading my personal space. And since I'm trying to get over the fact that my dream guy has just rejected me, give me some respect.

But offcourse, as you know I had no guts to say that.

Instead, we stayed that way. Until offcourse, the teacher broke us apart.

"This is Chemistry class if you haven't noticed!" she'd exclaimed. A few kids laughed. Offcourse she hadn't seen the irony of what she'd just said. Chemistry she says.

And I certainly didn't fail to notice the glare Van was spitting on Eriol as we wrote down our set-up notes. Eriol however, didn't find any of this wrong. For a guy who had helium in his reputation, he certainly never got the point.

Van sat next to me for the rest of the period, and I think he paid one of his friends to spend that time distracting Eriol from me.

Here's another one of the guys I could classify under 'Needs to stop flirting, being lame and desperate'

But he suprisingly kept our topic light. He didn't hunt me on the descriptions of my 'imaginary-ex' like I'd expected him to.

Instead we talked about how the cafeteria food needed to go through a change. The coleslaw needed to have more carrots, and needed to stop being running. The burgers needed to stop having hot sauce, and the sandwiches needed to be bit more fresh.

But then again, a guy can't really control his thoughts, "So…" he glanced at me, filling out a chemical equation table at the same time, "Heard you've got a boyfriend"

I couldn't help but roll my eyes…discreetly offcourse.

"You found out?" I played it dumb. Acting surprised. "Who told you?"

"Eriol" he wasn't hesitant.

"Oh" I managed to say, then breath a big sigh, "I've been going out with him for quite a while. He's really sweet"

God, I was such a liar.

"I heard" he grumbled, suddenly very silent, "Ryoga was it?"

No. Not really. But for you and other guys after me, yes.

"Yeah" I said instead, then added dramatically, "I wish his parents would just allow him to come here"

"Yeah" he gave me a look.

What that really interpreted was: "That'll be cool. Maybe if I killed this asshole, you'll finally go out with me"

But he didn't say anything else, so I decided to shut it on him. Dropping my pen, I leaned back on the high chair labs this school had, "I talked to him yesterday" I suddenly blurted, and he gave me his full attention, "He said he's trying. And that maybe after a few months, after college is over he'll be able to move in here to work and all"

"What?" Van instantaneously snapped out o his gloomy reverie, "He's in college?"

I gave him a small nod. I could almost hear his train of thoughts screaming: 'A long-distance relationship with a college guy will never stop. Maybe if I fake a call from him, she'll finally see how lucky she's to have me drooling over her'

"How…how old is he?" he asked instead.

I stared hard at him for a second, my fingers counting from underneath the table.

Eighteen. No. Nineteen. No. Twenty?

"Twenty" I said firmly, and I saw him almost fall of the chair.

"Twenty?!"

"Twenty"

"Twenty?!"

"Twenty"

"Twenty?!"

"I think you heard wrong. I said two hundred"

I guess that shut him up. Because for the rest of the five minutes we had left, we never shared a word, except for the frequent, "Green pen please?" or "What do you have next?"

I grinned as I continued to scribble into my book. As much as I felt bad for indirectly rejecting him, I had every right to do that.

Especially when I was a recent victim myself.

****

Syaoran Li P.O.V

Class after lunch? I'd just stumbled out of Electronics, tired and blurry eyed. My hands stuffed in my pant pockets, and suddenly feeling chilly without my jacket.

I'd ditched a bunch of my friends in the side square of the school, and was now making my way towards the backfield, from where I usually went to meet up with Meiling.

The large grass pit was obviously emptied, because hardly anyone hanged out here. I looked around for her, then let out a bunch of swears.

Damned bitch.

I remembered telling her to wait for me right there, and not moving her sorry ass.

But the moment, I decided to walk away, I caught sight of two running figures on the 800m track.

They were girls, I decided. From their long running ponytails from behind them, that was a definite. And when they neared, I frowned.

A teacher was standing on the center of the track. His face following the directions took by the girls.

"Meiling…" I grumbled, when they passed me in a blur. I saw them both panting clearly, and so did they.

What was going on?

From when had Meiling suddenly made a friend in her PE class? But the chances? I stared after the other girl who ran beside her. Great.

And I thought I'd warned her?

I was blankly watching their similar figures running like there was some wild dog behind them. And I was still blank by the time they were heading towards me.

Walking. Side by side. Laughing and arguing at something I couldn't make out from the distance. I seated myself on one of the worn-out bleachers, and felt my patience running thin.

"Sup" Meiling greeted me in her most informal way.

I didn't even look at her. My eyes were on the panting body beside her.

She stopped to look at me. In the short black shorts, white sleeveless and all. Her green eyes narrowed for a few seconds, then turned to Meiling with a new smile.

Sakura Kinomoto was it?

"I'll see you tomorrow" she slung her shoe bag over her small shoulder, "And I'm not letting you win again alright?"

"Keep dreaming" Meiling grinned, as she waved it away. I turned to look at the retreating figure. And once she'd jumped over the horizontal closing poles, I whirled towards Meiling.

"What the fuck?"

She scowled at me, while busily putting her shoes away, "_What_ the fuck?"

"What…" I stopped to choose my words, "What were you guys doing?"

She looked at me, putting on a skirt over the shorts she was wearing, "Hmm. Running maybe?"

I don't like sarcasm, "Meiling"

She swatted her hands at me, "She challenged me for a race. That's all. Jeez. What's getting you tensed up?"

"That's all? What do you mean that's all? Do you know who she is?"

"Sakura Kinomoto?"

I rolled my eyes at her.

Right. Like I didn't know her name.

But Meiling decided to cut the chase short, "She doesn't give a shit Syaoran. So why don't you choose to bark at someone else?"

I narrowed my eyes, "Look bitch. I'm not going to be there to save your butt when she turns her back on you"

She gave me a slanted look and pulled down her skirt, making sure they sat firmly at her hips, "I don't need you to aight? I've known her for quite some time. You can't tell me who to talk to and who not to"

I sealed my lips shut at that, and turned around. There was no use arguing, if that was what she wanted.

"Be a bitch then" I mumbled under my breath walking off.

I vaguely heard something similar to, "Asshole" with a very fine adjective before it.

We kept the pace. And she didn't catch up to me until we'd reached my car. I got into the driver's, and stepped on the pedal. Turn the ignition. Pressed hard on the accelerator. And took off.

But in case you really wanna know, she was stranded. In the dust. Still in the car park. Her duffel bag fallen. Fuming like the Meiling she was.

Ha! Take that bitch.

That's what you get for sticking up for other bitches.

****

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

Tomoyo was bickering. It was English class, and she was going on about why Romeo couldn't have just kidnapped Juliet and ran away with her and married her, made love and had babies.

Stories. I tell you. They drive me crazy.

I remember when I'd done the play in Elementary. I'd been Juliet. And this skinny and freckled guy had been Romeo. He'd apparently had a crush on me ever since primary. But what I'm leading to is that he actually had the guts to kiss me on stage of the final performance.

That'd been my first kiss.

I'd fainted offcourse.

Sound funny? Har. Har. It wasn't. 

I'd fainted unconscious because he'd cut my oxygen supply, and while I'd been trying to push him off, he'd decided this was the part where he could ask me out.

Damned guy.

This is why children under 10 shouldn't be allowed to read Shakespeare…or literature as a matter of fact.

Chiharu something. One of the 'outcasts' had just been stood up to read a paragraph from the Mid-Summer's Night Dream, and when she'd finished, I could hear the faint giggles and cusses from the guys and girls behind her.

But she only gave them the finger, and sat back down.

Her boyfriend…Yamazaki I think had started re-assuring her. And from the view I got from my seat, I could see the big pinch mark on his arm.

They were his friends. Syaoran Li's. Close friends in fact.

But I looked away the moment Tomoyo nudged me in the ribs.

"Are you coming to Van's party?" she hissed into my ears.

I shook my head, "I can't"

That offcourse…was a lie. Even though I was dying to get hold of a new guy, and shake him senseless, the though of being anywhere near Van made me feel uneasy. Extremely.

He was a good guy…but a hard player. Besides, I had that Biotechnology test I had to study for.

I'm not denying that I'd seen him snogging some girl in the girl's toilet, but just seeing them had made me feel a little pissed. Maybe it was just because I was really getting uncomfortable of seeing couples around school, while I was a typical loveless loner.

I'd even been surprised to see Tomoyo flirting with some random guy in Homeroom. Eriol hadn't sent her a glance, and I had to watch her stomp off…the random guy linked in her arms offocurse.

History had come and gone.

I think he'd seen me the other day in the Resource Room. Because I couldn't find any other reasons for him giving me the small weird looks. Almost saying 'I'm watching you girl. One step into our border, and you're dead meat'.

Right. Like I'd be stepping into his border. I think I'm finally starting to get over him. I keep thinking of a black lizard every time I see him. Glancing away if everytime we crossed paths…which wasn't much that day. Maybe it was that something Meiling had told me yesterday. About him being a prick every time it came to 'communicating'.

"Asshole" I grumbled as I looked away, and continued to stare at him through the corner of my eyes. Then pushed back a yawn, when he spent a full half a minute glancing at me.

Was he finally noticing me?

Was he?

Was he?

I went frigid on my chair, suddenly all the unconscious thoughts entering my brain. The pen held by my fingers suddenly not moving. I pushed myself back on my chair, and ran five fingers through my hair. But I suddenly pulled them out.

Brushing your hair was the first symptom to show that you're being attracted.

I sucked in a deep breath.

I. Am. Over. Him. Chant with me my fellow meditators. Chant. I. Am. Over. Him.

But another secret turn at him, and I knew how wrong I was.

If he thought I was a bitch. Then he certainly didn't have any reason not think of himself in the same manner.

I went red in the cheeks and made sure I never looked up for the last fifteen minutes. My bright pink shirt tank suddenly made me feel really conscious than it ever had.

Oh great.

Just how worse can all this get?

I really needed to need read that How Not To Attract Guys book I'd seen in the library the other day.

****

Syaoran Li P.O.V

Damn it! Of all days of getting drunk. It had to be yesterday. Damn little bitch! Not only was I not in a very good mood, but here I was letting my darned cousin, making me feel…well…guilty.

So I'd ditched her at school yesterday, but that didn't mean that she had to launch herself straight into a disco, and come back to the rooms holding onto some random guy.

I was ticked.

Really ticked.

Not only was she lucky that I'd see the guy knock her off before he could jump into he room with her, but there she was, in the bathroom, swearing at me as hard as possible.

Since none of the other guys were even awake, I decided to lock off, before I went crazy and decided to mould her together in scraps of garbage.

"Yo man! Where's Mei?" Yamazaki slapped my back enthusiastically, before he caught sight of my face, "She…" he paused for a while, "She has my…Accounting assessment"

"Have you got anything out of Shiroi yet?" I asked instead.

He gave me a blank look, then shook his head slowly, "Nah. Still very slapped. Don't think he'll be able to get out bed until next week. I wouldn't really call this bad for once" he gave me a grin.

But I pushed past him, "Tonight Yamazaki. Get the guys at the Courts down about nine. There's no way, I'm letting them come clean without no blood"

To a little surprise, Yamazaki pulled me back, "Syaoran. Forget this man"

"The fuck?"

"Forget this! You shouldn't get in anymore shit. Who cares about all this? Cuz there's no way they'll be doing it again"

"Hey!" I pulled away from his grasp roughly, "If you're too chicken, stuff it. But I ain't gonna sit back and watch them pull my strings. If they wanna fight. They'll get one. There's no way, I'm letting them get away with this Yamazaki. There's no way"

He looked a bit hesitant, "We could _die_"

"_They_ will die"

He gave me one of his frustrated looks, then threw his hands up, "Dammit Syaoran! Why can't you for once just shut the hell up and stop pickin' fights! It's obvious you don't care about yourself, but I don't wanna die so early"

I struck at him, and pushed at his arm, "You don't wanna come?! Don't! I ain't asking you too!"

"You're fucked up! Do you know that? You need to stop all this nonsense! What are you gonna do when your mother finds out about all of this? Why can't you just let it be for once, and stop interfering at everything!"

"Hey!" I suddenly found myself grabbing his collars, then skid him against the wall behind him, "They've got my money! And they ain't gonna stop! They could jump you in the alley right after school today! What are you gonna say then eh? Damn, I should have listened to Syaoran for once? Or maybe the next thing you know, you'd be at a funeral. _Your_ own funeral. What would you say then huh? Damn I should have listened to Syaoran?!"

My grip around his shirt tightened, and the next thing I knew he was out of my grasp. My arms fell to my sides, and I watched him. His eyes wide and staring.

I didn't bothering saying anything to the guys behind me, who were staring with their soccer ball still in the goal. I could see Chiharu from the girl pack glaring at me, but I just faced Yamazaki once again.

"I'm going. Whether you like it or not. If you don't wanna, don't make me give any shit"

I took off after I said that.

Left the backfield, and stalked away.

The moment I'd reached my locker, I'd stopped for a second.

The girl was at her locker. Sakura Kinomoto. While Eriol Hiiragiwzawa was leaning on the one next…which just happened to be mine.

They seemed to be laughing about something, and I kept watching as she continued to tug at her locker. Being the typical asshole, he decided to go launching himself into the locker door, snapping it shut. 

I guess I didn't see the irony in that. So I made my way through the many guys crowded.

As usual they gave me the pissed off cusses, but nonchalantly I stood up face to face to him.

He stared back.

For once his glasses were missing, and I could see the girl poise as she glanced at me.

"If it isn't the son of a bitch" he smirked, his head cocking.

"If it isn't the son of a bastard" I sneered back, then lowered my hackles, "Still very fucked up aight?"

His eyes narrowed a little. But didn't respond, until the girl was immediately grabbing at his sleeves.

"C'mon Eriol. Let's go"

He looked down at her for a while, then back at me, "I think I deserve to have some fun here Sakura"

"You're making a show here" she hissed under her breath, obvious to know of the crowd behind us staring.

I didn't move.

"Let's go" she insisted, this time her fingers slipping into his, and suddenly making him look directly at her, loosing his concentration on me.

And before he knew it, she was dragging him away. Away from the crowd who moved off without a word.

I slammed open my locker. It bounced back as soon as I noticed the note inside.

Opening it once again, I fingered it open.

"_Resource room baby…I'll be waiting…minas_"

Her crawling handwriting was very familiar, but I just tossed it over my shoulders.

I didn't have time.

Especially not for her.

But then I stepped back as I remembered what I'd forgotten.

I stared back to where the two 'holes had disappeared, then slammed my locker shut.

We had History together. Maybe I could tell her after class…

****

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

So holding his hand hadn't been part of my darn plan…but hey! It still worked.

He'd followed me quietly not saying word. More likely dragged by me, but at least he wasn't on his cussing rampage.

Although the moment we were about to enter class he pulled me back, where I surprisingly bumped into him hard.

"Eriol…" I started as his grip on my hand tightened. But all he did was drag me away, "Hey! Eriol…no! Not in there! Eriol!"

You wanna guess where he'd bought me?

Yup! That's right ladies and gentlemen. Into the guy's bathroom.

__

Very astonishingly, it was empty. But before I could say anything, he'd pushed me right in front of him.

"What are you doing?"

I frowned a little, "What? What are you talking about?"

He hesitated a little. And since no one else was there, I didn't really see any reason to be so uncomfortable, when all he'd been doing since we first met was flirt.

"I mean, what are you doing? We're enemies. Them and us. Don't you understand that?"

My frown deepened, "What? Don't tell me it's about me putting you off from having a good fight and getting some eggs for eyes?"

He neared me, his head shaking in hesitation once again, "They're assholes" he finally blurted, "They…they don't belong here aight? They live in the wild. They're the sort of people who go insane and starting looking through alleyways to find women. They're the ones who are dead-on on drugs. The ones who can't keep their zips up, or who can't find nothing else better to do than start molesting people"

I stared hard at him. What the hell was he getting at? Syaoran—I mean Meiling wasn't like that.

Instead I squared my shoulders. For some reason I knew exactly what he wanted, "Fine Eriol" I stood to him, "Go. Go fight. That's what you wanna do right? Fight? Go! You wanna show how strong you are? Or how pathetic they are? 'Cause you know what? In the end it's gonna be the same" I took another step to him, "You're both gonna loose. Go home with broken bones, or with a nose that won't stop leaking. That's fine with me Eriol. If you wanna go do that? Go ahead. It's not like I care or anything. I'm just a newbie right? The chick from the city. Down-under was it?"

He stood there staring. Ha! Take that. If you think you're the only one with smart words, you've got another thing coming. _But_ what I really didn't coming was that, his hand crawled wisely on my hips.

"And that girl" I went on…getting very disturbed by his actions, "What was her name? Uh…"

"Mika" he leaned forward.

"Yeah Mika. She'd made it all up. Eriol. She'd made it all up. And only so that you could pick a fight with Syaoran"

But Eriol wasn't concentrating on the topic anymore, "I know that"

Bling. Bling. Hello? What a surprise.

But I took a step back towards the vacuum door, "So you knew it all along?"

"No" he replied taking off his jacket slowly, and suddenly making me shiver, "I heard later…but it doesn't really matter. Not for now. Forget it Sakura"

I gave him my most uneasiest grins, "We're missing homeroom here Eriol. Let's just go and talk about this later"

He was shaking his head.

At that, I almost felt like grabbing a toilet seat, and smashing it onto his head. But…no…bad idea. He might get concussion.

"You like me" he suddenly said.

I blinked. He went on.

"And you're scared that I might get hurt"

Believe me boy, if you were to get hurt from me, you wouldn't be talking to me this way.

"What the hell?"

"Stop faking it man" he was suddenly holding me gently…gently. Gently, as in bringing goosebumps up my arms and legs, "You just don't wanna admit, cuz of Tomoyo"

"T…Tomoyo?" I found myself stuttering, as he leaned onto me to softly kiss my lips, "This…Eriol…is not a very good idea" So I was shocked, and my nerves had suddenly crashed before of the blinking red signal.

"And your boyfriend" he continued on like he couldn't even hear my protests, "You should dump him. Trust me when I say long-distance relationships don't work. And besides…I'm sure he must be two-timing you or something like that. City boys are play dogs"

"N-no. Ryoga would…never do that to me. Eriol. C'mon. This is not looking very good. What if someone sees us…"

"So you want it to look good?" he said it to my ear, slightly kissing my ear lobe, nuzzling his breath at the neck "I can do that"

Okay. This was it. If there was anything I hated the most. It was people probing into my personal space. And especially harassing it.

And so before he could go on to part my lips when he came open, I pushed him off with a hard shove. A very hard shove which made him go against the opposite wall.

"Bell just rang!" I gave him my quirkiest helpless smile, "And…and…I…uh…have History"

He didn't say anything. He didn't move.

"I'll…" I got hold of the door, "I'll see you later". Not.

And before I could wait for a response from him, I took off.

As in I ran. Ran with my thumping heart in my fists. With my imaginary tail in-between my legs. I didn't stop running. Because last period bell hadn't rung, and everyone were still in their homerooms.

So I'd lied. Sue me. When it comes to molesting my privacy I'll be almost willing to do anything to get my way out of it. Even if it means going to the girls washroom and hiding, until the bell really rang.

****

Syaoran Li P.O.V 

She'd come in panting. Huffing. Her face red. And very late.

She'd walked right in without any explanation, and went straight to her desk. I could even see the guys around her follow her moment with their eyes. Don't take me wrong when I say, I was a little curious.

She was looking exhausted. Like she'd just run a marathon, and she was looking very flushed. Not that I cared or anything. Really.

"You okay?" a guy in front of her turned to face her.

"Yeah. Sure" she whispered back…which wasn't really whispering, since it was hoarse and very cut out.

Mrs. Watanabi also known as Mrs. Happy was croaking. Her voice was filled with flu, and once in a while she gave off her sneezes, which probably reached the opposite wall. But since I was in the corner, I was under-cover. She was glaring at the girl-Sakura.

And for the first time, when the bell rang, she was probably one of the first out of the room…probably thinking that she had to meet Meiling at the track.

Some disappointment she had to face.

I was with Yamazaki, when I remembered what I had to do.

I grabbed his wrist and glared at his watch, "Shucks. See ya laterz at Chiharu's. I'm going back to school"

"Where are you going? I promised Hikaru I'd hook her up with you after school" he broke himself from Chiharu's kiss, ignoring her subtle frown.

I didn't look back as I made my way towards the backfield, "I have something to do"

Even though I was some distance away, I could hear Chiharu lean back against him, "Wow. He finally found something more important than checking out sluts"

Yamazaki was at once at my defense. Or so I thought. "Hey. She's a gorgeous babe alright?"

She snorted, "Oh yeah. And maybe that was why she dumped you. Probably found you very _un_gorgeous"

The backfield was empty.

As far as I could see, I could see no one. That was until I jumped over the fallen pole gate. 

She was at the edge of the grass pit. Sitting with her legs out and arms stretched back. That familiar duffel bag next to her. And waiting.

I walked on. Suddenly feeling very annoyed. Why couldn't Meiling tell her herself?!

When I stopped some distance away, she rolled around to see me. Her eyes narrowing instantly. Her usually left out hair tied tightly in a braid. Looking very surprised to see me standing there.

She didn't say anything. So I guess she expected me to say the first sentence. The blazing sun was helping me either.

"Message from Meiling"

That got her attention, and she leaned forward.

"She's away today"

Okay, so maybe that wasn't exactly a message, but hey! What was I? The telegram man?

I watched her expression fall. And she gave out a little groan.

"Dammit" I could hear her curse under her breath.

From what I could see, it looked like she'd been on this field the moment the last bell had rung. She was in our school's track clothes looking very blown. Frustrated. And ditched.

I stood there for a few seconds watching her, then turned around digging my hands in the pockets of my hood.

Somehow I felt I had something more to say, so I turned back around, noticing her eyes were still on me. Still looking very glazed.

"You should get off her back"

"Excuse me?" she leaned more forward, looking very taken back.

I gritted my teeth for four seconds, "I said you need to get your pretty little dead head out of the ditch, and bounce back to your dandy guys. You need more translation?"

She opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. So I smirked. But she was up on her feet taking her steps to near me.

"What the hell is your problem huh?" she gave me pissed off look, pushing back the braid of her hair.

I gave an immediately glare, "This bitch who thinks she can do whatever she wants to"

"Offcourse I can. Who are you to tell me what I can huh? The last time I heard, this was a free world"

I stared. So this girl had moved on from having the hots for me. "Stay where you belong bitch. I'm trying to save your sorry ass here"

She gave me an incredulous look, "Wow. That's very generous, but no thank you, I don't take offers from guys like you"

Now I growled. This girl certainly knew how to get on my nerves.

"Really? Then wasn't it just a two days back when you used to drool for me?"

Yes. That's it. I'd hit the right button.

Her blood had immediately rushed to her face, and her eyes glared, her face giving it away, "Keep dreaming Syaoran Li. Who-who would drool for _you_?"

I kept a straight face, despite my urge to really show this girl how to keep her mouth shut, "What if I said that you could come with me right now…to my house…and we'll spend some time together?"

I could see the nervousness in her, and she turned her face away from me, "Just what I'd said. No thanks"

Her body turned tenser as I continued to stare at her.

And I wasn't expecting her to say anything, but she had to, "You're talking to me"

I raised a brow, "What the fuck?"

"Why?" At this she turned around to face me once again, "Why are you talking to me?"

I didn't answer. To say the truth, I didn't even know what to answer.

"I thought you'd said that people like you and me didn't interact…or talk or whatever. Then why are you here? Talking to me?"

So I felt like hitting her thick head against some truck, but I caught my hands. She was more on the dense side than I'd taken notice for, "I came here only to tell you that you won't be going on a jolly ride with her today. Nothing else. So don't get your hopes high"

Her eyes narrowed, "I'm not. But if you think I'm a bitch, why did you even bother coming here to tell me that. You could have just left me hear waiting"

"Look _bitch_. Meiling's my cousin" I cocked my head as I came to notice what point she was trying to make clear, "I came here, because she asked me to. Nothing else aight?"

"Right" If I wasn't mistaken I could see the little smirk playing on the side of her lips, "I believe you" she turned around.

But before she could take another step, I grabbed her arm and pulled her tight, "Hey! If you think I came here for anything else, you're getting played. You get me?!" she winced as my grasp tightened, "Who knows? Maybe I came here to ask you if you've been stalking me?"

"What!" came here fierce cry turning her red, "Stalking you?!"

"Don't muck with me girl. I saw you the other day. In the resource room"

She sucked in her breath, and I didn't let her go.

"I-I wasn't spying!" she quickly blurted out.

"Sure"

Fidgeting in my hold, she tore her arm away, "I wasn't! And I've never liked you. I don't know what you're going on about, but you've got it wrong in your head. I can never like someone like you"

I kept my cool at her raging temper.

"Oh yeah. Damn. Well weren't _you_ the one bumping into walls, falling from that gym rod, and pouring coleslaw over geeks who you made run after you?"

"No I didn't! He just took me the wrong way. How was I supposed to know that he'd been reading a book on Angels on my Shoulders?"

I didn't look away, so she went on.

"And I would never stalk an asshole like you alright? I had to go to the Resource room to get some books for my class, and that's it! And you and some slut just happened to be in there. Where's my fault in there? I don't stick miniscule cameras on your shirt, and watch what you do everyday and I certainly don't spend my time thinking about you okay?! Do you get me?! I'm not some desperate and obsessed freak who would get drunk in a club and kiss guys who look like you and then get my brother to pick me up. I don't spend my time writing your name in hearts. Or ask your friends about you. Or even dream of you. I don't know where you got the info from, because it's wrong! I. Don't. Like. You."

I was getting bored.

I really was. Girls never did get straight to the point did they? And somehow just waiting there to let her finish her commentary was really getting on my impatience side.

Another long glance at her, and I knew I had to get out of there.

And so I did.

She didn't stop me. There was no hesitation in her like I'd though there would be. I didn't look back.

But dammit. I couldn't help but feel a little frustrated.

This wasn't supposed to be happening. I wasn't supposed to be feeling like this. Her boundary line was somewhere just next to mine, and hell…she wasn't even my type.

****

~ Shinsei Kokoro ~ 


	6. Puddles

**Title:** Head Over Heels 

**Author:** Shinsei Kokoro

**Beta: **AmaiTai (Amai-chan works too)

**Chapter:** 6: Puddles

**Updated: **13th June 2004****

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

I was staring at the ceiling again. It had seemed to become one of those usual chores for me. You know what I mean right?

Counting the number of wrinkles in the wallpaper next to my bed was the second. I know…I'm finally welcoming insanity. Yeah yeah. It was the usual.

I rolled onto my stomach and tried suffocating myself with my pillow.

Nope, I decided. Not good. Because in an instant I came gushing straight for air, panting heavily.

I groaned. Seriously. Oh god. I seriously had to come up with better ways to kill myself. Not only was I closing the gates of my insane life, but I was also getting lame.

I mean c'mon. I can't even come up with ways to kill myself!

I've been lying here in bed since god knows when. Grunting, I gave a quick glance at my alarm, and swiftly pulled the covers over my face.

12.30.

Oops.

Past my bedtime.

But my eyes didn't feel a bit heavy, and I was left wondering about the happenings of today.

Eriol's confession.

Tomoyo's love predicaments.

Kero's taste buds for my best shoes.

And I can't forget…my weird talk with Syaoran Li. Yup. He chewed me up today. Not in the way my dog would…but literally. Chew. Chew. And then spit.

I mean, who the hell cares for those stupid rules! They were corny and stupid, but the hardest part to believe was that people actually followed them. They actually worshipped the damn bullet-proof words. Especially when it came to the 'outcasts' and the 'normal' students. It almost sounded like the old era slave world.

As in, doesn't any one of these 'normal' people take drugs?

Don't they get into bloody fights and get detention for breaking properties?

Don't they pierce their body?

Don't they swear around, and walk like gangsters?

Don't they?

I grunted and then plopped my head hard onto my pillow. This was dumb. Stupid. And really pissing me off. Because all I could think was of Syaoran's words. We were different? Like hell we were.

He was an outcast. And me? A normal person. Not that I would ever regard myself as one, since I'm so not anywhere near normal. But was that why he was saying a big 'no' for us being together? Was the feeling mutual? Did he even have the teeniest of likes for me, and was bummed because there would be no way we could end up together?

I gave my eyes a tight squeeze.

Think blank girl. He's a player for god's sake!

I scrambled over the sheets and felt for the crucifix hanging around my neck.

God. Help me dammit.

I seriously, deeply, freakin' like him.

And yet, I couldn't get him.

I went still for a few seconds, then pinched myself hard. There I just confessed to you, god. Now if there's anyone, who hates me up there, butt off and mind your own love life.

Okies Sakura. You really need to talk to that psychiatrist Touya had been talking about the other day, or you'll really end up in one of those asylums like grandma.

Jeez.

I was finally seeing the similarities between my matrimonial sides.

I turned to my side, and pushed the large pendant into my tank top.

And then there was always Eriol-the woodpecker. No matter how many times he pecked at the wood, he was useless. Speaking of which, he needed to exchange beaks with ducks.

Smooth and blunt.

Mom had called today. She sounded all excited at first inviting me to her new house, but that had just got me ticked off.

"We're having a family dinner today." "Sorry, but can't make it"—had been my excuse.

Then she'd always had to cut me off, "But surely you can miss it for me. Can't—,"

"No can do. It's against house rules."

"But sweetie—,"

I caught a quick flash of dad popping his head out of the kitchen in my bunny apron and spatula in hand, and cleared my throat, "It's family rules."

I think I stressed a bit too much on the word family because she continued on in a hurt voice, "What about tomorrow honey?"

"I have a funeral to go to." Presumably Eriol's.

"Um…Friday?"

"I have a party." Really. Rika's.

"Saturday?"

"Volunteer work at the church the whole afternoon."

"I never knew you worked at the church."

I frowned a little, "People change. But you wouldn't know anything would you?"

Ouchies…

"Sakura. I do not think that was a very nice thing to say. Whatever it may be, I am still your mother. And you need to watch that tongue when you're speaking to a parent," Her sharp voice suddenly crammed.

I guess I keep saying the wrong stuff…so I just had to hang up on her…but you could probably say that I 'accidentally' dropped it, since dad eventually came strolling in smelling my fumes.

"Who was that?"

I didn't look at him, "A guy."

I thought I saw him smile, "Anyone in particular?"

"No. Just someone random trying to get me on a date."

"Oh okay. Is he from a good family?"

"Dad! He's a random guy. As in a weirdo. As in a desperate."

"What's his name then?"

I paled at his 'sincerity', "God, dad. How am I supposed to know!? He's random alright!?" So, I shouldn't have snapped.

He made a face, "Alright." Then perked up, "But what was the funeral thing about? I didn't know someone was dead."

I plopped onto the couch behind me and threw my head back groaning all the while.

That was my dad for you. Inquisitive and a pain.

So here I am, in my bed trying to get every thought out of my head.

Maybe I felt a little bad for shoving all sorts of beautiful lies in my mom's face, but I didn't really have the energy to even care about that.

I wish she 'settled' down in some other continent with her snob of a husband…or some other world even. Lack of communication could always be an excuse.

I held my arm out in front of me and whacked it a little. Damn arm. Had to become numb, when 'he' had grabbed me there.

I gave my head another thud.

Damn that Syaoran Li for having such a violent effect on me.

I wish I had those powers to damn people to hell. That'd be great.

At that thought, I quickly clutched my crucifix, "Sorry God. Sorry. Heaven. Think of heaven. Forget about people with red horns and twitching arrow-like tails. Think heaven."

I silently grinned as my heated mind cooled.

Really. I wasn't religious. But I reckon it's better to follow something that you're gonna get paid back for. As far as I can remember, my primary teacher had once told me that people, who helped out at churches, always got direct tickets to visit heaven and get free lollipops as souvenirs from all the angels.

Not bad eh?

I gave a little whine, as my empty stomach groaned on its own.

Yup. That's what I get for skipping dinner. And there was no way I'd get my butt downstairs to make myself a sandwich in the middle of the night.

I was lazed and tired, and plus I would have an advantage when I'd be blaming all this on Touya for not ordering that pizza he'd promised me.

Stupid older brothers who work night shifts.

And since dad was busy writing up some documents at his university, here I am stuck at home, thinking about my pitiful life.

Dear me. Go online tomorrow. And bid for a better life! Love, your screwed up mind.

I dug myself deeper in my sheets.

Taking a deep breath, I forced myself to dream of chicken pizzas, which suddenly morphed into chickens with earrings.

Hmm…maybe that was because my last thought was of Syaoran's ears. Come to think of it, this would be my first crush, who had an ear piercing.

I grinned against my pillow.

Oh yeah. I have some serious issues.

**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

I'd left Minas lying on the couch. The moment I reached for my phone, I could almost hear her sulk.

"Hello?"

"Where the fuck is Minas, you asshole?!" The person on the other line suddenly barked. "If you've done anything to her, I'll…"

Yeah, this is when I hold the phone away, and pour some water through the little holes.

"Your brother." I mutter nonchalantly shoving it at her face.

She gave me a roll with her eyes, and then went on a deep conversation with her brother.

Dumb shit.

Dang. This has gotta be the fourth time I had a face-off with the wild goose's brother. And man was he a stung ass.

I pushed myself up on the carpet, grabbing my over shirt at the same time.

Time. That was what I needed.

Craning my neck at the little clock that sat on the TV, I groaned.

This was just sweet.

1.30 in the morning and Meiling still hasn't gotten her fat ass out of her room to kick this girl out. Was she still fussing over Yamazaki?

I glanced at Minas as she continued to ramble into the receiver. She was a girl who made lots of gestures when speaking.

I grabbed the beer can on the nearby, messy table and finished off the last drops, just in time to hear her last sentence.

"And stop calling alright?! I'm not a baby anymore!"

Man. At least she had someone to baby her around.

She gave me a sudden, fall-out kiss, as she dropped the phone behind the couch.

"Sorry about that. Big brother problems. Where was I? Oh yeah. Let me cure the pain for you," without waiting for an answer her lips kissed mine as she grabbed the front of my shirt.

And that was when I got them.

The flashes.

Of that Sakura's face.

Looking all glam' and angry. Enough to cause me more pain.

I don't know why, but I ended up pushing her off. Sending her sprawled on the couch in seconds.

"What?!" She fumed, her surprise giving her away.

I stood up, "We were finishing up. I need to get some sleep. I'm done for tonight."

Her expression changed and she swayed flirtatiously all the while, "Is that an invitation?"

I raised a brow. Didn't she get the hint?

But being gentle as I always was, I pulled off my beanie, and glanced side-ways at her, "It's departure time Minas. My head fucking hurts and I've had enough for today"

I think she got the point then. Because from the corner of my eyes I could see her picking up her little handbag, and fumbling into her heels.

"Fine." she glared at me, "You had the time of your life sucking up to some girl while you beat up some guys. But I was waiting here for you!"

I stayed where I was, and watched her stalk towards the door, "Sure you were."

She left with that.

And I was left staring at the door. Just thinking of what the hell I had just done.

I dove onto the couch, rubbing my bandaged neck.

Covering my head with a jacket, I continued wondering.

What the hell had I just done?

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

I don't know why, but all I could last remember was a chicken trying to kiss me in the boys' bathroom. So I had to spend the rest of the morning thinking about what Eriol had in common with chickens.

By this time I dragged a tired Touya to drop me off at school, I was blank.

"Couldn't you just drive?" He growled as I got out of the car.

Grinning at him, I patted his head through the window, "Stop drooling on the steering wheel Touya. I think it's had enough of it."

He just blinked, and then swore, while I went on my way to the lockers.

"Hey. You're still coming to the party right?!" Rika had suddenly bounced next to me, with Tomoyo by her side.

"Oh yeah. Sure." I turned around the corner, still giving it my best to hold all of my books.

"Be sure to were something hip. 'Cause there are gonna be lots of guys, girl!"

The two girls hi-fived behind me, as I trudged towards my locker.

"Cool." I managed to mutter.

"Most of them are probably gonna be from my old school. Man, our school sure don't got no good guys."

I was about to mutter an "I do" but Tomoyo beat me to it.

I gave her a little stare, and then continued to pick at my locker. Would it best if I just left out the little moment Eriol and I had yesterday? Or should I be the friend and fill her in?

I shook my head. Keep off the danger zone, Sakura. Eriol was a chicken last night, remember?

Quickly, I whirled around as I heard Tomoyo let out a squeal. Instead of finding her getting attacked by chickens in their military uniforms, I had to take in the sight of her getting slammed against the locker beside me by a guy, who immediately performed a frenchie on her.

I think I just stood there staring like an idiot, because the moment I returned back to Earth, he was smiling at me. Those damn eyes.

"Hey. You looked a bit surprised."

You have no idea.

Instead I gave him a hesitant look, and then I carefully turned to Rika, my eyes still not leaving his.

"Eh?"

"They eloped last night." I heard her mutter, leaning against the wall.

And I guess that was what really bought me back to the 'real' world.

"Excuse me?" I sounded confused to myself.

Tomoyo gave one of her laughs, as the guy beside her slid an arm around her.

"We're going out!" She squealed once again as if stating the obvious.

I looked at their entwined hands.

Of course it was obvious.

But…

I stared at him…and he wouldn't stop smirking.

Suddenly, it hit me. All too hard.

The asshole! I clenched.

Tomoyo was probably expecting some kind of congratulation because her face lit up like birthday candles, and the moment I looked at her, I couldn't help but mumble back like Rika had, "Go girl."

I think it came out lame because the shine in her eyes dimmed a little bit.

But they soared up high again, as the grip on her hand tightened.

And as always the school bell came to the rescue.

The eyes I was staring at blinked repeatedly and he was giving me that smile again.

"Gotta go and catch up with Van. Said he…needed some help." That was all I heard from him. I didn't even get a chance to respond, when Tomoyo agreed to go along with him, because my eyes were all on him.

Those blue eyes.

"Sakura?" Rika suddenly tapped my shoulder, as I continued to watch the couple stray off into the disappearing crowd.

"What the hell's wrong with you, girl? You looked so shocked. I guess it was, but that was creepy, man!"

I looked at her silently, then back at the two figures.

"He…really asked her out?" I found myself mumbling again.

Rika didn't answer. Instead she gave me that weird look, "Did you finished up that vodka I gave you last night or something? Your brain's not really processing everything."

I gave a shake, "No. But…"

"Jeez!" she finally threw her hands up in the air, "He asked her out! What's wrong with you? You're spaced out!"

I think I was, because I didn't even wave back when she said bye to me.

I'm a fool. I really am. This is something I figured today.

Because I never thought someone like him could do something like that. Someone like Eriol.

I saw it in his smirking blue eyes. He was paying me back. For what I did to him yesterday. For ignoring his confession.

I saw it on his face. In his eyes. He was only playing with her. With my friend. So he could…get back at me.

"Oh shit!" I punched a fist at the locker beside me, and slapped it again as the books I was holding fell.

The noise echoed.

"Tell me you're not jealous."

I immediately whirled around at the voice, and I think I slapped my dream boy with my flying hair.

"What?"

Okay, so my brains were dealing with some issues. But it froze as I was left staring at a face I have come to worship.

He was looking down at me. But my attention was just strong enough to stare into his eyes. I was a desperate girl after all.

"Quit staring." He snapped as he turned towards his open locker, and broke my reverie.

"I…wasn't." I tore my gaze away from him, and suddenly noticed my dropped books.

Quickly kneeling down and picking each of them up, I pushed down my embarrassment, and stuffed each of the hardbound into my locker.

"What the fuck were you doing anyways?" I heard his deep voice stumble into my ears.

I glanced at him for a while. Wait a second…

Was he trying to start a conversation?

And that was when I caught sight of a nasty bruise on his neck.

I gave a little point, "What is that…?"

Maybe it was something I shouldn't have asked because he was instantly fixing his collar, "None of your business, bitch."

I frowned a little. Here I was thinking that he was becoming a bit civil towards me. Jesus. So much for that thought.

"Alright." I bit my lip, flinging the door shut, and finding it locked for the first time. I looked around a little. Just as I suspected. No one. I gave a little scoff. Like there'd ever be a day Syaoran Li would talk to me in public.

"So, did he dump you 'cause you weren't good enough?" he was shutting his locker.

"What? What are you talking about?" I tried looking confused.

"Bitched." he murmured as he stalked off.

But I wasn't letting him get away like that. "How many times do I have to tell you? I never went out with Eriol. And he never…bitched me." I scowled head-on, then added, "What ever that means."

He turned around for a second, letting me have a good look at his lean figure, "Oh yeah. I forgot. You like me, eh?"

Okay. Sarcasm was always my weak point because in a few seconds, I was running after him, wanting to claw his back

"Actually I don't. You've been getting the wrong vibes. I thought I told you that too."

"You don't lie good, girl. Go get some training." he started walking again, and I was right beside him, matching his pace.

"I've had enough training, alright. And get this into your head. I wasn't going out with the asshole." I think the identification came out a bit wrong, because at the moment I was still pissed off.

"Look. Why don't you just fake the drama-queen, and go shed some tears, aye?"

I kept my eyes off the bruise, "You're crazy."

"Quit following me then." he snapped back.

"In case you haven't noticed, we're in the same History class."

"You think I give a fuck?"

I slit my eyes, "You know, I don't really care if you do. Because what you do for a hobby is none of my business."

I think I imagined him smirk a little, "True. None of your fucking business."

I looked away from him, "Do you mind not swearing for a few seconds?"

"Why? Does it hurt your fucking ears?" his voice dropped a little, and I had to keep up with my adrenaline.

"Actually," I growled, "It does. Sometimes censored vocabulary makes me wanna throw up."

He gave me a peculiar look as I pushed down the many comebacks I wanted to shove into his face, "Whatever" he turned to his side, so I could get a cleaner look at his neck.

The gash was pretty wide and stung, and if I wasn't getting far-sighted I could've sworn there was still some of the blood lingering on the caked skin.

Shuddering quietly to myself, I sighed as we reached the hallway to History.

Tugging at my sleeve in nervousness, I glanced over my shoulders.

What would happen, if someone were to come out of one of the classes and see us together like this? I gulped.

Would Syaoran be kicked around the same way when that Mika girl had spread rumors about him harassing her?

And it was weird in a way. I mean there we were yesterday fighting on the backfield, and here we were walking to History together. Weird.

I gave myself a grand pat.

Way to go, girl. You're faster than anyone gave you credit for. I grinned to myself.

I reached out towards the door first, and didn't hear him hesitate. Opening the door, the sudden buzz that I'd been hearing automatically quieted down at my presence.

Mrs. Watanabi looked at me in a second, "Miss Kinomoto. I'm not sure if you're aware of this. But the bell rang quite a few minutes back. Do you mind explaining?"

My bubbling grin faltered and I had just noticed the whole class staring. I froze a little.

Uh oh.

I don't really think it was normal for a girl like me to be walking into class with a guy they performed targets on.

I turned around slowly, away from Mrs Watanabi's wavering glare, and to face the figure standing behind.

I think he'd turned into the invisible mode, because as hard as I squinted, I couldn't see him.

I growled in my throat.

"Just great." I whimpered as I looked back at Mrs. Watanabi's killer glare.

"Well. You see…"

**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

So I had to beat it. Not really my fault. 'Cause if I were to go into that room with her. She could say goodbye to her reputation, and I'd have to get another sore bruise somewhere around.

And I'm sure no one would really miss me until half of the lesson was over. Because your typical thrilling action for one night was enough for me.

Last night was a blast.

Yamazaki had tailed though. Even with all the whimpering, I knew he wasn't the type to miss some good action.

The Courts was blazing. Some sort of booze party, and we'd knocked right into it. Didn't leave anything standing either.

Seven of us, beating up a group of your typical gangsters taking shelter in alleys. It had been months since I ever had a gang fight like that.

I had taken back my four hundred bucks along the way. I mean, sure I throw money around, but I also run around to go catch 'em. And with money like that, man you could buy some good sniffs.

I have been caught off guard though. Because while I was downing a few beers and cheering on Yamazaki who was beating some guy to a nice n' ripe berry, some son of an ass had decided it'd be a toast to bring down a bottle of Bacardi down my neck.

I fell straight to the floor at that.

One more bottle.

And I could feel the pain.

Another.

And I knew it was bleeding.

Third.

I think I could hear my brain cells vibrate.

The fourth.

I was really pissed.

So in the end, my attacker ended up lying unconscious next to the standing bar.

I had to stumble back and squint a little to get a clear image of his face. I gave him a lil' peace treaty.

After that, I had enough.

It was just 9:30, and for some reason I was looking forward to spending the night with Minas. Not spending my cozy night behind bars. So we scrambled.

But somehow that night with her didn't end the way I wanted it too.

"Oh fuck it…" I grumbled.

And then there were footsteps. Running ones. I didn't have the time to turn around and block the hands shoving at me.

Before I knew it, my face was slammed against the lockers with hands suddenly binding my wrists.

I was struggling. But they stopped with the swear words as soon as a locked barrel was chucked against my temple.

Suddenly the locker leaning against my forehead felt too cold.

"Syaoran Li. You're under arrest. Anything you say or do can and will be used against you in court. So if you know what's best, I suggest you just buckle it all up, boy. You're in for a wild ride."

I think it was all a bit too sudden because I was wrenched away, facing five uniformed men. And within them were the Principal and Deputy.

I think I was the only one with the aghast expression, and before I knew it, they were dragging me away. Ignoring the swears that suddenly erupted out of my mouth, and the fights I put them up to.

"Fucking hell! Let me go!! I haven't done nothing!!" That was all I could hear myself scream and yell.

Yeah. That was until I had been driven to the same ol' police station.

I had been masked.

Some bitch had flocked out everything about me. Giving all of us away. The next thing I knew, I was shoved into dark corners, sprawled onto the floor.

"Fuck you!" I screamed a thank you, after making the suddenly collide with the wall.

I couldn't remember much after that.

I could see Yamazaki and a few other guys against the walls on my other side. They were just staring.

I leaned against the cold wall, and gave my head a good hit.

Dammit!

I was back to my hellhole.

**Sakura Kinomto P.O.V**

It was party day today. But I think something was wrong, because the moment I ran to my locker and until the moment I hurried into Chemistry, missing homeroom, obviously tardy, everyone was just busy.

I just caught a few words.

Something about the police and drugs.

Not really catching any of the words, I decided Chemistry was more important. I'm not talking about the fact that I was actually nervous since Eriol had been avoiding me. The fact is I didn't want to miss out any of the gossip.

Seriously.

I wasn't surprised when Eriol had waltzed in slipping next to a red-head, chatting with her warmly.

I don't think Van was cozy next to me because he didn't notice the glares I gave him. And since he was just right in front of me, I thought now would be an excellent time to burn a whole in his head.

"What's got him changing beds?" Van was muttering into my ears, a finger pointing at Eriol.

I gave him a double glance at the choice of his words then understood what I meant as the girl next to kept chatting away while inching towards him.

I looked away.

"Don't care." I mumbled darkly, the moment suddenly turned around to taunt me.

I just built up a conversation with Van, and I think it worked, because he himself continued his slash-talk with the redhead.

And I think, all the while Van was getting the wrong idea, because his face was suddenly in front of mine, and I suddenly noticed how close we were sitting.

Damn this science lab for having benches!

I turned to my other side, and found some girl giving me the evil look.

Okies. I was having problems facing people.

In the end, I found myself looking down at my Chemistry book. At least it didn't rot away from me.

But after a few minutes, the teacher was suddenly leaving the room to grab a few supplies, and in a few seconds the class was in talk-mode again.

I didn't see Eriol turning back to face me, but I did feel his fingers brushing past mine making it look like an accident.

I wrenched them away, and nestled it in my lap, glaring at him still.

He didn't take notice.

"Did you know he's back in Hawaii?"

I squinted, "What?"

He gave me a little smug look, "Syaoran Li, Sakura. He's back home."

And I think that was when I choked on my own breath, "Ex-excuse me?"

Miss Hot-Pants beside him decided to fill me in while a playing with her hair, and a sweet smile to Eriol, "The freak is back where he belongs. Or didn't you hear?"

I was suddenly very confused, and I gave Van, a quick uncertain looked, but he wasn't a bit fazed.

"W-who?"

The girl gave an exasperated look, "Syaoran Li, dumbass. He's in jail. Girl, you need to get your brain listed."

I don't think I really heard what she said next because I was frozen. Shocked to be exact. Scratch that. I was dumbfounded. As in my dumbness finally replaced my terror.

All I could think were of the two words.

Syaoran…and jail.

Syaoran and jail.

This would mean that Syaoran was in jail. This would mean that he did something to be in jail. This would mean that he was lying at this exact moment with a bunch of killers. This meant—

"Hey." Van was suddenly rubbing at my palms. I don't think I wrenched away, and I don't think I noticed the glare Eriol sent him, because I was stuttering.

"H-how d-do you kn-know?" I smacked my hands to the table.

The three of them were suddenly looking at me weird. Especially Eriol. Who I noticed was scowling out in the open.

"Hot news spread. How else? The police arrested him and some of the other assholes at school yesterday afternoon. They apparently assaulted some dudes from Houshi Boys High. I heard they were fighting over dope. Man, hope they never get out. Our school already has the skidder's reputation." The girl replied my unasked question, flipping her hair.

And I think if Van hadn't rubbed my hand again, I would've been strangling her in seconds.

"What are you so surprised over?" Eriol was peering at me out of nowhere, "It's not like it's their first."

"Yeah." Van added, "The bastard's like a regular customer."

The two guys burst out in a similar grin, and I was left stuttering, trying to come up with an excuse, "It's…nothing. Just surprised. Things like this…never happened at my school."

The girl turned away, "This is not your city life, booze. It gets dirty up here if you didn't know."

I was still pale. And I was finally pulling out of Van's grasp. I didn't look at Eriol as I slipped off my seat.

I had to leave this room. And at that moment, I knew. I had to huddle up some place and shed some tears.

That's what I suddenly felt like doing.

I didn't expect to bump into the teacher while walking out of class. But I gave her the automatic bathroom excuse. And I certainly didn't expect to find myself running towards the bathroom, and dragging myself to the mirrors and stare at my whitewashed face. I splashed a handful of water at my face, and then slapped my hands next to the basin, letting the water on my face drip down slowly down the point of my nose.

He was in jail.

For an assault.

For drugs.

I think I was crying, because I could suddenly feel more water pour down the bridge of my nose, as I looked down at the hole in the basin. My throat tightened.

Could I really be crying?

For some guy who I had a silly crush on just because he was in jail?

Could I?

**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

It was cold. In some places they make jails sound like houses with beds and blankets. But this place, it was a fucking replica of hell.

I don't think I'm thinking anything right now because I haven't moved an inch. It's probably dark by now, and the department just closed up, but I could still see a few chatting jailers standing guard.

And I was hungry. I hadn't eaten anything they'd thrown at us. 'Cause either they're drugged or just plain stale.

Cheap bastards.

I let my head drop against the metal bars. I could imagine the gossiping at school, and I could certainly imagine my mother looking all shocked and angry.

Now, that wouldn't be a pretty sight.

I knew Meiling would be sleeping on the couch today, the phone in her hand ready to answer. Shiroi would probably be confessing to his mom. He was a wuss.

I could picture Eriol partying, and making toasts. His girlfriend hanging off one arm, and Sakura on the other.

I gave my head an abrupt slam against the wall.

I was going crazy. I swear it was the lack of food or something.

But it was Friday night. And there was bound to be party for them. Somehow when I finally found some sleep, I think I dreamt of her.

Because I was back on my couch with some girl underneath me. I was kissing her. I think it was the same hunger.

Her hands felt soft and gentle against my face. And she kept drawing circles into my hair. I could hear her laugh as I made a dive for another kiss and held her tighter.

"You're crazy." she whispered.

I looked up.

And all I could see were green eyes. With another laugh, she was kissing me.

I moved in my position as reality made another go.

I had to. Dammit, I had to get at least one taste of her. A real one at that. The moment I was out of here.

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

The moment I'd stepped into her house, I think I literally went deaf. Rika was already dragging me in, dancing at the same time to the dance party music.

I wasn't really in the mood for anything actually. So I sat myself in the most isolated corner of the house, and gulped down a few drinks.

I ended up rejecting quite a few guys.

Some downright dirty.

Rika had been right on one thing though. They were all pretty hot guys…but their good looks were certainly not the first thing on my mind.

Tomoyo had been a bit surprised when she sat by to accompany me.

"Hey. Are you okay? You look like a dead pan."

I gave her a miserable grin, "Thanks. That's exactly how I feel."

She pulled my arm, "Come on! You haven't even danced. And Van's been waiting for you." She gave me a sly smirk.

"Can't be bothered. My head just hurts." I grabbed at the cushion next to me, and I watched her eyes trail at the many cups of punch in front of me.

"You did know that it's got alcohol in it too right?" she gave an uncertain look.

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah."

She shook her head, "You're drunk girl. I think I'll tell Rika that you'll be spending the night here."

I didn't look at her, because I was still on my seventh cup.

"Yeah. Yeah."

I don't know what happened after that, but I could see Van coming towards me. He was swaying a little.

"Drunk?" I asked him.

He didn't answer. Instead he flopped down next to me. We stared at each other for a few seconds, and it all suddenly happened.

He made the first move.

Pulling at the front of my tank top, I was toppling over him, and then we were kissing.

It felt weird. I don't know why. He was pulling off my jacket, and I was pulling him closer.

A few minutes later, I was off the ground. Next, I was on a bed and Van was next to me. We were still kissing. His shirt was off, and then it all changed.

I couldn't feel his lips on mine anymore.

Through my blurry eyes and weak groans, I saw Eriol grabbing at a doubled Van. Rika was suddenly beside me. She looked somewhat worried, but I wasn't in the mood to give a toss. I rolled over onto the other side, and gave out several more groans.

That was when I saw him.

Lying there next to me. I was a little surprised.

I let him slip an arm around me, and pull me closer. Sheets were suddenly thrown over us, and I nuzzled against his warm shirt. My finger trailed on his ears, and tugged at his earring slightly, then smiled.

Now maybe I wouldn't dream of chickens with earrings anymore.

His eyes were watching me. I knew that.

He didn't smile though.

Not even a smirk. And then his lips were on mine.

"Syaoran" I murmured.

He didn't respond. He wouldn't.

I thought I could hear Van and Eriol's voices, but I just tugged myself closer to his body. I thought of when I was at school crying for him. I hugged his wispy body.

"You're crazy" I whispered before finally dragging myself to sleep.

**Shinsei Kokoro**


	7. Obsession

**Author's Notes:** Okay, since the asterisks are not working, I'm not gonna stall this fic any longer. I've made my decision. This fic isn't gonna be R since it's not gonna have any over 17 stuff, and I'm gonna cut down a little on the extreme swearing. If you know what I mean. Although PG-13 is allowed one of those words once in a while, I'll see to it that it's very rare. Sorry for any problems guys.

**Title:** Head Over Heels

**Author:** Shinsei Kokoro

**Beta-Reader: **AmaiOkashi

**Chapter:** 7: Obsession

**Updated:** 17th July 2004

* * *

Syaoran Li P.O.V

It'd been three nights. But exactly the next day, I was out of there. It probably had been my second shortest stay in a jail, but for Yamazaki it was the first. Monday morning. It was chilly, and the cold stung against my wrinkled blue shirt from Friday.

He couldn't stop cussing all the way the police drove us back to my apartment. The other four came in another car.

We'd been bailed. Because the charges weren't that high, we hadn't been court marshaled, and it'd all been thanks to my mom. She did a little bribing.

But she hadn't bothered taking the first plane to see her son, because instead she was busy grieving over one of her friend's death.

Not that I cared or anything…but the dead need to rest in peace. With her mourning, it's all but Hell. But I was glad that she didn't decide to come along. Although I did talk to her on the phone, I received a whole half an hour of lecturing until the police were forced to take the phone from my hands.

The assholes couldn't even afford long distance calls.

Feh.

But right then, I was in my own bed, while Yamazaki was in the next room, swearing all the profanity to Chiharu who had accidentally asked if he was treated well. While he was throwing a tantrum, I was trying to take back all the sleep I'd lost.

Under only a sheet, I turned on my face and forced myself to look towards the dark end of the tunnel. It was five in the morning, and I still had to go to school.

That's what you get when you live in a crummy town and go to some god damned school.

I was pissed off.

And with Yamazaki tearing everything apart, I was seriously thinking of sending him on a trip to that graveyard I saw on the way back to our apartments.

But it felt like hell to fall asleep on my bruises. I kept rolling and cringing. The joints in my legs suddenly falling numb all over again.

Yup. That's right. This is what you got sleeping on the hard floors of Tokyo Side, Tomoeda Police Station. It stunk in there and there were no jokes out for grabs.

A bloody hell hole in fact.

I rubbed at the bruise on my neck. Damn straight dude. You ain't gonna go into that stink of a tart ever again.

Minas had come to hunt me down a few hours before. She'd started cooing over me, but Meiling had decided to take her strength at test. She'd dragged the girl all the way out and slammed the door in her face.

A little tragic, since I was in need of some time pass. But I guess I needed some time out.

I rolled over.

Meiling had checked in on me not too long ago, telling me I was boiling in a fever cauldron.

I checked my forehead. Seriously, I never could identify a fever, no matter how hot my head would be.

I turned on my back, and kicked off the sheets.

Yamazaki's voice was running through the walls. But I fumbled at the table next to my bed, and grabbed the packet.

Fumbling the little stick into my mouth, I lit it vehemently.

Feeling the smoke running down my throat, I relaxed. It felt good. It always did. Don't know how these little beauties could cause so much of trouble, but they didn't reach the level of intensity with the dope that was deep in my drawers.

I'm a guy who saves thing y'know. No harm done in that.

I leaned back, and stretched out my legs.

I glanced at the magazine below at my bed, and ignored them. The asses we'd creamed hadn't bothered reporting of their four hundred bucks that had got nicked from them. I grinned.

Score to me.

School would be interesting today. In fact, I was looking forward to it. By what Meiling had told me, I think I'd be getting quite a welcome.

Okay, what I'd said just then was supposed to be my way to compete with sarcasm. Not honey coated aye?

I'd got to school late. Not because I was deprived of sleep, because the only thing I did in the fig of a prison was sleep, and swear in my dreams. My car had busted out on me. Meiling had used it while I was away, and she'd finished off the gas.

Bitch.

I had to hitch a ride with an old friend who worked at a nearby liquor shop.

For the first time, I couldn't smell the alcohol on him. So he'd started laughing and told me the whole story.

It was his anniversary today, and he wanted to look and smell his best if he was to meet his wife at the graveyard.

I didn't know why he bothered, because I doubt she'd be getting up from her grave to make a toast and have some champagne.

The hallways were empty the moment I stepped in. So it gave me a clear chance to get a few things from my locker.

I could see the few scribbles of "Asshole"s and "Crack your pot bro?" on the metal door, but who cared? Maybe I'd get some geek to swap lockers with me.

I looked at the locker next to mine.

Maybe not.

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

My Computer Research assignment had come out a mess. I know. This is what I got for doing everything at the last moment. But I couldn't stop thinking about Syaoran.

How long was he going to stay in jail?

Was he ever coming out?

I'd confess to god once again. Lit a candle and stood there for half and hour until one of the nuns got me outside to continue working on the leaves on the grass.

I'd gotten this job out of my dad. He'd stopped coming here ever since his first wife died. Nadeshiko. That was her name. And for some reason he keeps telling me that I look like her. It's weird. But I guess I feel good about that in a way.

It was a long hour drive from home, but it was all worth it.

But last Saturday I guess it wasn't really my day. I was hung-over from Rika's party and still had to bear the shock that I'd been all over Van at the party.

It made me sick.

I'm not joking. Sick to my stomach. Not only because I didn't want to do something like that with someone like him. But I did something like that with him when I was drunk.

Rika told me that if it hadn't been for Eriol spotting us, I'd be somewhere very different. She said we'd only kissed, and Van had only went as far as taking off his shirt, but I still couldn't help but make a face.

Because I'd had the most weirdest of the dreams…not that they weren't the usual. But I think while Van had gone and done his kissing business with me, I think I'd gone crazy. Crazy enough to think that I'd just been with Syaoran all along. In his warm arms, and his shirt smelling like musk.

So while I was busy with my hang-over and dad was giving me lectures as I made trips to the bathroom, I don't think he would notice that his daughter needed to be taken to the mechanics, and get her brain and heart fixed.

I felt jilted. It had all felt so real that Saturday morning, I woke up smothering my face in a pillow.

Argh. Damn those drinks! I don't think you have ever seen me near the punch table at any other parties. They gave you useless dreams. Dreams that lead you on.

I guess I should have thanked Eriol for all his heroic efforts. He'd been giving me weird looks. As for Van, he did not even bothered apologizing. Instead, he started a very gleeful conversation with me the moment I had entered Homeroom.

I wanted to punch him.

Hard.

And leave a nice big black juicy bruise. Yeah. Just something to remember me by, when he came across other girls in his near future.

And Eriol. I think he's been trying to avoid me. And with all his new-girlfriend antics, I didn't have the time to notice. Because as soon as the bell rang, he walked off, leaving behind Van, Rika and me.

"Thank him later. He probably just rushed to go meet Tomoyo" She grinned after me.

"I bet." I left the room murmuring.

And just making me think about it all over again made me wanna bang my head into the computer screen in front of me.

I stayed up all night yesterday trying to finish the assignment, and then had to end up getting a bit of help out of Touya's.

He was helpful for once. Don't know why.

I fumbled with the mouse in my hand, and looked at the guy next to me.

He rarely spoke.

"Hey" I made a gesture at him.

His ruby eyes turned my way, and stared.

For a few seconds I waited, but I didn't know he was waiting for my question.

"Well?" he turned impatient.

"Oh. I was just saying hi"

He gave me a weird look, "Right." And with that he looked back at his screen, his fingers flying over the keyboard.

"What an idiot." I ended up muttering darkly, turning the page over of my Computer manual.

"I heard that." Ruby eyes were back on me.

Wow. What a friendly guy.

And the moment I was out of class, rumors were flying around again.

I had to whirl back a girl by her shoulders, "Excuse me? But what did you just say?"

The girl was just backing off, scowling as she patted her jacket, and away from my reach "I said the freak got bailed."

I hope I didn't sound too happy, because my fists were clenched once again.

I looked back at her slowly, "Oh no." I managed to mutter out weakly, before I turned around with my largest smile. And it never slipped off.

Who else could it be?

I think I was laughing and popping balloons from inside, because Tomoyo was suddenly in front of me.

"Hey. What are you so happy about?"

I shook my head absently. Maybe I should stop grinning so much? Nah.

"Nothing."

She wagged a finger at me, "Don't lie girl. Did you say yes to Van?"

I almost gagged at her question, "No. That's a definite"

"Did you finish that research assignment you had?"

"In a way. But it's not that. Just something. Don't worry about it," I mumbled on.

"Did the priest tell you your future and about your hunk of a husband?"

"No. And I don't think priests can tell the future."

She thought about it for a second, and then swayed her wavy hair, "Come on! Just spill."

I shook my head, my heels suddenly feeling bouncy, and my neck tingly; "It's nothing."

She pouted a little, "Fine. Don't tell. 'Cause I won't tell you what Eriol and I did yesterday." She suddenly turned away.

And then instantly, I found myself pulling at her jacket, "It's nothing I swear! What did you and Eriol do yesterday?" I was hoping not to sound too desperate and weary. Because it was nothing I really wanted to know.

But I guess Tomoyo was in a too good of a mood to care for anything, "I called him over for dinner!" She melted away my tension, "And then he met with Mom. It was so cool, and she totally liked him Sakura. You don't know how cool this is!"

Her words did tell me how cool it was, but I don't think this cool thing was gonna be so cool after she found out what her cool person was actually trying to do. Heh. Now was that cool or what?

"Tomoyo. Don't get too—," I started to tell her sympathetically, trying my best to be gentle on breaking her bubble, but I guess the subject always had to bend fate.

"Yo babe…" An arm had suddenly grabbed her waist, and I could soon see the couple getting on with a hard-core Frenchie.

I had to turn around. But before I could walk off, Eriol's hand was on my shoulder.

"Hey. We didn't ask you to leave"

I looked over at Tomoyo, and then away from her red face.

Then at him, "Don't want to disturb you guys."

He was laughing. And she was blushing.

I just stared at him. But before I could say anything more, a girl was dragging off Tomoyo.

"C'mon Tomoyo! You're on the piano today, remember!" They complained, and then she was instantly waving at us.

"I'll see you guys later! I need to run off before the orchestra starts without me!" Then she added not very softly at me, "Here's your chance to thank him"

And with that she was off.

And with that, we were alone again.

And with that I was getting freaked out again.

"Thank me for what?" he suddenly asked, the same old big grin surfacing up.

I don't know how this happened, but the anger was seeping through me again.

"Why are you doing this?" I was whispering, and his grin faltered a little.

"Is that what you're supposed to be thanking me for?"

"Eriol!" I grabbed at his sleeve as he let his attention stray to wave at a few guys on the other end, "Come one. Tell me. Why are you doing this?"

I tried sounding desperate this time.

He turned to face me, "Doing what?" His expression was innocent.

Damn him.

"You don't fool me Eriol. What you're doing is sick."

Absently he glanced at his wristwatch, "And if we stand around here with me asking you what I've done, we're really gonna be late for Chemistry." He was walking off.

So I had to speed-walk after him, "You are such an asshole! Just because I said no to you, doesn't mean you have to go do all this with Tomoyo only to get back at me. It's not making me jealous or anything you know."

He gave me a sideway glance, his face suddenly going grim, "Aren't you supposed to thank me for Friday night? If I hadn't seen you guys—"

"Thank you!" I interrupted him, "Thank you for dragging Van off me and punching his lights out!" I erupted, "But stop doing this Eriol. It's bloody stupid! If she finds out then—,"

"_If_ she finds out you mean." he completed me abruptly.

I was suddenly stomping, and I was glad to the fact that not many people were around, "You won't get me either way Eriol. You're gonna break her heart!"

He stopped. So, so did I.

"You don't wanna go out with me. So how do you know, that I'm doing all this only to change your mind?"

"Because! I know" then added in a hushed voice, "You kissed me"

"So? I kiss lots of girls."

And at that moment, I wanted to grab him by his shirt and rattle him.

"But do you drag every one of those girls into the boys' toilets and start confessing your love to them? Is that what you do?"

"Maybe." We were walking again. This time, our pace stronger.

"Oh. And is Tomoyo your next target? Dragging her off, and confessing until she dumps you?"

He turned my way sharply, "Hey. I'm not on you anymore. Or are you really getting jealous?" He was smirking this time.

I gritted at my jaw, and pushed past him.

The hallway was empty.

I had had enough of him.

"You're getting jealous." I could hear his voice trailing my stomps. So I made a grab for it.

Stuff Chemistry!

I decided it then and there as I missed the class door, and made a dash for the girl's toilets before anyone from class could spot me.

I ran.

Slammed the vacuum door, and came to a sudden halt as I fixed myself in front of the mirrors.

I was panting.

I was red and burning in my sweater.

I slipped it off and slid it over the hand dryer.

I don't know why I kept staring at my reflection, but that's exactly what I did for the next five minutes.

I couldn't. I couldn't go to class and face him.

I didn't have the courage to step past the class opposite mine and restrain myself from peeping and seeing if Syaoran was there.

Was he there at school?

Was he getting creamed?

And was I really jealous?

I gave my head a quick furious shake, and contained the deep breaths from escaping.

"No" I could hear myself murmuring, "No"

Eriol was hot. But not what I needed.

I wasn't.

I wasn't jealous.

I couldn't be.

There was no way that could happen.

There was no way Eriol's plan would actually work.

"Tell me you're not talking to yourself."

I was immediately turning around, and almost tripping myself, but as I found myself hitting the back of the basins, I let out a large sigh.

"Meiling…you freaked me out!"

She stayed where she was, leaning against the wall, "Actually. It's you who's doing the freaking part. What's been chasing you?"

I had the answer on the tip of my tongue, but it was just then I noticed that there was another girl next to her. Her brunette hair curled, and her eyebrow piercing twitching as she narrowed her eyes.

I think she was glaring at me.

Hmm…not quite sure.

"Um…I just had to leave class." I answered instead.

Meiling grinned, and dumped a tissue into the bin, "What do you have?"

"Chemistry…"

The other continued to glare.

"You?"

"Math" She rolled her eyes, "I just walked out."

I laughed. And then trailed off, as the girl's glare just got heavier. But Meiling was suddenly hitting her shoulders, "Cut it out Chiharu." Then she looked my way, "This is Sakura."

The girl didn't respond back. Her lip was in a thin line, and I didn't need to be told twice about her behavior.

She probably thought how raw it was to find someone like me interacting with someone like them.

"Hi." I gave her a weak wave.

I don't really think that was her way to say hi, because with a loud enough curse she was storming out, murmuring out a little, "Wait till someone finds out."

Meiling didn't react, but as the girl was out, she gave the mirror a little mutter, "Bitch."

"Uh…" I found myself mumbling, "Did I just miss something here?"

She shook her thick pony, and continued with the mascara she was waving at her eyes.

"Oh, don't worry. Chiharu's just got things in a bunch. She's pissing me off though."

From where I was standing I could see the large blue belly button under her mid-riff top.

I stayed quiet for a few seconds as she continued on with her make-up, which seemed not much as she thickened the layer over her eyes with a dark layer of eyeliner.

"I heard about…um…your cousin." I was looking at myself into the mirrors.

I didn't look at her when she glanced my way, "He's out, y'know."

"I know." I answered almost immediately, then added, "I heard."

I think I saw her smirk my way, "Did he tell you that I wouldn't be coming for practice the other day?"

I turned to look at her, confused for a second, then recognized what she was talked about, "Yeah. He did."

Somehow, I figured she didn't want to talk about him being in jail and I guess that was fine with me. But as always, I guess she didn't bother beating around the bush.

"What do you think of him?"

I think I had paled, or gone utterly red, because Meiling was once again giving me that smile, "Eh?"

"C'mon. What do you think of him? Do you think he's hot?"

Suddenly feeling the uneasiness flow in and squash me, I looked around helpless, "I…I don't even know him."

"Quit kicking the bread Sakura. Just tell me."

Without any warning, I found my defenses starting to kick in, "H-hey. It's nothing. I swear. It's not like I like him or anything. I mean c'mon…" I gave her my best nervous laugh, and held my mask tight, "We hate each other."

Only her brows rose, and she gave me a roll of an eye, "Really? Cuz I don't think he really does. You sure you don't have the hots for him?"

I couldn't tell if she was teasing or what, because her ruby eyes seemed rigid, "N-no! That's not what I meant. I mean, I don't. Seriously. I don't like him"

She gave a shrug, then pulled at her jacket, and zipped it halfway, "Whatever." she made her way towards the door, then turned back, "Try to stay away from him though. What you've heard from your friends about him is probably true. He gets crazy, if you know what I mean."

I gave her a weak nod.

Opening the door a little, she gave herself a little thought, "Oh. By the ways, I'll meet you tomorrow after school on the backfield. We need to finish that race."

I grinned tightly, "All right."

Waving a bye, she shut the door after her and this time I was left by myself. I leaned back against a wall, and then sat myself on the side of the basin.

Pulling my cardigan around me tighter, I licked my dry lips.

Phew. Now that was one close call.

I couldn't help but wonder why Meiling had suddenly asked me about him all of a sudden?

Had Syaoran slipped something out? Had he gone and told everyone of me being obsessed with him? Had he?

Or was Meiling just trying to clear a few things out?

It had me confused, but I wasn't sure if I was supposed to spend anymore time here thinking about it, while missing out on Chemistry.

Jumping back down on the floor, I busied myself combing my hair with my fingers. I hadn't really had the time to shampoo it this morning.

I gave it a little toss.

I offered myself a satisfying nod, then loosened my belt by a notch. It was too tight. I rubbed at my cheeks, and patted them back to normal.

I think I'd gone a bit red with Meiling questioning me, and Eriol's freaky responses.

With a final check, I slipped through the door.

Now.

What would be a good excuse for missing first ten minutes of a psychotic teacher's class?

Syaoran Li P.O.V

I don't think she was at school today. Because even if I'd arrived five minutes late to Chemistry, I couldn't see her in her usual seat in the room across, right near the window where you could see the hallway. Instead I had people shooting me dirty looks, as I made my way to my own room.

Van was sitting next to an empty seat, and I think you can say that I was a little pissed off.

I'd been planning to talk to her again today.

Man.

Now, what the hell was happening to me?

Oh yeah. That's right. I was supposed to be getting her on with a fling with me. Just to check her out. No harm in that. As long as she does it by my rules.

For a moment I found myself thinking if she'd changed her mind about me. It had been a night-in-and-out weekend for me, and I looked a bit upside down from where I was thinking.

I'd thought about it for the whole of Chemistry, ignoring all the notes being given. Actually I think I'd been thinking about her throughout my holiday at jail. It seemed weird.

I tapped my feet tensely.

She better be here today. She better.

Yamazaki had taken the day off. With Chiharu, busy cursing me for taking him to his hell; I was certainly not glad to see Shiroi back on his feet.

"Yo man! 'Sup!"

He'd gotten together with an old girl while I'd been behind my diet in the rat hole, and he wouldn't shut up.

"And man! She's stinkin' rich! I'd never been to her house before, but she's loaded for a chick with no parents"

I didn't think I had the strength to remind him again that she was a missionary who'd jumped here from wherever she'd been staying.

American.

But she was still that same ol' bimbo. The lost girl, who'd do anything to keep him staring at her skirt.

It was lunch.

And I still hadn't caught sight of her. Meiling was busy with her new boy, and I ignored them from their business next to me.

Waving my smoke around, I looked away from a duo of ringed brow girls smiling my way, and smudged at the ashes on the concrete under me.

The guy next to me opened an eye as I kicked back a ball, which had come flying towards me.

"Did you break it off with Minas?"

I scowled at him. I could tell he was still doped from whatever he'd been taking.

"What's it to you?"

"You do know she's been playing you right?"

I rolled my eyes, "You think?"

He didn't look away, "You're a bore bro. She ain't even that hot." he leaned back again, "I've seen better."

Minas wasn't here at school today. Something about her brother keeping her in. But I answered anyway, "Oh yeah. I've seen _much_ better." I smirked to myself.

After smoking my fourth that day, I'd walked off with Shiroi. Swearing at a couple of guys, and giving the finger at a son of a you know what, we were walking to meet me with this girl across the street. He surprisingly looked okay, with his black eye fading well. And the colour was back in his eyes.

He was lucky.

Not to have a mother who was a clinic nurse, but to have a stuck-on family. He'd even ditched us to have dinner with his family on Christmas Eve, while the rest of us were slandering on the dark streets of Tokyo. Not mugging anyone, but just laughing around drunk, and having Yamazaki throw up at every cross section.

He'd missed it. The bloody fight. The ride with the cops. And the night we spent at the shelter.

There was no cake or any presents, but Meiling had someone shove in a six-pack for us. It made up for all the wine, gifts, and the rides on pulling at Santa Claus's beard. Oh yeah. It sure did.

"Dude…what the hell is up with you? Still crapped?" He gave me a 'suck it in mate' look.

"No shit" I bobbed my head, not bothering to look at him. I was busy on my look out.

I couldn't see her.

"Man. Forget it. I don't see your mom stalking you anywhere, so you're clear all right?"

I gave him my slightest acknowledgement, "Wait till she finds out I do dope."

He gave a shrug, as we walked down the slinky cement bridge to B block, "Don't you think it's kinda obvious. What else does a lil' rebel do in a country all on his own – minus the hippie cousin – without any guardians, or without any watching security. Seriously man, I'd thought you were rich enough to get your own butler or something."

"I did. Sent him back, though."

He gave me a crooked grin, as we shared a laugh, "Oh yeah. Leave it you to just spend all cash on some druggy's coke and mushies. You could have at least bought that large-screen TV on sale in that shop Yamazaki saw. But you gotta do what you gotta want."

I shrugged one-handedly, "Bro. It's my money. I ain't gotta get no one anything with that."

We walked through the gates, and glanced at the sturdy pale blue Skyliner parked against the curb.

The three girls inside unbuckled, and were soon sliding out of their doors.

Each hot. Long-haired. Glam n' damn.

The girl in the front didn't waste her time in grabbing Shiroi by the shirt and kissing him. He responded.

Her name was Maya. She swayed as Shiroi held her firmer. Definitely on dope.

"What're you on?"

She smiled sweetly at him, "A lil' coke"

He didn't smile back. Shiroi didn't do drugs

She'd come wagging for him. From some Fukaitashi Girls High. I'd never heard of it before. But it was a good kilometer away.

They'd finally walked towards the pavement.

Yeah. If it weren't for that Volkswagen driver honking like a lost dude, they'd still be making out on the middle of the road.

I plopped myself down on the pavement and leaned against the side car-park wall, waiting for them to get over and done with it.

One of the girls stood against the school's wired fence. She jiggled at the car keys in her hand, and we locked eyes for a second.

Almost.

She was a brunette.

Green-eyed.

I ignored her smile and looked away.

Almost. But not anywhere near Sakura.

The other girl joined her after a few minutes, and they started conversing on some party. On some guy.

Shiroi and his girl were too busy whispering, and kissing in between sentences.

But soon enough I found then standing in front of me. I think was I busy thinking.

I looked up.

"How much do you cost?" Maya was suddenly asking, her eyes darting at Shiroi for a second.

"I don't deal."

"How much do you pay then?"

"A few bucks."

"How much?"

I scowled, "Hard chase. Why don't you just drop it, eh?" I glanced at Shiroi.

I wasn't the kind to give away my secrets. My deals were sacred. That's right. No one could grab them.

I think I heard him mutter something close to an after-jail-syndrome. But I didn't wait to find out. Because I was pushing myself up on my feet, and walking off.

I wasn't pissed.

I was tired…and my fists felt like punching someone.

I scanned the quad from where I was standing. Eriol Hiiragizawa was busy flirting with one of his girls.

Would he like a dent somewhere on his face? What about a bloody nose? Or maybe a broken arm?

I stopped for a second. My eyes didn't blink.

But there she was.

Laughing with her girlfriends.

Her fingers clutching onto books.

One arm hugging herself and another hand at the side of her head.

I growled.

Her hair looked wild.

She was pretty.

Even hot.

I turned around and headed towards the backfield. Shiroi could come on his own. Before turning by B block, I glanced just for a second over my shoulders.

I think she was looking my way.

I'm not sure.

Her smile had frozen. And before I turned back around I could see the books from her arms falling.

I grinned.

At least she hadn't walked into a wall.

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

That's right.

I dropped them all.

All three of them.

Right when he'd turned back around.

I think he'd laughed. I'm not sure. But here I am, swearing at myself for being an idiot. Why, oh why, couldn't I keep my cool near him?

Why!

Dammit! Why?

I'd seen him the first time he was staring my way. Near the school gates. Mysterious looking. Hands dug in his gray hoody. It was impossible to miss a face like his.

I was calm then. Rika had just cracked a joke, and I was laughing. Hopefully not too much. I've always thought that I look munted when I laugh

"Sakura. Are you okay?" Rika was suddenly asking as she picked one of the books that had landed near her feet.

"Yeah." I managed to mutter, as I looked at the hallway down B Block, "Just fine."

The three girls I was standing with followed my gaze quizzically.

"Oh my gosh!" one of them suddenly squealed in my ears, "Are you looking at Van!"

I blinked.

They squealed louder.

Rika blinked.

I sighed.

"Don't tell me you just dropped your books because he was kissing Hana." Her voice was a low.

I laughed nervously, "No!"

I think they were convinced after that.

The rumor would probably go around after lunch. With ears and mouths like these girls, the whole school was definitely gonna know.

Sakura Kinomoto has the hottest hots for Van Minaro.

I made my worst facials. And by today, Syaoran's also gonna find out someway or the other. Moreover so will Eriol.

This was bad.

I shook my head vigorously as the girls surrounding me suddenly started chatting about Van's room and how the backseat of his car was so spacious.

I groaned. Blinking innocently didn't work anymore, so I groaned louder.

"No." my voice croaked, "I don't like him."

And that's how it remained till English. I could hear the guys behind me trash talking about Van's and my first imaginary date. The girl beside me glowering in my face. She some kind of ex-ex-ex-ex girlfriend of his. He'd dumped her for cheating on him.

Somehow, I think everyone in my grade knew that the feeling between Van and me were mutual. To which they were _so_ wrong. They were missing my side of the story.

Tomoyo gave me a sweet smile as she slipped into the desk beside mine; Eriol at her tail. Let's just say that he wasn't looking very happy.

His eyes were in slits the moment we locked eyes. I had to writher away and give the girl next to me, my full attention.

She was grinning. I think it was too much. Well, too much for my liking anyways.

"I think you finally knocked some sense into yourself, girl. Like you finally listened" Yep.

Like totally.

Tomoyo was gushing about it.

Eriol, who sat beside her, gave her a weak smile as she turned his way, "Eriol. Don't you think they'd make the most bomb couple in the whole school?"

His deep eyes scrutinized at me, and he shrugged.

He _shrugged_.

"Yeah. I guess" then a smirk capped his scathing eyes, "But I'd reckon we are way better."

Giggling like some cabbage that couldn't find a cutting-board and a knife, she leaned in for a gnawing kiss.

Ex-_cuse_ me!

Did that son-of-a-pipsqueak just say what I think he said?

I turned away from the sickening scene, my face fuming. So I was a red tomato, but at least I knew where the knife and the chopping-board was!

Way better?

Way _better_?

Way better?

I chewed at the inside of my cheek, my jaw hardening.

Asshole.

I'll show him _way better_…

I slapped my eyes shut.

That is, once I happen to get the nerve to ask Syaoran out, get him a new identity, and pull that earring off his ear.

Way better? What the hell did he think of himself? He wasn't the only stud button in this school for sure.

I sighed. I hope it wasn't one of those dreamy ones, because Van was suddenly taking the seat next to me

"Hey." his flirty grin trying to smooch at my face.

I looked at my desk, the sour feeling returning at its strongest force.

I wanted to get out of there. Because not only did I have the devil on one side of me, but also the Satan himself and his new girlfriend.

Great.

I was doomed.

Maybe God would take some pity on me for all the voluntary work I'd done at churches. If I got lucky, maybe he would even send me some kind of angel.

But considering the types of lucks I run into, you can expect my luck to jump off a cliff just to get away from me.

Yeah. And along with Shakespeare's gibberish, I might as well jump down that cliff myself.

Like…totally.

It wasn't half way up the period, until I decided I had enough.

I ran. Ran as in bolted out of the door.

Ran as in whispered the teacher my oldest excuse in an expired woman's Excuse Book. I ran.

I know I'm a wimp. A disgrace to every woman out there who can't slap some guy who's flirting with her in open by breathing down her face, and kissing her fingers. But that's the only thing I could do.

Because if I'd given myself even a little chance to give him a word, then there'd be an appealing hole right in the middle of his face.

That…that moron!

Right in the middle of the scene when Juliet shoots herself in her cocky brains!

Van had just laid an arm over mine, and slipped his fingers through mine. And it had been so casual, that I hadn't even realized it until my fingers were grazing against his lips.

I had been so taken in by the love between two idiots in a TV screen who couldn't just run away and get married that I'd lost all my interest in the devils I was amongst.

I'm not sure if anyone has seen it, but they sure couldn't have missed me falling of my chair, and hitting my head against the seat behind me on the way.

Yeah.

Now I know what else to add into my Most Embarrassing Moments collection.

I'd jerked my hands away from him, and knocked myself out.

And he'd even had the nerve to even take me a hand! And you know what's worse? I allowed myself to grasp those fingers and pull myself up.

Those same fingers which held mine ten seconds before.

Seriously. I've never met any guy who was this thick. Never ever.

But with Tomoyo's grin and Eriol's scowl, I knew I had to make a run for it.

If the two idiotic lovers in my English book hadn't thought up their options, I sure wasn't gonna miss my chance.

I didn't care what this would look like to anyone in that class, but my heart was on the verge to explode. And I wasn't missing any one of my options.

Which seemed to be just one at that moment.

Hiding my embarrassment, and my need to strangle Van till he's choking and spending his every coin on a plastic surgery for his mangled neck.

The doors in the hall passed me in a blur.

I passed a confused teacher and a couple making out like there was no tomorrow. With a few turns I made a head start towards the girls bathroom, hoping the teacher wouldn't go telling on me, since I'd left in too much of a hurry to bother with a pass.

It was empty as usual.

Waggers didn't come here. It would probably be the most obvious place for a teacher to check out.

But I couldn't be bothered with that.

I was mad.

I could almost see the smoke running from my ears in the mirror.

I was pissed majorly at Van for his stupidness. Mad at Eriol for acting like an ass. Mad at Tomoyo for her being an idiot and falling for Eriol's tricks. And sincerely ticked off with myself.

"Dammit!" I glare at my reflection.

Why did I always attract the wrong guys? The guys I didn't want to share a kiss with! The guys I didn't want to hold hands with?

Why?

Was it on my face? "Choose me. Cuz I only go for idiots?" or maybe, "Hey handsome. You're a doofus, but I think that's good enough for me?"

Or was it just that they saw something in me that Syaoran didn't?

I lapsed at my thought.

I heard the vacuum door open. Then fling close after a few seconds.

I didn't move an inch.

I couldn't care less if someone saw me here staring at myself in the mirror like a retard. My hair was a mess. My left mascara looked a little smudged, and my nerves were still a little wild.

"Trying for the Olympics?"

I jumped. But I didn't turn.

That voice. I think I'd be able to recognize it anywhere.

I looked through the mirror, then made a double glance at the lanky figure.  
I think I'd frozen. Or maybe my brain had stopped processing. But whatever it was, it didn't keep me from whirling around.

It had just locked my sound box.

He was a guy. As in the guy was Syaoran Li. Wearing a grin. The gray hoodie long gone to replace a black tee. And his blue Speedos unlaced.

I tugged at my brain lamp, and I found myself blinking and almost spluttering words out of my mouth.

I wish I _had _been thinking of words. But at that moment I don't think I was capable of thinking. Maybe god was finally paying me back for all those hours of labour.

Because he was there. Right in front of me. Just two meters away from my reach. In the middle of a girl's toilet.

Yes. You heard me.

What else could be more romantic?

* * *

Shinsei Kokoro


	8. Maybe Baby

Title: Head Over Heels

Author: Shinsei Kokoro

Beta: AmaiOkashi

Chapter: 8: Maybe Baby

Updated: 21st July 2004

Syaoran Li P.O.V

Time. After lunch. Fourth period.

Location. Girls toilets.

Reason for being on current locale? Let's just say…unrecognized at the moment.

Yeah. That's right.

Over and out. Now get me a walkie-talkie that's not made out of plastic, you cheap-os.

So maybe walking into a place like this after her hadn't exactly been part of the plan…but with a chance like this…heck…I couldn't keep myself low anymore.

Sakura Kinomoto.

I'd seen her run past me in a blur, and I'd followed her since the hallway was empty. No one around to see me.

And with the lack of commotion on the other side of the vacuum door, I'd figured it was safe for me to kick the door open.

She'd been glaring at the mirror. Her arms upstraight on the side of the basins, supporting her body as she gasped for breath.

Her long brown hair curtained her face, and the only way I could see her was through the stained mirrors.

"Trying for the Olympics?"

I think my voice broke her trance. Whatever trance that was.

Her head snapped up, and in a second she was turning on her heels. She almost tripped.

Her eyes were wide and bewildered. Her brows furrowed, reckless of that wispy hair falling sloppily over her shoulders.

The life from her face had drained, and they looked so pale and…innocent? No…

Her lips parted. But as I stood there waiting, I didn't hear anything. They shook. Then she finally blurted it. Stuttering. "Hey"

Okay…now _that_ was something I wasn't expecting. She wasn't screaming, "This is the girls' toilet! Shove it!"

My patience drew thin.

Okay. What was I supposed to say now?

Wanna come home with me? Do some dope, and then fool around?

I noticed her eyes scanning me. No. Bad idea.

Or what about this? Look bitch, I hate you. But I can't get you outta my head. You're making me bloody crazy. I love your hair. I love your eyes. I want you.

No.

That made me sound pathetic.

She leaned in, suddenly very uptight, "Wait a second" Maybe her senses had finally kicked in, "What are you doing here?"

And so she says.

My hands uncomfortably pocketed my jeans, and I said the first thing that landed on my tongue, "There's gonna be a mob."

She obviously didn't understand me, "Huh?"

"Party." I related, and the frown on her face seemed to have gotten deeper, "Meiling's wanting you in."

Damn. From when did I morph into a chicken? I couldn't even take the credit?

But Sakura was suddenly shaking her head, obviously not following my abrupt words "W-wait a minute" she held up a finger, her green eyes glowing, "Meiling invited me to a party? _Your_ party?"

She was slow.

I frowned at her facials, "Ain't that what I just said?"

That was when she started to smile.

I scowled. I liked that smile.

She cracked up; "You're kidding me! Y-you don't expect me to believe that do you?"

All right. Now she was pissing me off.

I creamed my brains up. Why was I doing this again? Oh yeah. I couldn't stop thinking about her.

"Believe me" I answered in my most monotonous voice. Let's just say that I've never unintentionally asked a girl out. Especially someone like her.

I go for girls who get right to the point. Or…something like that. But I guess a change would do something good for me. I'm just quoting Meiling here. But now I'm not sure if I should start with an extreme change.

She stopped laughing. Actually, she'd just frozen all over again.

"W-what?" she squeaked.

I hid my gritted jaw, "Look…" I refrained myself from calling her a bitch, "…if you wanna come…then come. If you don't…then screw it"

"Are…are you really serious about this?" She tried a little smile.

I grounded.

"No. I'm not. What the hell do you think I've been babbling here to you about, huh?" It wasn't supposed to come out in that harsh and pissed off way. I wasn't even supposed to say that.

She didn't react.

"What do you expect me to think?" I could here her mumble, "First you tell me to back off. And now you're here calling me to your 'mob'?"

I glowered at her; "I'm doing this for _Meiling_, you bitch" I lied starkly.

Whatever it was that had lighted up her face, had now disappeared.

But damn…she was seriously eating me up. Couldn't she just say yes, and start acting in that weird way when I'd met her for the first time. Was hanging out with Eriol making her a little ups?

"Hey. It's _Sakura_" her eyes narrowed bluntly, "Not bitch, alright? So would you mind using it?"

I bit down my various comebacks. I couldn't say anything. Because anything coming out of my mouth would ruin my chances.

We glared at each other for at least more than ten seconds. Was I even going for the right girl? We were already bitching around, so I think it's safe to say that if I ever end up with her, we'd never get to have any fun.

Maybe that's what I need?

A girl who would be available for me at any time.

Her eyes had softened by now, and she looked…well…damn…I'm not the kind of guy who says these corny things…but she looked pretty good when she was angry.

With all her sandals, tight jeans and a brown shirt on, I found it hard to shove my eyes away from her.

"Whatever." I found myself mumbling, and taking little steps back, "I don't need this."

I didn't. I really didn't need this. Seriously, I could do better.

Why was I even bothering with her?

Sure she was hot. Maybe even hotter than any other girl I've seen till now. But that didn't mean that I had to go for it.

Maybe I'd dreamt of her because my bloody head didn't have anything better to dream about…maybe I was getting so sick of Minas that she was the only next best thing. Maybe I just needed a few drinks with some other girl. Maybe Shiroi wasn't kidding around about that after-jail syndrome. Or maybe I was just getting crazier.

Oh yeah. That must be it.

"Maybe you shouldn't come" I didn't wait there any longer. And in no time I was opening the door, half-waiting for any response from her.

It didn't come.

Nothing came.

I wasn't pissed. Really. I mean why would I get pissed at some freakin' girl who was probably too thick to bloody get what I was frigging saying! Bro, I wasn't pissed.

Maybe I'd be slamming that door if it didn't have that vacuum thing behind it.

Nobody was outside, and I figured Mr. Ohio wouldn't mind having a student who just got through prison to be missing from him afternoon class.

No. I knew he wouldn't.

Maybe I could just go and sit with the others in the backfield. They were always wagging classes. But one last thought about Shiroi snogging up to his new girl, Chiharu and Yamazaki at it again, and Meiling with her prop, I was sent walking further into the hallway.

Actually. Scratch that.

I think it was time for me to actually listen to whatever reason I had taken Electronics for.

Man, I wasn't pissed.

I didn't feel like smashing anyone's face. I just had to get to my booze.

There's supposed to be a mob at my apartment. Complimentary of Yamazaki. There were gonna be girls and drinks.

Maybe this time I would actually get out of my room, and stay awake till it ended. For a moment I couldn't help but wonder what would happen if the bitch really came.

Get smashed from the rest of the girls?

Loose that repute that she had from the rest of her friends when they'd found out that she'd come to an outcasts' mob?

I smirked.

Shit. Who was I kidding?

Like she'd even come.

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

I was struck by thunder. Enthralled. Freaked. Shocked to my bones. And other words that I'm not capable of blurting out at the moment.

Seriously. None of the guys I've ever dated have come so far to do this. None. Read my frozen lips. None.

Not that we're even going out, but in all these never-ending days that I've lived, there's never been a guy who's followed me right inside the girls toilets' and invited me to a party, when our social circumstances are downright polar.

He followed me.

To the girls toilets'.

Give me a moment here guys…it's just a little hard to believe, that my dream guy had the courage and bravery to do such a thing.

Only to give me he permission to come to his 'mob' on Meiling's behalf.

Heh…yeah…there I was thinking it was his idea for finally giving me a chance.

But maybe I still had one.

For a second in my momentary madness, I'd thought of going there in a disguise. Probably dye my hair black. Spend my allowance on black lenses, and hope that a tic-tac would go in as a tongue piercing.

Yup. That had been my plan in that second. But as always it backfired in my face.

As in dyeing my hair black…would I be able to show my face to the whole school the next day?

As in…would I be able to get those lenses _if_ I had any money in my account.

As in…what if a guy (presumably Syaoran) were to kiss me and swallow my tic-tac. That would make me pearcingless (I'm not counting my ears, since I think every girl has one). Then I would have to seal my lips for the rest of the party.

Or maybe I could just forget about the piercing, and stick with the wild look.

Or maybe I'd be better off if I just spent my day finishing off that second Computers assignment that was due tomorrow.

This was just great.

Just…whoopee-doodly-doo.

Here was my ultimate chance of getting together with a guy I was destined to stay away from, and here I was…hoping I wouldn't get scared.

I've heard heroines regarding their love for some guy so sacred, that they pledge their lives on it…but in real life…it's a bluff…a glitch…a rip-off.

I don't think you'll be finding any human out there who'd actually give their life away for someone they don't know. Some guy who does drugs and is probably a player. Some guy who can hardly speak two sentences without swearing. Some guy who just got out of prison for assault. And some guy who's just so damn hot and irresistible that he sends physic waves to his lover to go jump off Mount Everest screaming his name.

Yes.

That's right.

I'm finally admitting this. I'm obsessed with this guy. There hasn't been a day that has gone by without me infatuating about him since the first day I saw him.

Close up too.

The opening of the door brought me back to my senses, and for a second I thought it was Syaoran. I imagined him stomping towards me, pushing me across the wall and kissing me crazy. Speaking to me all the while about how he couldn't stop thinking about me. Then maybe I could tell him about the latest dream I'd had about him.

But the moment a redhead threw me a pissed look, I went back to my sighing. Oh, the pain. She slammed at the cubicle, and I just turned on the taps and pretended to wash my hands.

Sakura. Sakura. Oh Sakura. Stop bloody dreaming!

I've already done so much of that…maybe I should just give up. Give up on him.

Which meant that, I'd be left feeling like a lifeless freak…and which would also make my possibilities with Van higher…and that I so did not want.

I turned the tap off, and ran my wet fingers through my hair. I gave it a toss behind my back.

"Lord. Where art thou my Romeo?"

History had come and gone. I don't mean my past chronicles…but the one-hour of blissful time I get to spend in the same room as Syaoran Li. One of the many Outcasts from Seijuu. Or let's just put this in sweeter terms- the Romeo of my, oh so stormy and resentful life.

He stayed in the corner of my eyes.

Leaning his chair against the back wall, for the first time engrossed in whatever Mrs. Watanabi was talking about.

I opened my ears for a few seconds.

Wait a second.

What was so interesting about Cleopatra cheating on Julius Caesar?

He was a case of nuts, and she just happened to find someone better and much hotter.

He was thumbing the pen in his hands, and for a moment I caught him fingering that bruise on his neck. Presumably a mark from the assault he was in, but I'm not raising any questions.

His dirty shoes were kicking at the desk, and his earring glinted in my direction.

It made me gulp and claw at my textbook.

Did this mean that he was giving me a chance? Maybe he didn't hate me? Maybe he wanted us to be _friends_?

What? Which one of them was it?

I was half thinking of asking Meiling about this…half thinking of asking her what her cousin really thought of me.

Then it suddenly hit me. Wasn't I supposed to meet her after classes for that re-match?

I think that was enough to boost my spirits.

Yes.

This would make Syaoran Li's intentions clear.

Crystal clear.

Van was being the same ol' flirt in Chemistry. Busy telling me how his parents were travelling to Thailand to meet his cousin who'd unintentionally gotten drunk and pregnant by a company owner who was being extremely friendly towards her. Busy telling me how alone he would be at home. Busy inviting me over to see his new installed Jacuzzi.

Jesus. Like I couldn't see where he was going.

Eriol was quiet. We aren't on speaking-terms anymore. It's just the usual 'hi'. But that's only when Tomoyo's around.

And since she's in Music now probably snorting into a tuba, we are history. Yes. This time I do mean my past chronicle.

We are no more what we used to be.

If the guy wants to act like an ass, and play with the girl's heart, he can go ahead and do it for all I care. He won't be acting so cocky once I break it up to her.

Actually…

Hold that thought…he won't be acting cocky once I find out a way on _how_ to break it to her.

Yeah. That's it.

So for now he could go on and allow the girl next to him to continue flirting with him, and I could find the courage to ask Van to shut his bleeding trap.

He was running me thin with his story, while the professor was busy in the Principal's office due to some important stuff she'd been blabbing about not long ago.

"…and so they finally met him. I think she's probably gonna marry him now. She doesn't want to abort, since she couldn't get pregnant with her first husband. And this guy's rich. For some reason he's agreeing to go with all of this…and so is Yuki. She—,"

"Hold up. Who's Yuki?" I asked mindlessly balancing an equation at the same time.

"My cousin."

I looked up at him from my book, "Oh." I managed a smile, "Okay. Go on"

And so he did.

He went on and on, and while he did, I didn't fail to miss Eriol's glare.

I found it hard to believe it really. That he still liked me I mean. That he was doing all this just to make me jealous.

I couldn't help but feel a little guilty.

I suppose he was the kind of guy who just had to get what he wanted. And for the time being…that was me.

Heaps of guys have wanted me before…but they haven't gone this far as he has.

Bringing Tomoyo in this and all.

He was taking it too far.

Too far, for me to grab him back and probably re-talk it with him. Because Tomoyo was in love…he was in hate…and well…I was stuck.

Either way I'm gonna be the loser. Either I let him keep leading her on…or I break it to her, and have her pissed off at me.

Okay guys, which one sounds better?

The play it safe or the 'your boyfriend's only going out with you to make me jealous'?

I didn't have all the time I needed to think about it because school was over after another hour.

I took my time walking to my locker and getting changed into my gear. The hallway was cramped, and I had to dodge two hungry looking guys, and that geek who I'd dropped coleslaw over the other day.

But nope. No sight of Syaoran.

What did he expect me to do? Knock. Knock. Hi, I was invited here by Meiling. I'm not here to crash your mob. And quit staring okay? It's _not_ a tic-tac!

I could mentally imagine myself being kicked out by these painful heels, and land right in front of Syaoran who's apparently pretty busy with that girl I saw with him in the Resource room.

Smooch. Smooch.

Get a life, bitch. That's exactly what he'll say. And then start giving that girl a Frenchie and ignore my wails.

I'll be dragged out, and thrown out on the road…probably in some alleyway and then have Eriol come to my rescue.

I straightened on the mowed grass I was sitting on.

Where had _that_ come from?

The moment I caught sight on Meiling jumping over the metal bars, I shook my head giving it the usual reminder.

Forget about Eriol.

"'Sup" she dropped her duffel bag next to me, unusually grinning just way too much for me to handle.

"What?" I greeted her by shading my face from the blazing sun.

"Nothing" she slipped off her jersey, and pulled out a drink bottle. I didn't believe her. She was smiling out of the chart.

"All right then." I slipped into my Pumas, and stood up, dusting off my butt.

"Let's make it four hundred meters today, aight? I need to be getting back a lil' early. Okay with you?" she sauntered towards the track, flexing her arms all the while.

"Sure." I gave my legs a few kicks to rub off the sleep in them, "I don't mind."

She looked at me for a second, and I frowned.

"What's the good news?" I couldn't help but ask as we stepped and dug into the white start-up line.

She was marking her track, but she stopped and turned her head to face me, "How about we talk after this. I need to beat you at this fair and square."

I laughed at her try at humor, "Okay then." I clenched my fists, and fell on my knee. I focused a glare ahead of me, and paced my breath. I used to have a little case of asthma when I as a small kid. I've gotten rid of it, but I kept remembering the time when I had gotten an attack right in the middle of my cross-country championships. I could never forget that.

We pushed off seconds later after the count down.

Meiling was fast. Giving her a glance during my slow run, I could see the harnessed energy on her jaws. But she had to give me that stupid smirk again.

Did that mean that Syaoran had told her something?

Something about him following me into the girls toilets just to give me the news?

For a second I almost lost my breath and misplaced my time track. Maybe that was one of the things that made me lose and come four seconds behind her, but by the time we were past the finish line, we were both on the grass panting and gasping for breath.

Meiling was cheering on her victory. Laughing and almost choking on it, while I just defended myself. I was never a sore looser.

"Whooo!" she punched a fist into the air hooting all the way, "Beatcha!"

I grinned back, "Fluke."

We argued on that for a while. For a while until we were both leaning back on her elbows, and dying our laughs.

The wind blew silent for a while, until she cracked up a small laugh.

"So did you get the message?"

I faked a smile, "Sure did."

She plucked at a fistful of grass blades, and threw them behind across her, "Are you coming?"

I didn't know what to say.

"Don't know really. I mean—,"

"I know. I know." she was suddenly interrupting me, "What if someone sees you? Or what if someone tells on you."

Yup. She read my mind all right.

"Yeah." I managed to end her sigh.

"But you can come at the end of it. There'll just be a few of us 'cuz most of them will be leaving after ten. And I can get the ones who see you to shut up their traps."

I smiled meekly, "That _might_ work."

She rolled her crimson eyes, and picked herself up from the ground, "Don't fret. It will. Just make sure you make it there after ten."

I followed her, "That's exactly what I'm worried about. My dad's gonna freak out, and he'll probably ask my brother to lock me in my room for the night."

She chuckled, "Say that you're staying over at a friend's."

I thought about it for a second. Okay. Here's the deal. I couldn't imagine myself spending the night where Syaoran might crash in too. A bit too far-fetched I might say.

"Or" she poised as we reached our duffels, and picked up her drink, "You could always be the good lil' girl." She said giving me the evils.

"What's that?" I grinned, and gulped in my juice.

"As in finish your dinner early. Make up some PMS excuse. Go to bed early. Off your lights. And then use your window as your door, and I'll probably be able to pick you up."

I froze for a second. When you think about it, it wasn't a bad idea actually. It would just mean that I'd have to be extra sneaky, control the guilt, and probably give up my dad's trust on me once he finds out. Not to forget mentioning, but my already suffering allowance too. Oh, the pain. The pain!

"I'm…not too sure about that." I blurted after a few ticks of silence, soothing out my imaginary burns.

She shrugged, and slung her duffel over a shoulder.

"Your bad. It's tomorrow night. So tell me by tomorrow."

I didn't know what else I could say, so I just dug it. We jumped over the metal bars and made our way across the back gates. No one was around, and I had to glance at my wristwatch to catch the time. It was pretty late, but I could still catch a few figures of guys playing with their basketballs on the quad.

We parted the moment I turned around D block; "Um…I'll see you tomorrow."

"Ta." she gave a little wave, and walked off.

I didn't bother going into the toilets and changing back. I was tired. My legs were weighing and I was busy thinking. Besides what would people think when they see me with a bag and without my PE gear? I'd be breaking one of those stupid rules wouldn't I?

Anyways, back to the things whirling in my stupid, dumb, idiotic head.

It was the yes or no questions. The ones that decided my chances with Syaoran.

Do you wanna see Syaoran Li tomorrow? Close-up?

Please enter your answer at your own responsibility and self-caution…oh yes. I do.

Do you wanna lose your credit card, your future allowance, and have the privilege to get grounded?

Please enter your answer at your own responsibility and self-caution …nooooo!

My strangled internal battle was abruptly torn away by my phone ringing. I had to stop at a bench, and rummage through my duffel.

Stupid phone.

Stupid…I glanced at the phone number blinking…stupid Touya!

"What is it?"

"You idiot! I've been trying to call you from half an hour! Couldn't you pick the freaking phone up!?" my brother's voice tore through the little holes.

I inched my phone away from my ear.

"Do you mind? I can almost feel your spit. And for your information, I was busy"

I could hear him snort, then add in urgently, "I won't be picking you up today."

"What?!" Yeah. That got me shrieking at him.

"My test today got postponed, and it's in five minutes. So you might as well take the bus."

I had to grit my teeth, "Incase you haven't tripped and lost your memory, there's no bus going that way you, moron"

"In that case you haven't been learning about the uses of your human body. God's done you a huge favor and given you two legs. Thought of using it?"

I was screaming at him after that, but he had the advantage of hanging up. I was sweating.

I glared at the front gates.

It'd take me more than half and hour to walk all the way home, and my legs weren't exactly in their gifted moment.

They were tired. And crazy to be put to sleep.

I groaned and moaned. Stomped a feet, and dragged myself out of my sanctuary.

I might as well get a start on it, if I was going to make an hour trip in my condition. And at that moment I couldn't give a tick about what people in their cars thought about a girl pulling at her feet. Red. Sweaty. And weighed down by a duffel.

Stupid. Stupid Touya.

Syaoran Li P.O.V

I'd had it with waiting for her like her person chauffeur. She took her own bloody time, and the next time she'd be finding herself stranded at school for the whole night.

She slid into the seat the moment I'd decided to step on the engine. I was having a major headache.

"Finally!" I pounded at the wheel.

"Jeez. What's got you looking freaky?" she was grinning, chucking her duffel into the back seat.

"Bitch. I've been waiting my ass here for you. I ain't come here for paradise, all right?" I twisted the key in the ignition, and stepped on the accelerator.

"Chill." she grabbed a gum from the headboard, and opened the windows, "I was with your babe."

I almost pressed on the break, but I made a turn and took the road.

"Who?" I was scowling. I don't know why.

She was laughing, "Don't play me a fool Syaoran. You got the hots for her like hell."

I suddenly caught her drift, and made a swerve at the corner. Why couldn't they just keep the car park at the front gates? I hated school grounds.

"Is she coming?" That was the only reason I'd come here after having a shower. Even Meiling couldn't stop me from having my after-school nap.

She was leaning an arm outside the window, "Cross your fingers."

"Man…" I weighed off the accelerator. I hated to cross my fingers.

She wasn't coming. I knew that already.

She wouldn't risk it.

"Syaoran…" Meiling was droning, "You've never chickened."

"I'm not!" I had to frown.

The road was empty.

I loved empty roads. I could speed as much as I wanted.

But at that moment, my head was spinning.

I made a sudden turn, and that got her giving met he looks, "Syaoran. Did you take some?"

I didn't say anything. She knew my answer, because she was sitting back hard, swearing in murmurs.

I haven't touched them in ages. Probably since a week. I spend my weekends getting high, but since this weekend had been a jail tour, I couldn't keep my hands off. My hands were practically shaking when I was snorting it all up.

Yamazaki had caught me in my room, but he hadn't said anything. He never said anything. Because the last time he had, he had a broken arm along with a black eye.

My palms were sweaty, but that didn't mean that I was seeing things.

Because she was right there walking on the curb.

But I suppose Meiling had seen her before me, because she was suddenly asking me to slow down to the left.

"Sakura!" she yelled out the window, looking back to see if there was anyone else to see her yelling, "Oi!"

The girl didn't turn, but with a second loud yell, she did.

By that moment, we were driving right next to her, and I didn't dare lean over Meiling's blocking body.

"H-hey." I could practically hear her voice shake.

"You want a drive?"

Great. Just leave all your dirty work up to Meiling.

She does it all for free.

"Um…" her voice was low, "If that's okay with you."

Meiling was laughing, and leaning back, "Of course! Get in." She looked around for a quick scan, then gave a thumbs up, "No one to see you. C'mon!" She was grinning at me all the way.

I didn't turn. And when the door slammed twice, I stepped on the pedal.

She gave a quick shriek as I stole way on the main road again.

"Whoa!" I could see her practically clutching to the seat from the rear-view mirror, her face full of bewilderment and panic.

Meiling turned around for a second, then murmured to me, "Slow down a little will ya? Don't wanna give her an attack"

I turned around the same moment we stopped at the traffic lights. She was looking up at me. Her face red this time.

"Hey." her voice was soft, and she pulled at her lips to smile. Obviously surprised to see me.

"'Sup" I gave a nod, and noticed Meiling smirking.

She ignored my questioning glance, and I used the spare time to pull my beanie lower.

"Where do you live?" she was turning around again.

"Oh yeah. Um…take a left turn after the second intersection. Then third right"

I almost didn't hear her words. My eyes were half on the mirror. And my ears were starting to give me the buzz.

Damn. She was hot.

She was gritting her jaw when I took through the speed the moment the lights turned green.

I loved driving over speed limit…but at least she wasn't complaining.

"That's gotta be over hundred." I could hear her mumble, grasping at her duffel all the while.

"It's just eighty." I rolled my eyes, "Stop freaking."

"I'm _not _freaking." she shot-back almost immediately.

"Yeah." Meiling added in for the sake of it, "She's not freaking."

"Right. You're not freaking." I grumbled.

She felt my sarcasm, "Exactly. I'm not freaking."

"See?" I scoffed, "You _are_ freaking."

"No. I'm not freaking."

"All right!" Meiling was suddenly yelling, throwing her hands up, and slicing the air between us "Cut it out. You guys are freaking _me_ out."

It wasn't really funny, but they cracked up.

I kept my drifting attention on the road, and took a left turn behind a red Mercedes.

"So…um…are you guys coming to that basketball game this Friday?" she was asking, and Meiling glimpsed at me.

"No." I said looking at the mirror again. I could see the glint of a silver necklace around her neck.

"We don't go there." Meiling continued for me, "We're not allowed."

"Oh…" she gave a pause, "But…why? I mean…what's wrong in that? It's just a game."

"They bullshit about it. And it's dumb anyway, they always lose. So why bother?"

She seemed surprised, "Oh…really? I thought they were good."

It wasn't shocking to me. After all Eriol Hiiragizawa was in it. "They can't play for shit." I added in my share of the insult. I used play captain for a team in junior high. We'd won all our games. Then I quit. I got interested in soccer instead. But it all stopped at Seijuu.

She remained quiet after that, and I took a left turn.

"Which one is it?" I glared at the houses we passed. My eyes were stinging. Maybe I shouldn't have snorted it in too fast.

She was glued to the window, "The one after that Open Home board. The yellow one."

I stepped on the break, and she almost collided against Meiling's seat.

"Nice house." Meiling was frowning my way. I took off my beanie, and ran all ten fingers through my hair.

Sakura was already opening the door and out.

Her smile was wobbly as she stood by Meiling's window.

"Thanks for the ride." she was looking at me, and I shrugged. Well, that's all I could do anyways.

"Tell me if you're coming tomorrow okay?" Meiling was grinning wide at her.

"Okay. See ya!" she was waving, and I was on the accelerator once again, my thumping head beating up my brains.

I rushed on the main road again, getting in the way of a green Mitsubishi.

Meiling was scowling, "Syaoran. You look wasted"

I looked away, "Fuck up please."

"Y'know. It's a good thing she didn't see you completely. She wouldn't be coming tomorrow at all."

I clenched my teeth, and raced past a Beetle, "I don't give a damn."

But she ignored me, "What'd you take? The mushies?"

"Coke." I answered her sullenly, and I pressed harder on the accelerator.

She _had_ to come tomorrow.

It was either her or some other chic by tomorrow.

And I'd waited too long.

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

I didn't know how long I stayed outside just staring at the road…but…yeah…that's what I did, until I could hear Dad from the door.

I grinned at him.

It was my lucky day today. I swear. God was finally listening to me.

I got away from Van. Syaoran followed me into the toilets. I had a good run with Meiling. And I just got a ride from Syaoran. The Syaoran I've been hallucinating about.

I did a little dance, while Dad continued to frown at me. I could predict his next questions. And then give me a lecture of getting dropped by guys who'll probably drop-out before they graduate.

But…I couldn't care less. My day just couldn't get worse.

"Woohoo!" I punched the air and ran up the front porch steps, "Hey Dad! You're home early." I gave him a large monotonous smile and walked past him, kicking off my shoes into the cabinet. Silently murmuring for him to just let me be happy for once, and not start an argument.

Maybe I'd please someone above the clouds, and they were settling the score. Yup. They sure were settling the score.

I did another dance before I hopped up the stairs, singing. Maybe I should do the ritual, that's pray before I go to sleep. Maybe just for today.

I didn't stop until Dad called out my name. He sounded like dead.

"Sakura"

I was turning, "Yes, Dad?"

For a moment he didn't say anything. And in that moment my smile dropped. Something cold touched my face.

He looked beat up. And he was fidgeting with his glasses, pushing back his thick hair.

"What is it Dad?" I didn't move. Somehow I didn't want to hear that answer.

"Your mother…" he paused, and heart beat almost stopped, "She's…she's…in the hospital."

"Wha-what?!" I almost slipped sown the stair screaming, but I caught hold of the railing, "Oh my god! Is she okay?! Did she get in an accident?! What happened?!"

He didn't say anything, but lowered his head. Then, he turned his back on me. I was trembling.

"Dad!" I stumbled down the stairs and ran towards him, "What is it?"

"She's fine." He mumbled quietly, and then looked up.

I didn't know why I hadn't seen them before, but his eyes were red and tired. He looked exhausted.

"Did something happen to Mr. Hirakushi?" I was blurting.

"No. He's fine too."

I swear. I wasn't disappointed.

"She's…pregnant."

Okay.

Okay.

Inhale.

Deep breath.

Maybe I didn't hear that right.

"Uh…ca-can you repeat that?"

Now he was scowling. The irritant re-appearing on his deep-set features, "Pregnant."

Okay.

Now I was really shocked.

Appalled.

"N-no. I mean the whole sentence. Because for a second there…" I laughed nervously, "I thought you just said…that mom's—,"

"Sakura. Your mother _is_ pregnant. She got collapsed this afternoon at her work." he looked away. This time I could see the vein on his jaw. He was pissed.

I was left staring at him.

It was hard to believe.

My mother…was pregnant.

My _mother _was pregnant.

Which meant…that she was pregnant with her husband…who wasn't Dad…which meant that…I was gonna have a step sibling.

Which _also _meant that mom would never be divorcing her husband like she'd in my dreams and get back with Dad.

Which furthermore meant that my Dad would forever be a loner…and I would have to go through the horrors of baby-sitting.

Oh.

The pain.

Shinsei Kokoro


	9. Bad Boy

Title – Head Over Heels

Author – Shinsei Kokoro

Chapter – 9 – Bad Boy

Beta Reader – Amai Okashi

Updated – 12th September 2004

Syaoran Li P.O.V

Meiling was right.

Almost.

I'd wasted myself yesterday. I didn't feel the usual boost in my veins, and I found myself on my bed the moment we reached our apartment.

I couldn't sleep.

I couldn't stay still.

I couldn't stop talking.

Or get rid of that sour taste in my mouth.

It felt metallic, and I had to strip myself down the minute the heat started to tear into me.

My nose felt weird, and my head was pounding. Weird, but I'd felt just fine when I strawed the powder in.

Maybe it was too much anxiety. Or maybe I over-dosed…it was my addiction.

It was four in the morning, and I still couldn't find sleep. I woke up an hour back; unable to break my ten hours of sleep record. So here I was, groaning as my eyes kept zoning in and out.

I was thirsty.

Hungry.

What I really needed was a cold shower to cool me down. Or maybe I could take one of those pills Meiling had.

But I just stayed still. I was too lazy. And my eyes felt like they were being ripped out.

This is what I got for getting too excited of having some load.

I've been addicted to drugs for as long as I can remember. Yeah. Seriously, you won't see me kidding about this.

For some reason I can only remember the past nine years of my life. Yeah. I was born on the street. That's as far as I'm concerned. High and drunk. My wrecked years in Hong Kong were lost. And for some reason I kept on walking until Wei, my ex-guardian found me throwing up in the bathroom.

At that moment, he'd just seen me drunk. That I was some kid who was testing stuff out and reaching out for his independence. He called it liberty in a party syndrome. But he didn't know. He hadn't been there when I walked down the stairs with a couple of punks. He hadn't felt my eagerness.

He hadn't seen me take the first syringe. My first shot on Speed. He hadn't seen my reaction. He hadn't felt my pain. No one had.

But after that…it had all been sweet. I'd never felt better in my entire life. Never. And I wanted to keep it that way.

For all my crapped up life.

It was the year my asshole of a father sent me away. And soon after my first try, the addiction had started to drift in. And I liked it.

It didn't take me by surprise like it did to other people. For me, life was all about dope and fun.

It wasn't because of the friends I made or the group I hung out with. It was my anger. And it all came out after that one night.

I changed that first year. Just because of a party. I met up with a new gang. And this is where I am now. Wei had been called back when I turned twelve, and I have never felt happier. Of being independent and having all the reasons to have fun. No more curfews. No more getting lectures from people who only worked for money. From then on…it was just me and my booze.

I used to be at my bed every night rolling up papers into straws. I had the money and the goodies. Life was good.

But then it started. My second stage of addiction. Smoking.

Not weed. But those normal ones with who I'm inseparable from. And somehow, my intake on crack dropped low. I went from seven…to three times snorting every week. The syringe stayed in my drawer. I was never good with needles.

About five years back I was caught trying to do it at school. They took me to the counselor, saying I needed help.

But in the end, the room torn apart. Chairs without legs, and the counselor with a black eye.

Some help. Hell. I didn't need help.

They left me alone after that saying something about teen angst and misguidance. He hadn't reported me or anything, but after that guy I'd kicked and almost killed in a bar, I guess I made up for any violence I would ever need to for my years of being wasted.

It was my first time in a lockup. And the bars had looked pretty tacky.

Then it turned to be a little swell since one of the guys who committed arson had a bunch of cigarettes.

A year after going back and forth from the stockade, I came down as low as doing it once a week. My dope had turned in a rut.

Cigarettes had become my best friends, and I guess that's how I got hold on the best girls. They were good for a while, but they turned their backs too much. And I've always hated sharing. Never my clothes. Never my booze. And of course…never my girls.

I liked them original. New. If you get my drift.

So maybe this was why I was all over Sakura.

Maybe because…she's original. Someone I can definitely have an effect on.

Today's the party, and I don't think my bones will be ready to take me to school today. And I needed to get fresh by tonight…at least if she was gonna come.

I dragged myself off the bed, and quickly made a dive to the floor. I fell flat on my face.

"Bitch."

I picked myself up, and finally found a way to stumble into my bathroom.

I didn't feel high.

Not at all. I felt friggin' sick.

It'd been so many hours, and it hadn't worn off or taken any large effects. I wasn't rounding the streets and threatening folks.

I kneeled down in the dim bathroom, and suddenly doubled over, cluctching the toilet. It all came out harsh and toxic. I didn't stop until after a few minutes.

Wiping my lips, I sat on the small red carpet and leaned back against the wall.

Something…was definitely wrong.

The walls felt cold against my shoulders. Somehow…better. I shifted to make myself more comfortable, but I took the wrong nerve.

I lunged forward for a second, feeling my stomach rush back into my throat, and then I went for a second go.

For a moment I could spot dots of blood, but I flushed it before it got the best of me.

Maybe this is why they call it hallucination.

Lurching forward towards the basin, my fingers swiftly turned the taps. The water whizzed out into my hands.

And there were those drops of blood again.

Red.

Dark.

And blotchy enough to make me look away.

My eyes looked into the mirror, and for a moment I caught myself staring at the blood trailing down my lips.

I think it freaked me out. I wasn't sure at the time, because the next second I was pushing myself back. Into the shower door, and turning the knob.

I slumped to the watering floor in my jeans. I liked the feel of the cold water thrashing on me. It felt great.

My nerves prickled under the intensity, and I fought my eyes to stay open. I pulled back the knob, and stayed where I was.

I think my brain was dead, because in that moment I couldn't feel or see anything. I don't know when…but I fell asleep.

And it felt good.

Really.

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

I was still awake the last time I pushed Kero off me. He was unnaturally drooling. Maybe he was coming down with a headache like I was.

I glanced at my floor…but the beast lay still. My slipper sandwiched in between his fangs. Stupid dog. He couldn't even identify what was healthy to eat and what wasn't.

Dad hadn't come down for dinner…I suppose he needed some time to get over the fact that Mom was gonna have a baby…that wasn't his…but her husband's…which he wasn't.

I hadn't touched any of my homework. Something about writing an essay about your craziest experience.

I hadn't touched dessert…and I had half my mind made up to sneak downstairs and grab that pudding in the fridge. But I suppose with an appetite like my brother's, it'd be all gone by now.

Touya was the only one in the house that hadn't been brought down by the news…except for Kero of course. The mutt was just in anguish because his play rag had been thrown away in the absence of his presence. And as always, he was pissed off with Touya.

Mom had called a few hours back. She sounded so happy…that it made me feel the stark opposite.

She went on about all the names she had thought for the baby boy, and she made me take a choice on two of them.

So apparently he was gonna be called Ryu now…well…when he would be born that is.

I caught Dad spying on my conversation with her, but I hadn't countered.

He was just playing his part like any jealous ex-husband. The poor guy…he'd never like the name Ryu.

And I'm not so sure about the party either. I had to give Meiling my answer by tomorrow, and I still hadn't made up my mind.

For sure, I didn't want to get caught by my Dad, seen by anyone else there…and be seen there as a loser, loner, wannabe etc.

I kinda always get caught in the negative stuff.

But my only reason to going there would be Syaoran.

And maybe to have a bit of fun on a weeknight.

I could hear Kero growl under my bed, and for a moment my childhood fears came back.

Y'know…the bogeyman.

I used to have an invisible friend when I was about five. At seven I abandoned it. And on my eight birthday it started residing under my bed for two years.

I could still remember those sleepless nights. Those days of crying. Those days of keeping a plastic knife under my pillow.

But I guess they all disappeared the day Dad had marched into my room and pulled out a very alive Touya by his ear.

Yes.

I made myself cozy in my bed. I could never forget that. And before I knew it, Kero was back on my stomach, snuggling into the sheets.

Wednesday. The day of the week where the toll on marriage was the highest. Ha. Ha. Funny right?

No.

I'd been awake before my alarm, and I ran into the bathroom before Touya could even reach the hallway.

While I busied myself with the shower, I could hear his howls and thuds against the door.

It's what they always say…first come first serve.

By the time I came out, with the hot steam following behind me, I made my way into the kitchen ignoring Touya and Kero who were each grabbing at the same towel.

For some reason, the dog seemed to have a brain just as equal as him.

Dad was in his usual seat, a newspaper covering his face.

"'Morning Dad."

He looked up for a second addressing me. Or maybe addressing what I was wearing. My knee-torn jeans and a singlet.

"Good morning." He went back to his paper.

Renting him a toss, I grabbed my cereal, and went away on it.

I looked up after a while, but his nose was still buried in the nostalgic scandals that the media had to give. They needed a few thrashing, maybe then they would start saying something good about the world.

I didn't want to start the long conversation yesterday about Mom. I don't think he'd survive the mental pressure.

"Did you hear anything about the gang's play Sakura?"

I shifted my gaze back on him, "Huh?"

"There was a gang attack last Thursday."

"Uh…really?" I didn't know why he was telling me this, so I went back to playing with my Froot Loops.

"Some of these kids are actually from your school. It says Seijuu High."

Maybe that as enough to give me a mini heart-attack, because the blood had suddenly rushed away from my face, "R-really?"

Dad focused his attention back in the ravel of words, "It says it was some kind of trial between two gangs. No one was seriously injured."

I managed to gulp, "That's—that's good."

Then he had to peer between the little space of his glasses; "Do you by chance know any of these guys?"

"N-no!" I'm not sure if it came out too fast or not, because I was pretty loud, "Of course not. Why would I know gang triggers like them?" I gave him my best innocent look.

My Dad has always been a sucker for my role-plays, "Well. That's good. Because I wanted to make sure. You never know what they're going to do next."

I nodded.

"They might be misguided teens, but they need to be stayed away from the rest of the school."

I nodded.

My Dad.

He's always found a way to make someone sound helpless. And for some reason I couldn't help thinking of how helpless Syaoran could be. Was he misguided?

Somehow…I wasn't convinced.

Which moreover made me think further of the answer I was supposed to give Meiling today.

"I forgot to ask you yesterday…who were the kids that dropped you off yesterday?"

The spoon in my fingers fells against the bowl, and I almost choked on a loop that was midway through my throat.

"Just…friends." I gulped down my juice rather slowly, and went back to my spoon.

"How come you didn't introduce me to them?"

I shook my head, "Dad" I made a groan, and looked away from his smile adding carefully, "They were in a hurry."

Lies. A bunch of white lies I was blurting.

"Yeah" he didn't notice my discomfort, "Yesterday had been quite terrible."

"Yeah." I murmured.

God. What would he do, if I introduced him to one of the gang members who he thought were miserably misguided?

I straightened myself up the moment Kero came at my feet, his large brown eyes hungry for food.

"Your bowl's in the kitchen Kero. Dogs don't eat at tables." Dad instantly stood up, and lead the mutt away.

He was an animal lover, and while Kero was busy yapping and wagging his bushy tail, I made a glance at Dad's mournful face.

It made me wonder sometimes. When would he ever get over Mom?

Syaoran Li P.O.V

I made Yamazaki phone the Principal before he could head off with Chiharu. Apparently he hadn't known that I wasn't to miss school unless I really come down with something severe. Like meningitis. Jaundice. Tuberculosis. Cancer. Or a brain transplant.

And this…was something. I was having a 'sleep' transplant. Mr. Nutty Principal could go to hell for all I cared.

My boarders had all been in front of me the moment I opened my eyes.

Especially when they found me asleep in the shower.

Meiling had given me one of her sleeping pills, and Chiharu had argued with me to see a doctor.

No.

No doctor could cure me. That was for sure.

My head was grandly in its grave, and I felt like a log having its bark torn away each second from some unmanly force. And I suppose that would be Shiroi.

He hadn't stop grumbling.

The ass had always been against drugs. He'd stopped four years back because of his sister. She had lung cancer back then. And now…she was in paradise. I mean the Bahamas. She married a travel agent. I'm just as confused as anyone. I didn't get the point of the whole story.

"Bullshit Syaoran. Man, I swear you're gonna get yourself killed one day."

I gave him the finger, and he obediently trotted off, slamming the door behind him.

I was alone in the apartment by eight thirty. School started at eight.

The only bad thing about me down in bed would mean that Meiling would be taking my car. Somehow…I didn't find that comforting.

Either she'd return without petrol. Or either she would use it as a bed.

For some reason she's gotten really attached to the guy she'd met at a club last weekend while I was stuck with streaked men.

I forced myself into the living room, and in front of the TV.

There a few dvds around, but I couldn't find myself bothering to choose. Instead I fell on the couch.

It was back to sleep for me.

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

Syaoran wasn't at school today. As in he'd taken the bloody day absent when I could've spent a period of History staring at him through the corner of my eyes and imagining what we'd do tonight. If only I just had the guts to say 'yes' to Meiling.

That was the first thought that came to my mind on the second period of History. We had some random quiz, and I was so busy in my thoughts that I couldn't figure out the time when my paper had been dragged away from my fingers to the time when I was walking out of class, with Van suddenly popping next to me.

"Hey." he was smiling.

I looked up at him, "Hey." He was always smiling.

Another odd look had slowly crept up his face, "So…what're you doing tonight? There's gonna be a rock quest downtown. Wanna come?"

I looked away from him. He was one of those guys who never quit.

"I'm having this family thing …sorry."

He wasn't looking too rejected. Not at all. Infact, he was looking anything but rejected. Maybe I needed to speak out louder. But by the circumstances of my mood at present and the mood it might change to in the near future, I thought over it.

He went on talking instead, "No sweat." His shoulders bumped against mine, "Probably next time."

I ended up gulping, "Yeah. Why not."

He had to know 'next time' was never to come.

Maybe I shouldn't have said that. Because the next thing I knew, his fingers were slipping into mine.

I think my stomach lurched to gag me, because somehow I couldn't even open my stupid, big mouth, and crawl away from him, or even claw at his face and strut off.

It was just so natural.

We were walking in the middle of a crowded hallway. Guys giving him the nods, and girls grinning.

And somehow, I could feel every organ that sat behind my chest grow heavy. I couldn't even walk normally. He pulled me a little closer so that my elbow touched his shirt.

His fingers were soft and warm. Well…warm against my mine anyway.

For a moment, I didn't know why he was doing this. For a moment, I just went along with it. I didn't notice Eriol pass me by. I didn't notice Meiling giving me the weird looks. I didn't notice Hana, the girl he'd been kissing yesterday giving me evil glares.

I didn't.

I swear, I didn't.

I didn't…until his fingers tightened a little. The blood in my hand hardened, and in that one second I pulled my fingers away from his.

I stopped.

I stood wobbly, the clutch on my books getting weak.

"Van…" my voice stumbled.

His little grin faltered a little, seemingly unaffected by what he had just done.

"I…" I stood tight for a moment searching for the right words, and yet at the same minute lost in this momentum I couldn't describe, "Look…I …" The words came out a little quick, and I could almost imagine the whole hallway listening to my words, and for a second I caught sight of Meiling's face, "I don't want it to look like…like…like I'm…"

For the first time, I was lost in my words. So I had to look away.

I didn't miss the frustrated look on Van's face. I didn't watch him straighten or shrug. It was like he'd read my mind.

"Sorry. Um…I'll see you later…" his voice was soft. I could see the blue of his shirt for two seconds and then he was gone.

I didn't turn to watch him leave.

And in those seconds Tomoyo was by my side. She was blabbering, and somewhat a little pissed.

But my eyes were on Eriol.

I didn't hear her squeal about the chance with a hottie I just missed out on, because Eriol was smirking.

I wanted to smack him across the face and drown him in oil; but I just turned to Tomoyo. These other girls had joined in saying how stupid I'd just been. Saying on how I just should have gone along with him hoping he might have taken me to the back seat of his car or to one of his best make-out places.

I was grossed out. Needless to say…there was only one guy I think I'd ever be able to trust in taking me to the back seat of his car. Only one guy I'd consider to be a hottie. And that guy was one I couldn't have.

It sucked.

Really. It sucked.

Syaoran Li P.O.V

The apartment was out of cigarettes. Not even a single blasted one, and I couldn't be bothered taking a drive to get some.

The car was out of gas in one way or the other.

I hadn't move from my bed since this morning and I just ignored my numb legs ignored.

I'd gotten six calls from Minas on my phone, but I left her on the ringer. She was one heck of a chic when it came to giving up. Either she didn't get the point or either she was too high to even bother to care that her brother was watching her taking.

I remember when he'd come knocking down the door a few times, threatening me to stay away from her. He'd left earlier than I'd thought. But that was then.

That was before I'd forgotten about Minas and her tight skirts.

I had half my mind made up to run to the kitchen and grab a bottle of beer without Meiling finding out.

But I was stuck to my bed. I turned on my stomach and kicked off the sheets. It was getting hotter.

Hotter.

And I kept thinking if she would come today.

If she did…then sweet. But if she didn't…then she was missing out.

I've always hated running after girls. And for all I knew, I have done enough running. It was her turn to do that now. She was a runner right?

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

I succeeded in keeping away from Van throughout the whole day, and before I was allowed to give myself a pat, he came me in laughing with a few girls during Science and taken the seat next to me as usual. I had to hold in my groan. Somehow, it wasn't very hard, since it had practically become a routine.

Today was definitely not my day. Definitely not.

I stilled hadn't seen Meiling around, and Eriol was doubtlessly giving me the creeps with his weird looks, and then snogging up Tomoyo always in front of my face.

I glanced up at him as he sat back. But maybe he didn't notice. He continued rummaging through his pockets like he always did for a pen. By this time, he should have already been smiling at me with that stupid smile and asking me out or something.

But he didn't. The frown intent on his face, he changed sides, and went hunting for pens in his other pocket.

Class had started, and the OHT was put up on the whiteboard.

Tomoyo had managed to shuffle in next to me in time, with Eriol behind her. I looked away before we could lock eyes.

Van was still at the mercy of his pockets.

So I held my pen at him. Then in front of his face. He looked up with that same frown, before it cleared away.

He shrugged with a small smile, and finally smudged out a pen from the depth of his pockets, "No thanks." He immediately began opening his books and copying down the notes.

I had to keep myself from gulping, but I managed to keep a straight face.

Had he gotten onto me?

Had he taken the clue and figured out the last piece of the puzzle together?

One look at his face, and I knew he wasn't bothered.

Then why was he giving me the silent treatment? The same one I'd gotten from Eriol when I ditched him in the boys' toilets with a rejection.

I had to look away, and I noticed Tomoyo frowning my way with a 'What the hell?' I shook my head, and looked up at the overhead.

Half of the slide had already been taken up, so I set to work.

I felt miserable. Anything but happy over getting Van off my back. It wasn't like I had a choice. If I hadn't said anything, that he might have taken it the wrong way, and we would probably be the newest dopiest couple in school by now.

No. I shrunk in my thoughts; I definitely didn't want that.

I found Meiling by the backfield after school. She was with the same girl I met in the toilets, and she didn't fail to glare at me in recognition.

Seriously, was I that ugly to resist?

But overall, me and Meiling had had a short chat.

I said a "Yes" and gave her my address. Then she went on about how she'd pick me up at 10 o'clock sharp

By the time I was back to the front gates, the Chiharu girl had yet to take her evil looks off me.

The moment I got home with Touya, I could see my sandal that Kero had been chewing yesterday on the welcome mat. The coat hanger was empty which meant Dad wasn't home.

While I left to dispose of my now-tasteless sandal, Touya had taken the opportunity to start another quarrel with the dog. I left them while they rolled around each grasping at the dinner towel.

The mutt actually thought he was a kitchen guard-dog. So every time it was Touya's turn to cook dinner, they always had a yap or two, before Touya would manage to lock himself in.

I was up the stairs before Kero had a chance to follow me. Bounding up the step taking two at once, I flashed him a 'Don't you dare follow me' look and had managed to shut the door in his sniffling wet black nose.

First thing I needed was a bath.

A nice steaming one without Touya finding out or he'd get suspicious, since I was known as the girl who lives in the shower.

Grabbing a towel, I managed to make a discreet run out of the door with Kero at my heels. Ignoring the scraping noises from behind the door, I ran the tap, and flung the cupboards open.

Those Herbal Essence things I brought last month were almost out 'cause of Touya's craze for bathing, but it was all I had to add the spice on.

By the time I finished going through three magazines, I was down to my bare skin and dipping myself into the heated water.

"Haaa."

It felt good.

Very good.

In fact if I ever had a genie, I would wish myself to stay put in a hot bath forever. That way, I'd be on the topmost floor of heaven.

Actually, scratch that. This is a reminder for anyone who ever makes a wish like that. Think of the after-effect. The deadly consequences.

The consequences of having your fingers go all white and wrinkly as it goes when soaked in water for too long. Yup, that's what I'm stuck with while I spend more than two hours rummaging through my wardrobe for a decent outfit that's perfect to let Syaoran take another good look at me.

He would have to be at least a little interested in me to have the guts to come into the girls' toilet and tell me about Meiling's invitation. Wouldn't he?

I stared at the red shirt hanging behind the closet door, and then at the white one. I could almost remember Azuki, a friend I had to leave behind tell me how red represented your wildness.

Was I wild?

I knocked my head with my knuckles and threw the shirt in before I let the thought get the best of me.

I peered out the window as I caught sight of Dad's car reversing into the garage. It was a little surprising, since he always kept his car parked at the building he worked in.

Maybe this would mean that he wouldn't have that night shift and would be peacefully sleeping while I had the chance to sneak out.

But as usual with the crappy luck that I get stuck with, Dad had to have some notes rewritten over the whole night.

Great.

Just great.

Just what I need.

A leak in the not-so-leak-proof plan.

Dinner went by with Kero clawing out the table and Touya talking non-stop about how the family dog acted more like a human rather than its…normal doggy-self. Dad was busy trying to keep his plate to himself, and I was trying my best not to let my apprehension give away.

But I guess, I wasn't trying very hard, because Dad was suddenly looking very concerned.

"Sakura? You're very quiet. Is everything all right?"

I couldn't help but choke on the sushi that seemed to be stuck between the walls of my throat.

Oh hell. Damn this sticky seaweed.

"It's nothing." I managed to push in a hard gulp, "Just…thinking about something—," I caught a hold of myself before I went on with the silly rhyme.

Dad nodded slowly. He looked back at his plate.

Touya rolled his eyes. He went back to glaring at Kero.

I don't really think they caught me twiddling with the hem of my skirt or chewing the insides of my cheek, because after a while Dad was up excusing himself, and reminding Touya to keep Kero away from his study while he finished off his work.

He complied obediently, silently mumbling curses under his breath of having to get stuck with a dog for all through his home-lived life.

After finishing with the dishes I crawled out, grabbing my boots from the linen closet, and sneaking up the stairs before Touya could finish the tug-of-war with Kero.

Locking myself in, I popped in four pieces of sugarfree mint gum, and rampaged around slipping on my assorted clothing, and fixing my earrings.

It was just half past eight yet, but I'd decided to say ready before Dad would come up to kiss me goodnight.

Grabbing a perfume, I went on with spraying myself, until I smelled like a blob of rose. Maybe that was a bit too much?

Just as the stairs started to creak, I made a clean dive for the bed and buried myself under the refuge of my mink blanket.

Before I knew it, the door was open with Dad walking in holding Kero by his collar, "Good night dear. Make sure you call your mother tomorrow"

Making sure he couldn't see my face, I managed to make a sleepy groan, "'Night."

But then again? Who said life went smoothly?

Dad was suddenly sniffing the air while I went cold in the acute warmth.

Dammit. That's what I got for half-emptying that stupid perfume.

But for tonight, my stars seemed to be really going my way, because before I knew it, he was walking off with Kero hot on his heels, switching off the lights and closing the door behind him.

I stayed still for a few second, unable to believe my luck. Kero would most certainly not be spending the night here. Dad would be in his study too drowsy to bother hearing a car drive up and pick his daughter off. Touya would be asleep clutching his new shoes in bed before giving the house-mutt a chance to have a taste of it.

So all was nice and clear for me.

Opening the window, I half memorized the notches I'd be using as footholds. The tree half blocking my view would be of help while getting down from the windowsill.

Ten o'clock was by before I even had the chance to get rid of salivated gum.

Clutching my shoes under my arms, I managed to fling myself outside the window, using the water pipes for support before I clutched the branch of the tree, and sat gasping for breath.

Looking back, I made sure nothing looked out of the ordinary, and inched the windows up a bit so they'd be open when I got back.

Climbing down the tree, I hitched into my boots, and brushed off the dust that had managed to get on my shirt.

And that was when I shivered.

I gave the back of my head a good slap. Now I'd have to spend the night freezing without a jacket.

I looked back up the window and then at the empty street.

No. I couldn't go back up there.

Hugging myself I made a slow walk before I was a few houses away, and made sure I looked okay.

Meiling was right when she said she wouldn't be a minute late.

Because in seconds a car was parked next to me, and it seemed to look awfully similar to the one I got dropped in yesterday.

Maybe it was my heart that started to decelerate or the fact that I was desperately in need for a jacket, but somehow my mood drained when I saw only Meiling in the driver's seat.

She was grinning with a thumbs up.

I stood there for a second rubbing my palms together, then made a run to the passenger's side, and slammed the door shut.

The ride was short. And with Meiling's continuous talk and the blare of the music it seemed even shorter to let me get a hold of my nerves. We reached an apartment building and I simply nodded as she went on telling me about how five people shared the apartment.

I stayed in a little longer than I needed to, somehow signaling the girl exactly what I was feeling.

"No worries girl. There're only a few peeps left. All drunk. If they see you, it's only for tonight."

I gave a grin. Somehow, that didn't seem to assure me any better. I mean, did I just hear the word drunk?

Last time I had a hangover I promised myself I would never touch vodka ever again. But then again…it wasn't like I was gonna be given a spiked drink by anyone.

I followed Meiling up the many stairs as she went on to stay how the elevator was under repairs.

The building seemed to look like the one where families lived in with their retired grandparents. And the moment we reached the floor, I could hear the sudden blast of heavy music and the laughter and chatters that seemed to be at its highest volume.

Couples were busy smooching, some lying unconscious in the hall foyer, some throwing rugby balls and at the same time balancing their held drinks.

Entering through the threshold, the only thing I could see was a big mess, with beer cans and chips scattered. The three sofas seemed very occupied, and I felt myself go a little dizzy as the lethargy in the music seemed to pull my eardrums.

The air stayed thick, and I let Meiling drag me through a large crowd arm wrestling. Hadn't she said something about only a few peeps being left?

Along the way I ignored the hoots and whistles. Meiling just laughed and gave them the middle finger.

The apartment seemed to be large and expensive, but with the mess around, it was enough to contradict me.

And with a beer can shoved my way, Meiling was gone.

I couldn't really say anything because some guy had suddenly grabbed and had gone all over her. She didn't seem to mind, so I left before I could get any sick.

A few drunk girls brought me into a conversation of how guys were only assholes and always left them for 'b's in the itch. When I was supposed to put in my share of the anti-boys insult, I shrugged, and watched them inch away from me.

What could they expect me to say?

Guys came my way. Some asking me to bed. Some asking for the untouched beer can in my bottle.

I didn't give away either of them, so they stayed with me…trying their hardest to get me convinced.

So maybe I wasn't a loner here anymore, but it was better that than have these freaks touch me in the slightest way. They were friendly. If not, too friendly.

After about an hour I think, I'd had enough. Almost everyone was passing out, or dragging themselves into rooms.

I tried finding the kitchen for non-alcohol, but I guess that was all the party was about. Guys with highlighted fiery red and green hairs always caught my attention, and these groupies seemed to be very eccentric with their piercing and body tattoo.

I managed to find a not so busy guy and tap on his shoulders.

"Um…do you know where Syaoran might be?"

I'd decided to forget beating around the bush and find him before I went anymore crazy. Because he was the only reason I'd come here, and I least I wanted was a peak of him.

"Li?" the guy yawned as he eyed the can in my hands, and fell back against the couch, "With some bitch in his room I guess"

I stood there unmoving, too shocked to even blink, "E-excuse me?"

He was suddenly glaring, "Excused. Now, are you gonna drink that or what?" his knees bumped against mine, and I found the blood returning to my frozen head.

I did all but threw the damn can into his midriff, and whirled off.

With some bitch in his room?

What did that mean? That he was with some girl? That he was having fun with a girl while I'd come to this freaking 'mob' of his, just to chat his up?

I had to hold in my frustration as I stomped around, my eyes suddenly got heavy and angry.

Why was I always the retard going after idiotic guys?

Why?

I shoved past a lingering couple, not even bothering to apologize.

Why hadn't I just figured it out like any normal girl would have?

How could someone like him ever be single…or even have any sort of interest in me? Hadn't I always known that guys like him were players? That they never stayed single for more than two seconds?

I mistakenly stepped on a feet, but I continued pushing my way against people to find the damn door.

I was raging. Damn right angry! How could I be so stupid? I'd taken all my chances of coming here for nothing!

I couldn't be bothered finding Meiling and asking her for a ride home. She was somewhere in this mess, and the ugly music wasn't helping me either.

With some bitch in his room.

Would I have the guts to go barging into every damn room and walk in on them?

I think I was about to break down any moment and start my sobbing, because my chin suddenly felt very weak and all I wanted to do now was crawl into my god-forsaken bed with Kero at my feet.

But who was I dream?

All I've done was dream of him. But where did that get me? Nowhere.

In all my inner-hysterics and loud curses, I didn't notice a guy I saw earlier unexpectedly step in front of me.

He was smiling, "Hey babe. Having a bad day?"

In that one moment, I had half my mind made up to hit him where he'd never be able to have little kids calling him 'Daddy'. But instead, like the weakling I was, I went past him.

I didn't get a few steps ahead, before his arms were around me and bringing me face to face against the wall, An added hand clamped against my mouth

"I'll take that as a yes." His whisper was hot against my neck, and my pressure was out of its normal rate.

"Let me go!" I managed to bite him, and knee him in the stomach.

He pulled back doubling, "Bitch! That hurt."

Before I knew it, I was pushing at his shoulders, the anger loosely slipping out of my fingers; "It was supposed to, you creep!"

He looked up, almost waiting for the moment to lunge at me and take me by surprise, but before I could take a drawn punch at his pretty face, there were arms grabbing me from the back and chest.

I fought.

I kicked for all I could, as I got pushed against the wall once again, this time unable to even turn around.

"Fucking hell! She's one heck of a bitch." I could hear the guy I was about to punch scream at the guy who was holding me.

But that was all I could hear, since my own loud screams and curses were making me deaf.

The arms tightened around me pulling me off the wall, and pushing me straight against one of the door that didn't happen to be the one I'd been searching for.

All I could remember next, was seeing darkness, the faint outline of a bed, and then him…Syaoran Li.

But it all faded as he shut the door behind him. So I waited. I waited for the lights to be switched on.

But they never did.

Syaoran Li P.O.V

She wasn't coming. That was all I knew before I was down with my second beer can. Meiling hadn't said anything about Sakura, and I wasn't going to ask her.

Some random redhead had dragged me off to a room, and I hadn't complained. She was drunk, so before she had a chance to get a second kiss, I'd pushed her off me, tipping her on the carpet.

That was when Kazuo had walked by, can in hand, holding a girl.

"Some sweet chic's been looking for your dude."

"Eh?"

I pulled him back before he went into the room.

"Who?" Why did I have a feeling it was Sakura?

"Dunno. But she was pretty hot."

I let him go, and shoved past shoulders. My eyes darted across rooms, and I stooped low as to ask a few people.

She was here.

Right here.

And she had asked for me.

That was all I wanted really.

Then I noticed the commotion near the front door. Yells and cussing vibrating against the hearty rock.

It was her.

Jamming her knee against Harotori's utensils, and her elbows slamming against his head.

I was behind her in seconds and grabbing her back. She missed a punch into thin air, and then began kicking at my knees.

I yelled Harotori back as he nursed his bleeding nose and continued swearing wild.

Her body felt warm.

But I was dragging her off towards the door of my room, Harotori close behind and bitching.

I pushed her in, managing to lock the door in the darkness just after I caught sight of her red and hot face staring hard up at me.

And before I could hold back any longer I threw myself against her on the bed.

She screamed as she caught the front of my shirt.

Her hair smelled just like I'd imagined it too, and it felt soft as I let it slip through my fingers.

"Tough, aren't you?" I managed to mutter before I kissed her a little.

Her fingers clutched tighter against my shirt, but not a word came. In the dim lighting, I could see her green eyes wide and looking stunned.

Her breath came stalled and rough, her lips parted.

"Syaoran?" I let her lean up a little, her grip on me loosening.

But her voice was enough to remind me of that stupid dream I'd had. I've never dreamed of a girl. Never. And never was I gonna again.

I pushed her back down firmly, and took a good look at her before I kissed her in a way I would always remember.

And she didn't push me away.

Shinsei Kokoro


	10. Lil' Fools

**Auther's Note:** This fic has now been rated R. There will be no exploited scenes, but since has already deleated one of my fics for some apparant reason, I will not take the chances again. So I'm being as safe as I can with this story and the ones that will come in the future. Sorry for the inconvenience, and I hope you guys will still enjoy reading this fic.

**Title** – Head Over Heels

Author – Shinsei Kokoro

Chapter – 10 – Lil' Fools

Beta Reader – Amai Okashi

Updated – 16th October 2004

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

I've always thought that dreams were little figments of your stupid imagination that made you crazier than ever, but here I was, enjoying every single moment. As long I was this near him, I think I had a chance of staying insane.

From the moment he pushed me down on the bed, till the moment I grabbed his shirt, I thought this was all some sick dream that was tricking me into thinking it was reality. I'm sure I'd either stopped breathing, or I was already dead.

But sometime after that, my heart had returned, thumping hard and wild, the moment he kissed me. Strands of his hair fell lazily on my face, his forehead jammed against mine, almost knocking my breath away.

His eyes stayed shadowed in the darkness, but I could hear his warm breathing that laughed in my ears.

I couldn't smell any alcohol.

But then again, that didn't mean he hadn't been with some other girl seconds ago.

He didn't seem to be hesitating. He didn't seem to be giving me a chance with all the kissing, because he just stayed on top me. We kissed. And kissed.

Maybe this wasn't real.

Maybe someone up there had decided to turn all the tables around and dump me in porridge, because here I was…the butt of their joke once again.

Damn these dreams. They didn't seem to run low.

Syaoran Li P.O.V

She was breathing softly.

Slow. And quiet. Her eyes stunned and looking wild.

I moved over her and balanced my elbows next to her face, feeling the grip on my shirt loosen by the seconds, until her fists finally fell.

"Syaoran?" Her breath felt warm against my face, and I liked it. The way she said my name. It sounded weak and strained. Always the way I liked it.

I fell against her, and smirked. I could feel her muscles tighten underneath me. Her stomach tensing, and her knees shaking lightly.

"Heard you were looking for me." I breathed in her perfume and then pushed back her fists. Roses. An excess amount of roses.

She shook under me the moment I caught her fingers in mine and held them away.

She was here. Finally. Right in front of me. Just like I imagined her to be. Looking pretty and glam. Her pink lips slightly apart shielding her pearly teeth.

They shook tightly the moment I stayed still over her, my body firm against hers. Her fingers moved absently in mine, and I held them tight.

"What…what are you doing?" Her question came out at the end her voice wavering in chords.

I kissed her again. Slowly. Harshly. I didn't let her move, and she didn't resist.

I pushed back the hair off her forehead, and snuck into her cheek, breathing her hair.

"Nothing." I answered after a while.

Then I noticed a crucifix around her neck. Large and beaded with blue and white crystals. I never knew she was a Christian.

Then again, I didn't know anything about her.

The room seemed dark and cornered in the mess and loudness behind the door. It was Yamazaki's room. The closest I could find to keep us alone. My room would probably be crashed by now.

I felt her touch my back, and pinch my shirt in her fingers.

It felt nice to be like this.

I didn't know what to say. I never really talked to girls. They never talked either. But here I was, hoping she'd just say something.

The white of her sleeved shirt almost glowed, but I stayed tight to her hair.

I'd had enough of thinking about her all the time. Dreaming like some loser. I was gonna get this over with. Maybe if I could just stay with her all night, I'd forget.

But I didn't move.

I didn't want to.

I moved in beside her, and I heard her breathing again.

I had to grin as she turned her head to look at me. She was finally here with me. I didn't have to go through dreaming about her again.

She was murmuring things.

"This isn't a dream." She repeated herself, and I pulled her closer to me, "You're real." She was smiling a little.

I held her by her hair and covered over her, "Yeah. I'm real."

Her knees knocked against mine lightly, and she fell aside me, her arm tightening.

I pushed back her hair, and pulled back from her cheeks

She was smiling.

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

"I'm real." His voice seemed to have echoed through me leaving me burning and freezing at the same time.

I pulled myself next to him, and threw my arm firmer. His fingers raked through my hair, and I had to smile.

It wasn't a dream.

I touched his face. Leanb.

He wasn't a dream.

He kissed me again. His hand leaving mine, and going around my waist and holding me against him.

He was real.

Real.

He was kissing me for real. No more dreaming for me.

My body fell limp under him, and I was lost in the bliss. His lips were soft. Exotic and it felt crazy.

A hand lifted up my back, and I caught my balance around his arm, closing my eyes.

I held the back of his neck; just like I'd wanted to for days, and ran my fingers through his brown strands. They felt soft in my fingers, and I could almost feel his lips smiling against mine.

My jeans felt rough against his, and I had to open my eyes. I know it's rude to when you're kissing someone, but I just had to memorize this moment.

I just had to make it seem real.

His eyes were closed. And I was right.

He was smiling.

My heart soared through the darkness around us. The blasting music didn't bother me anymore.

As long as he was here. With me.

I wouldn't say I wasn't surprised. But I didn't want to forget even the littlest of this. I wanted to remember every time he would breath in. Everytime he would nuzzle against my neck, and his grip would tighten around me. Every little sigh.

I didn't want to know why he was doing this.

No.

But I thanked God anyways.

Maybe those days of voluntary work in the church was actually being paid off. Maybe those days of infatuating and drooling in my dreams were finished.

Maybe he would just ask me out right now. Maybe he would say he didn't care if everyone called him an outcast because he would still want to be with me. He would confess how he couldn't resist me anymore, and wanted me to forgive him for spending time with that girl he was with just minutes ago. He would take off that ring in his ear, and swear he would never touch drugs.

Then maybe we could come up with a plan and run away together. Away from my dad. He wouldn't have to worry about marrying me off to some restpecable creepy man with an interest in archeology.

We'd buy a house from that money in my account, and Syaoran would go working somewhere while I looked after the house. And then one day he'd buy a diamond ring without telling me, and fall down on his knees the moment he would get home, grab my hand smoothly and…

"Hey! Open the goddamn door Syaoran! I know you're in there!"

The bedroom door almost threatened to give away with the load of raps it got, and for a second I lost track of what was happening.

Syaoran didn't move away, and I didn't dare myself.

He didn't seem to be looking bother, but the banging kept on going.

"Get the fuck out Syaoran! I'm bloody tired, and Chiharu's spazzing out on me!" Then came the kicks.

I could hear the string of light curses in my hair, and then he was up. The coldness almost stung me.

He didn't look back, and I lay sprawled on the bed. Confused. A little hurt.

He didn't turn the lights on. No. He didn't look back either. He unlocked the door. Opened it, and before I knew it, it was slammed shut. And I was in the dark again. The voice from outside didn't yell anymore, and so I waited.

Waited.

And waited.

But he didn't come. He never came.

The coldness in the night suddenly seemed to throw itself on top of me. I shivered in my sleeves, and pushed my hair off my face. Wasn't it warm just a few minutes ago?

The time seemed to go by slowly and painfully. I could hear cars zooming by. I could hear the music changing. I could here thumps from next door.

I stayed tight in the mess. I waited. He wouldn't just leave me here…would he?

My eyes suddenly prickled in the ruffled sheets, and I grabbed the nearest pillow, just incase my eyes betrayed me. And just incase the screws in my eye came loose.

He could have at least said a sorry, and asked me to leave the room.

He could have at least turned around, smiled and said bye.

He could have at least said he wanted to meet me again.

But he didn't.

His friends would probably come in any moment now.

Laugh.

Point. And laugh. The whole school would doubtlessly know by tomorrow. That I hooked up with an outcast. Tomoyo and Rika wouldn't talk to me anymore. I doubt Van and Eriol would even look at me.

And he would probably be there. Some girl dragging him off to that Resource room.

The spine of my back suddenly gave in, and I hauled myself off the bed, kicking off the sheets that came in my way.

Damn him! The tears fell fast without consulting me. They felt like fire.

I swayed around for a second, wiping them off my cheeks. My face felt hot. Was I burning?

I caught my head, and made my way to the door.

Did he use me?

Was he just making fun of me?

Then where was that guy who had been banging on the door?

I flung the door open, and for a second I was blinded by the extremeness of the light and loudness.

I almost pushed myself out. Almost bumped into a snogging couple. I looked around.

I couldn't see anyone particularly interested in getting the door open. And I couldn't see Syaoran. Was he in some other room by now? With some other girl?

I swear. I think I could have almost bawled out right there and then. My knees suddenly felt weak, and pushed myself forward.

Hurled through five drunk guys, the strength in the music almost blocking away my thumping thoughts.

I think I was crying again, because I could feel something wet on my cheeks. But they went away with the back of my hand. I sniffled, stepping over a guy and not bothering to apologize.

I found the door. Blocked by snoggers. Trailed with beer cans and things that I just stomped over.

My eyes went blurry again, so I threw myself through the door. Shivered as the coldness stung into my skin again.

I cursed as my boots got caught in the string of more beer cans outside the hallway. There weren't many people out here this time, so I forced myself to knock the cans over, tearing myself through another glued couple, and running towards the sight of an elevator.

I just had to get home now.

Home.

And snuggle into bed, and cry my heart out.

I punched the button with my fist, my breath coming short and the tears almost reeling out. My throat had knotted up by now, and it felt dry. Very dry. Like someone had just shoved cotton into my mouth.

I knew I was about to cry again. I just knew it. And I didn't want to do that in front of anybody. Even if it meant in front of these people who were a bunch of drunkards at the moment.

I kicked the metal door when it didn't open. I kept kicking it, letting my boots crash into it mercilessly.

I yelled out a little. I don't think anyone heard me over the bounding of the music. I jammed my thumb on the button again.

"Open dammit!" I kicked again, and at this I could feel my eyes ready to throw out the tears.

Why was I always so stupid to trust people?

Why hadn't I known that this guy would fit his description of being the kind of asshole he was? Even Meiling had asked me to stay away from him. But no. I just couldn't resist could I?

I've always been the girl to go against what ever thrown my way. Good or bad.

Bad, because that was the only way around it. And good because, there was always someone up there who turned things like porridge too thick.

Personally, between you and me, I'm no fan for porridge. Thick or thin thank you very much.

But yet, here I was getting this damn elevator to open, and trying to keep me from just falling down and start crying.

Why hadn't I just listened? Dad had asked me to stay away from guys like Syaoran just this morning. The ones who were misguided, and didn't care of what they did.

I should have stuck with everything I had. Like Van. He wanted me. But now. I had to reject him and go for his stark opposite. Syaoran.

Why hadn't I just stayed home and finished off hearing Kero and Touya go for each other's throats?

It wasn't like I liked Syaoran _that _much. Sure I was obsessed. But there were always limits to it right?

There was always a boundary to show you where to stop this infatuation right? Was this where it all stopped?

The dead-end to my possibly ruined love life?

Was this how it would always be? It had been the same with a few guys in Tokyo before. Eriol was obviously the same as them. But could I expect something different out of Syaoran when he'd just ditched me?

No.

I know I've always been stupid and an idiot when it came to guys. But how could I've actually thought that I was in love? How could I've been so dumb?

So blind.

I gave the door another kick. This time a weaker one.

Even this damn elevator won't listen to me. Who else would then?

"Open up." I could feel my shoulders shaking, and I could feel my chest jumping with the rhythm of the tears behind my eyes.

I was so stupid.

So crazy when it came to guys.

I didn't even have the right hooks to pick the fishes out of the sea. This time I actually went against everything, and fallen for some bad boy.

A real bad boy.

A guy who just threw me away in the first ten minutes. Was I that pathetic?

I whacked the door for an extra measure, suddenly feeling very alone and left out.

Who was I trying to kid?

I was pathetic.

"Pathetic." I scowled at the door, giving it one last kick, and hovering up my screwed tears.

"Y'know. It don't matter if you're some macho chic. That door don't open for no one."

I cringed in my spot and whirled around at the voice, my anger suddenly blaring at whoever had decided to sneak up on me, "Damn it! Does it look like I freakin' care!? It can goddamn go to hell and rot with you!!"

Maybe I shouldn't have pushed the guy across his shoulders. Maybe I shouldn't have grabbed his shirt.

"If it doesn't want to open, then I'll make it open! I can do whatever I want, do you get me?! I can burn it! I can strangle it! I can kick it! I can turn it into a pig, and send it flying! I can do whatever I bloody want! So why don't you be a good boy and go back to bed huh?!"

I jammed him against the wall, his shirt balled in my fists, my breath come in short and sharp rasps. For a second, I almost fell. For a second, I could have almost cried on him.

But then I looked up.

I had to look up.

"Fine" He was grinning, "I'll be a good boy and go to bed. Are you gonna come with me or what?"

I don't know how I didn't recognize his voice before. I don't know how I had the strength to push around someone like him.

He didn't seem surprised.

No.

He was just holding me tight. Hadn't he just left me for some other prettier girl?

Syaoran Li P.O.V

The moment she looked up, she didn't blink.

Her curses stopped in midway, and it was almost like she was frozen. Almost funny. Her face was looking priceless, and I could see the redness in her eyes. Was she crying?

"What?" I managed to speak, grabbing her around the waist, and pulling her tight, "Is that a yes?"

Her expression was looking tangled. Tensed. And before I knew, she was pushing me away. Something I wasn't expecting.

She was whirling around and punching the elevator button again, her voice rumbling softly.

"It's crashed…if you wanna know. Stuck on the second floor."

Her movement had stopped, and she took the chance to look over shoulders and glare at me, "I knew that."

"Sure you did."

And with that she was stalking off, half-running towards the stairs.

"Hey!"

I couldn't take the chance of letting her go off like that. No. So I ran after her. Taking two steps at a time.

I never could let go of a girl when I had her.

Especially not this one.

I loved the smell of her hair. Like roses.

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

I couldn't believe it!

I swear to Christ, I couldn't believe what was happening? But I was running. That was all that mattered.

I don't think I could hold myself if I had to see his face once more.

Cheeky. With beautiful eyes.

No. I had to get out of there. Even if it meant, that I'd have to walk home alone in the middle of the night.

"What the hell's wrong with you? Wait up!" I could hear him yelling from behind me, but I didn't stop.

"Bitch!"

He was near, but I pretended not to hear him. I would just act normal, and say it was time for me to go home. I would just pretend that nothing happened. Just pretend that I was fine, and these tears that were falling were just particles of a hologram. Artificial drops of water.

I slapped them away the moment I took a turn.

I think he saw them. I think he saw my face. Because his fingers were suddenly around my elbow, hauling me back against him. Hard and painfully.

I tried pushing him away again, but he just held me tight. Awfully close.

For some reason I couldn't say anything. I couldn't yell at him. I couldn't scratch him in the face or kick him where it'd really hurt him.

"Wanna explain?!" He had me trapped against the walls of the stairs, his face inches away from mine, "There ain't no dog behind you, y'know. So you gotta shut your yap."

I looked away, my pounding heart grazing against my rib cage, my lips breathing for air. I could feel his hair tickling my face, his arms hard against mine, and his soft panting. I didn't look at him. I couldn't. I was shaking.

"What's got you so pissed?" he was very near. Too near. "Eh?"

"You." I whispered, not being able to take his closeness anymore and having him touch me like that. Why was he acting like he didn't know anything? "You!" I leaned back against the wall, but he didn't let me go.

I don't think he heard me, because he wasn't saying anything after that. And I didn't expect him to. He probably thought I was just another one of those sluts who came and went.

But, why had he run after me then?

Wasn't he finished with me?

I could hear him chuckle in my ear, his lips grazing against my neck, his cheek inclined against mine. "Bitch." His voice was quiet and not even a little scraped.

I shook my head, but I didn't push him away, "Screw you."

Then he kissed my cheek.

He kissed my jaw.

"I like bitches."

I couldn't understand his talk. I couldn't.

I stared at him for seconds. Scowling. Gritting my jaw. "Why did you leave me then?" the question sounded alien to my own ears. Childish. But, there. I asked him. I finally tore away my nerve and let the blood fall. Sounds gory right?

Syaoran laughed again, his lips brushing past the corner of mine, and a hand suddenly in my hair.

"Hey, I didn't leave you. You ran off."

I suddenly caught my breath, "What?" I froze, my jaw suddenly running out of energy to grit anymore, "I ran off? _I_ ran off?" I was lost for words for a second but it didn't last any longer, "Are you _crazy_? If you knocked yourself somewhere on your head, let me jog your dead memory. _You_ walked off. _You_ just got up, and left. In conclusion, _you_ ran off! Are we on the same plane now or what?"

He pulled back a little; "Wait a sec. You got cracked over that?" he started chuckling, "That I ran off?"

He didn't know what he was talking about. Cracked?

I glowered at him, gripping onto the side of his shirt, trying to push him away; "I need to go home. So if you can let me go, that would be nice." Maybe a change on subject would be good. Definitely.

He rolled his eyes, "Ain't it past your curfew already?"

I didn't catch his eyes.

"How about we go back up and talk this out?" Syaoran continued.

I held past him again, "No." I said firmly, "I'm going home."

"Home?" he laughed a little, then paused, "Okay." He let out a stalled breath, his head pressed against mine, "Listen to this then." Our noses bumped as he continued, his breath warm on my face, "I didn't bloody walk out on you. You've got it all rollin' in your lil' head. All right?"

Great.

Now he expected me to believe that.

"My mates don't like me making out with some random girl in their rooms. They pay me rent. Not the other way 'round. So I gotta keep it clean if I need my money."

I scoffed at him. Laughed a little, and tore myself away from him, jogging down the stairs before he had the chance to grab me again. I wasn't random.

Guys called me bitches and other rated words…but…never random. Never.

"Where're you going?" his voice was low in octaves.

I didn't turn to look at him, "Home. But tell Meiling thanks for getting me here." I didn't see his face darken. I didn't see his glare; "I had fun. Lots of it."

I kept at my calm pace.

Calm.

With trembling knees.

This time…I was walking away from him. From a guy I was crazy over. Would this craziness go away this time? Now that I knew more about him?

"It wasn't Meiling y'know." I could hear him muttering the moment I took the last step down.

"What?" I stopped for a few seconds, wanting more than ever to hear him out.

He wasn't smiling anymore. No. He hadn't moved an inch from where he stood before. "You think she wanted you here?"

I frowned readily, clearly confused, "Come again?"

He looked exactly the same when I saw him on my first day at school. Black shirt, torn jeans, spiked hair gone messy, with that little ring in his ear catching the light of the bulb

Just the way I'd liked him. Why would it ever get any different?

"It was my idea." His voice was quiet over the thumping above us; "Do you think Meiling would have the guts?"

I stood there tight, unable to understand anything and everything he was saying.

"What. What do you mean?"

He gave me one long hard stare, then came bounding down the stairs. Not even looking my way.

"Let's go." Before I knew it he was walking past me; hands in his pockets, cringing a little as he opened the door and then out of my sight.

Without wasting a moment, I ran after him.

"Where are we going?" I couldn't help but ask as he took a turn down what seemed to be a parking slot.

"I'm driving you."

I froze in my steps, shaking my head, "No thanks. But I'm walking."

He was instantly throwing me a scowl as he pressed onto his beeper, "If you wanna get raped, why not make it a lil' more obvious then, huh?"

I bit onto my tongue, suddenly feeling very embarrassed and angry. How could he talk about something like that? "Shut up!" My fiery tongue came back, "I'm _not _gonna get raped all right? I can take care of myself. I don't need you telling—,"

"Why don't you save it all for your wedding aight? I don't have time listening to crap all night." He was suddenly grabbing me and dragging me towards his car.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean!" I was screaming all the way until he had himself strapped, "I'm not gonna say something like that at my wedding."

"Cap your bullshit, bitch." That was all he said, before turning to look around and taking the car into reverse.

And there I was, already planning our wedding. Idiot. He sure knew how to kill a girl's dreams.

We didn't speak a word till the moment we were on my street. The heat seemed to have gone down, and I had more than a nagging feeling about this.

Maybe I shouldn't have gone and said all that to him. Maybe I should have stayed there for a little while and made good use of the luck I was getting. Maybe he hadn't really ditched me.

But it was too late now.

"You can stop here." I motioned him to a white building that stayed dull in the dark night.

"It's not even your house."

I kept myself from looking at him; "If you really have to know, I snuck out. I can't just knock on the door and expect to be allowed to go to bed."

He didn't say anything more, but parked the car on the right curb, the silence suddenly feeling very disturbing.

He'd been kind enough to give me a lift. I had to say at least a thank you. Or a sorry for kicking his dead elevator. Maybe these boots wouldn't be that strong enough to give it a few dents?

"Um…" I started turning to him slowly and nervously, "Thanks for the ride," I gave him a sarcastic giggle after that, "And thanks to you, at least I didn't get raped."

That might not have been a good enough joke, but the least he could do was crack a smile, and make the tension easy for both of us.

But instead, he had that strange look on his face. I could almost hear him say, 'Get out lame-o. I have better things to do than hear your dry jokes'.

I should have been angry at him. But I wasn't anymore.

I should have been getting out and slamming the door in his face. But I wasn't.

I was stammering. Feeling nauseous, and getting all the symptoms you get when you're near someone you're head over heels with.

I reached out for the door. Dejected. And angry with myself. I always went for the wrong guys. Either they got too harsh or either they played around with me like Kero's rag doll that my brother had thrown away the other day.

But before I'd gotten too carried away with my thoughts, I felt him snatch my wrist.

"Sakura. I didn't ask you to leave." The moment I turned around, I caught his eyes glowing in the light, and his fingers slipped into mine. Slowly. Silently. Softly.

I didn't move an inch.

I had made up my mind to ask him what he meant when he said that it was 'his idea'.

But I didn't get the chance. I could hardly open my mouth.

And I don't suppose he was the kind of guy, who would beat around the bush, because after pulling me closer, he was kissing me again.

No. I don't think I'd ever get enough of kissing him. Never.

He held me close, and I tried not to show how surprised I was. I regained my consciousness after a while, demanding myself whether to kiss him back or not.

He pulled back for a second, his lips brushing past my chin, and catching his breath. When they were back in level with mine, I made my decision.

I swallowed the cotton in my throat, and gripped onto his fingers. They felt smooth against my clammy ones. This time, I leaned and kissed him once.

Then twice.

"What did you mean, when you said it was your idea?"

He trailed his chin over mine; "I…wanted you to come." His kissed me this time; making my heart skipped a beat; "Meiling had nothing to do with it."

I was shocked.

More that shocked, "You mean…?"

He gave a little sigh as his fingers curled behind my neck, "Man. You talk a lot." And without recognizing my grunt, he caught himself in the parting of my lips again.

We were pulling apart after a few seconds, and the dizziness in me faltered away as he left my fingers.

Uncertainly I looked around, and straightened my shirt a little. Hell, I was nervous.

"Um…I…I better go."

And before I could take it any longer, I pushed the door open, jumped out and slammed it behind me.

Syaoran didn't waste time in starting up the engine. No.

He gave me one side-glance, and then he was gone. The muffler of his car riding away into the silent street.

I peeked around discreetly. Nobody would have heard that at this time of the night, right?

I smiled wistfully, and started the way to my house.

It stood tall and angry before me.

I gave a little laugh, and shook a little. Kicking off my shoes, I went forward to climb the tree outside my window. I could see the little slit in between the glasses, so I finally gave in a sigh of relief.

I wasn't bothered if someone would see me breaking into my own house. I wouldn't care if they called the police.

Because I was on Cloud 9.

Now, only if Kero wouldn't bark that loud, I'm suspecting I'd get through the night without much trouble.

Syaoran Li P.O.V

I don't know why, but as soon as I reached back to the apartment, I locked myself in my room after kicking out Shiroi and some half-naked girl.

I had fun, but I hadn't had enough. Not even near enough.

I hadn't planned on letting Sakura go so soon. I hadn't planned on getting frustrated over that.

I was supposed to be over her by now.

But I wasn't.

She was gone, and I wanted her with me.

"Damn it!" The wall didn't seem to have any effect with my punches, so I just had to drag myself and fall in bed.

She'd been a little weird…but I liked weird. I liked stupid and crazy girls.

She gotten pissed when I'd gone to talk to Yamazaki. Thinking that I'd ditched her.

Man.

That was crazy.

In fact, it almost felt nice. I could tell she wanted me. Heh. Like hell she did.

She was wild for a goody. With all the kicking Harotori got from her, I wouldn't be surprised if he'd jump her sometime.

She'd been a little out of it. I don't think I can remember her being like that at school. But then again, I don't even know her.

I liked her.

Was that it?

I hardly liked girls. One small fling. And they were gone.

But she'd been so…weird.

I wouldn't bet on it if she wouldn't mouth this off to someone else. Yeah. Girls like her always got me in trouble.

They bring their 'man' out on me.

Jeez.

Don't know how much of a man Hiiragizawa ever was, but he was a wuss. Pretty boys like him didn't dirty their crossed faces.

But since he had his own girl, I don't think he'd be worrying if I did a little borrowing.

No one would find out. No.

I don't think the lil' fool would tell anyone.

She was a little ditzy. A little silly. A little bitch.

Then again, I've always liked little bitches that could give a few punches to retards.

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

Tomoyo hadn't stopped going on about how her date last night had been. With Eriol off course. All alone, driving around in his car. Yada. Yada. Ya.

She continued to emphasize every point till I reached to the stage where I could have blown up.

Nope.

She didn't have the slightest clue that I didn't care.

I didn't care about their so-called relationship or what they did.

I didn't give a damn about Eriol.

He could ask her to marry him for all I cared, because there was no way what they could have done would have been completely wild as the night I had.

No.

Never.

I could have boasted. I could be the one babbling out like her right now. But Tomoyo didn't need to know.

It was lunch, and she'd dragged me off with her story.

Eriol had been nearby, watching me. Then had been dragged off to a soccer meeting.

I couldn't help but grin. Cheers to you too Mr. Ass, there was no way he was ever gonna see me jealous over his cheap charms. The loser didn't even get it by now.

His charms were getting old, which by the way, had to be second-hand.

Van hadn't even been conversing with me. Not even a little 'hi'. It didn't surprise me. He probably couldn't stand seeing my face after that 'kinda-rejection' I'd given him yesterday.

Yeah. He was history.

Besides, I'm sure he'd get over me soon.

Guys don't stay single for long after they've liked someone like me.

But I hadn't seen Syaoran around either.

Maybe he didn't want to talk to me anymore?

Maybe he couldn't face me?

Somehow, I didn't think that was entirely true, because last night he'd been different. He hadn't walked out on me, and he hadn't charged me for kicking his elevator.

Even after I'd gone crazy and retarded, he'd run after me.

And he wouldn't have done that if he didn't like me even a little bit.

"And then I met his mom. I can't believe how cool she was!" Tomoyo went on blabbering, while I continued to poke around with my salad. The coleslaw stunk, and all the talking was making me dizzy.

Rika beside me slurped on her juice, her expression looking equally bored as mine, and Van who sat the furthest away from me, didn't even bother to look like he was listening. His eyes were on me. Frowning. And it was definitely creeping me out.

But thank goodness, Eriol decided to pop in at that moment, shutting off Tomoyo with a kiss and sliding in beside her, "Hey baby."

Rika and I sighed in unison, breaking the humid atmosphere, while the two unlocked after a 'Get a damn room' from Van.

He immediately got in a discussion with Eriol, while Tomoyo leaned over the table looking suspicious, "Girl. What did you do to him? He doesn't even talk to you," she whispered behind her hand, with Rika nodding all the way.

"He even rejected this girl who asked him out after homeroom."

I didn't know what to say, so I just kept my mouth shut and managed to look away before they could say anymore.

"Sakura!" Rika went on hissing, "You wouldn't know how he is if you don't give him a go y'know."

Great. They made him sound like he was some bikini in a surf store.

"Yeah." Tomoyo piped in, "You can dump him after a week. He wouldn't even be interested in you after that."

Yup. Just great. Now they made _me_ sound like a polka-dot bikini.

Ah.

Hell with bikinis.

Grabbing my books, I stood up hastily, picking my tray, "Uh…I need to go to the library. I'll…see you guys later."

Rika was glancing into Van's watch, "Bell's gonna ring in a few minutes. Why bother?"

Plastering on a nervous smile, I slid the tray over the counter, backing out, "I need to get this book for History. I have this stupid assignment, and I—," but I was out of there before I even realized that Van took History too.

Oh. Damn it. But I had to get out of there, before Tomoyo could go on about Van and his sexiness.

Why couldn't she just be happy with Eriol and butt out along with Rika?

Unfortunately, I hadn't gotten far away, before I heard my name being called. It was a guy.

God. Oh god. Speak of the devil.

Van was jogging towards me, my skin jumping with each step he took nearer to me.

"Thought I'd help you with your History." He was smiling a little along with every pant, "Whatever it's about."

He seemed to have caught onto my lie, but it didn't matter anymore.

"Look. Van I really—,"

"Y'know, I don't care." He interrupted me before I could even start my apology, "I know you already have a boyfriend, but I don't care. Ryoga or whatever his name was. Screw him." He was too close to me.

Ryoga?

"You gotta go out with me. It's not like he's gonna find out or anything. And I…I like you."

Before I knew it, his fingers were tucking back my hair and I happened to notice that he was beginning to lean on me.

I gave a hard gulp, and instantly pulled away, laughing all the way. As forced and nervous as I could make it. It felt like a perfect déjà vu, except this time it was Van instead of Eriol.

"Van. I…uh…this isn't good."

"Why not?" He fired back scowling and dangerously near, "I like you. And I know you like me."

It was a little funny how he could admit something like that so freely and how I'd been waiting to hear that same thing from Syaoran.

"Look. Van, I—,"

"I can make you like me."

"Hey, I really don't—,"

"Forget about Ryoga. He's gotta be some wuss anyway!" His face was suddenly over mine, and my cold feet were back to sending shivers down my back.

I was backing off instinctively, "Van. Please. You're freaking me out."

His smile suddenly looked very crazy, "Right."

"Honestly. And there are people watching." I was glancing around at my own words, and I caught a few smiles.

"Good for them." He turned on a smug look, then brushed his fingers over my forehead, "But I have a meeting right now."

I swear, I'm sure he could have seen my relief right through me.

"Break it off with him." He was taking steps back, "It's gonna be easier for you."

My words were blocked off, and I didn't even have the strength to say anything. But with a small wave he was gone.

Walking off.

Leaving me breathing hard and full of cold blood.

Argh! That idiot. First he confesses, and then he runs off?

The hallway was empty by then. The only few guys who'd been there had went into the cafeteria, and it suddenly felt all weird.

Pushing back my thoughts, I continued down the hallway. My footsteps echoing and my dry sweat disappearing with my deep sighs.

Things happened in an eye-blink after that.

In front of me was suddenly Syaoran. Scowling. His face darkened, and his jaw gritting.

His hand was suddenly grabbing me and hauling me off into one of the classrooms. Slamming the door close, I was thrown against the door, and his forehead was jammed against mine harshly.

"A close friend of yours?" his voice came sounding hoarse and loud over my thumping heart.

I knew he was talking about Van, and in that one second I knew he'd seen us.

I think I'd paled.

"Just…a friend." I gulped as he fell against me, his cold fingers slipping into mine and gripping them tight.

"Bullshit." His parted lips brushed over my face.

Then he kissed me.

Angrily.

Aggressively.

Roughly.

He didn't let go of my hand, and his kisses suddenly flew down my neck, his voice in deep whispers.

"You didn't punch him." He had me clamped shut again.

"You didn't do nothing!" He had already opened up my mouth, and the force had already brought my knees to its end, so I stayed hanging in between the door and him. Embarrassed. Confused. And happy at the same time.

For that moment, I didn't know why he was doing this.

But I knew he was pissed.

Shinsei Kokoro


	11. Locked

**Author's Notes –** So sorry for making you guys wait for this long. I know- my bad. But things have been weird lately. Here's to another chapter…and off course hoping that you guys will forgive lil' ol' me. I want to thank everyone who's been so encouraging and people who've waited patiently. Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews. I'm extremely grateful.

* * *

**Title –** Head Over Heels  
**Author –** Shinsei Kokoro  
**Chapter – **11** –** Locked  
**Beta Reader –** Amai Okashi  
**Updated –** 13th December 2004

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Syaoran Li P.O.V

I don't think I was even thinking about what was happening when I saw them like that. The asshole and her. I was supposed to meet up with the gang in the backfield, but the moment I'd caught sight of her, she was the only one on my mind.

They were so…close. Damn. Too close.

And it had me going bloody crazy. She hadn't kicked him like she'd done to Horotori. She hadn't said one damn word. Instead, she'd just stood there; looking pathetic and letting him touch her like that. It was disgusting.

And the moment he was out of there, I was dragging her off, all thoughts of Shiroi hooking up with Meiling forgotten. This was important.

I couldn't let her do this to me.

I couldn't let her go flirting with some goddamn losers when she had…me.

But here she was, right in front of me.

Her hands holding onto the back of my shirt.

Her fingers slowly moving in mine, and her skin the way I remember it from yesterday. Smooth and soft.

I hadn't let her speak for quite a while, and I knew that with the bell ringing in a few minutes, the door would be opening too.

I left her hands to grab the side of her head and sniffed a little into her hair. This was exactly where the loser had touched her.

Yes. It still smelled the same, thought it was a little faint today.

Roses.

I kissed her. Her lips barely touched mine, but she felt needy. She felt weak, and so I let her go. I was loosing my mind, and my hands suddenly felt out of control.

Then she went gasping against me. I felt her almost falling down, but I didn't hold her up. So the moment I pulled away, she had toppled firmly against the door. Her shoulders heaving and her breathing labored.

I stood right where I was, while she scrambled around, shuffling and grunting, before looking up with an aghast expression. My hands were shaking a little.

"What-what was that for?" she seemed to swallow hard, and catch onto her breath again.

I didn't know what to say. She stood up cautiously, holding the doorknob for support, and gathering her books at the same time. And I watched her.

I didn't have an easy answer I could tell her openly. Damn, hardly an answer.

I was jealous.

Badly.

And since I was man enough to admit that to myself, there was no way she was getting that out of me.

But apparently she hadn't been waiting for answers. She hadn't gone red like I'd expected her to, but she was looking at me frowning.

Her green eyes blinking. Her lips looked like they were red, and they were a little parted, revealing a small glimpse of her perfect row of teeth.

Her skirt had ridden up a little, and she had unconsciously started to mat it down neatly. Her runners didn't match with her clothes, and her hair tie had slipped down, letting them fall around her shoulder.

She looked small. In front of me that is. Holding up her books like that, her facials looking confused and lost.

And she watched me. Just watched me.

Damn.

I wanted her. All to myself.

I couldn't keep my hands away from her. I couldn't stop thinking about her. I couldn't stop. Just couldn't stop.

I leaned on her again, and she went flat against the door, looking a little anxious.

"After school." I kissed her again, feeling one of the books stab me in the ribs, "Backfield. Be there."

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

He didn't wait to say anything anymore. Because before I knew it, he was pulling away from me and walking off after opening the door. I swear he could hear my heart thumping. Like a stupid horse who just wouldn't stop running.

Backfield? After school?

What had he meant by that? Why did he want to meet me there?

My brain suddenly zeroed in on me, and I found myself feeling dizzy. Did he want to see me again? Did this mean that it was way of him asking me out?

I didn't think I could move. I didn't think I could feel any blood rushing through my veins.

But that was when the door pushed aside my back, making me jump out of the way.

The bell had already rung?

My thoughts were confirmed when three girls piled in, but instead of walking to their seats, their eyes were on me.

"Was that asshole just in here or what?" one of them scanned around the room, then all three squinted at me.

I could have choked, but I just waved my hand nonchalantly, desperately hoping they weren't haywire "God. Off course not! You think I'd be hangin' out with him in the same room? You gotta be nuts."

I didn't wait around to let them speak anymore. The expressions on their faces were enough to send me waving at them and out of the door. They were juniors. And I was desperately hoping they would believe me.

They had to be convinced.

Thudding myself against the door, I sighed in relief and exhaustion. That had been a damn right close call. If he'd left a second later, god knows what would have happened.

The cold touch of the door reached to my spine, and I wistfully touched my lips. He'd actually talked to me. He'd held my hands. He'd kissed me. My mouth was stinging a little, but I guess that was okay.

I ignored the weird looks from the bustling bunch passing through me. No one needed to know this.

No one.

Because for once in my life, everything was going just the way I wanted it to.

I felt more than light as the rest of the classes passed by. I doubt there was anyone who could make me loose that dizzy feeling. Anyone who could bring me down from the trapeze. Hell…what was I thinking?

Chemistry was last period, and I suddenly felt a wave of nausea wash over me the moment I stepped through the door.

Both the devils were in their seats behind each other.

Both grinning.

Both making me churn and swallow hard.

Damn brats.

Eriol wasn't looking too bothered as Tomoyo kept latching at his fingers. Van behind them rushed closer as I sat next to him.

I didn't look at him. I tried my hardest not to even glance his way.

"You okay?" His voice tingled deep beside my ear, and I managed to just nod away. I didn't want him to get the wrong idea. I never wanted him to get the wrong idea. I didn't want to lead him on.

"Hey." Tomoyo had turned around and was now glancing my way discreetly as the teacher changed the slide over the OHP, "We're gonna check out that new club downtown. Wanna come?"

It didn't take me even a second to answer her apologetically, "No can do. I'm having dinner with Mom tonight. I've been stalling it for weeks."

Tomoyo shrugged, then gave me a sly grin, "She's finally getting to you eh?"

I snorted lightly; "Fat chance. Her husband's gonna be there too."

Tomoyo just nodded back and went back to copying notes. From the corner of my eyes, I could see Van glancing my way once in a while as if trying to get my attention. So I made sure I didn't look either way, and left my eyes trained on the teacher.

I could play hard to get.

As a matter of fact, I was excellent at it. Because either way, I wasn't gonna let this chance with Syaoran slip by.

Syaoran Li P.O.V

I didn't know how I was gonna pull it off, but I had to. It was just yesterday that I'd found out how bitchy and goddamn nosy Meiling could be. Blast that girl.

She hadn't stopped going on about how she'd seen me dragging off some girl who'd looked suspiciously like Sakura. She hadn't stopped pestering me. But it was hardly likely if she thought she was gonna get anything outta me.

And along the way, I was safe to have sorted things out between Shiroi and her.

She'd given him a nosebleed after he'd kissed her in front of the guy she was going out with. He'd obviously been drunk, and so as usual he was oblivious to every damn thing that had happened last night.

It had me pissed for a while, but it all went pouring down the hill after I hooked up with Sakura.

She might not have gotten the drift last night, but I was gonna make sure she didn't go around flirting with assholes from now on.

It wasn't my idea to have called her after school, but there didn't seem to be another crazy idea in my head. I'd seen a few girls come my way after I'd left her in the class, so I was pretty darn glad that I hadn't been hanging around there any longer.

For now, I just had to wait a little longer till I had her with me again.

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

Van stayed glued to my side all the way till we walked to my locker. He was trying his best to convince me to ditch the dinner with Mom and come his way.

It was true. He was a guy who tried very hard. Possibly even harder than Eriol. I sneaked a look at the couple ogling along behind us, and then managed to answer back to whatever Mr Van the Man had asked.

"Yeah." I swept my eyes over him nonchalantly, as I fumbled to get my locker door open.

"Really?" he fell again the metal doors beside me his face looking eager, "You'll come?"

I gave him a double glance, then groaned silently, "Downtown? Off course not. I told you, I've gotta make it to this dinner, or my dad's gonna have my head."

He growled a little, "But you can have dinner with her anytime. It's the weekend tomorrow. What about then? It's a Friday night. You can't be spending time with your old folks today."

I stole a look at him as I fingered through the books I needed for tonight, "I have church on Saturday and Sunday is my only day off. I'm not gonna spend it with a hangover."

He whined a little more, and I couldn't help but laugh a little. He looked miserable. Very miserable. It's been a while since any guy has had that look on his face because of me.

And it would be a wrong thing to say that Van wasn't good looking. The other girls were completely right to be falling hard for him. He's in some track team and he plays basketball. He knows how to dress up, and doesn't flaunt as much as Eriol might if he were as rich as he was.

But I guess he stepped up a little late. He's right though. There's no way I'd spend Friday night stuck away with only my mother and her stuck up prick of a husband.

I grinned silently, watching Van make a few comical faces.

Syaoran had asked me out. Maybe he just wanted to talk. But he'd asked me, and that was all I needed to stay happy for. In fact, I didn't even care about the certitude that I'd be the one cooking dinner for my mother and her new husband. So maybe, I'd have to be a little careful of not food poisoning them, but dad could help me with that.

"I'll give you a ride home then."

"No thanks Van. My brother's coming to pick me up. He's gonna kill me if I ditch him."

Tomoyo turned around to grin at me just then, "And you're already late." She said it in that sing song voice that made me glance at my watch.

"Oh crap." True to her words, she was right. I was already fifteen minutes late. I could imagine Touya sitting there, drumming his knuckles and grumbling to himself in his grey Toyota.

The hallway was nearly empty, and I made an uncertain gasp at the books in my hand. I tried hard making it sound horrific, "I…uh…I forgot to get my Computer manual! Oops. Better go get them!" I made a beeline to the opposite direction, waving my arms at them frantically, "See you guys on Monday! And have fun tonight!"

I could see their surprised faces, and in my head, I could almost hear them mutter. _She has one heck of a munted head. Wonder how many screws are missing?_

To just play it all safe, I did go to my locker. I didn't want one of them following me and then finding me sneaking off somewhere else. Unlocking the door hurriedly, I almost dropped the books in my hand. Then one-handedly, I managed to grab a random book, and then slam the door shut. A few guys in the corner gave me the queer looks, but I couldn't be bothered holding an apology off with them. Sore losers.

I was late.

And if Touya would be waiting for me, Syaoran must also be waiting. Oh god. Oh shit. I couldn't afford to be standing him up, even if it wasn't some kind of a date.

If I could just make it to the front gates in time, maybe I could skirt through the car park and find a way to the backfield. And maybe if I were fast enough, I would still find Syaoran waiting for me.

Making a dash through the corridor, I held on tight to my cradled books. I couldn't believe I'd let Van take the best of me and waste my time. I couldn't. I would definitely find a way to clobber him if Syaoran would have left by the time I got there. I would strangle him with Kero's leash, and chop his head off with the plastic chainsaw in my garage. It had worked on my guinea pig last summer, who had accidentally decided to sunbathe underneath the blade.

Running across the quad was another thing. There were still only a few girls hanging out, and through the corner of my eyes I could see a couple making out behind the cement seating around the benches.

I nearly tripped twice, and I cursed myself for wearing my new blue sandals today. They had cranky heels.

I was sure they'd be ripped by the time I got to Touya.

After nearly rushing head-on against the bonnet of a car, I ran through the main entrance, my chest beating and my lungs torn.

Where was Touya? The road was out of traffic, but I couldn't spot the grey Toyota. I was standing on the edge of the pavement, and I desperately hoped I didn't look like an idiot with all these books.

Dammit. Where the hell was he? My mind was spinning. I just knew it. It was spinning so hard that the books in my arms were soon gonna spill on me.

Where was he? He was supposed to be here. He was supposed to be waiting for me no matter how long it took me to get to his damn car!

There was suddenly a honking beside the other corner of the road. But there was no Touya racing past. He wouldn't have left me. He wouldn't just leave me here with all these books. And if I couldn't find him now, then there was no way I was gonna get to Syaoran. Certainly not with all these books hanging off me. He would be sure to think that I was some geek.

The honking at the back of the road hadn't stopped, and I whirled around to scream back at the car. A hand was waving, and before I knew it I was running to it.

The grey Toyota, comfortable under the tree with Touya frowning like there was no tomorrow.

"Why the heck are you parked here?" I was yelling, all the while opening the passenger door and spilling all my books down.

"What do you expect? I'm not gonna burn my head to wait for your sorry ass y'know." I should have expected that. But then again, Touya never had a bone in him called patience, "And where the hell were you huh? I've been waiting here for more than twenty minutes and I'm getting late for work. You could show some punctuality once in a while. You're not gonna be getting a job this way. You won't even get your classes in time when you're in university."

He had a point…but I shut the door back in his surprised face, "What the—,"

I hesitated to come up with a lie, "I've gotta meet up with a study group in the library."

"What?" the frown on Touya's face wasn't pleasant. He was glaring at the books strewn on the seat; "I was waiting here in this damn sun, 'cause you wanted to drop your books off?"

I peeked at him meekly and gave him my best innocent look, "Uh…yes?"

The next thing I knew he was blubbering. The things he wanted to say never coming out. You see, Touya has never sworn at me. I'd made him swear on his mother's grave that he never would since I was his little sister. And little sisters should always be given advantages such as that…or so I thought.

And all I could muster was to reach across the open window, and give his head a pat, "Be a doll Touya. Dinner for the rest of the week is on me, okay?"

The last sentence was enough to calm him down. Starting the engine he looked down at me, the frown not swept off, "How'll you be getting home then? You do remember that your mother's coming over tonight, right?" he asked gruffly, changing gears.

I smiled toothily, "A friend will be dropping me. And I'll be back before six. I promise."

"Whatever." And without a warning he was off.

I grinned at the disappearing car, dusting off my hands, and adjusting my sandals. They weren't torn. And I hoped they were ready for another run.

Syaoran Li was still waiting for me. At least, I hoped he was.

Slipping back through the gate, I inched my way through the staff car park. I crossed my fingers, hoping I wouldn't be late for whatever reason Syaoran had asked me to be there. It was half-empty, but I wouldn't take the chances of finding two teachers making out in their car. I made a run through the bushes as fast as my wobbly legs would take me, and by the time I'd reached on the clear hand on the other side, I was taking out dry leaves out of my hair and swatting away the ugliest fly I've ever seen.

Quickly adjusting my shirt and skirt, I scanned the field, and my fears came true.

There was no one I could see.

Absolutely no one.

Just meters of grass extending in front of me, and in the far distance I think I could make out the empty bleachers.

Syaoran wasn't there.

"Damn!" I was too late. Too damn late.

I kicked at the grass, and I watched a few of the green blades fly up along with some dirt.

"God dammit!" I felt naked. Frustrated. And stranded. I was so angry. So pissed. So furious!

Syaoran had probably been waiting and left after thinking I'd stood him up. I let out my angriest disgruntled cry, and scanned a 360-degree of the grass area.

There was no one.

No Syaoran.

Not even a ghost dog. Christ!

Tracking through, I found myself sitting on the bleachers after a few minutes. They were brown and almost scaly looking, but I sat on them nevertheless, repenting my anger by kicking the cement. But at the end of it all that did was just smudge and bend my toes.

They stung for a while, but it still didn't matter.

I was alone here.

I'd been so stupid. And now, I knew I couldn't blame anyone expect me. It wasn't Touya's fault. He'd been there at the right time. It was me who'd taken so long to get to him. It wasn't Van's fault. He hadn't argued and kept bothering me to come downtown for nothing. He didn't know that I wasn't just gonna spend my Friday night with my gunpowder of a mother. He didn't know I was gonna meet the guy I'd finally had the luck to be with. He hadn't known that. He'd been oblivious to fact that there was only one guy I've ever wanted to spend my time with.

And that would be Syaoran.

Only Syaoran. The hottie.

I kicked at the ground again. I was so stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I'd just blown away my probably only chance to be with Syaoran.

And I was so locked away with the fight I was having with myself, that I didn't notice the shadow falling over me.

Syaoran Li P.O.V

I'd caught her figure from the distance, but with every step I'd taken she hadn't looked up. She hadn't realized I was even there until I was right in front of her.

It was a little funny to see her expression I reckon.

She looked so damn surprised and lost, and her eyes had gone wide. Then she'd bought a hand to block the sun out.

"You alright?" I asked her, sitting down beside her and looking at her opening and closing lips. She just continued to stare at me, her head turning with my movement.

"I…I thought…I thought…" she mumbled, then stopped when I frowned, "I thought that…" her words trailed off after a while.

"Eh?"

She looked away shaking her head. I could hear her mutter a few more words, but I didn't catch them. They sounded funny though. Something about dinner not being wasted and hopping beetles. I didn't catch the words correctly.

But she was looking at me again, this time with a small smile, "I thought I was the one late."

"Oh." I glanced at her, then shrugged hesitantly, "Had to take care of a few things." Yamazaki had been docking with a few of the guys we'd snubbed in the Diner a few days back. The guys who led us to prison. But I hadn't managed to get to them yet. I'd just remembered about Sakura when I was about to let Yamazaki in my car. I'd kicked him out after that.

And after I'd told him off, he'd gone trash talking about how I was coming off badly with Minas.

I looked at the skirt she was wearing, and how her fingers were scratching at the fabric. Little did Yamazaki know the real stash I had right here.

Priceless.

"So…uh…" she glanced slowly at me after the lapsed silence, "What…what did you wanna talk about?"

I looked at the field, then went through my pocket. God, what was I supposed to say now? Girl, I'd like you to stay away from every guy except me? No, that didn't sound decent.

I shook the white box from my pocket, and opened it in her direction.

"Um…" she looked at it nervously, "No thanks. I-I don't smoke."

Shrugging, I popped one in my mouth. Lighting it, I took a long drag of it, and let it out slowly. Ah. I needed that.

I hadn't had a smoke since last night, and it'd been grating at my neck.

"So…" she wrung her fingers together with a large falling back sigh, "Anything new with you?"

"Nah." I let the cigarette dangle between my thumbs.

Then I noticed her turn away quickly the moment I sighed the smoke out. I watched her wrinkle her nose a little bit, so I dropped it.

She looked at me as I smudged it to the cement, but she didn't say anything. It disturbed me a little bit. She could have said something.

"Thanks." I heard her whisper, and I just shrugged it. There.

I had to say it now if I wanted to meet up with Yamazaki in a few minutes, but how the hell?

"Look." I started, catching her attention and making her turn to look at me with her green eyes, "Today…that guy…" I didn't know what more to say after that. So while I tried to cram my head for some words, she continued for me.

"Oh…that was just Van…" she laughed it off uncertainly. I could see her fiddling with the hem of her skirt again; "He's…um, always like that. Y'know…"

"Yeah. I know." I tried not to sound bitter, "Just make sure I don't see him like that again." I tried so damn hard not to sound bitter, but she ended up looking shocked anyway.

And when I knew I couldn't take anymore of her eyes on me, I stood up abruptly. It wasn't supposed to come out like that. I wasn't supposed to sound jealous, but I just couldn't keep it in me anymore.

"I gotta go…" I couldn't look at her, but I heard her.

"So…that's it?"

I turned around to find her up on her feet as well, "Yeah." Her face fell a little at that, and I could see she'd wanted more, "Why? What'd you want?" I ended up smirking at her, and watched her look away.

"Uh, n-nothing!" She wrung her hands behind her back, pushing out a weak smile. But seriously, she was damn easy to read.

I left her there. Standing. In the sun.

I had things to take care of, and she was lucky I'd been thinking about her. I jumped over the metal bars, grinning like an idiot. If I hadn't come, then she'd be sitting there for the whole day.

I'd been meaning to spend some more time with her. But with the thing Yamazaki had bought up, no girl would get in my way.

Especially not Sakura.

But at least I'd managed to get my point across to her.

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

Let's just say I wasn't in a very good mood when I got home. The house was empty, except for Kero lounging on the couch. He obviously knew how to take advantage of the whole situation.

By the time I flopped down next to him, I was sure there were blisters on my feet, and I was sweating.

I was peeved at Syaoran. I don't know for sure if I must be or not. But I'd just found his behavior entirely cocky.

I mean, there I was, having ran and trekked all the way just to see him. I'd given up a ride. I'd given up going downtown. I'd given up having Touya drive me to the nearest ice cream parlor. And when I say giving up a ride, I mean two rides. One from Van and one from my own very non-gentleman chauffeur (Touya). And it means a lot to me, especially when I live miles away.

I had to take two buses, since I took the wrong one first, and then I had to walk for more than fifteen minutes to get towards my gate. And with the sun turned on to its hottest temperature, I was sure to be a baked cake by the time I got home.

Maybe the reason I was mad at Syaoran was because he'd just been so casual. He'd made it look like such a big deal when he'd kissed me. He was jealous. I knew it. It was so obvious; that I'd almost wanted to laugh when he'd off-handedly asked me to stay away from Van.

And I'd acted so stupid being nervous. I swear he had almost seen me shaking when he'd sat down next to me. I found it sweet of him to drop his cigarette for me. I mean, I'm sure it didn't mean anything to him, but I found it sweet.

However, the least he could have done was ask if I wanted a ride home when he knew how far I lived.

In fact, I hadn't even gotten a kiss.

It hadn't even looked like we were going out.

He hadn't held my hand; we hadn't done anything. And suddenly now that I think about it, maybe the moment we'd had in the morning was something that had just turned on in the spur of the moment.

Maybe it hadn't meant anything.

Bu then, what reason was there to be jealous if he didn't like me? Did he just think of me as one of the girls that he kept sewed in his thread? The one who came and went?

The thought of it didn't make me feel good. Suddenly, it all felt crazy. I raced upstairs to have a shower. It was just five o'clock. And I had around about three hours to start something for the bugs who would be coming for dinner.

That's right. Mom and her new beloved King Charming.

I began to wonder how many tentacles she would have grown by now? Would her husband be a centipede or a praying mantis? Along the way, I hoped Kero had long forgotten his taste for insects too, because the last time Mom had come near him, she'd lost her engagement ring down his throat.

The poor mutt had to have his throat probed in after that.

Unlike Mom's usual well timing, they'd arrived late. And while Touya brought them to the lounge, I'd been busy locking Kero up in my room. He was sniveling and whining so pathetically that I had to give him one of his "Dog-Chew" bones to chomp on.

I'd seen her husband once, just once. But the moment I entered the room, what I hadn't been waiting on seeing was a slightly pregnant mother and a pleasant looking man shaking hands with Touya.

Her immediate reaction was to choke me in a tight hug, which was all one-sided let me tell you. I watched the man through the corner of my eyes, and ended up with him hugging me lightly.

Then came the inevitable question.

"Sweetie. Where's your father?"

I swallowed a little, but Touya was there to answer for me, "Dad will be here in a few. He's at a lecture right now."

If not a little, I think the couple looked relieved. The man helped mom into the couch, and she ended up with one of his hands on her stomach.

"I can't wait till he's out of here." She motioned towards her tummy. She was talking about the baby; "He's more than a little bit of a trouble. Now I know I won't find it hard to know how he's gonna be when he all grown up." I laughed weakly along with her and Mr. Ryusaki. I managed to make out Touya rolling his eyes, so I silently nudged him. He's never admired my mother. Let's just say that she had a handiwork that bought him down sour to his knees. In other words, he wasn't a fan of her and had never been near to calling her _mom_. It was always _Yuri._

Mom looked the same, other than her slightly bulged stomach off course. But she looked the same otherwise. I didn't bother asking her how many months she was away. I didn't think it was necessary.

She wore the same clothes she used to prefer. Dresses that slimmed her body. Her hair shaded red looked the usual as it curled and lay wispy on her shoulders.

Mr. Ryusaki looked younger than dad did, but in truth, he was older. Late fifties? Maybe it was because he worked in a modeling industry. He had a good smile with brown hair neatly combed and thin-rimmed glasses.

Why was it that Mom went for guys who wore glasses? Which is to furthermore add to my daddy's description. He's as blind as a bat without his glasses.

"So Sakura. I hear you're still up with your volunteer work at church. Can't imagine it really." It was Mr. Ryusaki asking me that, and I started to wonder why mom had bothered telling him that.

I smiled primly, "Yes. I find it quite fun." What else could I say? I just had to act this act for tonight, and have her and this city of Pompeii out of my way.

The man nodded sincerely, "That's a good thing to hear. I'm happy you've found something religious to keep your mind in an honorary condition. Teenagers nowadays are like lost birds. They come scraped and don't seem to be coping with anything other than brutal behavior and drugs. I find it appalling really." He looked at mom for support and she nodded along with him numbly.

That was probably the stupidest thing I've ever heard, but I didn't voice it.

I could see her secretly shaking her head at me. Then I remember when she'd told how his previous wife had died of an overdose of morphine when she was in coma after an accident.

He's always been against drug-doers or anything along that line. I found it a little hard to imagine on what he'd say if ever saw me with Syaoran.

But already decided, Mom knew the best turn to take, "Sakura. Tell me. How are you doing in school? It must have been awful to move here from Tokyo. I remember you had lots of friends at Seijuu."

I gave a light shrug, "It's okay. I've managed all right. I haven't really been in touch with them after coming here, but I'm okay with it."

She rubbed her fingers onto Mr. Ryusaki's hand, and I found Touya giving me the gagging look secretly. I giggled a little when he excused himself to the kitchen to continue with the salad. That was when Mr. Ryusaki himself stood up and volunteered himself to help.

So now, it was just me and mom alone to talk. For some reason I found myself glaring at her husband's back as he started to chat animatedly with Touya. Thankfully Mom didn't notice that.

We looked at each other for a while, before she patted the spot next to her, "Come here."

I looked at the spot hesitantly. It was where her husband had been seated, but I went along anyway.

The moment I sat down, I felt a rush of feelings hastily swirling into my chest. It felt nauseous.

I didn't lean back, and I stayed hunched until I felt her arms around me.

"Sakura."

My mom has never been a dramatic woman, but right then, I think she'd changed a lot, because the next thing I knew, she was holding me tight and murmuring things like 'my little girl' 'honey' 'my darling' 'my sugar plum'.

They didn't effect me. I wouldn't let them effect me. I'd gone numb to all of them since the day she walked out on her real family years back.

She wasn't supposed to make my eyes prickly. She wasn't supposed to bring back all that hatred and love.

"Oh Sakura. I know you're mad at me. I know you'll never forgive me for this. But you have to know…that this was how it was supposed to be." She broke away a little, and I found she'd been heavily crying.

What I found more surprising, was that she was wiping my cheeks with her fingers. Wow, the waterworks had come down quicker that I thought it would.

I hadn't known it until I leaned my head on her shoulder. I was crying, and I couldn't stop. I was crying silently.

I felt horrible.

Not only was I breaking down in front of the woman I hated, but I also felt as though I was back to that day, when she'd held my hand and said she'd signed the divorce papers already. Yes. I can still remember that day.

I hated her. I hated her so much for leaving me. Nothing was the same after the day she'd packed her bags and left. Dad had changed and Touya acted like he didn't give a damn.

I hated her. But what could I do? She was my mom. She was the one who taught me so many things. She was the one who used to always read to me and teach me Maths.

She'd done it all.

And when she was gone, I hadn't known what to do. Everything had changed. And I had started to hate her so much for doing this to Dad. For leaving him and Touya. For leaving me.

I hated her. But I couldn't find myself to let go of her.

She was stroking my hair next, and she started to tell me of where she was working. In a travel agency. But she said she wouldn't start hopping on a plane or anything until the baby would be a little older. So after then, she would be able to leave him with a babysitter.

I secretly hoped she wasn't looking at me saying that. But then again, I didn't know people who worked in travel agencies hopped on planes. Nope. I didn't know that.

"We'll be staying in Hiroshima for a few months since Kenji has a contract written off there. The baby'll probably be born there. Then we'll be moving to Kyoto. We've already bought a house there, but there's still some renovating left. You should come over one day."

I nodded automatically looking at my lap, "Yeah."

Her hand was still on my head, "I'm still your mother Sakura. So I'll always be seeing you alright?"

There came my nod again.

"If you ever want to talk to me. Just call okay? I'm not stranger, just please remember that."

Nod. I ordered my head.

"And you should try and get to know Kenji." She meant her husband, "He's a really nice man. You'll love him. He's great with kids, and he loves girls."

I didn't know how she could say something like that when the kid wasn't even born, and the chances of me having quality time with her husband would be zero to a zillion. There was no way that would ever be happening, but I let her dream.

"Keisuke was supposed to be coming with us too. But he couldn't make it because of a game. He's always so…"

In the midst of the whole conversation, I froze a little, "Sorry…who's this again?"

Mom glanced at me momentarily, "Huh?"

I straightened back to look at her directly, "Who's Keisuke?" I don't think I needed her to actually say who it was. I thought I already knew. _God let him not be another boyfriend of hers. Please God. Not another boyfriend._

Mom shook her head a little, then frowned, "You…you don't know? I told you last time remember? He's Kenji's son."

Everything froze inside my head for that one second.

Tick tock. I could hear the clock go. _Tick tock._

. I could hear the clock go. 

Keisuke. Kenji had a son? A real son?

"Kenji…has a son?" I blurted out bitterly. I couldn't hold it in.

I thought the expression on her face was a feigned surprise, but it looked real enough, "Yes. I thought you knew right?"

Maybe I'd made a sour face, as I shook my head, "No."

Great. Not only did I have to share my mom with some man, but also with a brat.

She sighed and she looked earnestly at the kitchen doorway, before dropping her voice. I waited for her confession. Had she had an affair with Kenji when she was with Dad? The thought of it just made me sick with repulsion.

"Keisuke's…Kenji's first wife's son."

Oh.

I stared at her. She wasn't looking at me. She was looking at the ring in her finger.

"You mean…" I made a glance at the door too, hoping Kenji wouldn't be listening, "You mean the one…who died?" my voice sounded unbearably loud against my own ears. She nodded, then looked up.

"He's only a year older than you. He wanted to drop school after she died, but he's been forced to get good grades. He's a good boy, but not very stable. You could say he's a little wild."

Oh.

I felt dazed. I felt like someone had just dropped a shelf on my head. And it didn't feel great at all.

Not only did I have a stepfather, but also now I had a stepbrother.

Great.

Just…wonderful.

Just what I needed.

But Mom just nodded off like it was nothing; "We'd all planned to visit you here together." I didn't like the inclusive language she was using, "I guess he needs more time. You know…to adjust with all of this. When he comes around, I'm sure you'll like him. He's a nice boy." Then she laughed, "He's very athletic and he's always playing his drums. Wild like I said."

She was looking so happy. Like she was in a wonderland.

However, everything inside my head was bitter.

She was married. She had a kid coming, and she already had another son. I don't think she'd ever talked that way of Touya. My brother was the captain in his soccer team. He rocked. He was an excellent cook, and he was the best chauffeur.

So this must mean that she was happy with her new life. This is why I hate her.

While she went away to find herself a new and wonderful life, she left us behind to feel miserable. She had a new family now. A husband and two kids.

I don't know why really, I don't know why she even bothers to keep in contact. I don't even know why she bothered to come to Tomoeda when she knew Dad and I were still sore.

I didn't know why she was flaunting this way.

That's why I hated her. I hated this woman next to me. I hated her so much.

I knew as much as she might say about staying in contact, and her being there for me, in a few years, she'll forget me.

She'll forget she was ever married before. She'll forget she ever had a daughter.

One day, when I walk past her and her new family, I bet she wouldn't even recognize me.

But for now, I'll be good and keep the ties together. I'd long decided to do this only for my poor dad. He's the one who deserves a new life. He's the one who deserves to be happy.

I let mom go on with her talk. I didn't care anymore. I swear I didn't.

If she could go on with her life, I'll show her that I could do that too. I could go on with my life too. I already had.

I had a family. I had friends. And I had a boyfriend…more or less. Syaoran probably didn't care, but I did. Every little thing mattered.

§ђϊη§зϊ-Кσќσѓσ


	12. Crossroads

**Author's Notes –** Another chapter here for y'all! Anyways, just one thing you guys should know. I don't write these fics because I want reviews. I write them as a hobby and so that it'll improve my writing skills. That's all I write for. So when I don't update for two months, please don't deem me for someone who's desperate for reviews. That definitely pulled a string. I update when I can, when I'm fully satisfied with the chapter and when I get my hands on the Internet. NEIS was already taken away for a reason I don't know of, and I don't want it to happen to this story. And since holidays started a while ago, I've been busy with other stuff too, but I'm still concentrating on this story. So please don't assume stuff like that about me. I don't write according to the number of reviews. Remember that. But putting all that aside…get ready to read!

* * *

**Title –** Head Over Heels

**Author –** Shinsei Kokoro

**Chapter – **12** – **Crossroads

**Beta Reader –** Amai Okashi

**Updated –** 17th December 2004

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Syaoran Li P.O.V

It hadn't done me any good after leaving Sakura at school.

Yamazaki had taken me and a few other guys to the apartment he'd found out that the tattletale had been hiding out in. But the asshole didn't seem to be around, because everything inside was empty when we'd broken in through the back window. The rat had run off with his cheese.

There didn't seem to be any neighbors who'd listened, but we'd still not risked the chance and had taken the long drive back to my apartment. There was no way we were gonna me trekking back to the stockade.

Yamazaki had disappeared into his room with Chiharu, and he never bothered to say anything to Meiling's anger that kept banging on his door. She'd apparently searched the entire place for her goddamn CD. Seriously, that girl was a pain where no one wanted to go.

While the guys made a few calls, Shiroi was busy making conclusions and letting out his steam.

"He probably ran out knowing we'd screw him for busting us after we got bailed. Goddamn wuss, man I swear to god, if I ever see his shitty face around I'm gonna make sure he won't be having no kids. The loser's gonna be going home to his mama." Right. The guy could only talk. He didn't have any knuckles. I'd never seen Shiroi twisting off someone's jaw. I'd never seen him dirty his face.

I just grabbed another bottle of beer and let him go on. It was a way of letting my own over-due anger on that sod come off.

He wasn't going anywhere. I would find him one day, and make sure he would never mess with me again or give the damn heads-up to the cops.

The beer tasted sour to my tongue, so I let a girl drink the rest of it. I borrowed off a cigarette from her and found Yamazaki heading towards me.

"Forgot to tell you." He fell down against the couch, his business with Chiharu finished and got his cigarette lighted from me, "Your deal's gonna be coming in a week late."

I scowled at him, "A week? What happened eh? Got nicked?"

"Pack it in man." He rolled his head around, and stretched out his arms, "This new guy's a lil' shit scared, but he's reliable. He's just being slow around the Law. You know, he's already been jammed in more than you have."

"Law my ass." I flicked off some of the cigarette's ash at him and watched him pat it away, "He better be good, or you'll be getting dirty Yamazaki."

"Whatever man." He just grinned. I don't think there's been a time when Yamazaki'd ever been seriously pissed. The guy had guts to keep that smile on near me sometimes. If it'd been a random bloke, he'd be having fake teeth by now.

Shiroi threw an empty can at him, not looking happy, "This guy's wrecking you Syaoran. Shove him out before he takes you down with him. You know it's not gonna be looking good if anyone catches you."

"That's not my problem." I clapped knuckles with Yamazaki and we each smirked at Shiroi, "But we'll see who goes down."

We spent the rest of the night getting drunk and talking about the next plan with the asshole that'd robbed us. We were gonna make him pay. Literally.

And I was gonna make sure he came out of it barely alive. No one got me in shit and got away with it. Especially not with my mother who would sure to be more than a little bit concerned when she'd find out I that got in jail again.

So I was hoping I wouldn't be seeing the damn police anytime soon.

I needed a getaway anyway. There had just been too much going on for me. I needed a break. Maybe I could grab Sakura for a ride sometime. It would give me a chance to shove the details she wouldn't know in her face.

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

When mom left last night with Mr. Ryusaki, dad still wasn't home. The two of them were unusually happy when they left and off course, we knew why. Touya and me had to stay up late just to wait for him, washing away the dishes to keep ourselves from falling asleep. Not really a way of spending your Friday night if Van ever heard about this, but what was a girl to do.

Touya had 'accidentally' broken three of the china and Kero had ended up getting a cut in his paw since he'd been wandering around searching for leftovers. After plastering it up he'd started to whine and grunt about the plaster. For a dog he was a hell of a lot clumsier than I was.

Dad came home at about three o'clock. Touya had sent me to bed only minutes before, but I could hear the doors slamming when I'd almost drifted off. I had come running down the stairs with Kero by my side only to see Dad struggling to stand up with the help of Touya.

He was drunk. And his tie was hanging by his shoulders looking as though he were slapped around.

And when he looked at me, I knew the reason why. The horrid reason.

"Sorry sweetie." He'd ruffled my hair, and patted my cheek, "I wanted to come, but I took a rain-check at the last minute."

Touya had dragged him to his room after that, and I had followed them quietly.

I knew it. I'd known it all along.

My Dad had become a miserable man.

Without my mother he'd become as miserable as me. And now I think he'd gone worse.

It was never supposed to be like this. When Mom had left that day, we were supposed to move on with our lives, or that's what Dad used to say.

He used to say that it was necessary we got over things or there wouldn't be a way of holding any sort of contact with her. It was best to keep everything about her casual like we would to any distant relative.

But I guess Dad couldn't do it any better than I could.

In bed, I told the stupid ceiling how my equally stupid day was.

Van had cornered up to me, telling my imaginary boyfriend to sod off when there was someone like him.

Syaoran had suddenly gotten the urge to get jealous when he saw us. But he had still kissed me. It had been harsh, but the moment had been a bliss.

Then I had to stand up with Eriol's strange looks and Tomoyo's over-lovey-dovey-ness over him. She had to learn how to give her guys some space.

I had to run a marathon around school, first to ditch my friends, then to drown Touya and then to get pummeled by Syaoran with his I-Don't-Care attitude. Even though he had dropped his cigarette only for me, he'd still ditched me after his small talk.

I had to also have that emotional stuff with Mom, find out that she already had a stepson and be on extra-friendly terms with her husband who was a drug-hater. Plus, he hadn't touched the crab salad that I'd made. What could be ruder than that, really?

And last but not least I had to see Dad in that state. He looked like some battered guy who needed crutches to go around with while drinking. And he used to tell me not to be an alcohol victim. But I guess he had a purpose for today.

For some reason, I was actually glad that he'd come late. It was probably because I couldn't dare imagine what it would have been like to have dinner all together. And all in all, I hoped Mom would never come back again for sometime. She was like an omen now. A definite omen of sadness.

I couldn't go to sleep the entire night, and when I did, Kero had come in licking at my ear and then snuggling in beside me, his paw unwrapped and little blood clots staining onto my sheets. I'd been too irritated to care.

He'd been the one to wake me in the morning too.

It was already 8 o'clock and I had to be in at church by half an hour. After having a quick shower and slipping on some loose jeans and my cleanest slippers, I had Touya drop me off.

I made him break the traffic rule twice, and when we'd finally reached, I knew I'd already rubbed my bad mood off on him. He'd left after kicking dirt on me with his tyres.

The nun had ushered me in, shoving me in the yard behind with a broom and shovel. It was manhandling, I swear.

I don't really know why I ever did bother with this, but it was fun. I wasn't that religious, but it gave me comfort. I mean, everyone needs a God they can go to, kneel down in front of and confess to. It's just a way to make you feel much better, or if not it still works on me.

I used to go twice a week when I was in Tokyo, because there used to be a church just two streets away from my house. That way I didn't need Touya to wake up early as me to drop me off. But this was Tomoeda, the unusual town, with an unusual school, unusual people, and an unusually large mall. It was good I guess. I missed Tokyo, but not as much as I used to before.

I'm not really someone who would have darn close friends. I don't like sharing my stupidest and darkest secrets with them. I remember when once I'd gone to a slumber party and had ended up snoring through most of the pain-each-other's-toenails part. I'd had good and helpful friends who I'd went shopping clubbing and had my first tequila shots with. They were the ones who'd hooked me up with a guy when I turned twelve.

They were the ones who'd thrown water bombs across the hallway, and had gotten a week of detention with me when it had went splat onto a teacher's face. It had ruined her make-up, that's all. But those were all we did.

They hadn't known that my mom had had me when she was eighteen and still in school. They hadn't even known that she'd split up with my dad, until they'd found me crying like a fool in the toilets.

They had been kind. And so I guess, it was partly my fault. For keep everything in the dark and all that. But somehow, coming to Tomoeda, everything had changed.

Seijuu in the city had obviously been large, but Sanron wasn't small either. There were those stupid rules and stupid customs. We never had those in Seijuu. No one really cared. The teacher's weren't even that harsh if we came in a little late, but here, they practically exploded.

Keeping on with my volunteer work at church was something I was determined to do I guess. The nuns had been a little surprised that I'd just come towards them asking for something to do. I'd heard them whisper something about kids wanting to do nothing but work long and painful hours only for money and then to go spending it on clothes.

It was a little cliché. Not everyone did that, but I didn't need to be the one who told them that.

After making sure that there wasn't a single brown leaf on the lush green grass, I brushed up the cement a little before going inside, and lighting up a candle.

I stood there for quite a few minutes, and looked up at the fascinating marble sculpture of Christ hovering above me.

It was absolutely beautiful; I had to admit that.

Through the corner of my eye I could even see an old man and probably his granddaughter lighting a candle. He had bowed down to her height and was whispering something to her.

She was lucky. My grandfather had never done anything like that with me. Much less, look at me without wrinkling his already wrinkled nose in disgust. I guessed it was because he never approved his son's marriage with my mom. I hoped he was happy now. As far as I can remember, he'd been the first person to jinx their marriage.

The nun found me later, and let me go on with cleaning the colour-stained windows and the doorstep. I managed to neater the position of the Bibles after a few hours, and then stood in front of my candle again.

I was tired, a little dirty now and my knees were bruised after having to climb one of the high walls from outside to get to the window.

I was feeling a little better maybe. Maybe even a little happy. It was good standing there and just looking at the flame and thinking over unstable things.

I left after seeing few more people come packing.

After five hours of work and bidding the nun goodbye, I took the long-way and walked through the cemetery to get to the road where Touya would be waiting grumpily as usual.

One look at his face and I knew I was right.

I slammed the door after buckling my seat belt and looked at him expectantly. There was always something he wanted to complain about.

"Some guy was over asking for you." I looked at him and then at his face.

"What?" I grimaced.

"A guy you idiot." He turned his face away from me, and started the engine.

We were on the road, but I was still thinking over what he'd said.

"What did he say?"

"Just wanted to talk to you."

"What did he look like?"

Touya gave me a little grin, "Had a badass car, I can tell you that."

My heart suddenly made a leap and I tried desperately to hide my smile. It was Syaoran. It had to be Syaoran. It just had to be. He had come to see me. He'd really come.

I had to make sure Touya remained oblivious. But for a reason I couldn't stop that excitement squiggling under my nerves.

"What did he look like?" I asked him again anxiously, and I found myself waiting for a few seconds, gripping the edge of my seat, before loosing the top level of my patience. "Well?"

My stupid brother gave me one queer look; "Look Sakura. I don't care about what you've been up to really, but it better not be anything Dad and I would hate. You know how he's gonna react. And you know how he hates those—"

I gave him my fiercest look and snapped as raggedly as I could "Quit giving me that bullshit Touya. Just tell me who he was, will you?"

I think that shook him up a little bit, but he still took the left turn after a red car sulking, "Van Atashi. He's got one heck of a rumbled name if you ask me. I mean, is he even Japanese? But his car was nice. Man, his car was awesome."

I didn't bother saying anything after than. It was another 'thrash-Sakura' day.

I didn't think there was anything I could say.

Van? It always had to be the guy on top of my least-expected guests' list didn't it? I really didn't even want to imagine what he'd come for. I mean, I'm sure he already knew that I'd be going to church. Then why had he even bothered coming? Was he trying to check up on me? That if I'd lied or if I was out with my boyfriend Kouga. Somehow, I didn't want to wait for the day when he'd find out that there was no guy called Kouga I'd even met. But then again, I had all the space to just blame it on Tomoyo, since it was because of her that I had to create an imaginary boyfriend.

Touya gave me a side-glance, but he must have caught hold of my blank expression, because he didn't speak a word for the rest of the ride. And that was more than fine with me. I didn't have anything to say.

I could have cried right then, but I didn't. My eyes just stung, and that was all of it.

I knew I shouldn't have expected so much, but I was so caught up in the moment, that I had failed to realize its cons.

There had been so many things going wrong with me that I just wanted to reach out to the source that would keep me happy for a while. I'd expected that person to be Syaoran, but I expected too much. Last night in bed, with Kero beside me, I'd let a little part of me wonder.

Was there even anything going on between us? Other than attraction? Maybe it was all one-sided for me. Maybe he was just having the fun of it.

Or was Syaoran just making sure that I didn't stray because of what happened the night we hooked up? Was that it?

While having my second shower of the day, I decided that I was going to ask him. I just wanted to make a few things sure. Tomorrow, I would go over to his apartment and ask him. Dress up a little dark, hoping his flat-mates wouldn't straw me out, and maybe pop in a tic-tac, so it would pass for a tongue piercing if by any chance they got a little suspicious.

Syaoran Li P.O.V

Minas called more than a million times last night. She tried breaking in this morning, but Yamazaki caught her while drinking his strength-providing chocolate milk. She said she wants to see more of me and that we're meant to be together. Hell, she said a lot more things than that. Threatened me even. By what? By getting a hiding from her big bro and from his gang if I didn't get back with her.

She's a sad ass really. Almost broke the damn TV and got bitch-slapped from Meiling.

She got kicked out after that. Thrown out actually, and I can bet she's gonna be calling all day now.

Meiling went back to sleep after that, so it was just Yamazaki and me. Th rest were still asleep, they didn't even have the chance to find out that there'd been a sissy intruder. Saturday was one day they all slept in till it was evening.

Yamazaki was hell confused when I walked in with a cigarette dead in-between my fingers.

"Man, I thought you were tight with her till yesterday?" he was raiding the fridge as usual.

"Nah." I almost spewed out the beer in my mouth, "And what the hell is this?!"

The guy turned around for a second, and glanced at the bottle in my hands, "That's called beer. Smarten up will ya? Thought you knew that."

I looked away scowling, "Cap it asshole. This tastes like shit."

Yamazaki grinned as he slipped up on the counter opening one of the foiled plates, and balancing a juice bottle under his arm, "That's 'cause Shiroi got the new label. It ain't my problem so go take it out on him."

I dropped it in the bin without saying another word and grabbed the nearest magazine.

"So, what's this thing I hear about your new chic?"

I looked up momentarily, "Nothing."

"Really?" he jumped back down and dragged back the chair opposite me, making himself comfortable, "That's not what I hear."

I didn't look back up; "Who's giving you the kick?"

"Chiharu."

"Go ask her to screw herself then."

"Ho!" Yamazaki grabbed the magazine in a flip, his face clad in a wide smile, "So you got it going on with her then eh?"

"Piss off." I didn't look at him.

"Da-amn!" Yamazaki was crowing before I knew it, "Tell me, where have you been with her, c'mon tell me man." he was wiggling his brows, and I snatched back the magazine.

"Nowhere."

He clucked his tongue, opened up the juice bottle, and poured the orange liquid into a plastic cup, "So that means that she ain't giving nothing to you? Or that you don't want any?"

"It means nothing." Heck, he wasn't getting anything outta me.  
After drinking gulps, he finally put it down, "So you don't wanna tell your old buddy the stuff yeah?"

I looked up at his grinning face and rolled my eyes, "I told you, it's nothing."

"Right. I know she ain't like us. The chic, I think she's in one of my classes."

I frowned and went back to the reading.

"So?"

"So, you gotta watch your back dude. She's gonna be your killer. I mean, what with that Hiiragizawa as her back-up and all."

I zeroed up on him, then flung the magazine at his face in a fist of fury; "Fuck you man. I don't need to hear this." I pushed back my chair as he caught the magazine in a reflex.

He blinked at me a few times, "Take care of your own shit then."

"I will." I turned to leave, then grabbed the juice from his hands, "And tell your girlfriend to get her nose out of my business."

He held up his hands in surrender, smirking, "Yeah. Yeah. I've got my mouth shut, see?"

I gave him one smack in the head with the bottle then headed to my room.

I paused a second outside the room Yamazaki and Chiharu shared. The bitch.

Man, if she wasn't gonna keep her mouth shut, then she wasn't gonna be hanging around her anymore.

Instead, I barged in on Meiling's room. The door was wide open, so I took my entrance without knocking. She was on the window bracket with Chiharu, nail-polishing each other's toes. One look at me, and then she was glaring.

"What do you want?" Meiling jabbed a black finger at me, and almost dropping the bottle.

I looked at Chiharu, and turned up my scowl, "Get outta here." I mumbled through a tight jaw.

"What?" Meiling grabbed my arm as the girl shrugged and walked past me.

I pushed Meiling back, and slammed the door behind me, "You! If you don't keep your fucking face out of my problems, you're going back to Hong Kong!"

"What the hell?" the girl looked at me confused, "What're you talking about?"

"I'm talking about Sakura."

She was silent for that moment, and I thought she wouldn't say anything more.

"What about her?" she sat back down after a while.

I grimaced at her tone, "Whatever you're telling your goddamn friends about me and her, you gotta shut it up. Yeah?"

She looked a little taken back, "But, I didn't—,"

"You told Chiharu and she went and blabbered it to Yamazaki. You think I wouldn't find out?"

She turned away just then, "I didn't tell her nothing."

"I don't care what you told her, but that ain't the truth!"

That was when she gazed up surprised, "What?" she stood up cautiously, "But I thought you…"

"Thought what?!" I barked in her face.

"I thought you liked her!"

"Damn!" I tried laughing a little, "Are you nuts?! What're you on huh?"

She kept looking at me with that staggering expression, "Stop faking it Syaoran. I know you do. You got the hots for her."

"Fuck. You don't know nothing."

I could see her lips tightening then, "So you're playing with her like you did with Minas?"

"I'm not playing Meiling." What the hell did it take for this girl to understand? "There's nothing. And Minas is finished."

Her eyes hardened, and after another lapse of silence, she gave a tight shrug, "Sorry then. Thought you fancied her."

"It's none of your business what I do aight?" I was enjoying the effect I was having on her. Her face had darkened and she threw herself back on the bed. "Stick to your own Meiling. And get your ass straight. 'Cause there ain't anything going on for you to gossip 'bout."

"I don't gossip you asshole!" she snapped, while bottling the nail polish.

"Like hell you do." She gave me the fingers just before I slammed out of her room.

I was hoping she'd keep her mouth her shut after this along with Chiharu. I didn't need them running around my feet.

I found Chiharu with Yamazaki in the kitchen, so I just went back to my room. There was no way; I'd be seen hanging around with them the whole of the morning.

After swigging down the entire juice bottle, I flung open drawers, and went through the trash that had built up over the years.

I dug out a syringe and hurled it into a nearby bin, then crumpled the paper straws from underneath the bed.

I went through the cabinet, and finally heaved out the entire drawer in a spurt of anger.

There was nothing left.

I was left rummaging through my narrow closet and found myself dragging out shirt after shirt and slinging them across on the floor.

There was nothing left.

With a little boost of strength, I dragged out the only shelf, and tossed it, feeling an immediate pleasure as it skidded of the carpet, tossed off more clothes and then crashed against the wall.

There was nothing more left of it

In a heave, I threw myself across the bed, and pulled out the white bed-sheet.

For a week.

How was I supposed to live without my crack for a week when it'd already been two days before my last dose?

I grinned against the mattress and yawned.

Whatever there had to be done, I wasn't touching the stray dose. They were from the street, and I wanted quality. The type only Yamazaki could get from the contacts he has up his sleeves.

And somehow, the addiction wasn't as strong as it was a few years back. Maybe I was getting back on track. Maybe the time lapse Yamazaki had told me to go through was good.

Getting high once a week, and spend the rest of the days hunting for girls and money.

That was his case.

As for me, I had the girl and the money.

From the corner of my eyes, I could see my car keys underneath the window. And before I knew it, I was grabbing it, pulling on shirt and marched out.

I had to get out of there. Probably catch Shiroi at that carpenter's he worked at or see if any of my other mates were at the backfield back at school.

Yamazaki and Chiharu were still making out in the kitchen when I passed them. They didn't hear me get out, which was probably a good thing.

Fiddling for my phone from underneath the bloody pillows on the couch, I walked out of the apartment.

Maybe meeting up with the locals in Kawashi would give me something more. I hadn't met up with the gang since quite a darn while.

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

While Dad was in his room, re-adjusting himself while having his hangover, I had known it was a perfect time to do some begging.

After a few mumbled questions and coughs, I'd made a deal with him for having his car for two hours, and then cooking some hot and spicy the moment I got back.

Touya was at work, so I fed Kero a quick snack before he could shred the family sofa into pieces. He was being rather cranky today.

Maybe it was just my mood that had rubbed off on him after Touya had stormed out for shrinking one of his favourite shirts.

I patted Kero's head the moment he buried his nose into his putrid bowl.

I glanced at the dog-food in my hands, then at my fog who was rather enjoying the meal. Without a second thought, the large sachet was soon in a bin.

I'd have to remind Touya for bringing a different snack the next time.

So he was a dog. And as far as I could remember from what a friend of mine used to say every time Kero dogs thought it was time to chew shoes, dogs must never be given the wrong type of food. Especially food that stunk, because everyone knew that smell came before taste.

I changed into my darkest skirt with a pocket for my tic-tac box, and into a purple singlet remembering to push my crucifix deep inside.

I looked reasonable in the mirror, then in a fit of hurry I put on some eye-show, and made sure I was nowhere near stinking like Kero's meal.

I got my feet into my boots as I hurried down the stairs, then spent five minutes looking for the car keys that had fallen behind my Dad's cactus collection.

After a few pricks, I was finally shutting the door in Kero's sniffling nose.

The car looked decent-to-the-eye when I opened the garage door, then sucked in breaths. The last time I'd driven this heap of crap, I'd skidded straight into a lamppost. The police had gone away mumbling about charging the person who'd given me my license.

Really. How insensitive could two beefy officers get? What they needed was a good diet, and a trip to Antarctica.

I was doing fine in the reverse, but just came to late to see metal scrap some idiot had left wondering on its own.

I pushed on hard on my brakes and on the horn at the same time. It took me some time to figure that out, but as I inched out onto the road before someone saw me horning in a garage I spent the rest of the ride making a plan to get Touya back for being that idiot.

It took me a few wrong turns and asking a smoking woman to get to the apartment. While I was still busy trying to get the scent of the smoke out of my hair, a car horned on its full blast as it raced past me, the rear-view mirror almost attacking mine.

I rolled my window down in a hurry, and screamed as hard as I could to the damn loser. The car looked a little familiar as it took a sharp turn on a corner, but I carried on.

What I had to focus on was keeping my heart from not pounding so loud.

It took me more than a little while to park properly. Maybe a few ten minutes, but that was only because the rest of the cars had been parked so close.

I glanced up at the mirror for one last time, making sure my eye shadow had not run off for a hike. I popped in a tic-tac and then talked a few Elizabeth Taylor lines just to make sure the little lolly showed every time I opened my mouth to say anything. It wasn't metallic but at least it was an effort.

Gathering more than wanted wits, I gripped the gate, then walked in, almost half running up the stairs to find the proper floor.

The elevator looked like it was still broken down, so it had me running around imaging the night of the party and the right door had been.

Not before long, I was knocking in a door and waiting with my stomach in my mouth. When I knocked again, I could hear footsteps nearing and I drew back immediately adjusting my braided hair and my skirt.

The door was opened by a middle-aged man and for that moment both of us looked confused.

"Hi…" I smiled widely, hoping he could see my feigned tic-tac, "Is Syaoran here?"

The man's face wrinkled horribly, and that was when I notice he was probably in his sixties, "Sorry. I think you've got the wrong door."

"Oh." I think I looked stricken for a second because he open his door wider, but I just stepped back laughing, "Okay. Sorry for interrupting then. Um yeah. Thanks anyway."

The man's eyes peered at me for another one or two second before he nodded and closed the door.

I heaved a tight sigh, and took another step, before having my arms flailing in front of me. I caught the rails in a huff, and turned back to groan.

The long steps stared back at me looking forlorn.

God. Thank you. You just saved me from having my brains from splitting open without a frying pan.

I gulped back the remaining horror scenes, and pushed myself as far as I could go away from the stairs.

I looked back at the corridor of doors, and leaned against the wall for reassurance.

I knew it was this building. I knew it was this floor. But which room?

Everything turned into dismay thoughts as I imagined myself spending the entire day knocking on each door.

Frowning, I forced myself to play back the events from three nights back. Where I'd been kicking the elevator.

Off course! The elevator!

Pumping with energy, I found myself half-skipping along the long corridor in search of the infamous elevator where there had to be a few dents from these exact same boots I was wearing.

It was just a matter of seconds before I found it and I stared at it dreamily. I turned around and smiled wistfully. This had been the exact place where I'd pushed Syaoran against the wall, thinking he'd been some guy who wanted to take me on.

But how many doors had I passed?

I walked on, and finally found my feet at the last door. Was this it? Or was it the wrong one once again?

I gave myself a quick pinch, and knocked before I could change my mind.

I didn't have to wait too long because the door was soon answered. There was a boy standing with a cup. He didn't look a bit like Syaoran, but he looked rather familiar.

"Hi." She mustered up another big smile; "Can I talk to Syaoran?"

Off course, she'd seen him somewhere. He was probably here at the party itself. But the boy didn't say anything for a long time.

"Uh…" she wrung her fingers behind her back, "Is he here?" Then she suddenly drew back, "Oh god. I –I think I've got the wrong place again."

I glared at the other doors, but before I could say anything more, he was interrupting me.

"No. Syaoran lives here all right." This time he was grinning. It didn't look like a normal smile actually, but it was okay. At least he wasn't kicking me out.

I felt a tingle running as he kept grinning, "Can-can I talk to him? If he's not busy?"

The boy looked boy for a second, before coming forward, and closing the door a little behind him, "Not here. Left back just a few."

"Oh." I was picking the floor, everything suddenly falling into pits inside of me.

He wasn't here.

I'd come all the way only to find out that he wasn't here.

How much did that suck?

"You're his girl eh?"

I looked up at him. He was still smiling and suddenly I wasn't so sure of what to say, "Uh…"

He inched another bit closer, making me step back to make him some room. He was acting as if he didn't want anyone else inside hearing us or seeing me, which was exactly what I wanted, "Sakura aight?"

I smiled back weekly at him, "That's my name."

"What you doing here?"

He was still acting the clown, but I wasn't fool enough to ignore the tightness in his voice, "Uh…I-I just wanted to have a word with him. But if he's not here, that's okay." I was scratching at my head before I knew it, giggling nervously, and taking steps back down the hallway.

For a moment, he looked dead serious, "Better not be getting him in shit girl. I think you should be better off in your own crowd yeah?"

I swallowed a mysterious that seemed to have gotten stuck in my throat, "Yeah." In another blink he was all smiles once again, and I turned around as fast as I could, power walking down the familiar corridor.

Where was Syaoran? Where was he when I'd finally gathered up all this courage to come here for nothing but to get snapped from one of his flat-mates?

I hurried back outside before I could break down and really make a hole in the elevator this time.

This sucked. Because I was back to square one again.

Syaoran Li. P.O.V

A damn long trip to Kawashi had been slamming. I met a few mates of mine, before I got it up with Hikari - a girl I'd met a few months back. We'd hooked up a few times, and the last time had been when her boyfriend had walked in on us.

This time, she was the one who kissed me, and I didn't hold back. I never hold back on a girl I want.

It was a little surprising when she asked me how Minas was doing. Maybe I'd brought her over once? I didn't remember.

In fact, I figured there wasn't really a thing I wanted to remember about Minas. We had a few smokes, before I headed back to Tomoeda and met up with Shiroi. He was as usual lazing off and was glad to get a few hours off without letting his boss know.

While opening the door he'd looked up, "You got a scratch here man. Haven't seen it before, have you?"

It had me coming around and suddenly remembering the car I'd nearly collided against in the traffic.

By the time we got to the apartment, Shiroi was out of the car, yelling that he had to go and meet up with his girlfriend.

The kitchen was empty when I got upstairs, but I could hear the blaring of the T.V from the couch area.

Yamazaki had himself plopped with a beer can in one hand and the remote in another.

"Was there a call for me?" I relaxed back down on the floor leaning back. My mother hadn't called for a long time, and I was expected another check-up from her. It'd almost been a month since her last call. When he didn't answer, I grabbed the remote from his hand, and hurled it at him, "Was there?"

He gave me a little pissed look as he bent down to retrieve it, "Make it clear man. Were you expecting a call or a visit?"

I looked up at him carefully, "What? What the hell are you on about?"

He finally gave a twisted smile, "Sakura was here."

"What?" I was suddenly up on the couch.

After a second of flicking through another channel, he turned it off all together and looked at me grimly, "So much for your back-ups buddy. She was here to chat you up."

"No fucking way."

"Oh yeah man. She was here all right." Yamazaki was just grinning, but I found it hard to even crack a smile, "Get her out of it Syaoran or you're a dead man. And you know it don't you?"

I didn't hang around to find out anything more. Without another word, I left the apartment slamming the door behind me.

What the hell had the bitch come here for?!

I was pissed before I even knew it, and the best way to vent the anger out was to drive through the streets. After getting on the road, I was cornering into streets, and before I knew it I was parked outside her house.

I didn't know why I had even come there.

But this was where my own damn car had brought me. To Sakura.

§ђϊη§зϊ-Кσќσѓσ


	13. Dilemma

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Author's Note – All apologies to you guys for taking so long.

Title – Head Over Heels

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Author – Shinsei Kokoro

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Chapter - 13 – Dilemma

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Beta Reader – Amai

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Updated – 11th January 2005

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

Mom had tried calling a few minutes back, but she only got as far as leaving two messages. The woman tried so hard to get her daughter to love her. Bleh. I swear to Christ, I couldn't sound cornier.

When I came downstairs for a snack, I wasn't surprised to see Dad in front of the phone, staring at it like a hawk would at its enemy. He was playing the messages over and over again. Mom's messages. I felt like taking a vase and smashing it over his head. Or rather, maybe I could practice it on my head first.

But I didn't bother saying anything. There was nothing I could say that would make him feel like he never lost the lottery. So the vase remained safe out of my reach. Lucky stuff.

Touya still wasn't home, and it was starting to kill me every time Dad would just walk around the house standing in front of photo frames. Mom wasn't in any one of them. I had taken them all out last summer.

I didn't know what to do.

Okay, I felt hopeless. Seriously lost and demented.

I was sick of everything that was going on, and I wanted to shove dad in the coldest pool and make him get out of the trance he was in. On second thought, it didn't seem much of an idea. The deal is Dad could hardly float on water.

Ever since Friday when he came home drunk, he has been looking tipped off. He took a sick leave today, and it was unusual to have him around on a Sunday evening looking like he'd just took a swig of a bottle of whiskey, it was a little good.

Because this way Kero had someone else to pester and head-butt, and I could have some unheard company at the same time.

Dad gave me a little smile as I went past him into the kitchen.

"Want a sandwich?" I paused a little, looking at his flimsy figure hunched over the counter.

He gave me the smallest of smiles, "Yeah, why not. Not too much lettuce though, please."

I nodded and took the order. I should probably quit the volunteer job at church and start new as a waitress.

Kero came bounding the moment I opened the fridge, but it was closed by the time he skidded across the floor and crashed into the door. He lay there sprawled for a while, before jumping back onto his paws and giving me his dog-wants-human-food look. I ignored him as usual, so he went back to whining around Dad.

He was a very busy man, but today, he looked like he had just been fired. If he wasn't giving lectures at his university, then he would have been at some conference about a dig in Egypt or something. It was all Mr. Busy with him, and with his laid back attitude at the moment, it almost scared me. Where was my old Daddy?

For a second, I almost thought it would be okay to joke with him that it was still the same old hangover from two nights ago, but it seemed unpleasant, and so I thought it was best to drop the subject all together.

When I came back out of the kitchen, Dad was in a new position. He was on the couch. Kero at his feet. And telephone in hand.

"Did you hear? She wants you to go meet her new son."

I gave the plate to him wordlessly, and smiled a little when he thanked me. He was talking about the stepbrother I found I out I had. Double duh.

After that, I was back to being locked in my room.

I got the music blaring a little, and put on something funky just for the sake of it. After practically pulling all my clothes out, I struggled into my tightest top and a velvet skirt I hadn't worn for months. Then I threw myself into bed and pulled the bed covers over me.

I didn't want to think about Mom.

I didn't want to think about Dad.

And I didn't want to think about Syaoran.

I didn't want to think about anything really. I just wanted my head without thoughts for once. Just for once.

In the middle of all that intense thinking I don't know when I dozed off, but when I woke up; it was because of the screeches of tires. They'd been shrill and combative, and I was pissed.

Some prick, pathetic prick, had just woken me from one of the most peaceful sleep I've had in days, and I was gonna make sure they regretted it.

Kicking back my covers, I tugged back the curtains angrily. I pulled myself up against the window and strained my eyes against the setting sun to see across the street.

The first thing I saw was a black car. A black sports car. Rather familiar and parked right in front of our house. Tire streaks behind it, and the smoke puffs from the muffler.

I scooted back a little before slamming it open and poking out my entire head just to see if I had been mistaken.

But no, it was a black car.

Syaoran's car.

And even though I couldn't see the person driving it from this distance, I knew it would be him.

This time, it wasn't a falsetto. It was definitely Syaoran. And he'd come to see me.

I leapt out of bed in a matter of seconds and came tripping down the stairs as softly as I could. Dad appeared to have dozed off with the phone in hand, but Kero was nowhere to be seen.

I found him scratching at the front door, and in a spurt of the moment, I grabbed his collar and dragged him away while he whined and protested lightly.

It probably wasn't the right place to lock a dog in, but the kitchen had to be it. It was the nearest and only room that could resist him.

I tiptoed back to fling open the door, and ran to unlatch the gate barefoot.

Once on the curb, I leaned down to the height of the car, and grasped at the driver's window, my weight most probably careening onto it.

It was him. It was Syaoran.

I just knew it had to be him. And there he was.

His head was turned towards me, and I knocked on the glass as he rolled it down after a while of looking mildly surprised.

"Hey!" I gushed out without much control. I could have grabbed his face and kissed him right then, but it didn't seem like the best thing to do, and I pushed back my urges.

When he didn't say a word, I pulled on my brightest smile and stepped onto the road to bring myself just a little more closer to him, "What's up?"

There were creases on his forehead, and I knew that wasn't the kind of greeting he'd been looking around for, "How come you're here?" I tried again.

"Why'd you come to the apartment?" his voice was tight, and that was when I drew back.

"What?" I felt a clot suddenly surfacing in my throat. So he'd found out, but why was he sounding so stingy about it? "Oh that. I just came to talk...to you." Okay, that was good.

He looked to the other side for a second before turning towards me again with an unhealthy frown playing on his features, "About what?"

I tried swallowing, but I just ended up speculating his gritted jaw, "Is...is there something wrong? Did something happen?"

He looked like he was just about to explode, but his face remained devoid of any eruption, "No." He was speaking through his teeth, I just knew it. There was something wrong.

I knew I shouldn't have gone over to his place. I know now. I shouldn't have. He wasn't saying what he was supposed to, and I clung onto the open window, "Are you sure?"

He glanced up at me with his narrowed eyes, "No."

That's it.

That was just it. What more could I've said? There was obviously something wrong, and I kicked myself for it. Stupid. Why had I even bothered?

We stayed there in silence for a while. He had his fingers clenched around the wheel and I was starting to get Goosebumps in the middle of summer. No. That wasn't healthy. Not at all.

"I shouldn't have come over, right?" I decided it had to be me. I had to be the one to break the tense wave of nausea.

When he didn't say anything, I let my feet press against the sharp little roadside stones and I mumbled in my quietest voice, "I'm sorry." His jaw turned a little, "I-I hope I didn't get you into trouble."

"Trouble?" he scoffed instantly, and I felt myself just hanging on with a tipsy grip.

He wasn't even looking at me, so without saying another word I turned around. I pretended not to have heard him when he called my name out, and I didn't even bother to latch the gate as I went back inside.

I guessed it was just better to leave it like that when I had nothing to say. What more could I have said? That I had just come over to ask him if we were really going out, or if we were just messing around?

No.

I couldn't have said that.

So I left him outside and ran upstairs to my room. I slammed the door behind me, pulled back my curtains and jumped back into bed. It was only after a while that I heard the car pull away roughly. Syaoran didn't seem to be in a mood better than I had either.

I laid there stiff between my covers, my crucifix tucked under my chin and my eyes stinging.

Just for one day, I wanted to forget about everything. Just for one day, I wanted something good to happen.

****

Syaoran Li P.O.V

The roads couldn't be any damn packed right then.

There were oldies in their Volkswagen everywhere and once in a while I felt like giving them a push from the back. They had to be going at least at 50k and it was giving me a hard time.

I took a turn at the traffic honking all the way, ignoring the people who stuck out they heads to swear at me. Goddamn lazy asses, that's what they had. By the time they even got anywhere, they'd be growing yellow nails in their graves.

Shiroi was back when I got the car parked inside the garage. He had his girlfriend on the couch, and Meiling was flipping through the channels. One look at me, and she was up on her feet, stalking off to her room.

Yamazaki was in the kitchen standing near the stove, an apple clenched in his teeth and Chiharu at the table, reading the magazine I had been going through this morning. She had on a nose ring I've never seen her wear before and it made her look a little bit like a hedgehog. With the spiked hair and all. She didn't even look up at me, so I wasn't complaining.

Yamazaki turned around when I pulled out a chair, then turned off the heat, apple in hand.

"Where'd you go?"

Chiharu shifted a little as if showing me how engrossed she was in the shitty magazine. She didn't have to try not listening.

I shrugged grabbing an apple myself, "Filled the car up." I took a fresh bite.

He nodded carefully and seemed to catch Chiharu's eyes just for a second.

I scowled at them. Dumping the apple in the bin with a crash, I headed straight for my room. Whatever they had been saying about me, I knew it was some bullshit. And I wasn't in the mood for getting any of that at the moment.

I stopped a little to see how everything was thrown across the floor and random things just stood out. Like a report card. A stopwatch. Fluorescent blue spray paint can which I used last year to add my own touch to the school auditorium. And there was the motherboard of a computer I used to have.

It would take quite a while to clean it, so I just went straight to bed.

Sakura had apologized.

Don't know why, but I couldn't stop thinking of that face when she said sorry. So it was a while until I could get some sleep, but I got heaps of it.

Surprisingly, I didn't wake up even when Yamazaki knocked on my door with some pizzas.

The next thing I knew, it was morning.

Seven something. And I could hear Meiling yelling from outside, followed by Yamazaki's small talk. I didn't even want to know what it was all about.

So I just pushed past Shiroi who probably had crashed the night on the couch again, and went for that hot shower before Chiharu could get in ahead of me like every other damn morning.

I noticed a shampoo lying around, and without another thought, I emptied it over my head.

Meiling would have to get another one.

When I came out into the kitchen, I found the reason of whatever they were all bitching about. Meiling, who still hadn't found her CD, was blaming it on Yamazaki again.

The guy wasn't even looking at her and she was trying her best to get the door to his room open.

"Come on Yama! Open the goddamn door! I know you have it!"

"I don't." he replied distractedly with eyes glued to the TV and sipping a drink. He looked up at me when I sat across him, then hissed at me in a rush "Hey, tell that cow I don't have her stuff. I already missed this show last time because of her. And I ain't gonna let it happen again. They still haven't found the killer."

While Meiling continued to scream behind me, he continued to watch the show. I just sat there watching it too. I had nothing better to do anyways.

Half an hour later, Meiling gave up and flopped in beside me with a large huff. I could see her staring at me for a while, before all three of us were watching the cop vs. killer program.

It was the driest thing I've ever seen. Shoot shoot, some innocent lady dies. Shoot shoot, the cops handcuff the killer.

It was a shock how both Meiling and Yamazaki hung onto their every word. But that's how they went against stupid things.

It was the same damn thing everywhere. The bad guys always got the core of the apple.

****

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

I hate Monday mornings. As in I detest it to the max of the boiling point of my blood. Not only was it the first day of the week, but it was also five long and tiring days until the weekend.

Dad was up and about around the dining table like a duck; which I thought was a little surprising. Touya was still scowling at me for locking Kero in the kitchen for five hours, and the said dog was running around the house with a sick stomach.

That's what he got for eating non-edible things. Stupid mutt.

"Good morning darling." Dad was pouring himself some tea from the pot, and I rolled my spoon around in my Fruit Loops. I crushed them into the milk and watched as they sprung up on the surface again to float.

"Morning." I grumbled loud enough so he could hear me. I wasn't in the mood for anything, and that more over made it seem like a chore that I was forced to do.

Touya sat opposite me, as usual with the sport section of the newspaper and as usual screaming when Kero came galloping like a horse to chew his socks underneath the table. He spent the next few minutes trying to kick the dog away.

Yes. They hated each other with a passion.

But unlike yesterday, Dad seemed rather calm. He was back to wearing his glasses, and I gulped when he looked up from his own section of the newspaper, straight at me. Why were they glinting?

"You'll be calling your Mother today, Sakura." Okay. I wasn't expecting that. "And you'll be going over to see your step-brother." Or that.

Yes. I almost choked on the loop when he said that. Hurrying my hands for my juice, I made an uncomfortable gargling noise to which Touya wrinkled his nose, "Sorry." I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and tried molding my throat back to its normal shape, "But, I think I didn't hear that right."

His eyes almost narrowed a little. And I could feel the back of my neck suddenly feeling itchy for a scratch.

"Sakura, you'll be calling your Mother when you get back home. She has left you enough messages on the phone."

Yup. He would know it, wouldn't he?

I gulped, then gave Touya a quick glare for not saying anything, "But...why?"

"Because." Dad sighed to add on some dramatic effect, "He's officially your brother." When I grimaced at his answer, he added on, "And she won't stop calling until you really go over."

I was up before I would let him go on anymore, "I told you Dad. I'm not going anywhere, and that's it."

"Sakura, she's still your Mother. And you still have to obey her you know."

I suddenly didn't know if that was my Dad speaking or Satan who had taken over his body. I pushed back my chair abruptly and stormed up to my room after giving him my most disgusted look and my quickest answer, "No."

I couldn't believe it! How could he say that? How could he actually say that stuff when he spent the entire weekend insulting her under his breath?! This was crazy! He was actually favoring her after all that she had done to him. He was actually favoring Mom over me. I couldn't believe it.

I tore out of my bathrobe in seconds and got into something that would match my mood. Grabbing whatever books and pens that came to my hand's reach, I practically ran out, and darted across Dad who'd decided to come up the stairs to.

"Sakura..." his voice seemed strained, but I just slammed the door.

It just seemed like the usual bloody thing to happen. There always had to be something that would wreck the day I hated the most. Always!

I found Touya waiting for me on the road, and I just buckled in without a word.

"Sakura." He started after a groan from my stomach, "I think you should listen to Dad. He-,"

"Just shut up and start the goddamn car will you?!" I hollered at him furiously, and he shrunk back into his seat with a nervous smile.

"All right. All right."

There wasn't anything more to be said. And that's the way it went like always.

When we got to school, I walked out without as much as a 'see you later loser.' And just as I made it to my locker, the cursed bell rang for homeroom.

Spilling out every profanity that I knew I dumped my books in my locker and shut the door to have it bounce back in my face. Feeling very outraged, I slammed it again with every ounce of energy and clasped the padlock in.

The group across me gave me the 'damn-you're-freaky' look, but I just marched through them, hitting my shoulders accidentally against one of the guys and not bothering to look back and apologize.

I didn't need to be nice to anyone today. Not with the weekend I'd just had and the explosions I had to go through. I had the most distinctive and foolproof reason for anything unexpected I did today. Like crash into the guy who thought I was an angel to help heal his broken heart. I just left him there to pick up his massive books and scowled at some girls who narrowed their eyes at me.

When I came into homeroom, I was the last one, but I rushed to my seat and sat glaring at the teacher who looked as uncomfortable as Rika who was beside me.

"Uh...right." He then busied himself with the attendance while the class started to get back its rattle.

"Hey girl." Rika scooted close to me; "You okay?"

"Yeah." Van, who was on my other side, pulled his chair closer, "You look like you just came from some bitch fight. Who smashed you, eh?" He was grinning a little.

Then Eriol turned around, leaning his crossed arms on the edge of my desk, "She's steaming." I guessed he was referring to me. But I had my eyes only on Rika, and I shrugged at her.

"It's nothing." I hoped I sounded neutral. Because there was no way I had even the littlest of energy to spend it on Van or Eriol. But it looked like I didn't even sound near to be believed.

"You sure?" Rika peered at me, and I nodded vehemently.

"Of course." I lied through my teeth; "My brother's just been pissing me off." I tried a little smirk, but I couldn't do it. Poor Touya.

She nodded while Van closed in more, "Hey. Speaking of your brother, did he tell you that I came looking for you on Saturday?"

I turned to him with a clenched jaw, "Yeah. He did." I didn't even want to start with that.

Van just leaned back in his seat obviously pleased with whatever was going under his spiked black hair that covered his potato brains; "I forgot you were at church but he's the man. I mean, he was like going totally crazy over my car."

"Yeah." I muttered at him while ignoring the wide grin from Rika, "He lo-oves cars."

"I think you should check it out then." Rika butted in; "You've never been in it, have you?"

I wept silently and shook my head, "No." If I had anything sharp in my hand right then, I just might have poked her with it.

"Then you should come over sometime." Van's voice was so soft I had to nod and give the fake laugh.

"Oh yeah. Sure. Of course I will." Not in this lifetime though, buddy. And hell, I couldn't imagine Syaoran saying those exact words. _Then you should come over sometime._ It sounded so snotty and cliché.

I gave myself a mental kick and watched Eriol's lazy smile. He hadn't said anything, but I'd rather have him talk than look at me like that. It was as if he knew that something sneaky was going on. But since there wasn't, he could shove whatever he had on his mind back to where it came from.

When bell rang again, I walked off with Rika.

As I stepped into History, I almost dreaded it. I sat at the back like I always did and kept my eyes trained outside the window until class started.

When Syaoran walked in late, we locked eyes for a second until he looked away snippily.

I didn't know why, but I kept sighing almost after every minute, and the guy next to me gave me a sick grin that I mouthed a cuss to.

Stupid loser.

I didn't stop fidgeting. I was getting irritated and I was getting nowhere with the essay we had been asked to write about the Gestapo. _The special force police that Hitler had formed… _Dear God. With the way I was writing, I was sure even a little kid could write this better than me.

Biting into the inside of my cheek, I leaned back on my chair, balancing only on the back two legs.

The teacher was as usual writing something somewhere, and the entire class was silent. Since I was right in the last corner, I couldn't see even a single person who didn't have their pens moving.

That's when I looked to the right and saw Syaoran staring.

I tried smiling back, but then he started to point his thumb to the wall next to him.

I guessed I looked confused, so he started to jerk it again. Was he trying to tell me something? He looked a little frustrated himself when I just sat there wondering if he knew that I sucked at charades or not.

But then he was standing up and walking past desks. The students he went by looked up a little and watched him until he stood next to the teacher and started whispering something. She only nodded and handed him a pass.

I hadn't seen him do that before. Usually, he would just march off like he never cared.

And when he walked out of the door, he didn't even turn around to look back at me. So I sat there churning and crackling. I licked my lips once then twice, and pretended my hardest to be looking like I was thinking. I even managed to write a few sentences down, but I leaned back again. What had he been trying to tell me?

I was up on my feet before I knew it, and striding towards the teacher who glanced up uncertainly.

"Yes?"

"Uh..." I made it my best to look hesitant and restless, "Miss...uh…" Not what? "Can I please get a bathroom pass please?" It came out all too fast. I shifted on my feet and growled hearing a guy behind me chortle.

Asshole.

She made an indefinite expression, then scribbled something on a paper and tore it off. Grabbing it, I smiled and excused myself.

Closing the door behind me, I peeked into the hallway but there wasn't a sign of anyone. I couldn't see Syaoran anywhere. Had he duped me? Then looking onto the other side, I found him a few paces away, leaning against a door.

I didn't wave. I just looked back for a moment to see if anybody was watching and sauntered towards him. And when I was close enough, he grabbed my elbow almost painfully and dragged me inside the room he was standing by.

Shaken by his actions, I fumbled back on my own feet and attempted to erase that giddy feeling at the back of my mind. It wasn't what I thought was it?

It was dim, and I stood there for a second making out his outline in front of him. I wasn't nervous. I was happy. I was excited. I was jumping with joy.

"You took your time." Syaoran's voice was low, so I expected that we had to speak in whispers. He then closed the door by the end of his foot, and I swallowed hard while shuddering lightly in the butterflies swinging on my spine.

I gave a grin and looked around. It was the Resource room. The exact place where I'd found him and that other girl making out. I nearly scowled at him, but held myself by sliding up over a tall shelf that seemed strong enough to hold up my weight. We were in a room full of books, and I was already staring to feel ill. My health always got a little deterred around schoolbooks.

When we were staring again, I kicked up my feet with as much of an apology I could muster, "Look. I'm sorry about yesterday. I...I just had to talk to you about...something."

"Yeah? What was it?" He inched forward, and I looked behind him uneasily, trying to sound normal. He had a little playing frown on his face, but I chose to ignore it.

"Ah. Don't worry about it. It-it's nothing really." I tried to hide my gulp the moment his hands suddenly reached out for my knees and stayed flat on my thighs. I felt uncomfortable on that shelf; a whole head tall and right then I had to peep down at him. I surely would have preferred it to be the other way around, but beggars couldn't be choosers, could they?

My spine quivered as if struck by lightening and I found myself leaning onto him. I didn't know what to do. It felt almost as if I needed some sort of permission from him and I couldn't help but smile as the butterflies in my chest soared around. It was definitely exhilarating. Definitely something I wanted right then.

But there wasn't any need for consent, because in that little second he caught me in the wildest kiss without a warning. My lips just stayed stiff, but I learned to loosen them when his tongue darted against mine.

I had been waiting way too long for this. I had missed the feeling and in an urge of happiness, I pulled him against me and hung my legs closely around his waist. I gripped on tighter onto him, pulling back for a second for a heave of breath. But he seemed even more cut off than I was and had my hair tangled in between his fingers while crashing against my lips again and again. Like he wanted me just as bad. Like he had missed kissing me just as bad. Maybe he was making up for yesterday?

It was like something I had never imagined. Sure I had been kissed before, but this felt different. He actually brought goose bumps to my back by only passing his arms over them. Right then, I didn't care if it was summer of winter, but those goose bumps made me feel good.

His own hair smelled sweet and of...passion fruit?

I felt his cold hand at the back of my neck, then slipping across my shoulders in a repeating moment that had me moaning in bliss. I was feeling nothing at the back of my head, just his fingers slipping in and out through the collar of my shirt as if to massage my neck. He could have choked me for all I cared, because it felt so damn good. It felt like my chest might as well rise out of my ribs the moment I pressed against him.

His mouth quickly moved off to my jaw, a hand pulling back my hair behind my ears painfully. His heavy breath followed behind his kisses of nibbling callously on my skin. I turned my face to let him at my earlobe, but it was only a matter of seconds that desperation took the best of me and I fought around to reach his mouth and kiss him myself. My hands grabbed the back of his shirt, tracing patterns on it unknowingly.

It was as if I was indulged in the most beautiful thing that could ever be. It brought my heart racing and doing flips.

His lips smiled as if he knew the torture he was giving me by not responding, yet he gave up soon. His tongue came dancing against the caverns of my mouth and I sat there cradled as I pulled him against me covering whatever gap there was. His teeth painfully nipped at my lower lip seductively and I threw my head back in satisfaction.

But right then a thought hit me and I pushed him back against his chest. Confusion passed over his features as he took in a lungful of breath, but I didn't let him go. His confusion turned into a quick frown as he leaned in and brushed his lips past mine.

"Is this..." I kicked off my heels, then allowed him to shift his legs closer to the shelf, "Is this where you bring every girl you want to make out with? Here?"

I think my question hit him by surprise. His mouth broadened at my words and I shivered as he let out a warm breath against the skin of my neck, "Oh yeah."

I nodded primly.

"You got a problem with that?"

"Maybe a little." I brushed my nose against his, turned my head to a side, then leaned my elbows on his shoulders hoping to sound serious.

He kissed me tentatively as he parted my lips, "Too bad then. There's this dingy shit place or nowhere. And I'd chose this over the goddamn Gestapo back out there." He was saying that between the lines and I managed a quick giggle. History was right at the back of my mind right then and so were the stupid rules for not getting in deep with outcasts. It was some lumpy bull anyway.

"I guess." I murmured in response.

"All right. Now shut up yeah?" His hair tickled my cheeks as he bent down further to peck the side of my mouth in swift movements.

I felt good. I felt like nothing else could get better than this. Thank you God. Thank you so much. That's all I can say because I never expected this to happen today. I really didn't.

And I'm so happy 'cause something good finally happened.

****

Syaoran Li P.O.V

Don't know what Sakura did, but since yesterday, everything's been going good. Yamazaki hasn't said anything about her and Chiharu's remained out of my way. That girl's too much trouble.

Mother called this morning, and kept asking me if I'd been eating healthy and doing well in my studies or not. I answered her like I always did, with my darned positive attitude.

But that was all asked after she questioned me for the reason she had to bail me out of prison. She knew I have always been a troublesome kid, but I kept out most of the parts. The parts which would cause her to disown me if she ever heard them.

So I just mumbled on saying that I got in a fight with some kids and they reported me. But then she started to ask me their names so she could call their parents.

She wasn't being sarcastic and I wasn't surprised. That's how she always was. And with that death of one of her friends, I doubt she'd even been out of bed. The woman was too paranoid, and I was happy that it never ran in my blood.

Minas got me cornered today at school and she was demanding questions like always. She threatened me again, but I just left her to deal with Meiling alone. I had it figured out that she could handle her better than I ever could.

Hiiragizawa didn't forget for a second to give me the fingers when I went to Chemistry that was opposite his class. Sakura gave me a smile as she followed after him. I didn't smile back. He was looking.

She's a good girl, I guess. A damn good kisser too.

Her hair didn't smell like roses anymore, but that was all right I guess. As long as she never took it off with the wusses she hung out with.

I remember when one of them tacks -Rika something- used to go out with Shiroi years back. She went along with a teacher back then too, but I heard it all stopped the damn day she came to Sanron. The guy was dumped and he's never stopped bitching about her after that. He said he hates her guts. But god, the love of God- that was just Shiroi. No one could do anything to that little wanky rut.

When I got to the apartment, some guys were around, and I figured they were Yamazaki's friends. He came to me when I went for a drink.

"We're gonna take down those shitty rules down off the Bulletin."

"Really?" I didn't wanna sound like a try-hard.

"Yeah man. It's so goddamn dry to have had 'em around. It's about time we started to throw in some shit on them."

I sat down thinking for a while, "How are you gonna get in? The damn school's got alarms."

Yamazaki grinned at that, and then pointed at the guys playing play-station squashed on the couch, "Those guy are gonna be breaking in. And damn, I gotta tell you- they're good."

I looked at them for a second, and then back at Yamazaki, "You're gonna be screwed by this."

"Syaoran. They rock man. They can seriously bust some alarms!"

I didn't know what to say, but I wasn't against it. I shrugged at him, and punched his knuckles as I stood up with my Coke; "Good luck to you then."

"Won't be needing it!" He yelled after me before I locked myself inside my room. It was still a mess, and I wasn't gonna bother cleaning it until after a few weeks, or till I found a way Meiling could do it without me having to pay her.

The dope was still a few days away to come from Yamazaki's contact and I was itching for it. There wasn't any in my room, and it made me feel almost naked.

It gave me some sense of strength. But now, there was nothing. I was desperate for the joy of feeling high. I was desperate to feel it again.

****

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

I wasn't talking to Dad.

That was the deal I had made with myself. I wasn't gonna talk to him until he stopped standing outside my room giving me lectures about how hard it was to meet step-families. Yeah, like he knew a twig about it.

I seriously had no idea what had gotten into him, but whatever it was, I hated it. Cranky pot.

Yes. At that moment, I hated Dad.

He was acting like it was the most normal thing to do. He was even offering to drop me off at the airport and pay for my ticket to Hiroshima! I mean, that had to be the most absurd thing he has ever asked me to do. At that I knew he was definitely possessed.

I even had half my mind made up on calling a shrink and booking an appointment for Dad. As in he had to know where all the boundaries stood.

I didn't want to see Mom for a few months. And I didn't want to see the rest of her 'current' family for a few years. That was how I wanted it, and I wasn't getting it. What else could get sadder between me and Dad?

Had those few drink on Friday night propelled Dad's mind into a psycho's? Had he somehow, finally gotten the courage to call Mom and trap me like a farmer would do to his chickens? And was that what I was? A chicken? Show it to 'em boys. Cluck. Cluck. Cluck.

Maybe what I was a little pissed off about the fact that Touya had managed to stay out of it all. I was envious. His mother was dead and his father was single and not looking.

Dad wasn't re-marrying again. I knew that that much about my lone parent. I wouldn't dare let him, because there was no way I was gonna have any more strength left to handle another mother. One was enough, thank you very much. Two would get me reaching out for my own friggin' throat.

I didn't know what Dad's problem was, but I wasn't letting him have his way. I wasn't going to Hiroshima or even to the next door house if I had to see my stepbrother. If they wanted us to meet so badly, then why couldn't the sod be the one to come here? What was he? A pizza guy who always got his goods nicked off by the dog?

I wasn't gonna waste my time making happy family connections. I've had enough of that already with Mr. Ryusaki and with Mom patting her pregnant belly like it was the only thing she ever did. Yup, that was enough for me.

I didn't want to meet some guy who would be treating me like a kid. In other words, along with one mother, one brother was enough too. One older brother.

Pushing away all scrounging thoughts, I walked into the library to return a few books. From the corner of my eye I noticed Meiling and another girl in the utmost corner of the large area, and I hesitated as I looked away from them.

Had they seen me?

Had anyone else seen me looking at them?

I whipped my head toward the desk, and slid the books through the chute. They were just books that were overdue after having finished my screwed up computer assessment that I failed with flying colors. I didn't know what had gone wrong really. I only noticed a few typos here and there and then a big fat red circle around the wrong graph I had put in. I put in a pie graph instead of a bar graph, and just thinking about it, made my mouth water.

Crunchy steamy pies. That's what I'll be fixing up for myself for dinner tonight. Just to celebrate my failure.

Wow, I could almost feel the taste of it on my tongue that was until some guy came bumping into me and sent my nose flat against his back.

The boy spun around swiftly, almost catching me off-guard and off-balance. Stupid prick. What the hell was with the shirt anyways? Kill the Doorman?

I had to grab onto the desk before he could knock me off...even unintentionally. Then I looked up at his face.

"You!" As a surprise we both muttered darkly and drew away while I straightened myself up at the same time.

He was the boy who sat next to me in my Computer's class. Yes, the one who never talked to me no matter how hard I tried, and for which said reason I had given up on even bothering to smile at him.

"Jesus." I busied myself to rub my nose while passer-bys grinned at us, "What're you made of huh? Iron? Steel? Elephant fat?" I slipped the last book in my hand through the gaping hole, "Which one is it?"

He didn't waste a moment in scowling at me, "Human bones."

I glared back, "That wasn't on my list."

"You can add it in then." He didn't bother to hide a smirk and just brushed past me, knocking past my shoulder like the guy I had hurried past this morning before homeroom. It didn't take me long to realize it was him from before, but I turned around to hiss back at him, "Thanks, but I think I'll skip out on that one. It's kind of really lame."

Nope. I didn't like that guy one bit. He thought he was some super-duper smart-ass who would just not prefer to talk to anyone who got lower grades than him. Unfortunately while I got an F, he got a B.

And to relieve my stress, I just kept assuring myself that the teacher was a sexist moron who couldn't deal with any sympathy towards fellow students that failed to show interest in computers.

After I was done bristling in my own spot and continuing to watch Meiling through the gap between two guys, I hurried back outside before the crowding library group could trod on my sandals and give me blisters like the last time. There had to be at least six groups. Each looking distinct from the stereotypical description of nerds.

I mean, if someone saw me reading one of Hitler's books, what would they call me? A nerd or an activist? I gave myself a mental kick. Obviously, that was another cheesy bitten crust I'd just thought of and I knew I could come up with some better stuff.

Giving Meiling one last glance I took my own pace to the cafeteria. What I needed right then was some food to calm my hungry stomach. Maybe a pie.

In English, I swear I was the topic the guys around me were talking about. The frequency of the noise waves thundering from the 'girl in corner's' stomach. I took longer strides as I flung the door open, and flew right to the line.

I'd show them!

A few of those guys were even in my Chemistry class next period. I would definitely show them.

After getting the stock on my tray by rushing in front of a guy, I shuffled and managed to avoid bumping into a few people. Finally getting to my table, I flopped down urgently, more than ever wanting to stuff that tasty looking burger inside my drooling mouth. Lovely, even if it wasn't a pie.

But it didn't go in. I didn't even manage to hold the damn thing up.

Because right then, I felt everyone staring at me. Everyone that categorized Eriol, Van and some guy whose name I couldn't recall right then.

For a second I looked at each of them, then at the rest of the empty seats, and then back at my aromatic burger, "Uh...hello. Do you guys mind giving my food some space?" Maybe I could pitch in some convo before I could bite in, "Where're everyone else?" I tried to sound as light-hearted as I could. But it was a little unnerving especially with Rika and Tomoyo not present to chew on my patience like Kero would on his expired rag-doll.

Eriol's eyes turned away from me at that, and I began to wonder what it was on my tray that turned him off. The gravy? The peppermint tabs?

"You're not gonna believe what Eriol just did." The not-named guy began as he began to gulp his Coke at an alarming slow rate. I mean, what kind of a dork was he to not lip his own can and drink over his mouth?

I looked at the guy dawdling, and then at Eriol. He was staring hard at me, and I was starting to get disarming thoughts, "What did he do?" I asked after a while my eyes not moving from him.

Van sniggered a little, his untamed laugh putting me off in an instant; "The loser broke it up with his girl."

I think at that moment, half of the blood in my brains drained out. I couldn't feel or hear anything except for Van's toad-laughter. Was he actually human?

"E-excuse me?" I was scrambling out of my seat and standing up, leaning down my arms, and staring back at Eriol who seemed to be grinning right then. I needed to cautiously tread on my words or I might mistake myself into hearing something else.

Eriol pushed back his tray deftly, still holding our stare; "I dumped Tomoyo." His voice was blunt, and he seemed to say it as if it was nothing but stuffed with extra-cushion to go softer on the butt.

I knew what I'd just heard was a crappy lie that my brain had become too dull to understand. I just knew it. I'd gone a bit overboard on the ship of depression, and now all I could hear were lies. That was just it. I was depressed and I was hung on hearing depressing news. That was exactly how it went in that movie I saw a few days back.

But when that smug smile appeared on Eriol's face, I didn't know what to think of anymore.

There was only thing that stood out clearly as ever: my appetite had gone on a hunger strike. I mean, I didn't even notice Van nicking out my awaiting burger.

****

§ђϊη§зϊ-Кσќσѓσ


	14. Blade

**Author's Note –** I just thought I'd warn you guys that there's angst up ahead in this chapter. And angst in Syaoran leads towards profanity. Anger. Anger. Just imagine lots of anger fuelling in and out. Red hot steamy anger. Hence the title- blade. Oh and Sakura is a part Christian. Even though religion is not an important factor for her family, she enjoys going to church and finding her own peace in its surroundings. Enjoy this chapter!

* * *

**Title -** Head Over Heels

**Author -** Shinsei Kokoro

**Chapter - **14** - **Blade

**Beta Reader -** Amai Okashi

**Updated - **15th January 2005

* * *

Syaoran Li P.O.V

I was supposed to be asleep.

Shit, that's one thing I know. I've been listening to Mrs. Happy non-stop and she couldn't get any goddamn worse. What the heck did Mc Donald's have to do with the depletion of the ozone layer anyway? Chemistry just didn't fit into my head and it was always the teacher's fault. Damn right.

And the sore toe was that Mr. Principal had been going on about me raising up my scores or he'll give me a boo-boo by calling back home. The guy's a freakin' loser. What he needs is to watch out for a weight-loss program- Weight Watchers or whatever.

I remember when Meiling had been suggesting going to one. But hell, this guy was desperate for some fat loss around that stomach. I bet his tailor had to get him an extension onto his belt.

Then again, you can't really get away by telling him something like that without three detentions or a suspension in my case.

My probation officer last year had said to watch out for what my mouth said. Really, that was exactly what Mr. Principal said too. I had gone to see him before Homeroom and he didn't seem as pissed as he usually was with me.

Maybe that was only 'cause I wasn't wagging anymore or maybe because I had given up tagging the back yard of the school. Dun which one it was.

Then he looked through his computer about my records, and said that I was low on the rack in every subject.

But it didn't matter. Though I thought the opposite of him, he now expected me to join some kind of study group. Yeah right!

Study group, my ass.

I wasn't that tinkered in the brains to have my knees going around some geeks who didn't know nothing other than diggin' out books.

Mr. Principal didn't need to get his nose to Hong Kong just for that. He could just screw it, and let me off like always.

But this time, I don't think he was ready to take the bait so easy. 'Cause he suggested me to get up with a group that us outcasts had. I knew a few of them, and they were all cracks. They were only a group to get out of classes and smoke pot in the backfield.

Smoking was the past era fellas, that's what they didn't know. Pot was just some crap lying 'round in their backyard. It got you sick too early.

But Mr. Principal didn't have to know that either. I just agreed before he could sign me up on tutoring or something. That was just too random. I wasn't that much of an idiot to get tutored. I remember when I was a kid back in Hong Kong; I used ace the whole damn class. Got beaten up once for that, but it was all good.

The rest of Chemistry, I slept it. Half the period was good enough, and I'm sure even Mrs. Happy was...happy...with me.

During lunch, I got up at some soccer kicks. I had forgotten my cigarette pack, so I nicked four off from Shiroi. My kicks were getting rusty actually. I remember when I used to be the captain in elementary. Man, there wasn't one game we hadn't won.

Then this damn school just messed it all up. But it didn't really matter to me anymore.

While I left to get some coke from the door of the cafeteria, I saw Sakura half-running my way. Okay, I for one was damn shocked. I didn't expect her to just come to me like that in front of everybody, but her face looked like she was just punched.

She was pissed, I could see that. I wondered what had gotten her so ticked off.

But right then, a group passed by me, and all she managed to do was shove through them...and right past me.

The bitch hadn't even seen me.

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

I was too angry to bother to apologize as I pushed past people. I was just too ticked off.

It was also goodbye gluttony to my lunch tray.

Eriol had dumped Tomoyo?!

In that fleeting platform, I could have thrown off all of the invented profanity at Eriol right then. I could have lunged at him and gouged his eyeballs out, leaving it to hang out of his sockets. Christ, I swear I wanted to do that.

I wanted to kill him that's what. Kill him!

But I couldn't. I wouldn't, because he deserved something worse than that. In that short moment of breathing heavily, I had managed to ask the guy whose name I didn't know where Tomoyo might be right then. And he laughed, answering that she was crying in the toilets or something. He said it exactly the way his own girlfriend had told him. That was just his added information.

And so after giving all three a last glare, I bolted - half tripping on pushed out legs and half lunging as I threw myself through groups of nuts who thought it was fun to block the damn doorway.

I didn't know what to do right then, but I had to find Tomoyo.

I knew it. I knew I should have told her before about Eriol and me. I just knew it!

You're an idiot Sakura! Look at what you've just done by keeping shut for some asshole.

And if by any chance Eriol had told Tomoyo about me, then I was dead.

I was really dead. I wouldn't even have a funeral if Tomoyo would be the one killing me. No casket. No ceremony. Nothing.

But I'd never meant to bring it all along this way. I'd never meant to allow Eriol get attracted or whatever to me. It was crazy. It was dumb. And it was freakin' frustrating!

I hated Eriol. I hated his goddamned attitude and I hated his stupid flawless face. I hated everything about him. So much that I didn't know what to do with all that hate now.

I was dragging myself into the girls' toilets before I knew it, and I could hear sounds of sniffles from all through the little corridor.

Tomoyo was right there, here face flushed and her eyes blotchy and red. It looked like someone had just squeezed out the smiles from her face. Rika and Naoko were with her, and when they looked at me, we all stood still.

A nearby cubicle just flushed, and a girl came out. She walked out without washing her hands. She didn't even look at us.

Then Tomoyo broke away from Rika's grasp. She came towards me, and my chest rose up to my throat. Eriol had told her. I could see that hate in her eyes. Eriol had definitely told her.

But before I could even dare open my mouth, she threw her arms around me, and broke down heavily.

There was a moment of uncertainty. And over Tomoyo's small shaking shoulders I watched Rika and Naoko advancing.

She was holding me tight; practically digging her nails into my back, and the second I patted her back awkwardly, her hoarse voice came loose and thundered out. The part of the havoc.

"He dumped me!" she screamed into my ears, "He fucking dumped me!" I could feel little drops of tears soaking into my sleeve.

Great.

So Eriol hadn't told her.

Which meant that I would be the one breaking the news. Which meant that I was the chicken leg first in queue to get barbecued once again. Ah. What privilege...

I glanced up at Rika. She'd put her arms around both of us, and I gulped.

No.

I couldn't do it in front of her and Naoko. I would loose whatever dignity my little heart held and I could not afford that to happen.

Uh-uh.

None of us said anything. None of us dared to interrupt Tomoyo's plane of swearing. I didn't know that some of them ever existed...so I presumed that they were invented on the spur.

She wouldn't stop for a breath, and when she did, the waterworks came down harder. It was as if a pipe had just fallen apart, and I was the helpless and pathetic plumber who couldn't do anything without a book to help me out.

Tomoyo and Rika stayed clinging onto me while Naoko stood beside me, her hand on my arm.

How could I not feel guilty? How could I not feel that this was my entire fault?

I knew Tomoyo had the hots for Eriol since the start. I'd even helped her start the whole business about my imaginary boyfriend.

Would Tomoyo suspect that?

Would she think that Eriol dumping her had to do something with me? She had the slightest doubt when Eriol had started flirting with me in the beginning.

However, whatever it was, Tomoyo didn't voice it out right then. I just played my part as the pillar, while she played the miserable maiden.

Okay okay. I felt horrible. I felt like just blurting the whole part about Eriol kissing me in the toilet opposite this and using her only as a worm to catch the fish. And to which, that fish would be me. What an appropriate analogy.

I was ashamed.

I couldn't even look at her. I was probably the worst friend living in Tomoeda, and it was all Eriol Hiiragizawa's fault. Eriol, the stupid prick.

Syaoran Li P.O.V

Shiroi was cracking up. The piece of shit just couldn't stop laughing, and I swear if he wasn't gonna shut up, his jaw would be crumbling into ice.

He stayed behind Meiling the rest of lunch when I threatened him. Pansy, I'm tellin' you.

The jackass had been with me when Sakura had snobbed me. And since he'd been finding out some retarded details about her and me out of Yamazaki, the asshole thought it was funny.

She just walked past me. She hadn't even looked up. I mean even Minas would have looked up and then walked off, but she was a different area of topic.

In History, I came in a little late after getting in a fight with some try-hards. They were going on about how fucked up I was and how my own little reputation was giving them a bad name.

Hell, as far as I knew, there hadn't been nothing in the papers about Boy Convicted for Manhandling and Using Illegal Drugs Goes to Prestigious Sanron High. Prestigious? No shit.

I gave the loser a nosebleed, then spent a few minutes washing my hands. The blood had somehow gotten underneath my nails and it looked disgusting.

And so by the time I came in, the damn teacher was already going on about the Gestapo and their manhandling. We were learning about Hitler's mumbo jumbo this term.

I didn't look at Sakura.

I heard the normal tight-ass comments from the guys sitting in front of me, and I gave them the fingers as tradition went by.

I could see her trying to catch my attention when the guy in-between bent down to write notes, but I pretended like I hadn't seen her.

Hey, no way was I gonna let her off easy. No girl did that to me. Outcast or not, I didn't give a shit about girls who thought they were too good for me.

She then made a few more pathetic attempts to get me to face her, but she was gonna hafta try hard for that to happen.

When bell rang, I was out of the door. A tart tried to trip me with her leg, so I kicked her back...accidentally. I think she was too ashamed to yell out or anything. Which was good for me, of course.

For a moment, when I turned around, I caught Sakura hustling through a few guys to catch my eye, but I turned back and walked out to Physics.

I didn't get any of my books from my locker because she would definitely be there and I wasn't in the mood for anything to do with her.

Lets just say that I wasn't the kind of guy who would go kneeling for some bitch.

Physics was hell same. Something about nuclear reaction here and then some shit about repairing fuses in broken down circuits.

Not my bit of the cookie, so I tried catching a few winks.

"She's damn hot man..." some ass in front of me was murmuring, but I could hear it all. He never shut up about girls. Some sleezeball.

"Yeah..." the one next to him leaned back, "Sweet talker too..."

"I heard she's been up to Van."

I yawned. God. Give these losers a life will ya?

"Yeah. Saw them hookin' up a few weeks back..."

The guy sniggered, and the teacher who was busy explaining glared slightly, "But she's a free girl. And I'm goin' for her. She's some hot stuff too."

"Nah man. You ain't heard it? She's with some guy."

"Hell no."

I grinned. Shot down bastard. That's what you got for tryin' to look clean.

"Yeah. Some college dude. All the way in Tokyo. Yoga or something I heard his name was."

"Tokyo? Shit, that's some city boy."

"You don't say. Heard they've had it all the way. Y'know, from Eriol. He knows his stuff."

I sat up a little bit after hearing that name. Eriol? What the heck did Hiiragizawa had to do with the 'hot stuff' girl? He had his own girl right?

"He's a bad-ass man. Broke it with Tomoyo today."

"I heard. She was like bitching all about it. Crying too."

"Well does she know that he has the hots for her friend?"

The guy in front of me coughed harshly. What friend? "Nah. I don't think so man, or there'd be some cat fight."

"True. But college shit or not, I bet Eriol's gonna be hookin' up with Sakura soon enough."

I don't think I heard anything after that. Fucking hell. I don't think I even wanted too.

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

He ignored me. I mean, he totally ignored me! Like, how bitchy was that?

It somehow scared me; the way he scowled at me when he turned around after class. He just walked off. He didn't even look at me once. Cranky doodle.

What had I done now? Why the hell was Syaoran acting like that? It didn't make any sense. We were talking properly just yesterday. What was wrong with him?

And why was it that this day was turning out to be the worst?

Shee-it. Too many questions.

So I raced all the way to my locker hoping to catch him there. I stood there like an idiot for five more long and distressing minutes until the hallway cleared, but he didn't show up.

Depressed, I grabbed my computer manual and slammed the door as hard as I could with my miffed attitude. Then I made a run for it to my computer class.

I wasn't late.

But it didn't make me feel any better.

That smarty jerk sitting beside me even tried making some small talk, but I wasn't helped.

I sat there in my swiveling red cushioned chair; my eyes glued to the penetrating screen. I wasn't typing anything. I was just staring at the glowing white screen. Its brightness made my eyes woozy, then water and there was just one question I could see around me in different fonts and sizes.

Why had Syaoran ignored me?

Had I said something wrong yesterday? Had I insulted him? Or was he just in a typical bad mood. That was something I'd noticed about Syaoran. He was always in a bad mood. When I asked him yesterday, he said it was how he always felt, and he'd laughed after that.

But what about today then? Was it just the same old typical thing? No. I didn't think so.

I shook myself off the trepidation when the guy next to me nudged my arm. I looked at him furiously, "What?" I all but snapped. I was in a terrible mood and I wasn't gonna let someone get away without giving them a piece of my fury.

He just rolled his eyes, "Your eyes are gonna be dead if you keep staring at the screen that close."

I thought about it.

"So?" I bit back -to which I admit- a bit childishly. I couldn't help it. Why was Mr. Smart-Ass talking to Miss Got-an-F all of a sudden?

"So..." he carried away the word on the train-track, "...if you don't want soda-glasses, then watch out. 'Cause you're gonna be getting them soon. And they won't be suiting you."

I shifted in my chair, turned around on the wheel just to face him appropriately, "If I get a number, then I'll get lenses, not glasses. Is that a good enough answer for your quiz?"

He looked beaten at my crappy talkie mouth, and I smirked arrogantly at him. I don't know why, but it felt like I'd finally won an argument with this smarty-pants. I know, cheap thrills, but who cared?

He didn't say anything after that, and I wished I hadn't been so mean. I was only taking out my bad mood on him. And right then, I needed someone to talk to. I didn't care who it was, as long as they talked stupid and pointless.

But it looked like he was out of the list.

When bell rang, I had to rush out of the door and take the Olympic back to my locker...just in case Syaoran would be there early. Y'know, God throws us chances at the most unexpected moment...

But he wasn't there.

I stayed there slumped until some girl asked me to give way and I turned to the wall embarrassed.

Rika and Tomoyo were there like we'd planned and I gave it my largest shot at an attempted smile. I don't think it came out right because Tomoyo bounced on the wall right next to me, leaving Rika in front of us.

"Damn..." she let out a stifled giggle, "...you guys look beat."

Tomoyo pulled off an immediately scowl that had her coughing and clearing her throat.

"Did Eriol say anything?" I asked her instead, and her eyes turned teary for that second. I knew she wouldn't break down in front of everybody but I didn't doubt it either.

"No..." she muttered softly, "I...I don't think he wants me anymore."

Duh.

"Tomoyo." I insisted nevertheless, "I'm telling you. He doesn't know what he's missing out on."

"Yeah." Rika prompted, "Screw him. If he thinks he's too good for you, then he's gone for a dip, if you know what I mean."

Tomoyo's face didn't get any blanker, and I think I had a similar expression on, "No. I don't get what you mean."

Rika looked at us frustrated, "I mean, he's gone for some dope! As in, he's turned retarded. As in his taste has gone down the toilet. As in his shitty attitude finally makes an appearance. As in-,"

"Rika!" I caught hold of her arms before she could go on anymore...and before she could drench us with her spit, "I think she finally gets what you mean." I turned to Tomoyo for assurance; "Don't you?"

"Yeah..." she sighed forlornly, and I exchanged looks with the frowning girl.

I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to act. I just didn't want to make a fool of myself, because somewhere along the way I knew I would say something wrong. I had the mouth for it.

That was just how I was. With Rika around, that would especially be bad. Because sometime later, I would have to finally blow it in front of Tomoyo. And Tomoyo alone.

I would have to tell her that she'd been used because of me. And that her full-time passion had been crushed into wee pieces because her lover was interested in me instead of her. I just had to find out a way to lay it all out without actually hurting her, and turning every blame towards Eriol.

Because it was his fault.

It was his plan! He was the scheming and conniving little bastard, and he was the one who was supposed to be feeling guilty. Not me! It was supposed to be him over the trapdoors! Not me!

I was just a victim.

But God, then why was it that all this made me feel like one of Eriol's comrades? Like his partner-in-crime.

Even just standing there next to Tomoyo and in front of Rika made me feel like a thief who'd stolen and lost the most important thing. Maybe like one of those life-generating crystals I had read in Touya's comic book that turned into Kero's afternoon snack.

The guilt was swimming inside me, slowly chomping on my bones and my kidneys and my liver and my heart and my intestines and my—

"Tomoyo." Rika's voice made my breath jump, "Forget about him." she was trying her best to be looking cheery, but if Tomoyo's upside down smile wasn't contagious then I didn't know what was. "C'mon girl! We can even try for a revenge attack if you want."

"Revenge?" Tomoyo looked up with a sore eye, "Yeah right."

I'd say. I snorted lightly.

But for a second, it did sound like bliss. Revenge...sweet revenge on the nincompoop. Now wouldn't that be good?

"Then what do you plan to do huh?" Rika all but threw her hands up in the air, "Eriol's acting like nothing ever happened. I even saw him flirting with some girl. Tomoyo, he's over you! And...here you are..." she waved her hands around in spiral before they were pointing at Tomoyo.

"Rika..." she sighed again, "Shut up, will you?"

Way to go Tomoyo. That's me screaming at her mentally. If only she would stop making me feel worse, but that wasn't happening anytime soon was it? Eriol had just used his flimsy plan to trap me.

I wanted to cream that guy and chop him into so many bits that he could never be put back together again.

"Sakura..." Rika nudged at my ribs hissing, "Some help here would be damn good right now..."

All itty bits of Eriol forgotten, I felt like growling at her. But I turned to face Tomoyo despite the fact that I wanted to be anywhere but near that face which Eriol had inflicted upon her.

"Rika's right..." I admitted quietly, "I did see him flirting with that redhead..."

"So?" Tomoyo's response was quick and clenched, "What do you expect me do? Dye my hair now?"

"No!" Rika and I both caught her arms, "No way. Your hair looks fine Tomoyo."

We stood there miserable for a few more minutes, before I figured I was late and Touya would be waiting out in the sun again.

After ditching them with that excuse, I found Touya in the car steaming. Not literally of course or I'd be having a grilled pizza with extra cheese and pepperoni right now.

But then again, I wasn't really in a hurry to get back home. Kero would be chewing one of my boots again. And it wouldn't be long before Dad would be home too. And it definitely wouldn't be long enough before he started to give me the lecture to fly to Hiroshima and see my dear stepbrother.

Oh joy.

Syaoran Li P.O.V

Three days. Just three more days.

I'm not so sure if I could wait for that long.

It'd been nearly more than a week before my last dose, and it was getting me fucked up.

When I asked Yamazaki if he could spare some for me, he said he was trying to give up. The goddamn wuss. I knew it was Shiroi's doing. He and his friggin' nurse mom. The next time I was gonna see him, I was gonna ask him to ditch his catty mother somewhere I would never hear of her.

But I don't think I could hold out any longer. I wanted to feel it in me. I wanted to feel it on my tongue. And I wanted to feel it in my nerves.

So I took the car to Takashi's without another thought and nicked a few drinks off the bar. Some new stuff that tasted like crap.

I didn't really make mates with wannabe club-gangsters, but I knew some of them. Some loaded guys who were always too high to care who they sold their dope to.

Quality really did me in, but I didn't care anymore.

I was damn desperate and I needed some re-fuelling. Ha! Man, I was getting shitty...hard out. But who the hell cared?

No one would know- especially Yamazaki. He'd be pretty pissy if he ever found out that I'd taken my crack from some other guy. But I wasn't gonna give a shit about it.

They got it in my drink...and that was when I started to feel as happy as ever. Damn. It'd been some long time.

Right on Syaoran m'man! One good week. It meant I was holding out.

Shit...

It felt good.

I remember playing a little card game before I finished my drink. Then I met up with this girl. She had green eyes.

But heck, this time it wasn't Sakura. I didn't even want it to be her. This girl was good. Little body 'n all the rest. Short black hair. Long legs and a short skirt.

I sure as hell don't remember one damn thing, but we hooked up nice in my car.

But somehow...there was no...feeling. I don't know what they all call it, but it wasn't there. Maybe it was 'cause I was so bloody wasted that there was nothing to feel.

But I was free. I felt free.

And I loved it. Man, I loved it!

"Roll the window down, will ya?" There was a hiss in my ear, and I looked at the girl who had fallen asleep beside me in the backseat.

Her clothes looked crumpled, and she didn't look as glamorous as before. I didn't bother opening my mouth.

"C'mon man." She all but climbed on my knees, "Quit being an ass. It's getting' hot and I ain't gonna be suffocating."

I grabbed her small waist, and pulled her up on me. She just smiled. It was that Sakura smile, or at least she tried to make it look like it.

I never knew she'd had it going with some college bastard.

Sakura.

Dammit! I hadn't stopped thinking about her. The goddamn bitch. She had never told me about no Yoga or whatever the shit's name was. She hadn't fuckin' told me that she'd been with that Van when we had talked 'bout him.

God.

I was shaking. I was pissed. And I didn't know what to do.

I know it 'cause I could feel it. And the girl in front of me was wincing as I dug my fingers into her hips.

The bloody slut. So she'd been doing three guys at once eh? And Eriol was next on her list...goddamn tramp!

She'd never said anything about any other guy. God! She'd never told me, she'd been doing some other bastard! I couldn't imagine it. I couldn't imagine it of her.

"Fuck!" In a spurt of rage, I slammed open the door and threw the girl I was holding on the sidewalk. She collided headfirst and I sat there raging. She screamed as an effort, but I climbed out myself.

The damn girl didn't cap her shouting so I kicked past her and got to the driver's seat.

My fingers wouldn't stop shaking. And my chest felt hard. Like I'd been punched into the gut.

I was gonna make her regret this. I was gonna make her fuckin' regret she'd been dancing behind my back. Nobody messed with me. Not some darn city girl who thought she could climb back as a slut and play me.

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

"Sakura, you've got to try and understand. This is for your own good!" That's my Dad, taking while chewing, "You don't want to make everyone feel bad over this do you?"

"Dad, pass the ketchup will you?" That's Touya, nibbling on his bread.

"As much as I hate to do this to you, I don't want you becoming like me." Dad again.

"Woof woof!" Kero was barking like there was never a tomorrow.

"She obviously loves you, and I don't want you getting cut away from her. It might be an example I'm setting, but I don't want that to happen. You've got to listen to your mother Sakura." Dad had decided not to shut up.

"Woof woof!"

"I want you to keep all relations." Dad continued, "Whether it be Mr Ryusaki's family or whatever. You must not start falling back because of me. Your mother wants you to do this for her, do you hear me?"

"Dad, pass me another bread." Touya again. He sipping his juice with crumbles around his face.

"Woof woof!"

"And you should know that this is not my plan. Nothing of this ever was. I didn't want any of this to happen either. But you should give it a go to make connections. It's the best thing to do Sakura."

Yes, it was true. He hadn't shut up since he'd knocked on my door asking me to come down for dinner. But he wasn't winning either. Because I hadn't said a word to him.

I let him talk. I let Kero bark. I let Touya act like the pig he was during dinner.

I decided it was how it was going to be from now on.

A stupid day at school. Come home to see your dog fill his appetite on a shirt your boyfriend had bought you when you were in elementary. Hear your idiotic brother remind you that you were cooking for through this week for making his wait in the sun. And then last but not least sit through dinner like a zombie while your father went on about sending you for a visit to Hiroshima to visit your stepfamily.

Definitely not the way I liked it, but I guess someone up there hated me enough to do this to me.

In that gap of thinking, my Dad had stopped talking, "Sakura, are you even listening to me?" Peculiar, but Touya had stopped scooping chicken soup and Kero had stopped barking.

I looked up at the silence, then at my untouched plate.

"I'm not hungry." I picked it up before getting up from my chair, and placing it next to Kero's dog bowl. Yes, it was forbidden by my Dad to allow Kero to eat off our plates, but I didn't give a rat's ass about it at that moment.

I didn't wait for a word; instead I walked out and took my own pace up the stairs to my room.

I didn't hear Dad's protests. Or maybe it was because I was immune to all of it in just three days. It didn't even matter to me right then.

I was depressed once again. Maybe a counselor would help? Nah...they would probably stamp me and let me talk on the couch while they snoozed.

I locked my door and hoped Kero wouldn't come bounding and scraping it. Leaping towards my bed, I thrust my face in my pillow and let out a small cry.

I was sick of all this happening to me.

One day, everything would good. Then the following week would be a disaster. One day, I'd be on the clean floor with Syaoran, the next I would be 'brushed off'.

Was this some sort of a bad year for me?

Mom re-marrying and producing a baby. Moving cities. Enrolling into some bizarre school with even more bizarre 'rules'. Falling for some guy who was too far to reach. Then being the grave in some love triangle. Maybe even a quadrilateral.

I tugged at my sheets, then somehow managed to fall asleep without dragging up the covers.

I was exhausted in the least and I wanted to look for some way out of this mess. Maybe even manage to make a blueprint of my misfortune and grab a shovel to start digging my way out.

It was a good sleep, but somewhere I hear the familiar screeches of tires.

Syaoran Li P.O.V

I was seriously loosing it. On the road I nearly caught myself behind old ladies, but I managed to swerve past them and drive over the corner of the curbside. I didn't even get caught.

I wasn't thinking straight. I didn't have my headlights on and the traffic was getting the to me. I scraped past a car. Then another. And another.

I was gonna make her fuckin' cry!

Smack her so hard that she wouldn't be able to get another guy in her entire life to look at her!

I was gonna maker her feel some pain. Make her pretty lil' face bleed until she was begging me for forgiveness. Yes! I was gonna make her cry!

I was gonna drag her out, and let her boys beat me up when she'd come 'round to it. But right now, I wanted her out of my damn head! I wanted her to stop making me crazy!

The street was dark, and her house was just tempting me harder. There were no lights, and I flung open the gates after getting out, letting it crash against the fence.

Running up the steps, I kicked the door and whacked my fist on it.

"Open the fuckin' door Sakura!!" It was all rushing out as I kicked the wood harder and screamed. This sudden claw on my chest appeared. It was squeezing and it hurt like hell, "C'mon down you slut! Open up!!"

It was only in a matter of second that I could hear noises...and a barking. But my adrenaline was pumped. I couldn't feel anything! Damn right. There was nothing I could feel.

"Bitch!!" I didn't stop kicking, "Quit hiding your fuckin' face and get out!!"

I didn't know when the door opened. I didn't feel the anger coming out of me. I pushed across the man in front of me as it opened wider. Then the dog came wiggling out. I kicked it, then slammed the door behind me, before he could grab my jeans.

"Where the hell is she?!" I was looking around in frustration. I dropped something nearby, but I didn't notice anything in that gaudy moment. Everything just seemed to be going by too slow.

The man in front of me frowned as he steadied himself by the wall, "Excuse me, but..."

"Screw your excuse old man, and get that girl down here!" I was trembling. I didn't know why. I didn't know why I was breathing so heavily. I didn't know why I couldn't see properly.

Then there was another voice behind me, and I whirled around to have some guy grab my arm, "Who the hell are you? Shit! Dad! Are you all right?!"

I didn't wait for another second. My lungs seemed to be burning, and I couldn't keep it in any longer.

I lashed out.

My fists were uncontrollable, and I swung them across the guy's face. He stumbled for a moment in surprise before I grabbed the back of his shirt, and armed my elbow against his face. There was a painful crack and I watched the blood fall. I kicked his shins without losing my breath and crashed my knuckles into the guy again and again. He held me off lightly, but I was mad. It just all had to come out.

The old man behind me continued to yell and drag at my shirt. I flung out and shoved him against the wall. I watched his glasses fall and shatter.

But I wanted to see more blood. I wanted to see something broken! I wanted to see her!

Then I heard screams, "Touya!" Maybe it got me distracted for that moment thinking it was Sakura, because there were hands grabbing the back of my arms the second I had my attention astray, and the guy shouldered me across the wall, my nose nudged up hard.

"You bitch!!"

I kicked his knees and felt his grip loosen before smashing against his chest and letting him punch my face. I licked off some hot blood smacking my hand against his ear, but he kicked me down onto the floor. He was on top of me, holding off my attacks, but I had the chance of grabbing the front of his shirt, and jutting my knee into his stomach. He howled as I sprung up and snatched his wrist before he could swing his fist at me.

"Syaoran! What're you doing?!"

That scream. I knew it!

I whirled around to see where she was, my anger making me blind in that thread of moment. I couldn't see anything except that guy's face. It just happened to be in front of my face again.

He caught me in a punch, grabbing my waist as I caught sight of her for the first time. She was standing by the stairs. Her hair all around her shoulders and very close.

"Go upstairs Sakura! Lock your door! C'mon go!" the guy was yelling, but I swung the side of my hand against wherever I could get to him.

"You fucking bitch!!" I stumbled towards her before the guy caught hold of my collar and pulled me back suddenly, letting my hands claw the air "You think you could screw around with me?! Me?!"

"Dad!" the guy holding onto me was shrieking into my ears, and I elbowed his neck and jaw "Call the police!"

Screw it. I wasn't wussed about the goddamn law.

"No!" she was yelling as she sped past in. But she wasn't running upstairs, and I dragged myself forwards. I had to get to her! I had to make her cry!

"Sakura! Get out here you idiot!" Then she was running towards the old man, and I tooled back my elbows again. She was so near.

"Dad! Don't! He's my friend!" she was crying this time, but there wasn't much attention I could give out.

Friend? "You goddamn piece of shit! You think you could play me 'round!?" I knew I wasn't gonna let her get away with this. I wasn't her friend.

"Sakura!! I don't care if he'd your _friend_! He's bloody drunk!" the guy caught me in a punch as I saw her grabbing the phone out of the old man's hand.

"Damn right I'm drunk!" I was barking exactly like that dog outside, "And I'm gonna fuckin' kill your trampy ass, you bitch!!"

She wasn't saying anything, and her silence got my anger dancing like crazy, "Eh?! Hookin' up with Van! You think I'd never find out?! Your little son a bitch from college!! Do you think I'd fuckin' let you screw me up?! Eh?! And that bastard Hiiragizawa! What have you been doin' with him huh?! C'mon! Tell me you bitch!! It's not your fuckin' secret anymore!"

The phone clenched in her hands fell to the floor while I continued punching the guy behind me. I smirked at her triumphantly, "Surprised that I found out?!"

The old man was beside her, just holding himself up, and I growled defiantly as the guy punched me across the face.

I could taste the blood on my tongue and I swallowed it. I could see her standing there frozen. I grabbed the guy's arm and hammered him against the wall. I heard her scream again. He punched me. I let my knuckles dive into his shoulders.

Then I stumbled towards her.

"You're a darn slut girl! That's what you are!" I grinned at her, as the old man beside her grabbed her shoulders and thrust her behind him, "A fucking whore!"

The guy was back for another hold up, but I shrugged him off.

She was crying so hard.

But when he came for another go, I grabbed his sleeves and kneed him across his stomach twice.

He didn't come back up again as quicker as the last time, so I grabbed open the door handle and managed to kick that dog who came pouncing in with the sudden wind.

I'd made her cry.

God, that's all I wanted to do. That was just all of it. I slammed back the gate in the dog's face and he pulled back whining pathetically.

I would have smacked her, but that guy hadn't even let me near her, whoever the bastard was. I would have made her suffer more than just that, but there was no energy left all of a sudden.

I didn't look up at the two people who had gathered up on the other side of the fence. I made a grab for the hoodie, and slammed the accelerator out of the street.

My chest remained hard and I felt tired for some reason. So damn tired.

**§ђϊη§зϊ-Кσќσѓσ**

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**A/N – **And so the many conflicts start…mwahahaha! oO But don't you just love an angry Syaoran?


	15. Dropped

**Author's Notes –** I'm sorry for taking so long again people. Something terrible happened and I was stuck in hospital for two weeks. All I want to do is get back into my fittest shape and get back to school. So right now, I hate my life.

**Title –** Head Over Heels

**Author –** Shinsei Kokoro

**Chapter – **15** – **Dropped

**Beta Reader –** Amai Okashi

**Updated –** 2nd February 2005

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**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

I was falling down. Slowly and weakly. My heart was crumbling along with my knees, scattering across my feet. The wetness on my face remained splashing down my chin.

One drop.

Two drops.

Three drops.

Four drops.

They fell on my skirt, forming dark circles. Soaking through the fabric, and then they fell on the floor.

My ears had lost mechanism and I felt so cold. So numb. Like I was bound by these icicles that wouldn't let me feel anything. I couldn't feel my fingers. I couldn't feel my toes. I couldn't even feel myself thinking.

"Sakura…" my name came through the door, the wind swiveling and punching it. And then the slamming brought me back. It brought back the sounds. It brought back the feelings. It brought back the bright light that strained my eyes suddenly.

I doubled over, wrenching for a gasp of air and letting my jaw quiver.

I was cold. Frozen.

"Sakura…"

Kero ran in circles around me. I could barely feel his tail tickling my back. I could barely feel his thick fur as I grabbed him and held him close and tight. Maybe just for some warmth. I wanted to feel something right then, so I buried my face in his furry neck.

It smelled of the doggy shampoo I used on him. It smelled of the chicken he'd eaten from my dinner plate. But it didn't stop the tears. It didn't stop me from shaking so violently and crying as loud as I could. It didn't stop all the words digging and scraping my mind. It didn't stop me from biting my tongue and holding it so tight between my teeth. I felt like cutting it off. I felt like just holding Kero forever. Just squeezing him.

I looked up right then, and the bulbs in the adjoining foyer were turned on. The air rushed into my soggy face, and I wailed.

I shut my eyes tight hoping no one would see the tears, but they fell from the strained gap. They fell again on my cheeks somehow, and I didn't rub them away.

"Sakura…" It was Touya's voice. And I couldn't help but glimpse at him through my eyelashes.

He looked blurry. There was blood on his chin. His eye looked red and there was an unmistakable scarlet and blue bruise already forming.

"Oh god…I'm sorry!" I screamed it with all I was worth. Just hoping he could see how I felt. "God! I'm so sorry!" The sobbing couldn't get any louder and Kero moved from underneath me. I fell to my knees, and I drummed the floor with my fists, "I'm so sorry!" Yes. It was all my fault.

My voice sounded hoarse. Like I hadn't spoken for centuries; like it was almost cracked. I wheezed for another lungful of air. My throat seemed raw. And every time I gulped, the scrapes loosened and stung. I tried to just keep the last of my energy under control, but it was so hard. It was so damn hard.

"Do you mind explaining." Touya's words were tight, and I could see his feet walking towards me from where I sat huddled.

I shivered. I choked silently.

The door opened in that moment, then closed again. I looked up in a flash hoping from the bottom of my heart that it was Syaoran who'd come back to apologize.

It was Dad, and he looked grim, "I told them he was your friend."

Friend…

My friend…

The word seemed so stark that it made me wonder. What_ friend?_

"Sakura!" Touya was standing right in front of me before I knew it, his face falling upon me like a crisis, "Who the hell was he!"

I looked up mindlessly, my vision disturbed by the water in my eyes. I blinked them, and let them roll down my mouth.

So salty.

"Come on! Say something!"

I opened my mouth once. My cheeks flew back as I squeezed out more tears. Somehow they just kept falling. Not a noise came out. I tried it a few more times before just looking at my Touya and his bruised face.

Oh God.

Why wouldn't anything come out?

"I…" I let the words force out, but they remained stuck. And so shoved my head in my hands and crawled back into the darkness.

Oh God!

I pulled at my hair.

I dug my nails into my forehead, and waited for some silence in my head. But there was nothing. Just the darkness stabbing me and hurtling my blood in wisps. And it hurt so bad. It felt so painful. Like I couldn't breath. Like I couldn't inhale the air around me. I felt suffocated. Trapped.

God!

What…what had just happened?

What?

I clenched the front of my shirt in my fists. My heart was running so fast. Like it would never stop. But right then, I didn't want it. I didn't want my heart. It made me feel so empty. So hollow. And unable to clear the fog that had thickened around my mind. Jesus, I don't want it. I don't want my heart. It hurts too much.

Then I felt hands picking me up, and I looked up to see Dad's arms around me, "Get up."

But I didn't stop crying. I just looked at him, and if anything I cried harder. I grabbed his nightgown and threw my arms around him. I wanted some strength. I wanted to steal some strength off him.

We stood there for sometime before he steered me into the living room. He left me standing in the front of the couch and then disappeared into the kitchen. I poised erect, trying to balance my fumbling feet while Touya fell onto the couch opposite.

I stood there staring at him.

At his slightly swollen eyes. And the blood that was trickling down his forehead and his cheek and his chin. The cut cliffside that was marred on his jaw and the sweat that clung onto his forehead.

He didn't stop me from crying. He didn't stop his glaring, but he kept asking me: "Who the hell was he?"

What could I say?

Who the hell was he? Who then hell was Syaoran? And for that fleeting second, I didn't know. I felt like I knew nothing. Like I knew no Syaoran or anything about him.

But I did.

I did know.

I did know that guy who'd just come in. I knew him. I so knew him.

Dad came hurrying before trying opening up my mouth again, holding up a water-drenched towel and a box of plasters. He helped Touya wipe off the blood and they didn't seem shaken by the noise of my crying. Then Dad sat next me, pulling down my arms almost painfully while Touya sat across us.

"Sakura…"

If it was possible, then I think my brain was having an attack right then. It felt like someone was driving a knife into it repeatedly, like I wasn't even alive. It felt like I couldn't make myself come back to wherever home was. I _wanted_ to feel like nothing had happened. That it had all been some stupid nightmare that was pushing Syaoran further away from me. Maybe something like a sudden wave of nausea. Everything just all came over me in a pivoting motion.

I opened my mouth, then closed it. Nothing…nothing came out. And tears wouldn't stop coming down as hard as I tried. I fumbled down on the soft cushion, and stooped over my knees.

"God!" Touya was bursting, "Will you just spill it! Who the fuck was he!"

I gnawed at my knees, and resisted any noise from flowing out. I felt Dad's hand on my back, but my fingers stayed clenched between my teeth. I had to get some feeling into them. I had to feel some pain elsewhere.

"Sakura. Who was that boy?"

Dad's voice didn't sound harsh, but underneath all the layers I could feel his flame. So bright and so intense. He could have been hurt. He could have been punched and tossed around like Touya. He could have been lying in a pool of blood right now. He could have called the police.

I backed up, and strangled my lips just to stay silent for a second. I gulped furiously, before closing my eyes again. I couldn't bear to look at Touya.

"H-he's…this…this guy…from my school." I clasped my toes and dug my eyes into my knees, just holding myself. I couldn't look at them.

"What's his name?"

"S—syaoran." I bit the name out. It sounded like…nasty. Like something that had to be spat out. Something that was so gruesome.

"What the hell was he going on about?" Touya's words flew out in rage again, and I held my hands over my mouth before I could let my disgruntled breaths be heard.

"I…"

"Sakura, did you know what he was talking about?" Dad's hand held my shoulder, "Why did he say all those things?"

I licked my lips silently, clenching the inside of my lips, and staring at the bulb above us, "They're lies…Dad, they're lies. I didn't know he would find out!"

"Okay!" Touya was standing up again, towel to his eyes, "_What_ the hell are you talking about?"

"Sakura!" Dad insisted, "If you don't say something comprehensible, how are we supposed to know what just happened! What if the police asks—,"

In that ticking instant, I grabbed Dad's arm, "Dad, no! Please don't go to the police! I-it's not anything like that! Please Dad!"

"Are you crazy! Didn't you just see what happened!" Touya was hollering as he kicked the sofa and sent Kero sniffing away, "I nearly got killed! That guy was drunk you idiot! Do you know what else he could have done! Do you know what he would have done to _you _if I wasn't there!"

The tears came crawling, and I held Dad tighter.

"Sakura…" Dad grabbed my hand, "I won't call the police okay? Can you just tell us what's happening?"

"Dad!" Touya was protesting as he swung up, "Are you nuts? We have to—,"

"Touya!" Dad silenced him and I watched my brother sit back down, "Let's just find out what's happening all right? And then, we can go over what we can do about this."

"That can only be possible if she at least opens her darn mouth." He sent me a scowl and continued dabbing at the flowing blood.

There was silence again and I looked at a spot on the carpet, "I…" I had to tell the truth, "I've been seeing him for a couple of days."

"What! No way!" Touya was off his seat choking and spluttering, "Shit Sakura! You gotta be—,"

"Touya!" Dad's voice sent him down and I screwed my eyes shut. I didn't want to look at either of them. I didn't want to see the expressions on their faces. I didn't want to know what they thought about me.

"Go on…" Dad urged, his voice sounding neutral. It was so soft next to my ears that I felt like screaming. I felt like screaming it all out and just drowning myself. I felt like killing someone. I felt like running after Syaoran and killing him so slowly. So painfully.

I managed to take in a deep breath to silence my sobbing. I just had to tell them. I couldn't hold it in me anymore. "I…I really…like him…lik_ed_ him." there was the tight silence forcing me to proceed and the words sounded so sour, "But…I…I should have known he'd find out…"

Touya's voice was rigid, "Find out what?"

I shivered once again, and I hugged myself tight. It was such a long story, but I swear to God it was all coming out of it right that instant. "M-my friend likes this guy…but he likes me…and so…I made this thing up that I already had a boyfriend in Tokyo. But that was only so that Eriol stop liking me!"

"Eriol's the guy?"

"Right." I made another go at licking my dry lips. They felt so sore and rough. "And then…at that party when I got drunk, me and Van…" I couldn't go any further. I couldn't get the disgust flowing out.

There was a sharp intake of breath from both of them so I added in hastily, "I mean we just kissed! And my friends saw it too. They even separated us."

"Van's the guy who came over looking for you on Saturday." Touya was quiet.

"Yes. But then today…Eriol broke up with my friend. And…and…he's been using her to make me jealous!" I didn't dare open my eyes, "I've known it all along, but I didn't know what to say! He wants me to break up with the guy from Tokyo but I don't! I don't like him. And…and somehow Syaoran found out I think. I…I don't how, but almost everyone knew it, and I thought that…and I thought that that he knew it too. I didn't know he would be like this. I swear to Christ, I didn't know!"

I spent the next few more minutes crying my eyes off. I didn't open them. I didn't want to know what Touya and Dad thought and neither did I want to see their expressions or whatever signals they were passing to each other.

"I really didn't know." I shrieked while clenching the edge of my shorts, "And I'm so sorry Touya! I-I didn't know! I really didn't know!"

No. I didn't know it would be like this and I couldn't take it anymore!

So without a warning, I leaped of the couch, and dashed up the stairs to my room. There weren't any complains so I didn't stop until I was buried in my bed.

The tears continued to fall.

And the pain didn't go away. And everything hurt so bad. Right then, I thought I would die. I thought I would die of this pain.

Syaoran Li P.O.V

There were whistles ringing in my head. It made me feel woozy and limp, somehow really raw and disturbed.

I nearly had a police car on me. I could hear their sirens almost a mile off, and by that time I was no where near calm. They were ringing in my ears. Ringing. Man, I could hear cars getting their breaks on to give the law some space. If they were to charge me, I wouldn't damn hold up without a fight. I'd probably beat a few of the officers and let them extend my nights behind the bars a little more. I stayed on my lane waiting for them to catch up. It would just be a matter of minutes.

And for that little fiery ticker I thought Sakura'd called the police. But they went right past me and I let myself breathe. It came out foul and I gulped back whatever that was trying to come up my throat.

I felt wild and I still wasn't feeling the cold wind from the open window. My nerves wouldn't stop moving, and I couldn't see the red rearlights in front of me.

Maybe I'd been speeding, but I hadn't been caught…so maybe I wasn't. I'd managed to stop my nose from bleeding, and I reckoned one of my knuckles was cracked. It didn't hurt though. My lips were cracked, and I'd seen it gone blue in the rear-view mirror. It didn't look too bad.

I didn't go back to my place. I didn't want to go back and have Yamazaki and Meiling thug me asking me where I'd been. I didn't think I'd let myself go anywhere near Yamazaki right then.

I laughed at what he'd say. Shee-it. I was trashed, I knew it all right, and if the freak officers were gonna catch me, then I'd be rounding up back behind bars. Not my way to spend the night, so I thought back upon crashing at some party. I wanted someplace to sleep right then. And it wouldn't be my place.

It was one o'clock, but they'd still be awake. Yamazaki and the guys. They never slept until it was after two or if they'd be out of it since noon.

So I took a different route.

I parked in the corner when I got to an apartment building, and ran my way up the stairs taking two at once.

I was lucky to have Minas open the door and she let me in without a question. When the door was closed behind me, I grabbed the front of her little shirt and kissed her furiously. If her brother was anywhere around here, I didn't give a fuck right then. I knew the right buttons to push on her, 'cause she was one girl who would come back to me as much as I pushed her away. She was a doll.

She didn't back off so I followed her to her room. It was dark, but it didn't matter to me. Her clothes were off and I felt her hands inside my shirt, then unbuttoning it. Her body was hot enough to make me pull away for a second and I breathed into her hair in an attempt to ignore that pain burning through my face.

It didn't smell like roses, but that didn't matter. I didn't care what her freakin' hair stunk like anything.

She pulled me onto her bed, and I fell over her tall body.

She didn't resist. Because I knew what she needed. I knew what she wanted. And it was me. Her fingers went for my hair when I kissed her neck. They were damn cold and as a sweat broke off I shrugged of my shirt and grabbed her face.

We didn't speak a word. I didn't let her speak. I just wanted to feel something right then. I hadn't felt anything when I'd been with the girl in the bar but anger. And now, as hard as I tried, I could still feel that anger.

There was that goddamn madness as she held my shoulders and let me kiss her again and again.

I squeezed her waist in a sudden rage, and I opened her mouth in a spurt of exhilaration. Dammit! The stupid bitch. I was gonna forget her! I wanted to get Sakura's face out of my head and do what I wanted!

I broke away and looked at the girl in front of me. _This_ is what I wanted. So Sakura could go an' screw herself for all I gave a damn about.

If she could play with me, so could I.

And if she'd be doing someone behind my back, I could fuckin' too!

She'd been fooling me around. Man, I'm surprised I'd even fallen for it. I never went for girls like her. Shit, the last time I'd been with some chic like her, her boys had jumped me and broken my flipping leg. I should have known.

Damn.

I should have known.

"Syaoran…"

It's always been the same damn way. The fuckin' way, where girls like her wanted nothing but some bloodshed and some sappy romance from bad boys. They'd lie, and then have the shit beaten out of me from some assholes who didn't know where the hell bodies got dug.

And Sakura was exactly like that. Fuckin' whore.

She'd wanted nothing but that! And if she wanted it that way, then Eriol Hiiragizawa was gonna get what was coming to him. Don't know what she found in that son of a bitch but before school was finishing, I was gonna be dealing with him the hard way.

I didn't give nothin' for trashy rules that ruled the damn school. They were dry and bullshit and it'd be nothing for me if Yamazaki would be getting it down with his boys.

"Syaoran…"

Fuck, Hiiragizawa wasn't gonna be slipping out of my hands then. He wasn't gonna have no one to be helping his sorry little rackety ass.

Minas grabbed the hair behind my neck as she took over from where I left. She almost pulled it off my skull, but I was too damn tired to care about anything. I knew the effect of the dope had dried off and it left me wondering what kind of crap it'd been. Some cheap-class shit that's what.

I didn't know when I dozed off, but I remembered what'd happened just before I closed my eyes. I remembered the bitch and the punches I'd gotten from the guy. It brought me stopping all the fantasies Minas had the moment I pretended to be bored. She laid there beside me under my arm and I didn't give a damn.

I just had to get that bitch outta my head.

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

A friend's mother died in her sleep last winter. I remember it quite clearly, so I guess it's just one of those things that are too vivid to forget. They are things that stay so clear inside your memory lane that they never ever grow old. They don't haunt you, they just crawl behind you and when you think you're free of them, they jump back up right in front of your face. That's how this memory felt.

It was all too sudden for my friend and so she hadn't bothered with school for days. She said that she hadn't stopped crying because the last meeting she'd had with her mother was a terrible fight and that's all she ever remembered. A stupid and ugly fight that she couldn't get rid of.

She remembered slamming doors. She remembered bad words. She remembered the tears. And she remembered her mother's last unfinished Scotch glass. She was an alcoholic and had fought for years for the custody over my friend.

And so today, all she has to remember is that night. That night her mother died and never came back to reality. She never drank another glass of whiskey. She never saw her daughter ever again.

My friend became an orphan and lived with her Auntie. Her father was murdered a few days later after her mother was buried. They moved over to Yokohama months ago and broke contact. I didn't care much. She wasn't really my friend because I guess friends are people who you talk to, and I've only had a proper conversation with her twice or thrice. I didn't even say goodbye. I don't think I could bother, because she was the never the type of girl you could say 'hi' or 'bye' to. I don't think she was the kind of girl you would invite to a slumber party or even a girl who would smile and say, 'Jeez girlfriend. It's all forgive and forget y'know'. As far as I knew, she was always angry. She was always getting cuts on her fists and hiding it by adding on foundation. She was always trying to act delicate and polite. She was always trying so hard that it got her nowhere. It only got her to Yokohama. It only made her much more miserable. She came on the newspaper last year: Suki Hashitsu, poisoned to death. She suicided in probably the most painful way.

My friend was never the most gentleperson, but she cared for people. And when she lashed out, it came out pretty bad. So now, in bed I'm wondering how she'd still be feeling. Would she be feeling sorry for herself or would she be clutching her pillow and poring her tears out like I me.

I wanted to know because I'd made up my mind- I wanted to die right then. I wanted to die in this sleep and never wake up to face anyone. I didn't want to hear anything and I didn't want to see anyone. I really wanted to die. It wasn't peer pressure. It wasn't depression. I just really wanted to die and never ever wake up.

Dad used to say it was the dignified way to leave your soul and that's how I wanted it. I wanted to go to sleep and never get up to see if people would be laughing or crying. I didn't even want to see myself in the mirror. I don't think I could stand it- staring at the person who was nothing but pathetic. At the person who was so cursed that even God wouldn't help her.

Everything was messed up. So darn messed up, that absolutely no one could ever fix it back up for me. My whole life was probably one big mistake. Everything little thing in my life is crazy and ugly. Everything!

I was so stupid. So darn stupid that I was ashamed to even think about it.

And I couldn't stop thinking about Syaoran. I couldn't stop thinking about what he'd just done. What he'd said and made me feel.

It wasn't the same type of wondering I used to do when I hardly knew him. It wasn't the pondering you did on a guy you liked.

But he stayed there. His image was lifting up and down. He was hitting Touya again, and I was just standing there…shocked and paralyzed. Like I couldn't move. Like I couldn't breathe. Like I didn't know that this was the damn reality and that he was beating up my own brother. I hadn't done anything!

Maybe I could have stopped him. Maybe I could have explained. Maybe…just maybe…he would have relaxed and left. Maybe if I'd done the right thing for once, Touya wouldn't have been beaten up and I wouldn't be hating Syaoran right now! Just for once dammit! Just for once, if I'd used my damn head, no one would have gotten hurt. No one would have had to go through this. I wouldn't have had to come out clean this way to Dad and Touya, and I wouldn't be here in bed, unable to stop crying.

It was just too painful. Too torturous.

And this is why I wanted to die. I felt like I didn't know what to do. Who to explain what to. And…it was just all going so darn wrong. Like some sort of a brick wall had decided to fall onto me.

I would know how people would be feeling when I left and I wouldn't be there to witness it. I won't be there to see them move away like my friend did and I wouldn't be feeling the pain anymore.

I closed my eyes, pulling the coarse sheets up to my nose and shivering uncontrollably. The symptoms of death, maybe that's what they were. Shivering and feeling sorry for yourself.

It felt cold again. Even with the blankets it felt so cold. So aware that right then I knew I was the one to blame. I was the one people hated right then.

Syaoran. Touya. Eriol. Van. And myself.

They all hated me. Maybe for different reason, but God, they hated me.

They hated me so much. But I couldn't care anymore. I was so sick of caring about what everyone thought of me; so sick of it that I wanted to get away from it all.

The thought lulled me to sleep. It brought the darkness over my eyelids as I sucked into the sheets. Maybe when Dad and Touya would see me dead the next day, they would know how sorry I was.

Syaoran Li P.O.V

I was moving out before I could shift Minas and get her waking up. I grabbed my shirt and left the apartment only stopping for the damn bathroom. I could hear the rain coming down hard from outside. It plastering against the windows loudly and I found it hard to do anything without being any less quiet. I wasn't gonna wreck my ass on waking up her brother.

It was five something in the morning and my head felt so darn heavy that I could hardly see the road. I lost control of the wheels for a while on the highway, but I managed to rouse myself up before I fell unconscious and probably knocked myself dead or somethin'. It would be something I'd have to really not wanna end up doing.

No one was awake when I reached the apartment, so I didn't bother with parking in the garage. I found my bed empty and managed to drag the bed sheets up with me as an attempt to forget my sick stomach. It wasn't long before I was rushing out and into the bathroom.

Dashing, I grabbed the sides of the toilet and made a dragging hurl into it. It came out feeling acidic and tasting like vinegar. I found myself go for another lurch until I felt it all emptying. My stomach came to my throat and I wished it could have been the one to fall out. I guess it was just too damn big to be jigged out like the rest of it.

I stayed there panting like a dog. My head was smudged with dark spots inside and my eyes were threatening to make me fall asleep right then and there. That was when I saw the blood. The red liquid that was dragging down the inside of the toilet. I brought me breathing hard and standing alert.

I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, then flushed it before the dark colour could make me any dizzier.

Almost tripping over my own feet, I gargled and spat all the ugly taste out my mouth. The redness vanished into the basin, and I stumbled back to my room.

It was dark, and I pitched forward back into my bed as my leg caught onto something. I hit the covers in an uncomfortable position, but I managed to turn back around stiffly on my stomach.

"Uh." I grunted trying to bring the covers to block my mouth. The taste stayed in like some sort of a metallic fluid. But that wasn't for the first time for all that blood. No shit. It wasn't the first time at all.  
Reaching out behind my back to scratch a little spot I smothered my breath into the pillow. I was tired man. So bloody tired. I didn't even feel high anymore, sort of like when your energizer gets its plug pulled out.

My face was hurting like crap and I could barely feel that sprained knuckle. That guy had done some dandy bruising who ever the fuck he was. Maybe her brother? And that other bloke, her father? Heck, I didn't even care anymore. Who ever the hell they were, I'd been about to off them. Seriously. I could have really killed that guy up there.

But she had come right then…and start crying.

Fuck! I grabbed my head and wound the ends of the pillow around it. _Stop fuckin' thinking 'bout her you piece of shit!_

I grabbed my head and wound the ends of the pillow around it. 

But I couldn't. I couldn't stop thinking for one damn second.

She'd been playing me. That Sakura. That stupid preppy homey bitch. She'd been friggin' playing me with Eriol! His looser friend and that college bastard.

Fuck.

I couldn't believe it. I so couldn't believe it. I'd fallen for some cheap acting. Some shitty good acting! Me! I'd fallen for some whore's acting skills! God, I was fucked up, I just knew that. I'd gone all crazy for that girl.

Crazy.

I couldn't stop thinking of her before and I couldn't stop thinking about her right then. I couldn't get her face outta my head. I should have screwed with her. I should have punched her and nailed her instead of that other guy. Maybe that would have satisfied me.

I should have used her like I do to my other girls, but fuck, so much for playing it like a good boy with the good girl.

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

I think I'm cursed. I woke up this morning with Kero jumping on me and the sunlight in my face. One look at my hands in his fur and I knew I wasn't dead. Not by a long shot. I felt back underneath the covers without a second glance to the clock. Why couldn't someone up there just do me a favour and let me die? How hard was it to do that? Just scribble my name in a piece of paper and drop it ones-who-must-die-peacefully ballot. But come to think about it, maybe that someone up there was preparing me for a nastier death.

My head seemed fuzzy and I was aching all over.

As I attempted to lull my sleep back, I registered what had happened last night and opened my eyes with a shudder. It had been real. Very real. So very real that every scene remained vivid and chained in my head. I let out a small choke to smother the tears that suddenly sprung back into my eyes.

"Sakura? Are you awake?"

I didn't dare blink again after I caught sight of the figure hurrying in the doorway. Dad froze in his turning and left his tie hanging over his shoulders. Even Kero stopped moving around on the bed and flopped down beside me his tail wagging in my face.

"Dad?" I almost lost my breath, noticing how hoarse and sharp my voice sounded. Whisking the lashing fur away, I pushed away the covers and pulled myself up to sit up straight.

He seemed to hesitate, then inched into my room glancing over his shoulder at the same time. Like as if…as if he didn't want to be seen associating near me with Touya around.  
Touya. God, I hoped he was okay. I hoped he was feeling better than I was.

"Dad?" I croaked again, and he ended up sitting at the end of my breath. Another look at me and he busied himself with doing up his tie. Then Kero jumped off the table and bounded off outside the door leaving us alone. That mutt probably had more brains that I'd credited it for.

I licked my dry lips and opened my mouth as an attempt, "How…" my voice was raspier than ever, "How is he?" I meant Touya, and he knew it.

Dad looked back and forth between the door and me, almost letting me expect the worse. I swallowed desperately and caught his somber look without a mistake. It nearly had me buckling my knees, but I dragged up the sheets. "Dad?"

"He's fine." His answer was quick and curt. Almost like a knife stiffly cutting the words and I felt the sharp end of that knife nudging me in the ribs. It still hurt so badly.

I opened my mouth to gasp an apology out, but something seemed wrong.

I wasn't dead. I was going to have to face this. And I hated it. So I couldn't say anything. There just nothing left to say. Nothing that was appropriate. How many times would I say sorry? Till I'd go gray?

But Dad found his words swifter than I could; "It's getting late. Why don't you come down for some breakfast…"

How could he just have said that?

"You've slept in as it is and Touya's not going to be waiting around any longer." He was up on his feet and walking out of the door. I just watched him close the door and I sat there listening to his footsteps down the stairs.

How could he just change the subject like that and walk away?

How?

Bringing the covers against my face I fell back and cried for another five minutes before dragging myself into the bathroom and slumping against the shower wall. What else could I have told him? That I didn't want to go to speak to anyone? That I didn't want to go to school? That last night I'd said goodbye to everyone just in case the person up in heaven or hell who hated me actually granted my wish?

No.

I couldn't tell him that. I just couldn't.

Syaoran Li P.O.V

I felt like shit. And nothing could make my head shittier; but Meiling had to come in after that blasted knocking of hers. She had this kind of rhythm going on.

"Get the hell up bro. In case you've got your clocks mixed up, let me tell you that you ain't gonna have nothing to eat if you don't get off your ass right now."

Her voice sounded squeaky to my ears and in seconds she hauled the curtains to the side and let me have the sun in my face.

"Sod off."

"Honey, don't you get that shit on me all right? Homeroom's probably started already and with that knock-off attitude you gave to the principal he might as well start suspending you again. You have a knack for being his worst student y'know?"

I couldn't see her but I could hear her rumbling around, complaining here and there, "And what the hell did you do to your room eh? Had an attack? God! I'd like to see that one." Her boots clanked right next to the bedside, and from the corner of my eyes I saw reaching out for my phone, "Oh and can I borrow this for sometime? I'm getting out of town with Hitomi tonight 'cause he wants me to hook him up with Asashi. He's been like going on 'bout her for days and I'm getting a headache every time he talks of her now. Seriously, he's like practically in love with that bitch. I'm just gonna be dropping him up there and getting back since his car got jammed up against that truck on Dominion. There's no way I'll be sitting around to see her face though. She's still got something stuck up her the last time I went to see her cousin, and she's got some darn trash she saves up for me everytime. I don't know why you guys find her so sweet. She's like a candy sucker man, I can tell you that. Y'know, last month at Shiroi party? I saw her like snogging with that—"

"Shut up!" I screamed it out before I could take any of her babbling any longer. "Damn! Will you just get the fuck out of here?"

I shouldn't have got up that's what. Because the moment I'd thrown the blanket away her face ashened right in front of my eyes, "What the—"

It took me sometime to realize what she was so drawn on about, "Get out Meiling."

"God!" her shriek couldn't have been any quieter and she was suddenly in front of my face, "Shit Syaoran! What the hell happened to you!"

"Meiling, get out." I didn't wanna know how I looked like right then. I just knew that my head felt like it'd been run over and that's all I needed to know.

"Man…" her voice drawled on to a tense silence, and I watched her face tighten, "Who was it?"

I watched her stand up straight and bite her lip in whatever anger she had up. "No one."

"Don't give me that! Who the hell did that to you!"

"None of your business." I didn't bother standing up to her height. I just wanted to close my eyes and get that sleep that'd run away from me last night.

"Syaoran!" I hoped she wasn't gonna start the waterworks, "Who did that to you! Tell me!"

"Shut up…" I droned through my teeth. If she'd be any louder then the entire apartment would be coming up to see what the heck was happening.

"Are you crazy! Look at your face and then tell me to shut up! Shit tell me! Who did it!"

I was right. So goddamn right.

In less that two seconds, my door was opening again with Yamazaki, Shiroi and Chiharu walking right in. "Fuckin' hell."

"What's going on here? If it's one of those siblings rivalry, I'd like to see one." Yamazaki crammed right in looking around my room like he hadn't seen it in days, "And if you guys are practicing some damn play, I just lost my bacon over—," If he thought my room was a mess, looking at my face had just stopped him from speaking. I imagined it was something worse.

"The hell!" Shiroi was the first one to react.

Man. I was still tired, and I wasn't in any mood to be playing nice or fair. I was friggin' pissing off my brains and my eyes were looking zoomed. I didn't need to say anything. I had to just give them the fingers, ignore the pain and go back to sleep.

And that's exactly what I did.

****

§ђϊη§зϊ-Кσќσѓσ

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Liked it? Not too much to dwell on, but I assure you things are gonna be coming along with hot spice. It's not exactly a cliffy or so I hope, because I have a bad habit of leaving them at the end of every chappy. But I loved getting their thoughts out in this chapter. Lol. What's Sakura gonna do now…hmm…I'd go for some ice cream if I were her. It always dissolves pain into nuclear dust but it's her call.


	16. Heartbreaker

**Author's Notes: **Mucho of my sorries for this late arrival. I've just had so many things on my hand. School as my one and only priority. For more info on this, check out my bio. Not that anyone would wanna…

**Title -** Head Over Heels

**Author -** Shinsei Kokoro

**Chapter -** 16 - Heartbreaker

**Beta Reader - **Amai

**Updated –**3rd March 2005

* * *

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

The ride to school was so quiet that I could hear Kero in the back seat breathing like the dog he was. Usually Touya never allowed him in the car because of the mess he made, but maybe it was just because he didn't want to be alone with me. Or maybe because he thought there was a chance that Syaoran might be attacking him again.

I don't know which one of the two, but I was better off with his choice. Kero's whines and coos set my eyes from glancing at Touya more than often. He wasn't one of those car dogs who stuck their head out and let their tongue dance in the wind.

Touya's eyes had blackened and there were caked bruises on his jaw that hadn't healed over night. I couldn't look at him. I couldn't look at his face even when we were downstairs for breakfast. It all reminded me only of Syaoran and I was far from wanting to think of him right then.

Unlike the usual, breakfast had looked like some chicken that had rushed into an oven and come out with all feathers shaved off. Some very fluffy chicken that I ended swallowing even though the nuggets weren't half cooked. I hadn't said anything to Touya when he buckled up in the car and I wasn't planning to either. I was too embarrassed. Or maybe embarrassed wasn't the word…more like uncomfortable.

He stopped at the school gates, and it took me longer to grab my books with Kero lounging on them like he was Queen Cleopatra herself. Dusting his fallen hair of my Computer manual, I unbuckled and opened the door.

"Sakura..."

I turned back in a reflex and caught myself staring at my brother's poorly beaten face. I could have cried right then. Actually, I nearly did, but I was lucky to catch my breath and stuff them into my lungs before they came out sounding rasping and deranged.

"Yeah?" I croaked and looked back at Kero who was panting away.

"If that asshole comes near you, I better know it."

I knew who he was talking about. I knew it better than anyone did and I nodded numbly, my eyes locked on the guys playing soccer in the middle the road.

"Sakura." His hard voice made me look back at him and I shrunk back into my seat at his furious look. There were only a few times I'd seen him looking that messed up, and that was a long time back; when Mom had made Dad sign the divorce papers that is, "You tell me if he does anything to you and I'll be killing that fuckshit. All right?"

All right Touya. God, I was shaking right then. I had never seen Touya like that. What the hell was I supposed to say?

Without another a word, I jumped out and slammed the door, walking off and not looking back once. Oh God. I never wanted to see my brother that angry ever again. Last night had been enough. When I had seen him and Syaoran punching each other, I'd thought that one of them was sure to end up dead. Honestly dead. I had imagined one of them lying bloody in the doorway, with Kero sniffing and barking like crazy. I could still imagine it.

Quickly wiping off my cheeks with the back of my hand for any stray tears, I sped-walked my way to my locker even though homeroom had already started. I was one of the few ones walking the hallway and by the time I dumped all my books, the corridors were deserted. I took my time in arranging my books. Homeroom lasted only for fifteen minutes and that was enough time for me to catch my face from falling off.

Nestling my Lab book under my arms, I attempted to slam the door several times before my rage finally hit the spot and I squared my shoulder into it. The noise of metals sharply clang together and a girl next to me inched away wincing. Ha! That wasn't even nearly as scary as I could be.

This was exactly where I had met Syaoran and it was precisely the first thing he'd done for me. Or rather, taught me to do: help me close my locker door.

When I saw him last night, I almost hadn't recognized him. I had never known he could be like that. So wild. So...so angry with me. I had been given the shock of my life when he screamed everything out at me. When he called me those words and when he looked at me with all that betrayal. With hurt.

That look nearly killed me and I could still remember what all that he said. Every single word.

With a lurch, I clamped my mouth and made a run to the toilets. It was empty like usual and I gave in as I closed myself into one of the cubicles.

I kicked down the cover plate, sat down and cried till I was sure that every damn tear was out. Until I was so tired to even sniff my blocked nose and stay as silent as possible. I didn't want anyone coming in and finding out that Sakura Kinomoto was found crying in the toilets because her secret boyfriend had intentionally assaulted her family.

It was just that I couldn't believe he had done that. For one second, I thought if I could wish hard enough to God, maybe he would make this entire thing feel like some horrible dream.

I hadn't seen Syaoran that way before. So violent. So rough. It had definitely surprised the hell out of me, and I couldn't will his words away.

I had never expected something like that to happen. Truthfully, I'd never expected Syaoran to react that way. Never. He had seemed like this whole new guy who just hated me so bad that it made me hate myself. He had been truly hurt, but he just lost it and let it out at Touya. And I hated him for that. He lashed out on my brother, while swearing away at me in front of my family. Like Touya said last night, I'm not sure what he would have done to me if it hadn't been for Dad and him. What would he have? Would he have hit me? If Touya hadn't been there on time, would he have slapped me and given me a black eye? I wasn't so sure anymore. With Syaoran's rage at hand, I wasn't sure about anything anymore.

I sat thinking through the bell.

I grabbed onto my sleeves and wrapped my arms around myself tight and snug. My knees were nearly itching inside my jeans and I cradled my head in-between my elbows and wiped everything in my nose from the thin and almost synthetic feeling roll of tissue paper. I gave a glance to my wrist for the time and...surprise, surprise...I wasn't even wearing a watch. Swearing softly, I got up on my feet after what felt like ages and opened the door to see two girls swiftly turn around at the noise of the slamming door.

We stood there for a few seconds staring at each other until I made a move and turned on the tap at full force. I looked horrible. My eyes were red and blotchy with dark circles around them. My hair looked limp and strangled. My nose was puffy and the mascara I had on to calm myself this morning had run down my cheeks making me look like some ugly idiot who didn't give for decent make-up.

I scowled at the girls who kept looking at me and their heads mutually turned away whispering amongst themselves. Someone, please give them a life would you?

I rubbed off my mascara with water and fixed my hair with a hair tie after combing it with my fingers. I looked reasonable after two minutes and headed off giving the girls one last frown. They had better not open their mouths and start blabbing. But they looked like juniors and I didn't expect them to even know me.

Outside, no one particularly looked my way. They didn't notice how messed up I was, so I headed off to Chemistry. I didn't want to see anyone right then. Especially Syaoran. I knew his class was right opposite to mine so I made a quick dash inside before my eyes could involuntarily gaze inside the room. They always did that, even before I could realize myself.

I was the fifth one there in class and the professor glanced at me in surprise. "Good morning Kinomoto." She regarded me with a brisk smile and ticked me off her register. Maybe she was surprised because I wasn't one of the many who came to class on time? I took my seat and hugged the desk against me, watching each student arrive slowly and like graceful morons laughing and giggling like chickens.

"Sakura." I didn't fail to notice Eriol and Van coming towards me. They always seemed to be the center of attention, "What's up?"

Van was beside me first, then Eriol, "You all right? Your eyes are kinda red."

I turned to Eriol with clenched lips; "Of course I'm fine. I didn't sleep good, that's all."

"Hey, how'd you manage to skip homeroom eh?" Van was grinning and I had that sudden urge to slap him across his face, "The last time I tried to, some hallway monitor chased me back in with his hockey stick. I didn't even know we had monitors who checked hallways."

So what? Neither did I.

"Because I wanted to." I tried sounding convincible.

"Huh?"

"I didn't wanna come to homeroom because I didn't want to." I looked right away before I could throw imaginary darts onto his face. I knew that wasn't the answer he was looking for because his grin faltered and there could be seen was confusion.

Eriol leaned over a little from his side. There was some concern on his face, but I wanted to puke, "What happened Sakura?"

I flinched at his tone, and I found myself screwing my eyes shut and crying silently. What happened? I could remember what Syaoran had said last night about me and Eriol. About Van and me. About me being a tramp with nothing else to do. He said it so loudly and harshly. Near Dad and Touya. Like he had actually believed all that. Like he actually thought I was a slut who went around cheating on him with his enemies. I mean, I knew he hated Eriol like hell. I wasn't blind to see that. I knew he hated Van because of that day he caught us together outside the cafeteria. I knew he was jealous. It was so damn obvious. But now? Now what?

What had happened now? What was I supposed to do now? Because wasn't it true? Eriol wanted me. Van wanted me. And I was in a relationship with an unknown guy from Tokyo. It had been a rumor I'd started for Tomoyo, but everyone saw it as the truth. Even Syaoran. Because of that rumor he thought I was a whore. Some girl who would get going with three or four guys at once. Oh God. How could he think that? How could he think I was like that? How!

"Sakura?"

I know I liked him. I know I would never do that. I know that if he'd calmed a little bit last night, I could have explained. If I'd been given time to get over the things I had seen last night I could have told him that I wasn't like that. That I really liked him. That I've never done that to any guy or even come across to cheating on him. Would he listen to me if I had said that?

For a tiny moment, I had my mind made up to run off to the opposite room, confess everything to Syaoran and let him apologize to Dad and Touya. Then everything would be good right? No one would hate me right?

"Sakura?" Van's breath was right in my ear, and I had to flinch back.

"What?" I snapped before I caught a hold of myself.

"Something wrong? You looked spaced out."

I looked at him intently and then Eriol who was equally looking quizzical. It was them. It was because of these two losers that all this had happened. Especially Eriol. The stupidest shit that made me make up that rumor so that Tomoyo could have a chance with him. And so that he would leave me alone. But this is what had happened. _This _shit.

"None of your business." It just came out of my mouth, and for once I didn't care if I sounded like some bitch. They just shrugged, gave each other a look, then started on taking their notes. However they didn't give up on trying to start conversations, but I ignored them. It had all been because of them. These two bastards and my imaginative moronic boyfriend. Everything had just fallen into pieces because of them. Every damn thing!

I spent the rest of class, agitated in my seat. I couldn't stay still for even a second. There was always Van trying to sound beside me, and I lost my anger more than a few times. Eriol on the other hand stayed quiet. Maybe he knew something was wrong, but I didn't give a crap for that. He could think whatever he wanted to. He could spend the rest of his goddamn life thinking what kind of a screw up he was; I didn't care.

He had possibly wrecked my life right then. And I hated him for that, I really hated him. God, maybe even more than I hated Mom. Because of him, Dad and Touya would probably never trust me anymore. Because of him, they would probably stay distant from me like Mom did. Because of him, I was losing everyone.

The slides on the OHP were coming up and down, and there weren't more than ten words in my book. I was just looking down at the lines. And when a sudden tear fell, I sat back stiffly, and let Van give me another glance. I felt like I was burning from inside. Like my skin was on fire. I could even feel heat trickling down my back.

This might have been a fine moment to just collapse. The pin-drop silence was kicking my spinning head. I could hear the wall clock's ticks. I could hear the scribbling of pen, the breaths, and the movement of feet. It made me nauseous.

It seriously made me want to scream so loud. That way my voice would stay hoarse and manly for the rest of my life. I was so angry right then. My nerves were pinching down my skin, and I was left looking around with impatience.

I was clicking my pen in and out, and I didn't miss the frowns the people beside me gave me.

"Sakura." Van hissed, and I made no movement to look at him.

"What?" I couldn't keep the bitterness out of my voice.

"What's wrong with you?"

I swallowed without much control, and looked at him rigidly, "Does it look like something's wrong?"

He rolled his eyes, "Yeah. Definitely."

"Well it's nothing. I'm just...thirsty."

His grin turned a little subtle, "Really. Thirsty for what?"

To punch you. To slap you and kick you where it really hurts. "Water. What else?"

His smile didn't fade, and I forced my eyes back on my book. I forced down some of the words from the OHP. Process of oxidification. I switched onto a red pen, and underlined it several times.

How could this happen?

How could this happen to me when I've been wanting this for so long. When I've been wanting Syaoran for so long. Why was it that something always got messed up? Every time I wanted something, it would jump off a cliff and drown in the ocean. Why? Was I that horrible?

"There's a party tomorrow at my place." It was Van again. When my silence was his only answer, I felt the side of his arm lean against mine, and so I moved, "You're coming right? Or have you got that church stuff again?" he smirked arrogantly.

I was boiling underneath.

Was I that inviting? Was it something in me that gave the guys the impression that I was single and looking? That I didn't have any other business other than worshipping their pretty faces?

Or was it the way I acted? Did I flirt unconsciously? Was I the kind of girl that went around, sitting on laps and kissing guys after guys?

No, I didn't do that. As far as I knew, I was always only on 'friendly' terms with any guy who wasn't under my obsession list.

Why was it that they could never ask me a simple question such as, "Are you taken?" before they make their move? Why was it that they couldn't just stay away when they knew that I was in some relationship with a guy back in Tokyo?

I know I've never leaded Eriol or Van on. I've stayed away from them when the situation became sticky. Like when Eriol had suddenly leeched onto me and started kissing me ages ago. When Van would pretend that we were going out and put his arms around my shoulder and hug me. I would laugh like nothing was wrong and slither out of their grasp. Was that enough to get them backing off? No, that didn't seem to be the way things went around here.

I had thought we could be friends. I mean I wasn't stupid. I know when a guy wants something, but I can't be nasty. I can't just swear away because they were only hugs.

I hugged my friends all the time. But did this mean that I was giving myself away? Was I like one of those sluts you found creeping around in clubs just waiting to pounce on a guy and let them have their way with you? Was I?

Syaoran Li P.O.V

"You're a prissy little shit head, Syaoran. Do you know that? You just have to have every single thing your own damn way and I'm getting sick of it." Meiling hadn't stopped talking, "You think you're so tough, that I seriously don't feel like caring if you ever die of an overdose. I'll be dancing at your funeral and I'll celebrate it every year by cutting a cake. Does that sound good to you?"

I craned my head over my shoulders and shrugged at her, "Sounds fantastic."

"I bet." She muttered under her breath and moved down beside me on the concrete in a crouch, "I don't know what the hell made you do that, but if you keep it up like that, you will be dying, and I'll be the one explaining to Auntie, so please save me the misery right now all right? She's been calling and saying 'Oh Meiling, you father needs you here. Meiling dear, won't you be a sweetie and come look after your father. Meiling, my child, your father has forgiven you' and she goes on and on and on and I can't stand it!"

"Screw you." I groaned turning my head away, "Why don't you sod off and toy with your boy huh? Can't leave me the hell alone can you?"

She gave me a long look and I looked out in the sun where the boys were kicking the ball off into invisible goals. Shit, some imagination they had, "Not before you start speaking."

"None of your business, cow." I scowled at her. Why couldn't she just drop the damn thing? "How hard is that to understand huh?"

She glared back, "Very hard."

"Then good for you."

"Will you at least get your ass off to a doctor then?"

"No!" I barked right in her face, "Nothing's wrong all right? Just get lost!"

Meiling had found out. She'd somehow slithered it out of me that I'd gotten wasted last night. And being the tattletale she was, the entire apartment knew by now. Yamazaki and Shiroi were pissed, Chiharu as usual wasn't talking to me and Meiling refused not to talk to me. She'd unfortunately also seen blood drops by the toilet and had ended up putting two and two together. That's where the Doctor came in, and Shiroi had been insisting on bringing his nurse mother. He'd ended up with a whack and hadn't spoken to me yet. Assholes, they couldn't just let me get a grip of myself, could they? I was too important to them all. Without me, they'd have no place to stay and possibly no alcohol, 'cause I had a close friend who mastered in fanning out fake I.Ds.

My legs could never have brought me to school, but it was on my cue and I was supposedly not to be wagging at any time come thunder or the end of the world. If it weren't for Mr. Principal, I'd be in Kawashi no time flat. I wasn't in the mood for any educational schooling shit. I wasn't in the mood for anyone's shit actually. I'd had enough of it last night.

"So you're back with Minas right?"

I didn't say anything. It was surprising how in just two seconds, everybody knows who I went to bed with last night. Or maybe that was just Minas's big mouth and her brother who was out to giving me a hiding the next time he saw me. He's a scum like his other droolin' circus mates. One look at any chick and they get jelly knees. They broke into a dairy last year just to nick lollies and ice creams. I say that's not normal.

Meiling didn't look like she was about to give up, "I saw you guys making out, but really, it wasn't just me. I thought it was a dead end with her."

I sealed my mouth close. I wasn't gonna say one darn word to her. I just wanted to forget everything.

"I mean, you guys are on and off..." Meiling leaned in when I looked away, "...on and off. On and off. On and off. Say it Syaoran, something goin' on that your cousin should know?"

I shifted uneasily, clenching my jaw just to harness any loose anger, "Why don't you just shut up and get the fuck out of my face huh?" I was careless to show her my sudden rage and she fell onto her knees.

"Ooh. Man, something's definitely fishy eh?"

"Fuck you Meiling." I got on my feet without loosing a moment of expression, but she followed me.

"C'mon Syaoran. Who's got your feet slipping? You were bitching on about Minas just yesterday and you hook up with her like everything's just smooth 'n clean."

This one was a fuckin' bitch. Meiling didn't have a damn clue of when to shut her trap.

"Tell me, what's up with you and Sakura? You used to be-,"

I whirled around at her words and caught my hands just before I could let them move. In that little second her face paled and I gasped to get my spilling anger under control, "You better shut your fuckin' mouth up before I seriously cat your goddamn ass you bitch!" I hissed through clamped teeth, my hand clenching her elbow, "You don't need to know every fuckin' thing 'bout me all right! So just keep shut and stay the fuck away from my business! You don't need to stick your damn nose in it if you get what I mean." I growled without a second thought. I had to make sure she got hold of every darn word.

I had enough of her yapping in my face all morning, and her crap wasn't getting good on me either.

What I did was my load, and it didn't need to have her pissing out on me.

It took me long enough to just forget everything that had happened last night for a while, but with her trash it had all come back up.

I moved back glaring at her.

She was just standing there and so I went back to where I'd been sitting.

She had brought Sakura back into my head, and it had already gotten me fucked up last night. I hadn't slept for a damn second after Meiling had left with everyone else.

I hadn't stopped thinking, and it was one thing I hardly did.

The fuckin' whore. I didn't give if she died right then wherever she was. Man, I seriously didn't give a shit. I had what I wanted. I had a girl who was a better hooker. Hotter and a way better kisser. I didn't give a fuck about Sakura anymore.

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

Eriol had finally asked me out. Can you believe it? That rotten piece of trodden and manhandled cheap-shit of a dirtbag had the nerve to ask me when my guard was down. But who the heck was I to be sounding so surprised? Like I hadn't seen it coming from a mile off.

This morning, while I had been seething and practically forcing out tears out of my eye sockets, I hadn't noticed Tomoyo in her first stage of loosing it. It was defining her mind. Her sanity. She looked so incredibly pale and weak when I first set eyes on her during interval. We met in the corner of the quads as usual, and she was just sitting there, clutching her stomach to herself. At that moment, I wanted to breakdown in front her. Throw my arms around her and tell her what my night and day had been like. Just for one day, I wanted to share ugly things with my friends.

But I couldn't. I just wasn't ready to.

When she looked up with a small smile, I had to practically inch back in tremor. But then again, at least one of us was smiling. Maybe it wasn't fair to say that, but who the hell cared anymore?

"Hey." She greeted me with something like a small wave, and I felt so frustrated with myself when I couldn't even afford a fake smile. I had been trying that for the last three periods, attempting to look like I'd had a soundless sleep last night, but that was probably the last thing there was left to prove. It felt like everyone could see through me, because there hadn't just been one asking me, 'Sakura, you look dragged girl!' but several. And all I could do was perk up my face and give this really demented wannabe smile. Dear God, I was such an idiot. They all probably thought I was trying to pull a dry joke, but I didn't give a rooster.

I couldn't concentrate in class. I'm usually a good English student, but within ten minutes of class, I got as uneasy as I got in the last few periods. My eyes were hurting terribly and they wouldn't stop watering. That was my excuse - something got in my eye last night - because this junior kid kept asking me if I was crying the moment I got out of Maths. You see, even being a junior he does Grade 11 Maths. And along with that, even Biochemistry. So that's one reason I have to stay away from him, because I've heard that jealousy can also make you strangle people.

After blurting out my answer to the junior I hurried off to get out of his sight before he could shoot another question. The quads had been the usual. Busy, and the occasional couples snogging like they had no care in the world.

Tomoyo was the first one there because I couldn't see Rika or Naoko or the other nameless girls. I stood there looking at her for a few seconds, before I sat next to her. It was either listening to Tomoyo about how her life sucked or going back to the toilets to finish out on my crying. So I chose the foremost. Maybe it would be good for me to hear about other wrecked lives for once, rather than worrying about the day I lost herself in some maze.

I decided it was up to me to make some sort of a conversation, so I glanced down at the way one of her palm laid on her stomach. For a second I almost caught myself thinking she was pregnant, so I cleared my throat and she looked at me expectantly.

"Oh sorry." She went, "I was just thinking..."

I kicked at the dirt under my feet. Seemed like a good thing to do. Think. "About what?" I asked her instead. She was unusually quiet. Actually, she's been like that since the moment Eriol dumped her, but I managed to get that rat's face into the gutter before it got any further in my head.

"About me..."

"What?"

"About what I should be doing after I get out of school." She looked at me with these speculating eyes and it only brought on some heavy-duty confusion on my face. "For a job I mean. There's just one more year left after this, and I have no idea what to take in university."

I rolled my eyes at her silliness, "Tomoyo, what are you talking about? I don't have any idea of what to take next year. Imagine that."

"But you know what to do with yourself right? You said you wanted to become business woman or something like that."

I watched her play with the ends of the three-quarter jeans, "I'm not sure Tomoyo. As in, who knows? I could become a nurse or even a post woman." She gave me a blanched look, "Or maybe I could become a permanent babysitter and get the joys of raiding the fridge and making international calls. Once my friend made me help her little brother, and I ended up eating the lasagna till the moment she came back home with her boyfriend. Her mom found out about it though. About the calls too and she made my Dad pay the bill. I got grounded for a month, but c'mon I was just twelve. "

Tomoyo appeared with this very grim look that made me bite my tongue, "But at least you have something in mind right! A babysitter who calls takeaways from Vanuatu or not. But what about me? Anyone asks me that, and I don't have a single damn clue!"

I imagined looking shocked. Seriously shocked. Really, since when had Tomoyo become so intent on her future? Just two days back she'd been modeling in the girl's toilet with a new mini skirt she'd brought and now...this? I couldn't believe my ears.

She went on like I'd given her permission, "I was talking with my Mom last night, you know about Eriol and all..." Okay, now I knew what this was about, "And she agreed with me. I have to get something in my mind to think about other than clothes and make-up and watching my calories. She said people don't need to worry about their weight if they became businesswomen..." Oh that just broke a little string clutching onto my pride, "You don't even have to spend hours in front of the mirror if you want to become a secretary or get hair-colours to become a veterinarian. You know, maybe that's what I'll become after University? A veterinarian. But gosh, is that possible? I mean, I don't even take Biology!"

I was staring at her outburst without a single word, but I dare say I couldn't imagine Tomoyo with her doctor coat and a gloved hand poking into a dog's you know where. Maybe she was exploding because her hairdresser had taken a chill. Or maybe because her mother had forced her to take on a part-time job. Was that just it?

She didn't stop talking, and I sat there hoping and Rika and the others would get there soon. I had only thought for a little chat with the closest of friends, but it turned out I was talking to a revolutionist. She started going on about how she should probably become an assassin or something close to that or maybe join the army. The she started asking me if they had assassins in the army. Truthfully, I told her I didn't have a clue, but she then she went on about suggesting that idea to the army guys. I zoomed out after that. I didn't even know when the girls arrived, and I didn't even know when bell rang.

They nudged me just in time and I had to race to my locker to get my PE gear. That was when I saw Syaoran for the first time that day. Face in bruises and a blackening around his eye. He was laughing at something his friend's had said, and I was left walking back on my shoes. I couldn't go there. I couldn't face him right then. That was just impossible. That was when I also noticed Meiling, and a girl leaning against my locker. The girl was obviously flirting with him. But all I could notice were her blonde highlights that stood out in beside Syaoran.

I swallowed and turned around before I could slow my breathing or have him see me standing there staring. Dear God. He was laughing. Laughing like nothing had happened! Laughing...

I didn't know what to do. For a split second I decided to go to the nurse and check in and say I couldn't make it to PE because I had a chicken prancing around my head. Maybe that wasn't possible. She would never do that.

So instead I changed my direction towards the girls' toilets. My eyes were stinging and I didn't want to bawl out right there in the open yet. I strode on biting my own lips and feeling that familiar and horrible burning in my head.

Syaoran had been laughing. Actually laughing. Like...like nothing was wrong. Like nothing had happened to him. Like he hadn't bloody attacked Touya last night!

Oh God! Here I was, unable to forget anything, let alone crack a smile and he was laughing! Bloody hell! How...how could he do that!

He had punched and kicked my poor brother! He had insulted me right in front of my family and now he was laughing! Was that possible? Was that even Syaoran?

I knew I would have cried right then. I could already feel it: anger and frustration and the tightening of my throat. Then I felt a hand grab the elbow of my arm and I wouldn't stop walking for a second of shock, before the person actually pulled me to a halt.

I whirled around, and there was a sudden disappointment creeping up my back as I looked up at Eriol, "Finally! I was trying to find you before interval, but you weren't anywhere!"

I was doing what normal people did in bathrooms. But me? I was crying, however I didn't tell him that.

"What do you want?" my voice strained in boredom and I was surprised at myself. Eriol wasn't.

"I want to ask what the hell is up with you? You look really tired and really worn out and..." I rubbed my eyes for a second. Was I really talking to Eriol? The guy I'd promised myself to stay away from and never be at least five feet near? But here I was, just one foot away. I would have backed up just to keep up to my promise, but there was all this bile I could feel rising up my throat. Syaoran was not in sight, yet I could still hear his laughter, and that made me enough to stumble. Unfortunately, that just made Eriol's hold on my arm tighter.

"Sakura! Hey, what's wrong? You almost fell on your own feet right now. Are you feeling weak?" He sounded truly concerned. It was actually embarrassing. Not the fact that he was holding my arm in the middle of the hallway. Not the fact that if Syaoran were to see me with him he would think that there was definitely something going on between us. But the fact that a guy I hated from the bottom of my heart was actually worried about me. I was being cruel, but what else was I supposed to do?

I snatched back my arm and stood up straight just to show him what my backbone was made of, "Actually," I glared at him like I've wanted to throughout the morning, "You might find that Tomoyo's the one who needs a tad bit of your attention. If you'd look at her, you must at least make it out that she's been starving herself or locking herself up in her room thinking of a way to kill her brain once and for all. And do you know whose fault this is? It's all because of you Romeo. Your little plan."

He looked taken back for a second and I noticed his surveying around his shoulders. No one in particular seemed to listening to what the great and mighty Eriol was just about to say. I was in a pose to walk off while kicking the surveillance camera in his head, but he caught my arm again. I snatched it back in a reflex and continued on with the glare. This was Eriol Hiiragizawa in front of me, I told myself. The guy who I'd been waiting to aim a gun at. I should have been doing more than just giving him the cold shoulder. I was supposed to be punching his guts, scratching his pretty face and belting him. It was because of him that I'd lost Syaoran. It was because of him that my life was a mess!

But what possibility was there that I'd get away with it huh?

"She's just a little over in her head." He hissed a little, "She'll be back with some other guy in just two days." He wiggled two fingers at me and a smirk that I wanted to slap off. Was Syaoran right about me? No. He wasn't.

"Two days my ass." I scoffed in response, "I don't think you even care about her...or do you?"

He leaned in closer and I scarcely caught sight of how students walking by looked our way, "I care about you." He stated matter-of-factly and I was amazed he could keep his face straight that way.

I watched him closely. He was in an enough distance to kiss me, but I wasn't in the mood to let him by it. I was sizzling. For that moment, I was so pissed that I felt like I was gonna blow up. But instead, I nudged a finger into his chest, "Really? Well then, here's something for you asshole. Care for this why don't you." I gave him the finger right in front of his face; "Is that good enough?" I never really meant to say it. Instead of just swearing at him, I had something like borrowing a chair from one of the classrooms and crashing it over his head more in my mind. But it came out all narrowly and with a sudden feeling of stupidity.

"Loud and clear." I saw him grinning madly, "But do you really mean that?" Maybe he'd gone insane.

I ground out this time and I grabbed the front of his shirt in my fist and closed in, "Read my lips Eriol. Fuck you!"

He didn't frown or growl or get angry in any sort of way. He laughed. He actually laughed, and in a daze, I let go of his shirt. I gazed over his shoulders and found no one looking at me. Eriol was still chuckling, almost cockily and I took steps back into the nearly empty hallway. Maybe he was an ex-patient from Tomoeda's mental hospital?

"You look cute when you're angry. Seriously, I just noticed it."

And what I noticed was that my insult hadn't even fazed him. I was definitely amazed now.

"And you're looking ugly right now." I said it before I thought of it. I just had to put him off. I didn't care what I said, but I had to figure out a way to let Eriol know that I was a bitch.

"You're lying. You think I'm just too good to be true. Actually, you probably think I'm the hottest guy around."

This time I was the one who erupted with a laugh, "Dream on Eriol."

But he wouldn't listen to me; "Van's having a party this weekend. I want you to come with me."

I stood there like an idiot for God knows how long until I eventually exploded, "Excuse me!" I think it came out louder than I expected but what the hell! Didn't this guy every get the point? I'd just sworn at him and he had asked me out!

"You don't have to worry about Tomoyo," I heard him say, "Van's got this friend who's got the hots for her and he'll introduce them. She's sure to get it on with him and she's got no chance of seeing us together 'cause there's gonna be a crowd. Isn't that a plan?" he looked happy saying that. Like the anger I was expressing on my face was so invisible that he couldn't stop smiling.

At that point I thought my head was on the verge of exploding. I moved my feet to get their circulation running, "You're a sad little bastard." That's the first thing that came onto my tongue, "When I said 'fuck you' right? It meant I wanted you to take your cheapskate flirts and blow it onto someone else's face. I don't know how many time's you're gonna try, but this has got to be the last Eriol." I looked away the slightest; "I'm not interested in you."

Maybe that was something I should have said all along. Because the moment his face-hardened, I think he finally got what I meant. Without waiting any longer, I walked off, my nerves freezing and unlocking their gates to allow blood flow. The sad thing was probably that for all this time Eriol had thought I was at least a little bit attracted to him. This time, I wasn't even a little bit sorry to say that what he thought was wrong.

I went straight back to my locker, and what I saw there, took me with a tight chest and a sobbing fit straight into the nurse's office. Syaoran had still been there. That same girl leaning all over him and his hand fingering the edge of her skirt that reached mid-thigh. I stood there stunned with everything screaming inside of me. But the moment I saw him sucking her face, I doubled and ran.

I skidded a few seconds later along the hallway along with my books scattered, but I picked myself up hastily and continued on. I never turned back and I didn't dare to even look up. I didn't care if they had seen me. I didn't even care if Syaoran had seen me standing there and watching him. Because right then, he was someone I hated most of all. God, I didn't care if it was a sin, but he was someone I wanted to see dead.

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**§ђϊη§зϊ-Кσќσѓσ**

**A/N:** Okies! I bet y'all were ready for another cliffhanger from me. Man, I feel so evil right now …and does it feel GOOD! Yea-yah. By the way, I'm sorry that I made Syaoran's povs so short. I just thought that this had to be Sakura's another oh-so-usual bad day.

But besides that, what do you guys think of the way I'm taking the plot? All the drama that I'm bringing? And how Sakura finally thinks Eriol has heard her last words? All I can say is poor her. And that brings me to telling you guys about the advantage of being an author: you can torture the characters how much ever you want to, even if they're on rent. Insert the evilest laugh mankind has ever heard

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	17. Distress Call

**Title** – Head Over Heels

**Author** – Shinsei Kokoro

**Chapter** – 17 – Distress Call

**Beta Reader** – Amai Okashi

**Updated** – 28th April 2005

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**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

I wasn't having a fantastic day as usual. Not that I wanted anything else tragic to happen, but I guess having Minas underneath my breath every goddamn minute isn't really something a guy like me would go calling fantastic. Baby, hell no.

Yamazaki hadn't spoken a word about whatever he was gonna be doing to those rules hanging down the notice board at school. I think he had something more in mind than just tearing the damn thing off, burning it, and scattering off the ashes in every classroom. Kind of a ritual that he's been doing to some of his incomplete assignment sheets.

He's one of those guy that are way too creative for their own good, but he's the man for every damn screw off. I'd like to say he's kind of sensible. Like the time we were gonna burn down this guy's townhouse. He'd been messing around with Chiharu, and Yamazaki had been a hard guy to control back then. He'd gone nuts, but he had managed to break a few bones without actually getting any of the petrol or the match sticks out.

Yamazaki's a good guy. He used to be hard out into dope, but he somehow got out of it. Chiharu says it's all because of her, but I still catch him smoking on a joint once in a while when she's not looking.

And he's not much of a rich guy really. His parents are these knock-off socks who never did give a damn about what he did. He used to smoke in front of them, and his mom used to just bring in an ashtray. Prissy, I'd told him and he'd laughed it off. But I don't think he's one of us. Not the kind of guy who's trying to get away from his family, or like Shiroi who hogs onto his nurse mother and sister. When he's really wasted, he says stuff like he's gonna jump on a train one day and go check out what his family's up to. But seriously, he hasn't seen them for nearly two years and if they at least gave a fuck about him, they would have put up a missing poster or two. I don't think he's gonna last too long around me or my apartment either. And I guess it would kinda suck with him gone, but I'll give him a couple more years. He's been a good mate.

Actually, if I gotta think about it, I'm probably the one who's the most worst off. Most guys who crash at my apartment usually have their families around somewhere around town. They do a little bit of dealing sometime, but they end up leaving after months. And then coming back sometimes. But me? My mother's off in Hong Kong catering parties and drinking tea with her fingers up in the air. My no-good father's dead. My sisters' are probably married with little brats, and the only time I ever get a call from them is if I've been up to any shit.

Sometimes, it feels as if my mother knows probably about everything. The crack, plus nighting out in jails. And the only reason she's letting me be here is so that I'd be out of her hair. Really, if she's expecting that, then I surely won't fail her.

I don't know too much about Chiharu. I heard something from Meiling that her family moved town again. I don't know, maybe they're sort of like gypsies?

Meiling's the runaway from our gang. She said she couldn't take any more of her Dad and so ended up nicking his credit card and taking a flight right down here. They found her missing before she could knock on my door, but I said she'd be okay with me. And that was just 'cause she's the closest of my cousins. My Uncle screamed through the phone for a couple of days, but that was it after then. He's the kind of guy who wants every damn thing perfect and that's exactly what Meiling ran away from. I don't really blame her. It sort of runs around in our families.

After a little kiss in public with Minas, all knew I was back with her. And shit man, I could've sworn Meiling was gonna bite my head off. She was probably confused on what the heck I was up to, and I let her stay that way. It wasn't her damn business what I got with and what girls I did anyway. And like always, I knew she was gonna go snooping around, but I didn't give.

And as for my girl tide, Sakura was fuckin' history. It was some day yesterday, but it was darn right over. I wasn't gonna be thinking about her and I sure wasn't having her anywhere near me. If she would, then I know I'd explode. I bloody know that.

It was all of Minas I had right at that moment.

When History came, I wasn't gonna bother going. But who the heck was I to let some whore get me feeling uncomfortable? I went right in, maybe just to spite myself, but she wasn't there and that was just way too fuckin' good. Because I'd probably have smacked myself if I had to see her face anytime too soon.

She wasn't there when the teacher took the roll, and for once I actually found some of Hitler's propaganda trash getting into my head. The guy had some sad ass life and that was darn right the only reason he was in our History books.

The guys in front of me decided to be smart again and I cussed a little at them after giving them the fingers. Sods. I was gonna make them half-dead when school was over for me after next year. That way, no principal was gonna give me detention or threaten to call my folks.

Sakura wasn't there even when bell rang. Probably hiding away from me? Ha! Or maybe she was visiting that guy I'd smashed at a hospital. God, that was funny. She would probably be too chicken to even come to school. Her family would most likely move back to wherever the hell she came from just 'cause the big bad boyfriend came to beat her up. I bet she'd be having some good stuff for the bastard she'd been doing behind my back. Fuck her man. That's what she got for messing with me. Fucking tramp.

That was shitty. Embarrassing, really. Yamazaki and the others probably knew. Maybe that's why they'd been so damn tight with me about her. But then again, it was like bullshit to have something with girls like her. I'd only wanted some fun first, but she'd been a little too good in her game. Shit, no girl had made me _not_ sleep. Not some goody two shoes with an attitude.

I wasn't supposed to be thinking about her again. I wasn't supposed to be fuckin' thinking about her! She was supposed to be shoved up somewhere up her own ass. And I didn't wanna get a darn headache again. It seemed like that was all she ever did. Piss me off with a headache even when I was _with_ her. Not that we did anything much. Fuck, maybe that was why she went dancing around with Hiiragizawa and his serves. 'Cause she didn't get what she wanted from me.

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

I've always wanted to miss out on classes. Just for the sake of it. Just so I could tell the cool and wannabe so-and-so people that I've wagged without getting snapped. That was something that no one had managed to do in Tokyo. Wagged without getting collared with an entire week of detention and getting your parents called. Then after that came getting grounded and not getting pocket money. With that came working extra hours just so you could get everything you needed for the school's camp trip and of course, the official school prom on every fall. Wearing the same dress every year was unbearable, and everyone knew that accessories were necessary. So wagging had its ups and downs.

But spending it in the nurse's ward? That's like the oldest thing honey.

There I was, huddled in a thin blanket next to another snoring cot. The wetness on my pillowcase had dried off and I had actually managed to doze off for a few minutes in the past couple of hours. The poor nurse kept checking up on me after bandaging my scraped knee, always with a tray of painkillers and mineral water. And when she asked for a legitimate response all she got was my blank look and a groan. Yup, I lacked communicating skills.

But then that set her off on trying to call one of my family members, and I just muttered out that Dad was out of town and Touya was working and I didn't know his work number. I was such a good liar in bed. Seriously. And to top it off, my acting was even better. The slow croaky coughing and drooping my eyelids once in a while made it all worth it. That nurse was such a sucker!

With the blanket up to my nose, I looked like any severely sick person who couldn't get up or make an effort to talk without moaning out three-forth of the sentence. It was hard at first, but I grew better at it as the first half-hour passed. Then I was competing with the guy sleeping on the cot against the wall. God, he could snore. Not the kind of clichéd loud ones, but the squeaky and chirpy one. The really annoying one.

So it isn't as entertaining to stay nearly two hours in the sick bay, the squeaky snorer included. I started out with fumbling with my toes and biting the insides of my cheeks, and now I was chewing on the ends of my blanket. Frustration was definitely on top of my list. No, scratch that. Anger was my utmost priority to handle at that moment.

People say that it's hard to see the man in a guy when you see one. But I say it's harder to see the bastard in a guy when you keep seeing him. Off course, that guy has to be someone you like. Or maybe even love for a few particular cases. Not that I'm in love with Syaoran or anything of course.

I guess I'm one of those stupid idiotic girls who're so damn easy to be fooled. And it's not even an intelligent guess. I'm speaking from personal experience as always.

I'm probably the lowest class of dolts where the brains -and not the eyes- need glasses. Thus that makes me a fool. A perfect A-list fool who trots around with her tongue hanging out around the man she worships. I don't know why I hadn't seen it coming. Syaoran was an asshole. A sodding hypocrite.

I mean, who the hell was the player now huh?

Who was the betrayer and who was the whore?

I hadn't done anything. In all honesty, there had been no one other than him on my mind since day 1 of school. I didn't have a secret boyfriend in Tokyo. I wasn't the least bit attracted to Eriol. I thought Van was a scum and who else? There had been no other guy I'd even dared to ogle on. I used to be so rackety over him, that I'd gone thinking every brown-head guy I saw was him, every black car that went by me was his and any face I'd dream of was his.

But him? He'd beaten up Touya yesterday. My own brother. He'd given him a black eye, made his jaw bleed and nearly broken one of his ribs. And I'd just seen him laughing the very damn next day! _And_ making out with some girl right in the open! Oh fucking hell, I couldn't believe it! I couldn't believe he'd actually do something like that. Like…like it had been nothing. Like all he needed was one night to get over all of it. All of what had happened yesterday. All of what had happened between us! He made it seem like I never even existed. As if I was just a random thought he'd chosen to forget and piss on.

I can't believe I'd actually fallen for a guy like him. It was just so unbelievable that Syaoran was like this. It was a bloody fine opportunity to see the guy I adorned in his true appearance. Like one day was all he needed to be jealous, and the next day he'd pick the girl second in line the moment I was behind him.

It wasn't something I'd even let myself imagine him to do. That he would just dismiss it like as if he never gave a heck. Or maybe it was just because of who he was. A filthy outcast who played girls like monopoly. But the worst part of it was that he really did make me feel like trash. Doesn't that make me even _more_ pathetic?

**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

Man, I swear, today had to probably be the day when everyone was supposed to point a freakin' gun at me and shoot my face blind-folded.

Minas's brother checked up at school at the end of lunch. He wanted to give me a run over 'cause he seemed to have found out about me getting back with his sister. For a fucking shit-face, I found him to be quite the family guy. But I just gave him the finger and he happily trotted back to his car after one of Meiling's friends gave him the heads up. If she hadn't had her skanky friend with her right then, he would have probably sent me to the nearest hospital by pounding me up to a bloody pulp and cutting off my arms so that they would never be a meter near his sister.

Meiling had been asking around. About Sakura and me, and it was lots of good that hardly anyone knew we'd even been around. But I was still gonna send her packing if I were to hear her fuckin' name again.

Next came Yamazaki's all-rounder stunt. It was probably the cheapest thing he'd ever come up with this entire year. I don't know whom he'd used to get it done, but fire had its involvement. Instead of putting the decaying paper of the rules on fire, he'd blazed down the entire notice board.

It rocked for a while. Y'know, just coming back in when the bell rang and seeing the entire wall stripping with red and yellow flames while the entire school packed around to watch it like it was some sort of a bonfire and we were supposed to do one of those catchy tribal dances. Fuck yeah, it rocked.

But not for too long.

The fire alarm was pulled a few minutes late and that had brought on another problem. A girl's jacket had somehow caught on fire and by the time she had wormed out of it, all there could be seen was a strappy singlet that showed off her bright blue bra. Then came the fire department with their sound effects, and instead of hosing down the notice board, it felt like the entire hallway had been drowned like the stunts in Titanic.

It was fun while it lasted. I met Yamazaki in the backfield and we cracked it off there. He'd somehow managed to do it without getting seen, and he didn't miss out a detail while he filled the rest of the gang in about how he and his mates created the bitch-fight distraction and how they got the kerosene around in water bottles.

After half an hour of smoking, we were called back in. My Electronics professor didn't bother with any of his circuits mumbo jumbo. He just went on and on about how he'd once been stuck in a burning building with his three-legged cat. Not very entertaining, but that would explain that burn mark smack on his face. Poor guy, he didn't seem like the kind of guy who could turn on any woman even without that mark.

But that was when Mr. Vice Principal trotted in asking to see me. My Electronics teacher wasn't too happy to be interrupted, but since it was me he wanted, he wasn't too mad.

The Vice didn't waste any time once we were in the corridor. His voice was so quiet, I could hardly hear him, "Mr Syaoran Li." He was speaking through a tight jaw, "This is the last of your pathetic performances we're taking from you. Your stunt with the fire today has been the worst and I swear, will remain the last. You're to come with me and discuss this with the Principal without getting yourself into any other mess." He was meant to be continuing on, but I was too shocked to let him.

"Hold up buddy, you don't really think I put up the fire, do you?" I spluttered out shamelessly.

"Precisely." His eyes were snapped into slits, and I could see the tightness in the curves of his expression.

"Oh shit, you must be kidding me."

He didn't move a muscle; "I can tell you right now, that I'm very much serious." Then he added as an afterthought, "As serious as the fact of your expulsion actually."

I couldn't hold it back in anymore, "What the fuck!" I was roaring, and if I'd put some attention in it, I would have noticed the two police officers standing behind me.

"We're going to discuss this matter like gentlemen," the Vice went on while I was something more along the lines of, "The only thing we're gonna be discussing is how fucking wrong your sorry asses are."

I don't know what else happened, but before I knew it, the two officers had grabbed my arms and I'd even managed to lay a punch across one of them. That was when I heard the handcuffs around my wrists clasp, and I stayed silent nearly all of the way. Sneaky bastards.

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

Another squeaky wheeze from the next cot and I would honest to God murder him.

It was all good until one point, but then I couldn't take anymore of the snoring, the coarse blanket or the annoying nurse who would be better of working as a kindergarten substitute teacher. So I pleaded her for a note to let me go home and she generously wrote one out for me. I offered her my best miserable smile, gave the snoring figure a quick kick when she wasn't looking and I fled out of there.

I felt a like a criminal escapee when the sun outside hit me with full force and I matted down my hair just for God's sake before I headed off to my locker. I bet I looked like a typical runaway, but that was preferable since I was supposed to make myself presentable as a sick student who'd love to go home and rest with an ice pack on her head.

Ambling down the corridor I didn't fail to notice a group of teachers whispering amongst each other, then eyeing me warily as I walked past them. Clearing my throat, I restlessly patted my wrinkled skirt down properly and straightened my Limp Bizkit shirt, unconsciously rubbing off the dirt in my eyes and hitching my skirt down to my hips. At that moment, I wasn't in the right mood to feel embarrassed, but I decided I couldn't go overboard with the homeless look. I might just get kicked out unintentionally.

In the hurry I was in to get away from inquisitive eyes of teachers, I failed to notice the hovering smell of smoke around me. My eyes were stinging, and I could swear they were already looking puffy and filled with tiny red veins. I made a turn to look at the teachers and that was when I did a double take towards the notice board I was ignorantly walking by. Maybe I really needed glasses.

The wooden plank that I'm sure used to be a notice board was chipped black and sprawled across the corridor with little wooden flakes scattered around. There were little black ash particles hanging onto the air. The paint on the walls had been stripped down, and with a few more dainty steps, I found myself in the center of a wreckage. The scent was obtrusive and as I stood there for quite a few seconds, I was unable to move my feet.

I couldn't believe my eyes.

And if it wasn't for someone grabbing my arms and hauling me over the lumber and all, I would have probably stayed there and choked and collapsed.

"What may I ask are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in class?" It was a teacher, but my eyes were still on the blackened wall.

"Yes." I replied, then thought back, "Well kinda. But no." I was stuttering so clearly, that I swear I was going red, "I need to go to the Admin office, because I'm taking the day off."

The lady didn't take her eyes off me for a second, "But the office is on the other side. What are you doing here then?" she asked again.

I backed off a little, "I needed to get some books out of my locker." Was I supposed to sound guilty of something?

"Really?"

I gulped at her razor-sharp gaze, and nodded quickly, "Yes. Really." What else was she expecting from me with that look?

"Then run along, and go through A block when you to go to the office. Don't come this way."

I didn't stop nodding, but I asked her, "What happened though?"

The lady grimaced as she turned around to the fallen debris and the strewn ashes, "Oh this? Some student decided to pull a prank. Maybe they thought it was funny, but they didn't really know that they could be killing someone this way."

One look at my alarmed expression, and she continued on, "The entire notice board was put on fire. It's those same kids again, trying to take down those idiotic rules. I don't why it was put up in the first place, but a girl today nearly got caught on fire, and it's something that has never happened in the twelve years I've been teaching."

"Oh." I really didn't know what to say. To think that I'd missed this all out by hiding away three periods at the sick bay meant I'd missed on some serious stuff. I mean, it wasn't everyday that your school caught on fire because someone had decided it was time to get rid of gumby made-up rules that didn't even make sense for Christ. I don't know why, but there was this quite happy feeling inside of me bubbling and not stopping to froth. Trying my hardest on not letting a smile appear, I appeared as melancholic as ever, "I hope that girl's alright. She wasn't burnt or anything was she?" Okay, I wasn't faking my worry.

"Not really. She had to be taken to the hospital because she fainted right then and there. I won't be surprised if her parents put a word against us. And it just happens that most of the juvenile criminals of Tomoeda come and go from this school, so they'll have the full support from the police if they're going to file a report."

I hardened my jaw without a moment's thought, "Oh yeah. Those outcasts, right?"

The teacher rolled her eyes, and I could see mirth in them, "That's a social term, but I'd rather regard them as attention seekers. They would go to any extent to just catch a bit of attention."

Attention seekers? No. I think I'd rather call them freaks. Or maybe even bastards for one in particular, but of course, I couldn't tell her that, could I?

**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

Life is a big bad boring bitch.

Sometimes, the things I get in drive me crazy to a point where I just sit the hell down, and talk when I'm asked to. Like this one for example.

I had been dragged off by my handcuffs to the Admin, and I was standing in the side in between the two police officers. I was sick of even saying anything right now, because at whatever I said or expressed, I was jabbed in the back or just ignored. For fuck's sake, I wasn't even heard out.

The entire gang was there like I'd expected. Anything suspicious happens at this school, and all fingers point at the outcasts. Me in most cases, since I've been a much frequent visitor to the police station than the rest. I'm so fucking bad that the Vice doesn't even suspect nobody else. And Yamazaki? He's sitting on one of the couches in the corner of the room looking as innocent as ever. Asshole.

But some of these guys were giving me an alibi. Shiroi was face to face with the principal having some sort of a debate that I'd long tuned out. It was something about prejudice against eccentric kids like us.

But now that I think about it, getting expelled didn't sound too bad at all as long as I was out of this dump of a school. But the nasty thing would be that they'd be calling mother and then she would be finding out about everything I'd been up to, and I didn't want that to happen. Heck, I can just imagine her dragging me back to Hong Kong by my ear, locking me inside a cardboard box and committing her biggest dream by having me home-schooled.

Damn, there was no way I was gonna to that flipping crap. Heart to heart, there was no way I would be even going to Hong Kong. That was history man. Something that could have happened a long, long time ago.

After another fifteen minutes of talking and yelling, there seemed to be some sort of agreeing on the Vice's behalf. The principal was just sitting at his desk, looking at each one of us, and occasionally questioning someone before setting his porcupine eyes back on me. Porcupine meaning round and gleaming eyes.

Then for sometime everyone was looking at me, and the Vice was asking me that same question again, "Syaoran, let me ask you for the last time, did you set the notice board on fire or not?" If someone was as close to him as I was, you could actually see the gray in his moustache and how they puckered up every time he spoke. But he was looking serious. Yup, as serious as officially announcing my expulsion.

I was silent for a moment, and I could feel the tense air striking up and down amongst us. Then one of his eyebrows twitched and I rolled my eyes, "No sir."

There was some sort of sighing all around me, and I could even hear Shiroi's constant mumbling, "Took the man long enough to deny that."

The Principal was still watching me as the Vice muttered something to the two officers about my handcuffs, and off they came. The guys starting muttering away while I spent a good few seconds rubbing my wrists. The blasted cuffs had even casted a design onto one side, so in gratitude I gave the officer on my right my nastiest look.

Now I could see the Principal and Vice whispering something between themselves, each time motioning and glancing at me. Then all at once, the Vice ushered the gang away, and the Principal was up on his feet, walking towards me. But he wasn't looking at me. His eyes were on the officers and I wouldn't have been happier. This senior citizen was a walking zombie.

"I'm sorry, but we seem to have a bit of a confusion here." He was steadying himself, I could see that, "This…young man here seems to be innocent, as many of…" he pointed at the guys who were leaving, "… these students have given him a decent alibi. And…" he sighed deeply as if regretting the things he was saying, "…he also was not seen anywhere in the vicinity by the students as he has…quite a reputation around here," He gave me a tight smirk, "To be a troublemaker."

"So?" the officer rounded me a quizzical look, before rebounding to the Principal.

"He's not the kid."

Yea-yah. Damn, that took a while eh?

For a second there, I thought it was really happening. Me getting expelled and facing it off with mother. Oh man, that would probably be where I'd be screwed for good, 'cause there's one person you don't wanna mess with, and that's my mom. It's always been her.

The two police officers walked out after sharing some more lethal advice with me and unlocking my cuffs. And then, after long last, I was left standing alone with the elderly citizen, the Vice long gone to probably nanny the guys back to class.

He was still watching me, and he was still puckering up his nose to kind of keep his glasses from sliding down his nose. He was a funny kind of a guy. The typical grandpa look, but one who'd been to hell and back. Maybe he should have a chat with mother. I don't have a doubt that they'd get along well. But I don't suppose he'd be the sort of guy letting himself to tea parties, where every inch of the town's gossip starts.

Fortunately for me, he was the first one to speak while walking back to that seat behind his desk, "I guess I should apologize."

I didn't catch myself grinning, "Yeah, I guess you should."

He shifted away a couple of papers, closing files after files, and opening drawers. He only spoke after a couple of minutes; "I apologize for blaming you Syaoran."

I couldn't help but snort at his attempt; "It's all good. Not like it's the first time or something."

"Don't take this too lightly Syaoran." I stopped to stare at him.

"What makes you think I am?"

"Oh please, I've been finding out that for a couple of years now. With all the things you've been getting yourself into, I don't know if you ever take time to be serious."

"You don't know nothing 'bout me."

"Maybe I don't, but you don't either."

I scowled at his riddle, "What the heck's that supposed to mean?"

The man was up on his feet like a bullet, "You might not have put up this fire, but I know one thing. You know who did it. Don't you?"

I croaked a laugh, and busily pocketed my hands. I needed time off, so I was gonna stall all the time I could to stay away from Electronics. "Gee. You just read my mind."

"This is not the time to be funny. A girl could have just died, and all because some of you wanted to play a game. She could have lost her life."

"But she didn't. The only thing she lost was a bra strap." I countered back.

"That's just not it. If the girl's parents file a report in, it is definitely getting to the Ministry of Education. And if it really was you who did this, then not only will you be expelled from this school, but all chances of you getting into any other or even any universities will be a dead end." His teeth were clenched as though he were getting all his frustration out before he added in, "Syaoran, it will be the end of whatever career you might want to have. As a matter of fact, with your report on hand, I'm positive you've already spoiled your life."

"It wasn't me allright."

"Then who was it?"

I glowered at his eager face, "I don't know." Man if he thought I was gonna give any names away, then he had another thing coming. The frustration was clear on his face, and I bet he just couldn't wait to use a truth syringe on me, "But yo, tell me one thing. Why is it just us you suspect? What if it's someone else? Are you just gonna chuck us away to juvi 'cause you don't want your prissy school to be stained?"

He was quiet. Man, he was quiet for a very long time, and I smirked at his face, "You've got nothing to say now, have you?" It was fun torturing this man. Seriously.

"Maybe it's not one of your friends." He sat back down, "But whoever it is, I'm going to find them."

I couldn't stop though, "Nah. You would never put one of those guys behind bars. I'm telling you, in the end, it's always gonna be one of the outcasts, and I know you can't wait to have each one of us out of this school. One by one."

"Syaoran. This conversation is over."

"You bet it is."

"Get to your class, right now."

I swept a grin by him, and walked out, "Gladly. And good luck to you. Hope you find those guys that get your pressure this high."

But he's never gonna. He can try all he want, but I know he'll be getting nowhere. Yamazaki's been doing things like these since years, and he has never once been caught.

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

I was just sitting there. Honestly. The attendance officer I was supposed to give my note to was a little busy doing her stuff in the tearoom and so I was just waiting till I could get to call Touya and ask him to pick me up from wherever he was. I was just minding my own business, trying to look like the school kid I was, sitting all alone in the waiting area, but no. For some guys, I might as well be a half-naked girl hanging by the highway, dancing my ass off.

Like these guys. They just came out of nowhere. One look at them, and I knew they were all 'outcasts'. It seemed weird on actually using that term, but it's something I should have used a long time ago. They just walked by like a pack of dogs in heavy clothing, hair of sorts and things gleaming off them while they shamelessly clucked by. One of them even managed to call out my name, and I flipped him the birdie.

"Sod off will you?" No, I wasn't in the mood to make acquaintances. Another look at them, and I knew who else I was gonna be seeing. But he wasn't there. Till the moment they passed through the automatic glass door, my heart didn't stop beating. My plan was supposed to just walk off when I'd seen them, but hey. I wasn't the guilty one here. I wasn't the one who'd actually cheated on anyone. I wasn't the one who'd beaten up my brother. And I wasn't the one who was a whore. Oh no, not me. So I had sat there, on my plastic seat, trying to feign a calmness with my insides still in knots.

"Good one."

I whipped my head to see who had remarked on my extremely courageous act with the corniest of all comments.

It was a guy. And I had to pull back in surprise, because this kid was standing right in front of me, "For what?" I blinked him at him cautiously, while sizing him up. He looked like any puny wannabe kid, with Harry Potter glasses.

"For standing up to losers like them," he made a hand movement towards the doors, and that was when I noticed the book he was carrying. He was a junior. Great. Now I have juniors trying to flirt with me. What was _wrong_ with me?

"Uh thanks, I guess." I tried to smile, but I think it came out looking wacky. Who the hell was this guy and what was he doing creeping up on me like that?

"You're Sakura, right?" Okay, that had been the most forward comment I'd gotten all day. Not the kind of ones I like because of the loads I'd gotten in buckets from Syaoran. So I was about to comply with a sarcastic remark like an 'are you?' but I thought against it. I wasn't in the mood to be rude on purpose.

"Um, yes." I mumbled shifting my shoe bag in between my feet, "Sorry but I don't really know you. You're not one of those brainy people in one of my classes are you?"

He laughed to show off her retainers, "No, don't worry. Even though a few of my friends are, I'm not ready to be loaded down with the stuff I read in my sister's books. Though I think one of my friends' in your Chemistry class. Or maybe that was Maths. I'm not too sure."

"That's all right." I tried my best to be looking interested, but that was when I stopped short for a little more than a second. The door to the Principal's office had just swung open and out walked Syaoran. Hands in his pockets and a smile riding his face.

It was him, I just knew it. He was yelling out something, but all I could see was him and feel that similar rage burning inside of me. I was shaking. Oh God, the sight of him was making me shake and I didn't know what to do. I wasn't ready for a confrontation yet. My mind was feeling all smoggy, and right at that moment all I wanted to do was swipe a gun out and shoot him on target. I wanted to kill him.

The kid in front of me kept on talking, but he was all I was seeing. And just with him in my mind again, he brought out everything he'd done to me. Since yesterday to this very morning. From beating up Touya to when I had seen him kissing some girl. And it brought back just about everything else. All the tears. All the pain. And all the anger.

And oh God. He was coming this way. He was walking right towards me without a glance lifted. He was so near. Nearer than I've been for the past day or two. I think I could have burst with all the emotions burning around me. I wish I could have. But that didn't happen, and in the last moment where I had finally made up my mind to look up at him, he had just walked by me.

He hadn't stopped for a second to look down at me. He hadn't turned his head over. There had been nothing. He just walked on like I'd been…invisible. Like I hadn't even been sitting there. The son of a bitch had the nerve to ignore me after all the things he was making me go through!

That didn't set well with me. I attempted sitting still with every possible nerve quivering. My lungs were on the verge of exploding. My stomach remained in my mouth. I stayed restless. And so when I knew I couldn't take it anymore, I leaped up on my heels and ran out the same doors he had left by.

I knew I wasn't gonna let him get by me this easily. I couldn't let a loser like him get any sort of an advantage over me, and when I finally caught sight of him, I thought I was gonna loose it. And so I did the first thing that came to my mind without a moment's hesitation.

I screamed at him.

"You were fucking wrong!" When he didn't turn around, all it did was usher more anger. "STOP AND LISTEN TO ME!" I was torn down and I knew in the stiffening of his shoulders that he'd heard me loud and clear this time.

He knew it was me.

"_YOU _ARE THE GODDAMN WHORE." I screeched with everything in me, "_YOU _ARE THE LIAR. _YOU_ ARE THE PIECE OF SHIT AND DON'T YOU DARE FORGET THAT YOU FUCKING WANKER!" I didn't know what else came out of my mouth, but that was it. I had finally let him know what I thought of him, let every damn emotion pour out in every obscenity I shrieked. And even after that, he never did stop walking.

He just never turned around.

I'm at home now, and I haven't stopped crying. Touya questioned me a couple of times, but all he got was my locked door. I couldn't help it. I felt like someone had whacked me across my head hard and the tears didn't stop coming. I tried, but all it resulted in were my roars smothered against the pillow and just burying my breath in. It hadn't worked and I didn't know what would. I only wanted to forget him. I only wanted him out of my head, at least for a few seconds because he was making me go crazy. He was making every part of me burn with woe. He was making every bit of fury in me energize my sobs and turn them hoarse.

And in a twisted way, I don't know why, but all I wanted to remember was the first time he had touched me.

Crying in bed, all I felt were his fingers in my hair, his body over mine and his hot breath darting across my face. Once in a while, I could picture him smiling through the tears in my eyes. He looked distorted, but that smile was still there. It was a trance, I knew that. However never in my life had I so badly needed him to hold my face and kiss me. Just keep kissing me.

I know I wasn't supposed to feel that, but I required it so badly. It was supposed to be wrong, but I couldn't help it. And it wasn't just some ordinary attraction. I swear it wasn't. It wasn't the hatred, even though strong. It was something else. Some sort of a desperation. It felt as if just one second ago he was kissing me and then the next he was calling me names with Touya bleeding on the floor. It wasn't fair. It just wasn't! How could someone be so blind! So stupid? How could he ever even think that I would cheat on him when I'd been so open with him? It was impossible for me to understand.

He had ruined my home. He had torn up everything inside me. And I was pathetic enough to want him more than ever.

But I had decided something. I was gonna give up on him. If possible, make him pay. And if not, I'll show him just how much I'm exactly worth.

* * *

**§ђϊη§зϊ-Кσќσѓσ**

**A/N: **_Whoa, I hope that last bit was as tense reading as it was tense writing for me. I'm definitely trying not to drag this story on, as some of you said. But I need to put some words in, in order to show the change in their relationship. They were just attracted to each other before any attachment came in. Something came along their way, Syaoran's pride stuck out and now Sakura's anger._

_Anyways, finally a chapter with more of Syaoran's thoughts on the table. I love what I made him into. A typical bad boy who has been manipulated by his own twisted way of taking things under control. He's not really a trashy playboy or a hard-core gangster but still inexperienced when it comes to playing soft and tender with a girl like Sakura. He likes girls, but only as a side dish. I wanted to keep him as original as possible, because there's always more than two or three attitudes around._

_The hatred between them is now official. Can thou perchance express what is to befall next on this insufferable pair?_


	18. Sick and Tired

**Title: **Head Over Heels

**Author: **Shinsei Kokoro

**Chapter: **18: Sick and Tired

**Updated:** 24th October 2005

* * *

**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

My third cigarette had come and gone. And so had my shirt.

Minas was beside me, nipping my face, arms around my shoulders, and her goddamn nails leaving their drags as she grabbed the back of my hair to get back my wandering attention.

My eyes were still glued to the TV, so I didn't bother giving her any more satisfaction than she already had. I wasn't watching the love scene on it. That was just for a little distraction. For now, I had had enough of being stripped apart and being treated like a rag doll immune to raking fake nails.

I didn't know what had gotten into her, but she hadn't left the damn couch since the past hour. It was honestly sweatin' me off. Whatever the hell had happened to her nature's call? And noses needing powdering? Didn't she at least have to go check if her eye liner was smudged or not? Fuck, anything to get her off me. Or at least her hands. Kissing was alright. But she had been sitting on me for almost two hours, and damn she wasn't light.

So yes, I was blanking her. Yes, I wasn't watching the re-runs of some screwed-up corny show. And yes, I was trying not to let another thought enter my head. I just wanted some fun. Not her tongue running down my cheek. Dang, not that kind of fun where she'd strip and try to get me in bed. Not really my style of having fun.

Hell, I'd say fun would be dunking down a few beers. Beating up some asshole. Or even pissing out together at the beach or something, where we all get drunk and stone down a few cars on the highway. I don't think we've done anything close to that for a few months now.

But fuck, what was wrong with me? When the hell had I ever been so…so thoughtful? When had I ever regretted having Minas over and letting her practice one of her booty dances. Not that it was any shittier than the real ones I've seen. But man, I've never really given a damn about being bored. And now, it's kinda just dragging on. I dunno. Maybe I'm going mental?

"Syaoran…" she was purring, "Hey…" her lips never left mine.

Yeah. That was her way of getting attention. As for me, I kept my mouth closed. That was my way of getting her to back off.

But before I could make another move she had already slammed her fists into my shoulder, "What the _fuck_ is wrong with you?"

I let her slip off me and back on the couch. Still yelling, "God! I've been here for so fucking long and you fucking do nothing! Do you think I come here just to waste my goddamn time? I have to like bloody sneak out just to get here, and you act like you're fucking wasted!"

Like damn. She got no response from me.

I didn't even look at her.

I knew I didn't wanna.

She was one sad bitch. That's all I knew about her. Sakura, I mean. All I knew right now was that she was a sad ass whore and she couldn't make me deny that. Not now. But isn't it fucking great? Everything I think of just has to bloody remind me of her.

"Syaoran!" With another fist coming against my shoulder, I merely glanced at the girl next to me.

I used to want her like crazy. Ever since the day she came over to my place and we made out in Yamazaki's room. Every time she would shake a little before kissing me. I used to like that. But now? Now I hated her so much that it was impossible to even stop thinking about her. I didn't even know what I fucking wanted anymore. That day when she had screamed at me when I was at the admin, shit I could have given her a hiding. Honestly. It wasn't already enough that I had everyone from the Board of Trustees on my pissin' back, but the first fuck shit I had to see had to be her. Just sitting there and smiling at some little brat. And I had had no idea that I had it in me to just walk past her. To give her the fuckin' hand. Damn, it felt good. Yeah it did, just until she came running after me swearing at the top of her lungs. Man, that had been embarrassing.

"Syaoran! You bastard!"

"What!" My thoughts came loose the second I felt a tug to my hair, and I pulled away from the bitch beside me. Couldn't I _ever _have some goddamn peace and quite in my own house!

"Where is you fucking head?" Minas wasn't looking too happy. "You've been like ignoring me for way too long. Just tell me what your crap is and we can finish this off."

And for that matter, I wasn't feeling too happy either. I was ignoring every little shit that was pilling up in my fucked up dump of a life. I was giving the fingers to Meiling and the rest of my roommates. My satan of a father was dead. The only top-up. Mother had called again, complaining that his will had suddenly disappeared and that his lawyer was currently in a delusional crisis. I hadn't been high since last week. I was too bloody lazy to go out and get any cigs. And for the first time in my life, I had had some chic cheat on me before I did. Not really the best loop of my life.

I couldn't fuckin' stop thinking about her. I had tried every damn thing. She had been away the whole of last week, and Meiling wouldn't stop asking me if I had done something to make her pack her bags.

But she couldn't have, could she? She wouldn't have given a shit and listened to what I'd said the night I'd raided her house, right? It's not that I cared or anything. As much as I had meant it when I had asked her to get her ass back to where she came from, it didn't make me feel any better.

Oh fuck, I think I'm honestly loosing my mind. It feels like a damned cricket bat smacking my head every bloody second. Or jeez, maybe it's just Minas whacking me with her handbag. Okay. Ouch! Fuckin' hell…

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

Everything from the corner of the sky to the corner of my room is a dingy little microspace where not a minute amount of happiness can survive. For me that is. It's a Sunday and I just came back from church. Dad had specifically asked me to go and confess. And I immediately presumed what exactly I'd have to be pleading guilty of. Ever since that thing with Syaoran, him and Touya have sorta distanced themselves from me. I'm not really sure if it's just me or not, but it feels as if the _closeness_ we used to have has kinda disappeared. Poof! Just like that.

But confessing? Oh god. It was probably the most embarrassing thing I've ever done.

I'm a volunteer worker. I help with the normal cleaning and giving a hand where needed. Tomoeda's church isn't really big on the cash so it's a normal church with the normal chippings. I go there every Sunday, clear up the windows, the steps, the gate to the cemetery, light a candle and then leave. Honestly, that was all I ever did.

Except for today.

I made my first confession today.

Typically, the Father was behind the wooden covering separating us, and for the first few second I pretended to be relaxed. He asked me a couple of questions, and I blabbered on like an idiot. At one point, I broke down crying and the tears wouldn't stop coming. And for some reason, this was the moment where I felt the most connected to God. Like as though he were giving me a counseling session. What the Father said just brought out this second conscience living in me.

"Do you truly believe there is a Lord?"

"Yes."

"Do you believe that he watches over you?"

"Yes."

"Do you know that he loves you no matter what you have done, sin or not?"

"Yes."

"Then you must know, that no matter who deserts you, he will always be there in you. Giving you strength. You only have to use that strength. You have to make yourself powerful against these sins."

It was great actually. I just prattled on and he listened. I told him everything from the start. How I met Syaoran. How I became crazy over him. About Mom's new life. About Dad's depression. And now, about my depression. About my stupidity. My own foolishness.

And he listened. He listened to an idiotic teenager's idiotic ramblings.

Maybe that was what got this whole heaviness off my chest, because now I feel lighter. I feel like it's the past or something.

After thanking him a countless times and a quick goodbye, I hesitated to light another candle before leaving. It was the first time I had ever hesitated. I wished that somehow everything would be back to normal. I wished that _I _would be back to normal.

Maybe my trip was another thing that took this heaviness off me. This load that reeked with anger and pain. When Dad had given up taking up no for an answer and Touya hadn't bothered siding with me, I had finally taken the trip to Hiroshima last week. Thus my big absence from home and school.

Mom was genuinely thrilled to see me, although I couldn't say the same about my stepbrother. The moment I'd stepped into the house, this guy about my agewas stepping out of the house with a duffel bag and his guitar. And before I'd known it, he was getting off the driveway in his own beaten up Toyota. At that point, I knew who he was at once. Keisuke Ryusaki. He hadn't even looked at me, the stupid ass. Like I was expecting to make a conversation with him anytime soon. However, if not for that attitude, he had appeared to be any pleasant looking hard-core music freak. Minus the long hair and the grungy look. He looked like a second biological copy of his father. But much taller I guess…and way younger. As far as the genetic characteristics in the Ryusaki family go that is, he has his hair, not to be rude or anything.

But rest assured, I didn't make myself look bothered at that. He could go become a highway hitch or sing in the streets for all I cared. This just meant that I wouldn't have to be making any step-brother to step-sister chats with him. All the more good for me.

So although I didn't mind, Mom and Mr Ryusaki took this as their fault and constantly made it their duty to apologize non-stop. By the time dinner came, I had finally been give the peep that while Dad had wanted me to come here so I could forget the mishap at Tomoeda, Mom had wanted me here so I could get to know my new step-brother. Well oh dear, so much for that wonderful reunion eh.

But Hiroshima did help me get away a bit. Not completely, but it did stop me from constantly thinking about Syaoran. For a night there, when I'd just ended up crying in bed, Mom had come to my rescue. She had settled herself beside me, checking my forehead for a temperature, asking me if I had period cramps and even bringing out an extra comforter, just to make sure I wasn't feeling cold. My step-brother's comforter. I shudder at the thought of it.

She had been so sweet to me, but no matter what she would do, I could never tell her the reason I cried every night. A little pathetic I know, but screw it. My tears. My goddamn life.

So I had to miserably admit that it was only period cramps, only so she would stop fussing over me, especially when she was pregnant like that. But no, instead of leaving me to succumb and cry to myself, she made me try out each and every homemade painkiller that she knew how to make. It wasn't that awful. Not at all. But the moment she made me sip onto something gingery, I threw up. Ginger has to be the only thing that has to come back up.

Coming back to Tomoeda was paradise. I guess this just tells me how far apart I've grown from Mom in these years. I used to miss her like crazy when I was little, but then watching Dad cook every morning and having him read out the front of the newspaper while watching animes on Saturdays, they were just so reassuring to let me know that I was more than happy with only him. Touya had picked me up from the airport asking the usual annoying questions, like if I had puked on the plane or not. Stepping into the house Dad couldn't wait to know all about Hiroshima, and Kero, bless him not, had taken his best lunge on me. That mutt had gone a tad bit skinnier over the week, so the first thing I did was lecture Touya about the regular eating habits of our family dog.

Yes. It was honestly good to be back home. Although it had only been a few months, I was already slotting in my life here at Tomoeda. I had friends. I had a wacky school. An exboyfriend already. I had a job involving no money. I was hacking off my grades in Maths, and gee what else?

See? I was now an official chunk of this bloody town. Amen to that.

Running up the stairs to the room I had abandoned for a week, I took a giant dive at my bed and let my aching back snuggle into a comforter that didn't belong to a stranger.

Ahh! Bliss. Pure, untainted, decriminalized ecstasy.

"Oi!" Bloody hell. Now I knew the true meaning of short-lived happiness.

Pulling down my duvet, I peered at Touya's healed and narcissistic face through the curtain of my hair. His head was poking in through the gap between my door, "Alright! If you really have to know, I puked into my chicken soup and offered it to the lady next to me. Happy now?" Not that it had really happened, but he knew that without fail on any plane, if I wouldn't be puking, the whole world would be coming to an end.

Raising his brows, he frowned with a playing grin on his face. Then opening the door wider he threw the cordless on the bed, "It's Tomoyo. And I hope she heard that."

Shrieking, I made a grab for the phone and slammed the door with my pillow both at once. Unfortunately, he had escaped before my lethal weapon had made any contact. Damn. Next time, he'll be getting thwacked right in the nose.

"Tomoyo!" I laughed into the handset, falling back flat in my duvet.

"Hey girl! How you been?"

"Wonderful." For some reason, it was good to hear her voice again. All energetic and crackling with live sparks.

"Any hot guys at Hiroshima?"

"Other than my perverted neighbours I'm not quite sure." I grinned at the thought. "I didn't really do any sightseeing." What with Mom's strange remedies and all. God, just thinking about that gooey ginger made my stomach lurch.

Talking to her for more than half an hour, she let me in on the things I had missed in the week. Then at the end, with a pleading voice she asked me to come shopping.

"Err, not quite sure I can make it sorry. I'm sorta beat."

"Oh come on please! No one's coming with me. And there's this 20 sale at Pagani's. Mom's letting me have the car for today too! Please Sakura! I need to shop!"

She sounded quite melodramatic and I laughed at her furious attempts while scanning over my wardrobe at the same time. Not that I was in the desperate need for anything specific but everything I owned suddenly looked very casual and old. Mumbling a yes, I let her squeal and make the arrangements before turning the phone off, and dumping it under my bed.

My ceiling looked the same as I had left it and everything in my room look untouched. Pulling up the duvet to my chin, I let the silence lull me in softly.

I wanted a change. Somehow, that was the first thing that came into my mind the moment my mind wandered off to Syaoran. I wanted a definite change that would get me out of this dreary mood that I always seemed to be in. Back in Hiroshima, on my last night in a stranger's bed I had made my pre-Christmas resolutions. The ones I vowed to keep.

No more crying.

No more negative wondering.

And no more thinking about Syaoran.

Okay, so maybe the first two are unreasonable, but the third one is a screw to my heart. No more _crying_ over him. No more _thinking_ about him. No more Syaoran Li for me.

I knew it would take a while for that, but it was about time I stopped leading myself on over stupid fantasies that didn't exist. It was possibly impossible, but I knew I could do better.

Now I knew the real deal. I never just _liked _Syaoran, I lusted him. Yeah, I figured lots of people get confused between the two, but this time for sure, I knew it.

Never in my life have I ever kissed anyone who did drugs. Hell, I've never even _met_ anyone who did drugs until he came along. Maybe it was just stupid hormones that urged me on to try out something new. Something fresh and bad like Syaoran. He brought out the true meaning in the word thrill. But that's it. It's over now. And I want to get it over with and forget about whatever that had happened between me and him. Just like he probably has.

I don't want to think about him every time I sit in History. I don't want to feel that wrench whenever I pass the Resource room. And most importantly, I don't want to start crying every time I see the scar above Touya's jaw. These are all something I have to absolutely put behind me. Something I have to forget, because I've had enough of this nonsense.

Like the Father had said this morning, it was up to me to make myself powerful against the sins I had brought upon myself. Syaoran was nothing important to me before myself. He was an asshole and probably like many, this was his way of getting through girls. Maybe he hasn't realized his sins, but I know what I have to do now.

I have to forget him because I deserve someone better. I deserve someone who cares about me, who won't leave my name wandering at the back of his head. Who won't ever do the things Syaoran has done to me. He's not the only bad fish in the sea, I know that now. But maybe if I try harder, I can get my hook to grab me a better fish.

Someone who would know me inside and out.

**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

Can't say I didn't warn myself, but damn, like I gave a shit. Mother dearest called this morning. Fuck, like bloody three in the pissin' morning. She said she couldn't sleep, so she had decided to check up on her good ol' little boy and interrogate him about his bank account. I told her the same thing I always told her. Needed the money for school, the little emergencies here and there, and then of course, I took on the next rung on the ladder. Told her I was taking tuitions for the exams coming up in a few months.

Heh, just like a charm, she clucked goodnight and hung up on me. That neat little trick worked just about every time. I was gonna ask her about that stuff on Father's will, but screw it. Who needs his shit, when I've got my own?

But then at about five, I was up again. I ran to the bathroom, kicked up the toilet plate, and hurled out everything in my fucked up stomach. Hell man, there's always blood. Catching my breath, I sat myself down just incase for anymore bowl actions, my eyes catching onto the bloody drops that trailed down into the shaft. This thing had really started to skewer up my sleeping timetable. No matter what, I just couldn't get the hell back to sleep after a puke of that sort.

So I'm sitting in the bloody bathroom with my eyes trying to catch up on a few winks when Meiling comes in.

Fuck man. She sometimes gets the wackiest expressions on her face. Her eyebrows shoot up. Her eyes widen. Her nose flares. And she puckers up her lips like a fish. It's just too hard not to laugh.

But back to the situation, there I was in front of the toilet, with puke and blood in it and my cousin going all fish-style at the door.

"Syaoran!"

And that's all I kept hearing the entire night before I threw myself back in bed. It was a surprise how no one else woke up with that scream, but I had to hand it to her. With all that knocking and talking she did outside my door, I fell asleep almost immediately. Maybe if she didn't get a job after school, she could always apply as a babysitter or something. She'd put all the kids to sleep only with the bloody screaming.

Man, I knew it. Having a jabbering cousin stay around me had always been for a good cause.

But it was the next morning that the headache hit. I couldn't stay home 'cause of the shit the Principal had put me in, so I had to crawl my ass out of bed and jump into the shower before Yamazaki. It did me a little good, but driving was pretty much the same when I'm drunk. Meiling had to force me to pull over and switch seats, and it was nuts watching her speed and put her hands all over my baby car. I'd have to wash it again next weekend.

We reached school still in one piece with my head clearing out a little. She kept me tight by her side, saying stuff that we had to talk and all the usual bullshit, but I ditched her with Shiroi when her back was turned to me. Because honest to god, when Meiling ever got into that talking mood, it was like a bleeding revolution. She even gets to the point of chewing on me to get what she wants. Stupid bitch. The thing she never forgets to do is stay outta my business.

So instead I was stuck with Shiroi who above everything loved to talk about how far he's been with girls. He's never far off from boasting, but I listened about his new conquest anyway. He had apparently gotten it on with some lady he'd found at some random club. She had been the usual A-type with long legs, big rack and the firm butt, but after finding out that she was twice his age, he had switched onto the next best A-type.

"Honestly man, I thinking you're loosing it."

Shiroi didn't avoid giving me his cranky smirk, "Yeah? And what about that drama you pulled out when you found out Minas had fucked you up?"

I gave him a withering look that made his grin wider, "You're not of that age yet son."

"Fuck, you ain't got the balls to admit you were ashamed."

Grabbing onto the back of his shirt, I gave him a friendly shove, "And when did this ever get to my shaming shit from your flaming peaks?"

He gave a nonchalant shrug, "Man, I'm telling you. This just goes to show that sometimes older girls are better to be taken on the leash. They've got experience _and_ don't hassle us too much. Y'know, it's like they don't expect anything from it at all. They give and we get."

"Now I think you're desperate."

"Desperate my ass. Just 'cause you got the Queen of the bitches to screw you anytime you want, it don't mean I want one breathing fire down my collar. Tell me man, have you ever seen her smile?"

Taking our usual route down the hallway, it was kinda funny to see these people give us way to walk by like usual. But hell, we both knew it was just 'cause touching us would give them rabies. I gave Shiroi a grin over my shoulders while he went on checking out some juniors, "Man, if you want Minas, you can just take her. You don't even have to ask. It's a free offer."

The guy shuddered at the thought, "Hell no man. You seen the size of her brother? He's like ten fuckin' elephants put together into a ball. I'll fucking never see a tomorrow if he ever sits on me."

Yeah. Who could ever forget that piece of meat? All I knew was that guy hated my guts so much that they stunk. It's like all he loved showing me were his fists. If I had a gun, I would gladly shoot him down his throat.

"Whoa! Look at that!" Shiroi gave me a sudden punch into my back, breaking me out of my little revenge plan, "When was the last time we had a skank parade?"

Rolling my eyes at him, I looked on to see what he was ogling so bad at. There was this group of girls walking across the quad. I recognized a few of them, but when I did a quick double take, I could also make out Sakura in that group. I dunno why, but for a second I almost hadn't seen her. For a second I hadn't seen that flounce of wavy hair. But when I looked harder, she looked like one of the usual wannabe whores with what she was wearing. I've never seen her in anything that gave any sort of cleavage, and now she was wearing this?

"Not even. You know I've seen better." And without waiting for him, I pushed through the typical morning crowd. My homeroom was all the way on the other side, but Shiroi could keep standing there for all I cared. I was through with checking out bitches.

But unfortunately for me, Shiroi was back beside me, "Dayum! Did you see those girls? Now they were nice. Why can't we ever get a taste of those chicks?"

"They're fuckin' nasty."

"Shit bro, you gotta be off girls to tell me that. Did you see that one with the white top? Wasn't she the same one you've been trying out on? Hell I'd be doing her all day if I were you."

He meant Sakura. For some goddamn reason, as much as I don't talk about which girl I got or not, this bastard would find out everything by the end of the day. It's like he bloody stalks me. "You mad? I don't go for whores like you man."

"Ass!" he chuckled at me, "You're with one yourself. But fuck man, I think she's hot. You know her name right?"

I didn't say anything for a second. _Do her?_ I'd gotten her to bed once, but I didn't remember screwing her. "Nah. But I reckon Meiling should know. She keeps her records."

Sighing, Shiroi hurried as I took up speed. I suddenly didn't wanna look at his face anymore, "Forget it then. Last time I asked her about someone, she went on this shit for hours! That girl's always got something up that ass."

Score. "Tell me 'bout it."

I didn't feel sorry for him. I wasn't even listening to him. For fuck's sake, the first bitch I had to see today had to be her. And then suddenly it clicked to me. She hadn't gone back to Tokyo or whatever. She was still here. She was still going to be around. This meant that I was going to be seeing more of her once again.

Damn, this was just bloody great. Now I would get to see that whore prancing around in her little skirt and flashing whatever guy she saw. If it wasn't for this damn school, I'd be asleep in my bed somewhere and not having Shiroi listing off how hot his Tourism teacher was.

I knew it was gonna be one of those days. Those dreary ass days, where I'd be falling asleep in classes. But there was more to this. What happened next, I sure as hell wasn't prepared for it.

Sakura was suddenly in front of me out of nowhere. She wasn't turned to me and her eyes were surely nowhere on me, but in that skirt I could tell her out from anywhere. There was some guy holding her arm and then out of nowhere they were making out like mad. Just two steps away from me. One hand in her hair. One hand on her chest. And his mouth all over hers.

Fuck.

_Fuck._

That whore.

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

It had to be done.

I know this goes against all my pre-unwritten values and rules on self-respect and virtue, but screw that for now. God I know you love me and you that I love you too, but you should know that what I did right now wasn't another sin. It was something I pulled out from courage. I mean, if I didn't have any bloody strength right at that moment, I might not have done what I had done.

I was wearing what I had brought from shopping with Tomoyo yesterday, feeling totally exposed. The moment I stepped out of her car, I could feel eyes on me. I mean who the hell wouldn't when you're in a flipping boob tube and a tiny skirt that barely covers your thighs. Looking at Tomoyo in her jeans skirt, I wondered if she ever felt like how I did. But I wasn't going to complain, since she had gotten her driver to pick me up on the way so we could get to school together and make an entrance. Not that I liked anything about this attention seeking thing, but I guess Tomoyo was doing her stuff on impressing Eriol.

So I'm walking, my nerves shaking in case my boob tube slides off and my boots feeling not too comfortable. Tomoyo's talking, not knowing that my ears weren't working as well at that particular moment. And then I see Van.

Oh God.

He was checking me out. I could tell. I could so tell. He was smiling in that weird way. In the same way many other guys around him were doing. It was definitely creepy, and now all I wanted was a blanket to cover me up. I was suddenly thinking back to why I'd let Tomoyo urge me into buying this damn thing. Peer pressure, I'm telling you. That's what it is.

"Lookin' hot." Those were Van's first words, the same moment Tomoyo flew into Eriol's arms. I think it's because he has never seen me in minis that ride up every time I take a step. Eriol looked sort of curious. Then he gave me that off-hand smile of his and a, "Lookin' good as always." I let Tomoyo babble on about how it took me ages to buy a couple of tops and skirts, and how I'm so colour co-coordinated and all that crap. Yeah, I'm like that, but so what?

I was in the middle of a mental debate with my inner Sakura for not bringing a jacket when I caught a familiar glimpse. He made my spine run cold and the back of my neck prickly.

With nerves racing, I looked away quickly and expectantly looked at Van, forcing my mind to listen to the words that was coming out of his mouth. But I couldn't stand it. My heart was swelling, and I could feel my stomach racing butterflies.

"Van. Can we please talk?" I suddenly blurted out. There was silence as eyes looked at me. Then grabbing the sleeve of the boy next to me, I dragged him away, "In private sorry."

I let so of his shirt, but I didn't stop walking. Right then, my head was so muddled I couldn't even see straight. I didn't know what to do.

"Sakura?" Van's voice cradled my anxiousness, "Is everything alright?"

We were almost there. Just a few more steps. "Um…no." As dumb as that sounded, that's exactly what I said, "There's something…um…you should know." I couldn't look at him. I knew I would back away if I did. But Van just kept beside nonetheless.

"What is it?"

I stopped in a crowded hallway, loud voices suddenly drowning my unstable thoughts, "Um…I…" I looked behind me to see a group of bimbos. Where was he?

"Yeah?"

"Um…you…" To my right, there were juniors arguing over some cards.

"Spill it."

The bimbos behind me moved away, and that's when I saw him. Whirling around, I looked Van straight in the eyes for the first time since I had dragged him away, and I noticed he was looking as confused as hell. It was now or never. "I like you."

Grabbing my wits and the front of Van's shirt, I did the most unexpected thing I would never even dream of doing. I kissed him. I don't know for how long but it felt like forever. When I backed away slowly and unprepared, he had this fazed expression on his face, and my heart shivered wildly. He hadn't responded.

I had to force myself from not turning back into the crowd. Suddenly, this looked like another big mistake made by Sakura Kinomoto and her under-graduate brain. I could feel my face heating at the attention I had gathered, and when I looked back at Van, he looked speechless. I stepped away in a rush of panic.

"Um…" I was lost for words. It wasn't like I had a back up plan for this, "Um…I'm sorry. I mean…I just thought…um…that if I…oh god…I'm s-sorry …I didn't mean to—," And in a heartbeat, before I knew what was going on, he had grabbed me by arms and had his lips crashing into mine. Breathless, he didn't waste any time in opening my mouth. For a second, I thought I was going to faint, but I forced myself to run my fingers through is hair. I was going to do this with a straight head. I was going to go do this. And good long seconds later he had broken away.

With my airway free, I gasped for an amount of air while controlling my spinning head at the same time. He was holding my neck in a small embrace, and he was smiling, "Honestly, I thought I'd never hear you say that."

Unable to do anything, I smiled weakly at him. I was still in shock. So in shock that I'd forgotten the reason behind this. Then when he drew in me into a tight hug, I heard the bell and the yells of a few girls.

"Hey! Watch where's you're walking!"

Looking over Van's shoulder, I looked at a particular boy barrel past shoulders and couples. In my eyes he stood out like the eyes of a storm. He had seen me. His storming pace disappeared into a thicker crowd and I smugly smiled into the distance.

Take that Syaoran Li. Let's see you eat your own dirt.

**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

Fuck that bitch.

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**_ςђιηςει_****_ қөқөѓө_**

_A lil angst chapter. Therefore all the swearing. I know not many of you are fond of that, but it had to be done. That's the first step to teen love squabbles. Btw, please excuse my bad grammar and spelling. I just thought I'd update it before delaying it anymore. Heehee. Also apologies for not updating since…let's see…April. Six months. Ow! gets smacked by rotten tomatoes Gotta run. _


	19. Miss Me Not

**Title: **Head Over Heels

**Author: **Shinsei Kokoro

**Chapter: **19: Miss Me Not

**Updated:** 17th December 2005

* * *

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

Sometimes playing games gets out of control. One second you're in the most nerve-wrecking situation of your life, and the next you're provided with an opportunity to forget about all the bad things that has happened to you. If only for a moment.

Ok, so who would ever pass up a chance like that?

I admit, I was depressed. Sort of vengeful. And in complete need of comfort. Something to get my mind of Syaoran. A slimy drug-addict of an ex-boyfriend.

And then there was Van.

Believe it or not, but by the end of the week that I'd psyched him out by kissing him, we were on our third date.

During our first date, which he'd asked me only seconds after I'd watched Syaoran stomp away after seeing us kiss, he had been slow with it. I was surprised to not have been grossed out when he had reached for my hands under the armrests between us in the cinema. But being with him was like a surprise after another surprise.

He wasn't the annoying, macho, butt-kissing boy I'd taken him for when we had first met. Sure he was a flirt, but maybe that was something that came with being rich. And he was sort of sweet too. He paid for nearly everything, and dear sweet Jesus thank you, he wasn't the touchy-feely sort of guy either.

So I liked him. I hadn't expected him to be a total different blue-print, but somehow I actually liked him. As a friend of course.

Thus the upcoming of my guilty conscience. Maybe no one knew it, but deep inside, it was killing me. I was actually playing him. Well, using him in this case. I flirted back, held his hand whenever possible, and spent lunch hours in the library together working on homework or even sneaking in some lunch.

He called me often, and even met up with Dad when he had come to pick me up for our last date to his soccer semi-finals. And I think Dad liked him too. As in he hadn't made a dash to phone the police and he hadn't set Kero on him. So I was guessing and hoping that was a good thing. Maybe I could finally show Dad that I was capable of meeting up with the good citizens who didn't drag race and break into houses to beat up their occupants.

It felt _normal_. _I_ felt normal.

I had a decent guy, decent friends (I don't suppose Eriol counts. I can never look him in the eye at any purpose) and a decent time at school.

There were people coming up to me and saying 'hi, how was that Algebra test', 'man I just wish my parents would let me get out this weekend' and even 'I think you and Van make such a great couple'. But of course this was all courtesy of Van. These people wouldn't ever even look twice at me if I wasn't his girlfriend, but who was I to complain?

Life was good.

Terribly good.

In fact, so terrible good, that every time Van came an inch closer to kissing me, I jerked away with a tiny laugh. Hoping to make it look like a total innocent mistake. Maybe it was going to take some time to ever do that again. I didn't want to be _completely _disloyal.

But the best thing of all, I had told my group that anything and everything between me and Ryoga (my secret wooer in Tokyo) was over. Like finally.

Van was ecstatic, Naoko and Rika just congratulated me, Eriol frowned, and Tomoyo squeezed my hand with a somewhat sly twinkle in her eyes. Of course, she was the only one who would ever know how hard it was to keep a non-existing boyfriend in tow. In more ways than one in fact.

"Sakura?" the voice rang through my head, bringing me to turn and place my attention onto the speaker.

Van was currently driving me back home from the bowling alley, and I had spaced out once again for the third time that day.

"You okay? Not pissed right?" he had that concerned look on, while his eyes were darting back and forth from me to the road.

I laughed, "Pissed at what?"

The concern was placed by a mock snigger, "That you lost all the rounds. I mean, even Naoko beat you, and you should know. She sucks at bowling."

Punching his arm lightly, I appeared to look embarrassed, "Oi, don't be mean. Every professional has to be a beginner at one point." Or so I thought.

"Professional?" Van chuckled, "Yeah sure, maybe at rolling your ball into other people's lanes, but not, I'm sorry to say, at winning."

"Hey!" I gave him another punch with a laugh.

This was exactly why I enjoyed spending time with him. He made me laugh. He wasn't a brain-dead jock, whose eyes only rested on skirts. He wasn't what I'd thought of him before at all. He actually had a good sense of humor.

When he stopped by my gate, he reached towards my arms, and pulled at my shirt sleeve to give me a peck on the cheek. At this point, it was impossible to not think of what had happened just a few weeks ago in this exact same spot. The night Syaoran had been driving me back home after the party at his place. He had grabbed my arm before I could have hopped out, and kissed me mad. That memory suddenly seemed such a long time ago. So…old.

"Sakura?" I shook my head, ridding myself of the warm touch, and concentrating upon Van's cool fingers on my elbow. He was a good guy.

"Yeah?" I didn't want to seem absentminded already.

"Are you sure you're alright?"

"Oh yes! I'm just a little…let's just say…my game plan didn't go really so well." I opened the door and got out before he could speak, then added in, "Next time, you guys won't be so lucky. I'll beat all of your sorry bums!"

He laughed, appearing almost a little relived, "We'll see. I don't think even professionals can surpass my honed skills."

"Dream on." I let him squeeze my hand through the window, before he stepped on the gas pedal and was off down the road.

I stood there on the curb until his car disappeared behind the nearest corner, then made my way into the house. It was somewhat silent when I hung my jacket in the closet, "Dad! I'm home!" I made it into the lounge, yelling my presence. Where was Kero? Why hadn't he come bounding, skidding and sniffing at my hands by now?

"We're in here!" Touya's voice came hurling from Dad's room. What on earth was Touya doing in Dad's room anyways? Hehe, wait till I told Dad when he came back…

I halted by the doorway, my evil thoughts disappearing, a little shocked by what I was seeing. I didn't move until Touya who was sitting on the bed beckoned to me. Dad looked up at me from the bundle of blankets that were strewn on the floor, "Not to worry sweetie. The Doctor said it wasn't anything serious. Just a tummy bug."

I stood there for a second before rushing in next to the blankets. Poor Kero was lying there in the midst, only his head poking out, his pink tongue half lolling out. He waddled a little as I scratched him behind his ears, and held him by his head, his fur feeling soft against my fingers, "Oh god. Was it something he ate?" I'd hardly ever seen the mutt so unenthusiastic.

"No, don't think so. It's apparently just a bug that the dogs have been getting. Something to do with the season or something." Touya was mumbling. Yes, leave it up to big brother to get useless information. Did dogs even get tummy bugs as the seasons changed? What a load of crap!

Dad then stood up, stretching his arms a little, "Well, whatever it is, he'll be as good as new by tomorrow. Let's just let him rest."

"Fine with me." Touya stood up to walk out the door, before pausing to look at me, "No more losers giving you trouble at school?"

I was a little taken back, but with a quick glance at Dad's expecting face, I shook my head, "No."

The little we spoke on Syaoran Li, the better.

The silent treatment was probably the worst punishment invented. Dad gave my head a quick pat, then followed after Touya, "I've got some work to finish, but I'll call you for dinner after a while okay?"

"Sure Dad." I didn't move from my spot. As the door closed behind me, I took a quick look around the room. The bed was neatly made. The desk in the corner was tidied up. And the only photos to be found were of me, Touya and our dog. None of the wives were displayed on his wall. Not Nadeshiko nor Mom. I was happy for him.

I looked down at Kero as he whined pitifully. With a big heave, I dragged him across on my lap, where his head laid on my thigh. Maybe I'd been ignoring him a little too much in the past few days. Maybe it was time to be a good dog owner once again.

I bent down to give him a quick kiss between his two flattened ears, "Tomorrow, I'll take you for a nice long walk at the park okay boy? That's a promise."

In response, he only growled before making himself comfortable and sliding into a deep slumber with dreams of chasing poodles and alley cats.

**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

Fainted in the weekend again. Again in the shower with blood around my mouth. That's how Yamazaki found me. He brought me to bed, and during midnight or about that time, I went for another puke. And that's how Meiling found me. A shitty start to another shitty weekend.

I don't think they've told anyone else, but when they look at me, it's as if they know all my fucking secrets. That's how they look at me now. Like I'm some walking rotting body to analyze. It's annoying as hell.

There are exams coming up next month. That's the topic most of the girls are on. Chiharu's freaking out for no reason and Meiling has been failing her English papers from the day she was born. Me? I'm a straight B boy. I think that's a good enough grade. Anymore higher than that, and I think the school might actually kick me out for cheating. After all, if they can pin me for being an arsonist for no bloody good reason, they're capable of every shit to get me out of this school.

Sanron High loves me to fucking bits. Yeah, honesty is the best policy.

I've decided to stay in for this weekend. I'm too bloody tired to even open my eyes. And I suppose my head might even be capable of splitting into two at that moment.

So me and the boys were watching TV. The next best thing after speeding on the highway.

"Man, piece of advice, don't even think about her." Yamazaki was preaching, but Shiroi on the other hand, had plans.

"But I've been trying to get to her for bloody ages. And now, she's going out with that asshole."

"Who?" Meiling was all ears, her eyes watching me from the corners.

"That Van guy. Hangs out with Eriol Hiiragizawa. A bunch of hardout shits."

"And when did this happen?"

I was itching to get away from there. But with my heavy head, I might as well run into a freaking truck.

"A week or so back." Shiroi mumbled.

I honestly hadn't known. I hadn't known he'd ever had the hots for Sakura. It sort of hit me suddenly the day I'd overheard him and some other guy talking about it.

"Sakura eh?" Yamazaki leaned back, admiring the way he had piled the beer cans on top of another, "Isn't that the one you were chasing after Syaoran?"

I had just been sitting there, huddled away, and suddenly everybody's looking at me. I managed to sit quiet for a few seconds, before looking up to glare at them, "What!" I barked. Like they expected me to give them an answer.

Shiroi gave me a little nudge, his freckled face grinning like an idiot, "I knew there was something up when she first talked to you. Minas not making your life fun enough, you bad boy?"

I stared at him, and then I noticed everyone was looking at him like he had grown two heads. I felt like pounding him. Honest to God, I felt like clocking him across the face right then and there, "You can have her. She's bitch anyway."

But screw this. I wasn't in the bloody mood to be back lashing, so I grabbed my keys from the TV stand and walked out. Running into a truck sounded so much better than gossiping with these morons.

There was a little bit of hustling that I was aware of, but I was down the stairs in a matter of seconds. No one had yet reported about the bleeding elevator, so I let my hands follow down the rails, my feet moving at their own right.

Then suddenly, I couldn't see straight. I doubled over a little, before pushing myself forward.

There was no where to go.

If I went back up there, they would hound me down, before they got an answer. And no way was I looking forward for that.

"Syaoran!"

And then suddenly, before I could even reach towards my car, Meiling had grabbed my arm, "Piss off!"

"Hey! Relax!"

Relax? Yeah, like I was capable of that.

"Syaoran!" Now she had clutched my shirt, and I dumbly stood there, letting her harass me, "You idiot! What is wrong with you! They were just playing!"

For a second, I had noticed, but as I found myself balanced, she grabbed me by my shoulders, "Are you okay?"

No I wasn't. I was tired. I was so damn tired. And angry. And hungry. And so sleepy. I just wanted to be in bed. I just wanted to sleep!

"Yeah." I murmured, my hands still pawing the handle of the car.

Before I knew it, she was checking my forehead, then sighing, then letting me go and opening my door. I stood there confused as I watched her get behind my wheel and slam the door shut.

"What the hell are you doing?" my voice croaked.

Then she motioned with her thumb to the passenger seat.

Groaning as loud as I could, I didn't hesitate. I just wanted to get out of there.

We were pulling out on the road and in seconds I could feel the wind running through my hair and cooling my neck.

"You didn't think I was gonna let you ride in that state did you?" Meiling was asking, and I just grunted in answer.

"What are you on?"

I glanced at her, but her eyes were on the road, "Nothing."

"Don't!" her voice was suddenly hard, but then she softened it, "Just tell me the truth. What is it?"

"I haven't taken nothing!" I almost yelled, then winced at how the sound nearly blew my eardrums.

She was quiet, and I took that as a peace treaty. But when Meiling was quiet, she was sort of dangerous. Something like a volcano. Waiting to erupt at the least possible time.

She was driving to nowhere, and I was just letting my eyes get their rest. That was the way I liked it.

"Me and Yamazaki think something's wrong with you." I nearly didn't hear her, but then she repeated herself.

"And I think you guys are getting too fucking paranoid." I said rolling my eyes.

"Health-wise Syaoran! I mean…I mean all that blood…it-it can't be n-normal…" She was quiet once again, and I watched her Adam's apple jerk up and down as she swallowed hard.

"Meiling…just drop it. I'm fine."

"No you're not!" she shrieked out of the blue, "You're not fine! It's all because of…of-of your drugs! I know it! People just don't bleed like that. It's _not_ normal!"

"Hey! I should know if I'm fine or not okay? And I'm fine!"

"Then where do you suppose the blood—,"

"It's just a little bit of it! Probably tore a bit of skin inside or something."

"That's not possible!"

"Oh yeah? And how would you know?"

"Syaoran. Please let's just go to a doctor or—,"

"No!" I growled, "No way! Nothing's wrong with me! Just fucking drop this!"

And she did. Thanks to me, she didn't utter a single word to me until I went to bed. What a perfect day.

But of course, I would have to be crowned the next King if all my days were to be perfect. Because the first thing I see the next day are the Golden couple of the sodding century walking across the quad, the exact same time me and Shiroi enter it.

He was snarling beside me, murmuring about how he was way better. But I just kept it all in. Who the hell cared? As long as I wasn't seeing double and a few good feet away from Meiling.

I went to homeroom, with everybody looking at me shocked. It had been a while since my name had been ticked on the register, and it had been like that for a few weeks. The teachers' were surprised that I even made it to their classes. But with the Principal's orders, I guess, he'd even expect me to hold my breath until I was out cold. If it wasn't legal, then I bet he would love to see me hanged. What with all the troubles I've caused him over the years, I've defiled his goddamn school. I bet that would get him to chill a bit and not worry about me setting fire to any other building.

Unfortunate for me, I did hesitate a bit when going into History. I wasn't covering from _her_ or any bullshit like that. So I walked in like I owned the world. I just didn't want her to think I gave a shit about whatever the hell she was up to.

I sat at my seat and discreetly scanned my eyes over the empty seat across the room.

Sakura wasn't there, but she _was_ there in the second row, chatting up some guy. Bitch.

Heh. Like I cared. She could be sitting in the fucking jaws of a shark for all it mattered. But instead of making me feel better, the entire class felt like I was being put of trial. It was so flipping long and hot that I felt restless when only ten minutes had passed by.

At first it was just my legs jumping up and down in boredom, but then it was nerves. I had to get out of there. It was suffocating.

So I did just that. I walked out. Screw the principal; I didn't wanna die over a stupid promise.

I didn't want to go backfield in case anyone stapled me about yesterday, so I rounded up at the toilets. I pinched myself hard when the fact that I had slipped into the girl's bathroom in the starting of the term got fixed into my head. And all for what? To ask a tramp to Meiling's party.

Swearing at myself, I pushed through the door, ignoring the voices that suddenly filled through my ears. They stopped the moment I stepped in, and I looked up to glance at them. I stood straight on my heels.

Well well, if it wasn't for Hiiragizawa and his non-existing retarded mate (whatever his name was.)

They didn't scowl, but I didn't wait for them to start.

"I thought fuckshits like you didn't wag."

Eriol didn't grin. I don't think I've ever seen him smile at anyone but girls in skirts. "And I thought assholes like you were incapable of thinking."

I went to the basins, before turning the tap on full force and letting the water glide through my fingers, "Guess you thought wrong. If I wasn't thinking, then I'd be brain dead." I picked up some of that water to wash my face, then ran it through my hair. I could see their faces in the mirror. They were definitely scowling now. But it was funny how it was only Eriol who talked.

"The only think you know is shit." Eriol drawled, and even he knew that if I had a gun on me right then, there would be one fine hole in his skull.

I didn't let it bother me, but the moment I turned around I could see his fists coming onto me, so I did the first thing my reflexes were born to do: I punched him in the jaw. But then that meant that the other guy had the chance to hold me down while Eriol nursed his jaw by cursing all the way through. I kicked and body slammed the other guy off me by the time Eriol came with his fists again.

"Two on one!" I roared, "I always knew you were a fucking wuss!" I spat at his face the moment he lunged at me.

"You're trash Li!" he stabbed his one fist into my back, while the other guy held me by my neck, "And you it know too well!"

Tossing the guy over my back, I grabbed his legs and pulled him down with me, my elbow slamming against his stomach, "That's right. I already knew that!"

I was panting now. But I hadn't even started.

"You should learn to mind your own business!" Hiiragizawa hissed as he missed another punch at me, but got my shoulder.

I sneered at him, wiping my mouth as I felt a metallic taste come up my throat, "And what have I done now? Snatched another one of your bitches? Which one is it this time?"

Eriol paused for a second, the other guy still latched onto me like he'd been stuck to me by some glue. Then he grinned, "Nothing. Just love taking you down after all the show off that you've done."

I didn't spare him another glance, "I don't show off when I'm kicking your ass Hiiragizawa. I do it because I want to break your bones for real!" This time I sent the mate hurling against the wall, but I wasn't given time with Eriol's face in front of mine again.

"Don't pretend like you don't know it. Everything's all blood and sweat the moment Kinomoto's near." this time he took a clean swipe at me. I didn't even know what hit me for a second. But I steadied myself. What the fuck was he going on about! And I asked him just that.

"You say it like it don't mean a thing, but you know it yourself." He grunted as I locked my arm against his throat and brought his face against a wall, "You love a fight when she's around."

Hissing in his ear, I grabbed the back of his shirt and blocked an unexpected punch from his friend, "You think I'm not loving this fight right now?" I was itching to snap his teeth. Itching to tear his skin even though my breath was coming out harder than I thought.

"Don't blame me 'cause your friends are too loud!" Eriol turned at that movement to sock a kick into my gut, and that metallic feeling in my throat surged back up. But my mind was anywhere but on that.

"What!"

"Ahh. So it was supposed to be a secret?" he was smirking like a fucking cat, then I jumped at him, "That's too bad. 'Cause it not a secret anymore!"

I don't know what happened right then, but I met him in a tight bunch. What the fuck was happening? My friends! How the hell had he found out! No one knew it!

That's when it hit me. Although the friend had grabbed by my stomach, my arms were still free to swipe a cuff at Eriol, "Tell me, was it the bitch that put you up for this?"

His eyes blinked a little, but if only he had been wearing his glasses today. I would have blinded him forever as a gift.

"Heh!" he sniggered as I failed to move from where his friend still held me down, "I don't need anyone to tell me to beat the shit out of you!"

"Yeah? Too bad then I guess I got more out of her then you ever could!" I don't know where that came out from, but I just blurted it. As in who cared anymore?

But that had him halted for a second longer. His eyes shifted again, doubt spreading over his face like a bullet. This was before he grinned still a little uncertain, "In your dreams! I think she'd rather die before looking at you!"

At that I knew I had gotten him. Even though I was wheezing so bad, I knew I had his head turning.

There was a sudden shot of air, and we both watched as the guy who had been holding me down had ran out.

I smirked at Eriol, "Wanna dog it too?"

But he didn't answer me, instead he made another grab for my shoulders and said, "You're jealous aren't you?"

"Oh what?" I shot out as my adrenaline came suddenly breathless. I let him ram me against the wall. I took in a gasp of air the moment his arms loosened.

"That you're never gonna have her!"

I was boiling, and before I knew it, I gave him a head bang, "I don't want any shit that's been though _you_!"

Eriol went and hit himself against the basins, his voice low but loud enough for me to hear, "Maybe a few weeks ago, I would have agreed." He looked up at me with a bloody chin, as my legs swayed a little. My mind was a rustle. "But lucky for you, she never has."

I charged to give him one last kick, but any energy that had been driving me, suddenly vanished.

_But lucky for you, she never has._

I froze at a mid-shot, but he didn't. He punched me nonetheless.

_She never has._

I was slammed against the wall this time, and my head went cold suddenly. What did that mean?

There was another punch, but I didn't block it. I just stared at him right in the face. Did that mean that Sakura had never…never been with Eriol? That she had never…

That was where everything ended. Because even before he drove another fist into me, the pain came crashing down on me, and after that, there was nothing but darkness.

This black inkiness and a whole load a pain that laid me out cold. This time for real.

_But lucky for you, she never has._

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

It was all over school. The fight I mean. Between Eriol and Syaoran, in the boy's toilets nonetheless. Everybody was talking about it. But I had given my brain strict orders not to even think about it.

Instead, I was to think about the Math's test that I had just failed, and the lecture I had gotten out of it from my teacher. I was to think about what to take to the slumber party the girls had on this weekend. I was to think about how finally I had lots more friends, and was finally actually giving a damn about my results. I was to think about how Van had unexpectedly whispered 'sweetums' into my ears today. And I was to think about how sweet that sounded. Sappy, but sweet.

In Computers, even the guy who usually sits beside me and snobs me was talking about it. About how the teachers had gotten called the moment Hiroshi, one of the guys that had been with Eriol, had gotten away. About how Syaoran had fallen out unconscious the moment Eriol had given him one last punch.

He gave the information to me in short intervals, and I just nodded, my head numbly processing it and all the while still trying to ignore it. _Unconscious?_

But whatever gave me the impression I could.

The second into lunch, Rika and Tomoyo and Naoko were blubbering about it. Tomoyo nearly in tears about how hurt Eriol was, and the entire gang swearing at Syaoran. It was almost pitiful. I couldn't wait to get out of there, but Van had grabbed my arm the moment I had attempted to get up.

"Nhh?" I managed to grunt looking at him, a big smile slapped across my face, but my jaws clenched. He didn't really expect me to stay here and hear all of this, did he?

"There's something you should know." He looked a little uneasy as he mumbled the words to me. No one was listening to us, but he was still darting his eyes around. Eriol wasn't here. Instead he was up on detention. Syaoran? I didn't even want to know where he was.

"What is it?" I asked.

That's when he dragged me away. He took me out of the cafeteria, but I don't think anyone even cared. We were nearby a few deserted lockers when he grabbed my arms and stood me still. What on earth was wrong with him?

And I asked him just that, "What's wrong Van?"

"Okay." he breathed, before rubbing his palms together and looking at me distractedly, "This is gonna sound weird and pretty mucky, but you should know this. Jut in case he tries anything—,"

"What? Who?"

"Listen!" he grabbed my arms again, and my skin tingled at his touch, "I mean, I'm not exactly sure but Eriol told me to tell you this. It's something he heard—,"

"Just tell me." I interrupted again, my voice loud with agitation. What was he getting at?

"Apparently Syaoran Li has the hots for you."

For a few mad seconds we stood there staring at each other. His words ringing hollow in my ears. Then my expression broke and he took me into his arms, "I know, I know. It may sound scary, but nothing's gonna happen to you! I promise. He won't be anywhere near you, okay? We'll tell the principal and they'll do something. Nothing's gonna happen to—,"

"Are you sure?" I spoke in through the folds of his jackets, once again stopping his train of speech. My head felt heavy. My chest felt heavy. And so did my back. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I honestly did.

"Umm no, but if Eriol said so, then yeah. I mean, it probably _has_ to be true. That guy's an ass anyway but mostly capable of anything!" Van was on a roll, but I tuned him out.

Eriol?

How the hell had _Eriol_ ever found this out? How had _anyone_ figured this out? It wasn't supposed to have. No one on was ever supposed to know this! Oh my god, what was happening! Maybe…maybe Syaoran had told him. Probably in a moment of frustration…or maybe…or maybe just to get back at me. To ruin me.

Van was continuously trying to comfort me, taking my silence as a sense of fright. But in the end I managed to tell him that I could take care of myself. That I could handle it.

"What?" he sounded a little surprised, "Are you kidding?"

"Van, just leave it. I can take care of it. It's not like he'll try anything on me now."

"Y-yeah but, what if—,"

I broke him off like I usually did, "I've handled losers before Van." Then with another forced smile, I grabbed his arm and walked us back into the cafeteria. But what he didn't have to know was that my heart was beating like crazy.

I knew why the asshole was doing this. I knew why Syaoran was doing this to me. He couldn't live with the fact that I was with Van. Maybe he was jealous like I had planned him to be. But if he was going to take down my reputation, then I was taking him down with me.

I wasn't going to let him ruin my life like this. What he had done to Touya was one thing, but now it was different.

The rest of the day went down as a blur, and all I ever thought about was ways to retaliate to any other stunt he was going to pull. I wasn't going to be caught off-guard again. I was gonna spit back at him. Even if it meant going face to face with him. He had brought out enough depression over me in a few months than in the past couple of years and I had had enough of playing duck.

P.E came in a scuttle, and I realized I had forgotten my trainers in the rush I had been to get to class on time, avoiding Tomoyo while at it. But I wasn't allowed to go and get it back. I would have to just do the track without my shoes. I suppose it wouldn't be that bad.

I ignored Meiling throughout the lesson. I was sure that I was going to be sick if I even got a look at her face. I might be forced to say something or blurt out the anger that was swirling in me. Instead, I burnt it all in running my legs off.

Since the fight was the hot topic of the day that was the only thing the entire class talked about in between races. So I did the best could. I did every run by my self. I didn't stop to chat with anyone lest they say anything about me. And I sure as hell didn't slow down when a few girls hurried up to me to ask how Eriol was doing as I hanged out with him. Like I was going to have any answers. I hadn't seen Eriol ever since end of lunch. He had come into the cafeteria looking exhausted after being hounded by the office. And when he had left, he had looked at me long and hard.

I could be careful by myself thank you very much. So he might have had a few flings at Syaoran Li. But I was the one who had actually been with him for a couple of weeks. I was the one who had first handedly witnessed how brutal he could be.

I didn't require lessons on being careful.

But unknown to me as today had always been, the bell went without my hearing it. I stopped on the track only when our teacher screamed out at me to stop. I was the furthest away from everyone.

But I took my time. I waddled across the field at my slowest pace, hoping that everybody would have packed up and left before I reached the benches. I needed some time to think. By my self of course. I needed some time to be alone and wonder why the hell this was happening to me.

The field was empty when I had reached the benches alright. But not completely empty.

Meiling was sitting there in the first row, a leg propped up and her hair still tied up in a messy pony.

I attempted ignoring, and I found myself doing a good job of it, until I saw a boy slither out from behind the hoard of benches. I gave him a double glance, then snapped my head to glare firmly at Meiling. What was this? Some sort of a plan to kidnap me? To take me to their lair where they performed torture?

"Hi." Meiling's voice was far from neutral, but it didn't sound as cold-blooded. I shot another quick glimpse at the boy who walked up to us and seated himself beside Meiling. He didn't look like he was about to pull out a gun or a knife and castrate my guts.

But what the hell was I to do? It wasn't like I was actually gonna take the bait and make sweet talk. Instead, I grabbed my duffel and proceeded to walk past them.

That was until Meiling stood up to block me, "We have to talk."

"No we don't." I spat at her in my ugliest voice. I know it wasn't her fault entirely, but if her cousin was capable of doing what he had done to me, then I wasn't going to wait around to see what she could do.

"Look." Her voice was firm as she walked towards me, my feet unconsciously taking their own pace backwards. It's not that I was scared, but I was going to be cautious. "Some of my mates were talking about Syaoran and you. That's how Hiiragizawa found out. It wasn't meant to happen."

"I don't want to know this." I glowered at her, then shifted my attention back to guy on the benched just in case he tried anything funny. I really didn't want to know anything

"You have to." Now her voice was hard, "Yamazaki, tell her!"

I glanced behind her, as she barked at that boy.

I didn't hear him well at first, but he repeated himself, "It was my girlfriend. Chiharu. Sorry, but she's got a big mouth. I think she's in one of your classes."

But I hadn't moved my gaze from Meiling. I stood still, even after I had heard that. What the hell were they expecting me to say!

"So." Meiling started with a sigh, "That's why it happened. The fight." Like I needed to be reminded, "Syaoran's woken up, but—,"

"I don't want to know!" I blurted out before I had a chance to think it over, "I don't want to know what has happened to him." I didn't care.

That's when her expression changed. That's when the boy Yamazaki came to walk towards us. But not before I took further steps back.

"Can you just hear me out?" Meiling wasn't entirely looking at me, but when she did, I noticed her crimson eyes were moist. So much for killing me.

My voice was ever so hesitant, and I felt my control slip away as the boy placed a hand on her shoulder, "Make it quick."

"Syaoran's sick." Yamazaki broke in.

I laughed a little hoarsely, a little too quickly, "That's nothing new to me."

Meiling was chastising again, "Listen! I don't know what's been up with you two, but he needs your help."

For the first time that day I broke into a smile. A real horrid smile, "You're right. You have _no_ idea of what has happened between us." I didn't know what I was saying right then, but I felt unstoppable, "Therefore you should just stay out of it!"

"He needs your help!" she was growling now.

So I screamed back, "What he needs, is a bloody psychiatrist! What he needs is to be in jail! Don't you tell me that he needs my bloody help!"

In between I heard the boy mutter something along the lines of, "Maybe we should just go." But Meiling didn't budge. She didn't even interrupt my ranting.

"You shouldn't even be near me! Do you remember the freaking rules! Or are you as stupid as this entire school is! He needs my help? Too bad, he can't have it! Not after what he has done to me!" Half of the time, I didn't even realize what I was saying, but the two outcasts just stood there as I barked and barked. I don't know how long it went on for, but by the time I stopped, I realized my eyes had tears pricking them. My voice was dead. And I was puffing for air.

But before I could go for a round two, Meiling was talking, "I know he's a bastard," Damn right, "But he's…he's been out of it." It's like her words didn't even make sense. "He's weak."

Weak, my ass! That black eye and cuts on Eriol's face could never be given by a weak guy. Never in a million years.

"It's the drugs." Yamazaki added in, not giving me time to butt in, "He's been an addict for long, but nothing's ever been wrong with him. But ever since whatever happened between you and him, he's been worse."

What?

"He hasn't been normal." Meiling was gripping onto the boy now, "And he has been very sick. He keeps fainting. He keeps vomiting. He's always half-awake."

What were they saying?

"There's always blood in his puke, and he won't go to a doctor."

Jesus.

"He's honestly loosing it." Meiling was holding onto my elbow now, but my mind had stopped thinking, "And you're the only one who can help him. He'll listen to you. I know he will! He's crazy for you."

I don't know how this happened, but in a matter of seconds there were tears rolling down my cheeks. He was sick? Fainting? Puking blood? H-how?

I knew I wasn't thinking straight. But this entire day had been so weird, that this last news was the end of my wits. I broke down in a mess.

He was sick. Oh my god, he was sick. And like always it was all my fault. I knew I wasn't supposed to care. Not after what he had done to Touya. But…but what if it was some sort of an overdose. What if…he were to die?

**§ђϊη§зϊ-Кσќσѓσ**

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**AN:** _Darn, I know most of you guys are pissed at me, and wanna just get them together already, but I can't do that yet. I'm honestly very very very sorry. But that would just ruin the ending I have planned. So please, have some hope in me, and see how I keep going. I have a few more chapters left, and I'm sort of on a roll at the moment! So I'm hoping to get this fic over with before school starts! Ta for now._

_P.S. Sorry for a very boring chapter._


	20. Here I Am

**Title: **Head Over Heels

**Author: **Shinsei Kokoro

**Chapter: **20: Here I Am

**Updated:** 26th December 2005

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**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

It was about after twelve I think. Not too sure with the lights blinking and the music castrating my ears. I was with some of the guys at a rave. Meiling the geek was at home going through something on Hamlet or whatever. Chiharu was with her too. After that blow up I'd had with her, she was too chicken shit to even look at my face. It was just in time that Yamazaki had been there to protect his girlfriend, or I would have honestly done something reckless. That's how pissed I was.

That blimmin' bitch was always the first one to open her mouth, and one of these days if she wasn't careful enough, I was gonna blow out whatever teeth she had.

After I had woken up with a doubled up headache, blood down my shirt and Shiroi's face hanging above mine at the sick bay, I'd nearly knocked myself out cold again by smashing into his head. As if that guy's head wasn't a bloody coconut already.

He took me home the exact minute the nurse came in saying the deputy wanted to speak to me. Thanks to him, I was out before any further interrogation that would have definitely given me another nose bleed.

The news was out that it was Hiiragizawa's game plan, but since I had participated as well, I was in on the detention slots too. Then came the other news from Shiroi. That this shit had all been because of some of our girls gossiping about me and my fucked up life. And who else could it be than the biggest fucking mouth in the country. Chiharu, the damn bitch that grew chicken feathers overnight.

The hassling went on as always, but the news wasn't around the school. About me and Sakura I mean. Maybe Hiiragizawa had managed to keep his mouth shut after all.

"Hey, give me a smoke?" the girl grinding against me twiddled with my hair. Without another word, she took the cig hanging between my teeth.

No, that wasn't Minas. Let's just say that Minas was out of town. Some family business. It would be the happiest thing if this business lasted around for ever.

Heh.

"So what school are you from?" her breath was hot by my neck, and she lurched into me as people pushed by.

"The school in hell." I heard my own voice slur, and I began rating myself on how drunk I was. 8? 9? 10?

She laughed. And it reminded me of her again. Sakura fucking Kinomoto. But she never smoked.

"Really? Sounds like a totally crap school." Her voice was steady unlike mine. That's right. Sakura never swore either.

"It's a fucking boot camp." She laughed again, taking a long drag from my smoke, and then in the flash lighting I noticed the necklace around her neck.

A crucifix. Not the blue one that Sakura always wore, but a crucifix nonetheless.

I gave in at that moment. Grabbing her towards me, I kissed her hard. Who cared? Whatever it took to get close to the girl who haunted my sodding life, I'd do it. Even if it mean, it had to be a girl who was inches taller than her, ten times uglier than her and capable of smoking. And she was wearing the shortest skirts mankind had ever seen. Sakura never wore them. She went for jeans usually…well, that was until days back that is.

"Syaoran!" That was Shiroi. Always the man to butt in whenever I'm doing something good.

In a fumbling maze of daze and in a matter of seconds, I found myself being dragged away from the girl I'd been snogging. Bastard, would he ever stop being jealous! I tore away form his grasp, "Fuck off man!"

"You git!" Yamazaki's face was in front of mine out of nowhere. Was this a big crowd or what? "Who'd you take it from!" he was yelling. Maybe yelling to be heard above the music, and or maybe to make sure I was hearing.

"Get your own bitch!" I flung off him too, but he didn't seem to be as soft as Shiroi. He grabbed me by my sleeve, and huddled me forward. And before I knew we were on the street, the noise still blearing and the darkness suddenly becoming night in my eyes. One particular streetlight seemed to have invited annoying insects home.

"Who'd you take the shot from?" Yamazaki was shaking. No, he was shaking me.

"Quit being jealous bro. You know, you're my man." I grinned at him through my heavy eyes, patting his shoulder as he held me up.

"Fuck! Syaoran, the shot! Who'd you take it from!" He was screaming now. And I realized how much he sounded like Meiling at that moment. Maybe some things start rubbing off on your mates when you hang around them for too long. That's what I'd heard from my sisters a while ago. At this rate, I wouldn't be surprised if Yamazaki ever started shrieking about never putting the toilet seat down.

"Syaoran?" the voice seemed muffled, and my ears shut down right at that moment. This buzzing came to life.

The screaming turnip didn't get an answer. My chest hardened, and it felt like Yamazaki had ripped a knife through it. My head in pieces and my eyes suddenly seeing nothing but haziness. Wheezing, I grabbed the nearest thing to me, holding for whatever life as the air ran out of me. I gasped, but it felt like there was nothing to breath. Nothing to clench. Nothing to stop the slashes in my chest. Instead, I fell deeper into his hold. My skin suddenly feeling too hot. The back of my neck burning, and fire licking my face.

It was too hot.

There was no air.

And then there was darkness again. My pain reeking of it.

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

There have been so many things I wish I would rather forget. I wish I never had a mother (or my mother in particular). I wish I had never come to Tomoeda. And I wish I had never met Syaoran. I wish I had never realized how much I cared for him, even no matter what he had done. Did that make me somewhat soft? Pathetic? Yes it did.

I wish I would stop thinking about him. Whether he was dead. Whether he was depressed. Whether he was going through something that I had caused him to do.

The guilt was unbelievable. Not only was I truly being a slut by being with Van, but now I had someone else's life on the thread because of me.

I hope he had never met me. I hope I had never been attracted to him. I hope…I hope for his sake that I'd just been another useless girl he had been trying to conquer.

It had been exactly three days since Meiling and Yamazaki had confronted me. Exactly three days since I had run away from them, crying. Three days of misery and crying all night again. Three days of wondering if he was snorting and taking any drugs right then. If he was lying somewhere helpless, sick and dying.

The guilt was unbearable. I went to Church all the three days after school. Lit candles on all the days. Praying for some advice on what to do. For reassurance. For me to stop thinking about him for just one second. For me to know what to do. It was the most agitated I had felt since a few weeks.

"Sakura?" the arm beside me shook my elbow, and I snapped my head to Van so fast that I nearly gave it a crick.

"Yeah?" I made a noncommittal sound somewhere inside my throat.

"What's wrong?" he was frowning again. But as a matter of fact, he had been frowning a lot in the past few days.

"Oh nothing…" I let him slide his fingers through mine, my chest suddenly heaving. It was warm against my clammy ones.

"Oh come off it." Now he was scowling, "It's not nothing. You've been like this since last week. What is it?"

So he had realized. My face burned, and I squirmed as he shifted from his side of the window, his thighs saddled up beside mine. This was wrong. This was sick.

"It's nothing." I smiled warily, "Really." But it was hard to ignore that he was cupping my face now, as if to speculate it.

"Hmm, really?"

"Really." I repeated myself, my breath hitching itself on my throat as he planted a soft kiss on me. The car seat (in which Eriol and Tomoyo had suddenly left us to grab a few cash from an ATM) burned underneath me.

What was I doing?

"You know, there's something I really like about you." I felt like gapping it, but I didn't dare pry his fingers off my face. I hadn't expected him to veer the conversation this way either. Was he going to blackmail me emotionally to get my annoyance out of me? Yikes, like no way was that going to ever work on me. I wasn't a freaking talking doll. Press the button and she answers.

"Oh yeah?" my voice was hoarse, and my eyes burned. This wasn't right. "What is it?" I blurted. This really wasn't right.

He didn't answer for a while, then brought an arm around me by my waist, "You're not like other girls."

My brain was freezing again, and I felt lost, "In what way?" I didn't want to cry near him. I didn't to let him know, that while he was doing this, I wished it were someone else. A particular freak in fact.

He paused, as if to think his words carefully, then said, "Well, you say what you want to say, and it's like you're playing it clean and honest. I like that."

But I didn't like that. Instead, it made me feel sicker. _Really_ fickle.

"Thanks." And before he could slide his fingers into my hair to kiss me more, I opened the door my fingers had been groping at, "But I think I need some air." And I slammed it behind him, tears not stopping this time. I rubbed them away the second they came falling, desperately wishing Van couldn't see them from the window behind me.

Why was I with him? Was I that desperate to forget Syaoran? To actually become what he had thought I was? Nothing but a tramp?

Was this who I really wanted to be?

**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

For a second, when I woke up, I hadn't recognized my own room. For a second, I hadn't realized it was Meiling pacing my room, Yamazaki and Shiroi sitting by my bed. They looked like these blurry blobs for seconds, but after blinking a couple of times, I could actually make out the scrunched up look on each of their faces.

And then the interrogation began.

My mouth felt trashy, and my throat raw and hoarse. My body felt like it was gonna fall apart into pieces, and to lay it on top, it took enough effort to just keep my eyes open.

"Fuck off." I managed to croak as I lapped onto some water that Meiling had brought. It was so funny that I nearly smiled. Meiling never brought me any thing.

"Whose syringe was it?" Yamazaki asked me once again, his voice heavy and tired. So maybe it hadn't been him that had torn my chest out. But now that I looked down at it, there was no torn skin on my shirt. Just the occasional puffing for air.

"I told you." I attempted turning over on my side, but that seemed impossible with my body weighing like fucking lead, "Don't know."

He looked like he was gonna tear his own hair out after tearing me apart. Yeah, I'd like to see a bald Yamazaki before I give my last wishes away. At least, that would be sort of entertaining.

It was the truth though. I didn't know who had lent me a syringe. I didn't even remember taking any crack. All I knew was that Yamazaki had been late with the deal, and I'd met up with a couple of street digs at the rave. I remembered following them out back, all these people with sleeves rolled up, and snorting sort of clumsy. Even I could have done better.

"Do you know how many diseases you can catch from a freaking shot? You never know where it's been!" Meiling shouted, and I half expected her to throttle me. What the hell had her undies in a bunch anyway? It wasn't like I'd stuck a needle into her or anything. It wasn't her who had passed out with her chest being torn apart by fire and ice together. It wasn't her who felt like she had officially lost control of her body. She wasn't restless like my ass was, with puke ending up meeting up at my throat every time I retched.

"Why the fuck did you do this?" Shiroi beside me was seething quietly. But they knew why. My deal from Yamazaki had been late, and last night I would have killed to be high. Killed to be feeling like I was flying. Like there was no shit to think about.

The next morning came in only a few hours. At nine, the school nurse came in to see me after a quick call from Yamazaki to the office. To check if I was truly sick, and not just faking it to wag. She left away right at the moment she finished checking my temperature. She said it was high, and asked me to call a doctor for further checkups. But I just faked away, saying that I already had an appointment set up for that afternoon. But of course, I would rather pass out again than end up with a doctor. And it's not like a little lie could ever hurt anyone. I was fine. In another day, I'd be back on the road.

Meiling stayed in with me, even though Shiroi insisted that he wanted to. I needed a break from that ass though. I would probably nail him up on my wall if he said another word of Sakura.

Except with Meiling around, that topic was bound to be expected. After I had rejected whatever she had made for lunch, she stayed by the chair beside me, never stopping to shut her yap. Hunger wasn't really my hobby, but I managed to eat a few slices of toast, with Meiling shoving it into my mouth of course.

"I know why you're doing this." That was the first thing she said aside than swearing at me constantly under her breath. I think this was because of the English class she was missing out on today.

"Yeah? Fill me in. I'd love to know." The covers had been kicked away from me, and I was down to being in my boxers. The heat had suddenly become too unbearable, but still…I couldn't help but wonder at the jacket and full sleeves Meiling was wearing. Maybe it was just me.

She only said one word though, and all mysteries were solved, "Sakura."

Brilliant. Where the hell she learnt how to annoy me, I didn't know. "If you're gonna talk about her again, then sod off before I do."

She just grunted, "You can't move a finger, so I don't suppose you can even walk."

"Don't havta rub it in." I managed to mutter from the side she help me turn onto. This morning when I had been drinking water, the glass had slipped out, and I had ended up wetting my bed.

"I'm not…but if you've been doing all of this nowadays just because of her then—,"

"Stop fucking talking about her!" It was too hard to yell, but I managed to succeed. Now if only she would shut up as well.

No luck as usual, "I will and I can! It's because of her that you're doing this."

"Get out Meiling." That was the only easy way to get through this.

"You like her."

"Get out." My voice crept into despair.

"And when you heard that she had other guys in her mind, you flipped."

"Fuck off!" I was too tired to yell, but I was loosing it. It was mad how she always seemed to hit the spot too well. I had almost managed to get the bitch out of my head.

"And now that she's with that Van—,"

"Leave me alone!"

"Is this just jealousy?"

"Yes!" I managed to scream right then, my answer too true. "I mean no!" But she wasn't finished.

"You're killing yourself because there's one girl you can't have? You're a bloody wuss."

That did it. I knocked out the glass that had been balancing by the edge on the bed, shattering it into pieces, "Can't you just mind your own fucking business? She's a goddamn whore, alright!"

"That's rich coming from someone who practically loves her to screw his own head!" her eyes hadn't flinched.

"I fucking don't!"

"You keep telling yourself that and you won't be getting rescued by Yamazaki again next time!"

"I didn't need to be rescued!"

"That's right!" Meiling had jumped onto her feet, "You didn't! You would have survived all by yourself! You do everything so well by yourself!"

"I do." I was gasping, and I rolled around with every effort I could muster. I just had to look at anywhere but at my stupid cousin.

"Oh get a fucking grip Syaoran! You're mad! Just because a girl didn't fancy you back!"

That was where I lost. There was nothing I could say to that but swear back more.

Maybe there hadn't been any Eriol Hiiragizawa, but what about that guy in Tokyo she had. That Van she was with. _But lucky for you, she never has._ Eriol's words had never left my mind. He had been right of course, and so had Meiling. Of course I was jealous. Of course. Who wouldn't be? Hearing that your girl was two-timing you with other guys. I was sharing her. And I _didn't_ do sharing.

And that day, when she'd snogged him right in my face. It's not like I didn't know she was provoking me, but to see her stand there, her hands on some guy, and her body squeezed against him. Damn right, I was jealous. So fucking jealous. She had been mine first. She'd fucking fooled me. Maybe not with Hiiragizawa, but there were other guys. Maybe lots more I didn't know of.

And that thought got me sick once again. The crunch rose up back to my throat, the acrid taste leaving itself in my mouth to race it into disgust.

"I'm gonna get you what you want." I nearly didn't hear Meiling, and she didn't say anything more.

She was out without another look at me, and I was left staring blankly at her back. She didn't close the door.

What I want? Heh, there was no one in hell or heaven who could ever give me what I wanted. Never.

Not even Meiling, no matter how hard she tried.

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

When I got home from school late on Thursday, the first thing I got was Touya coming into my room unannounced as always. He just flung the door open like as if it were some closet door. What happened to _manners_?

"You got a call an hour back."

I was yet to snuggle into my bed for a good, long sleep, but I still had to take Kero for his walk, "Who?" I muttered through shoving my feet into my sneakers and tying them with utmost vehemence.

"Some Meiling." Now why didn't that surprise me? "And she didn't leave a number. Said you knew how to get in touch or something like that. Weird girl."

"Tell me about it." I muttered just soft enough so Touya wouldn't catch my scowl and my string of curses. He left with me still glaring at the door, and it took Kero to start nudging me with his wet nose to stand up straight and brush his doggy hair off me.

But that was nothing. I had been ambushed in the toilets today. Yes. Ambushed. By a couple of guys as a matter of fact.

I didn't know what it was about these guys from the outcasts to sneak up on me in the girl's toilets, but it was not any less scary. It had been Yamazaki and another familiar guy. Dressed in combats and chucks, the Shiroi guy with all his earrings on. All I saw of him in a near end was a metallic glint. I wouldn't be surprised if there were more of those piercings on him.

Wounding up Kero's leash around my fist, I left my hairy mutt to chase after one particular butterfly, while I stayed thinking, my feet stumbling after unbalanced paws. The park seemed more or less empty. And there were probably a tonne of trashy cans and chips littered. Talk about a slumber party.

The first thing Yamazaki had uttered was, "You have to talk to him. As soon as possible." It had been during History where I had been in need to go desperately, but talking to a pair of gangly guys who looked like they had come straight out of some army tryst, had suddenly made me lost about the fact that I had once upon a time been in need for a leak. Not the best way to put it, but they hadn't left me with any other choice.

Then that Shiroi guy who had stayed quiet for a couple of seconds watching me closely had burst. He had started swearing and all I could do was stand still and nod with my legs crossed tight. All I could hear along those lines were, "It's all your fault."

Not like I needed to know that from every damn person I met. Wound me like I'm some fallen dog anyone could kick and prod.

What they wanted me to do was a little one on one with Syaoran. Conversation wise I mean. They wanted me to talk him into meeting with a doctor for a check-up. That was it.

But that was exactly why I had lost it. If Syaoran had been puking and bleeding, why hadn't he already seen a doctor? Who would be stupid enough to risk their life only to appear…macho? It was ridiculous! Why hadn't he gone for an appointment as soon as possible! If he knew something was wrong with him, why hadn't he made a move to help himself? What was stopping him?

Could it be me? I remember Yamazaki had said something about 'proving', but could that be it? Syaoran wanted to prove to me? But what? What was there to prove?

"Woof!" Kero's bark tore me out of my thoughts, and while I watched him wag his tail around and poke his pinkish tongue out at me, I noticed I had gotten myself a little tangled in his leash. So much for a good dog owner. I wasn't even good enough to be a role model for my pet. That really was sad.

"Stop laughing at me." Sighing, I followed as he continued to drag me. Could it be that my dog was much smarter than me? I watched Kero jump. Then he started sniffing at a nearby tree. With his hind leg lifted up, I rolled my eyes. No. I was smarter. At least I used a proper toilet.

It was already getting darker by the time I reached home. Even though it was only six, I separated from Kero to grab myself a sandwich for dinner. Dad had said he would be working a night shift for tonight, so with Touya and his university work, I figured it would be better to eat something small and healthy for once. A good, large sandwich with eggs and maybe some chicken. By my last bite, the phone had began ringing from somewhere in the house. I turned around to see the receiver naked of its cordless. Great. That meant, I wouldn't have to go on a wretched phone hunt.

But in seconds, Touya came stomping in, "It's that girl again! It's the bloody millionth time she has called! Here! And tell her never to call back!" and with thrusting the phone into my greasy hands, he stomped back out. Talk about emotionally disabled.

I sat there for a few seconds, making up my mind whether to hang up on her or not. But with a mental image of Syaoran in a fleeting ditch, I brought it to my ears and blurted, "Hello."

"Took you long enough." I could make out Meiling's snap as soon as I spoke.

"What do you want?" I decided to tread carefully.

"I want you to come here." Her voice turned small and soft in a snap, but I could hear the rough lining to it. It was almost as if she had been crying.

I panicked before I could catch myself, "W-what happened? Is he okay?"

"No. I think he's getting worse. His temperature's really high." With silence on my end, I could make out her voice clearly. She _had_ been crying.

"W-won't he still agree to see a doctor?"

"No! You have to get here and put some fucking sense into him!" I felt my blood rush to my brain coldly as she screamed, "Please Sakura. Please do this. Come here and talk to him."

My heart was racing a little to fast and I think I was hyperventilating. I didn't say no. I couldn't say no. I wasn't going to let that asshole suffer because of me.

"Alright. Come pick me up." And without another word, I hung up. I sat at the table silently, hearing my own heart beat, my own mind think, and my own eyes watch my fingers shake. I didn't realize I had been crying, but I hurried them off my face. Without another thought, I tore out of the kitchen and raced up the stairs, Kero bounding after me, his barks gleeful.

I reached Touya's door the second I passed it.

"_Now_ what is it?" he gave me an aggravated glance from the pile of books and maps he was surrounded by, and I shut the door behind me before Kero could follow me in. A dog could never communicate with books on whichever end.

"I need to go to Rika's house."

"What?" he was still glaring as if I had gone crazy. His nose was still in scribbling something in a big, fat notebook. What was he writing? A theory on how he could have been an orangutan in his past life?

"I said I need to go—,"

"I heard you, but _now_? It's nearly seven."

I bit my lip hard, trying to stop myself from showing him the nerves in my legs that were twisting with anxiousness. I had to get there! "Please Touya! Her Mum's coming to pick me up anytime now, and I think I might be back in just a few hours."

His eyes were narrowing with each word I spoke, "But aren't you going for a sleepover? I—,"

"No! I need to help her with her clothes!" I was just jumping out any rubbish in my mouth.

"_What_?" Now my big brother was frowning at me and I felt like clenching my fists and banging his head.

"I mean she has a date tomorrow, and she doesn't know what to wear!"

"And her mother's coming right now?" he sounded almost skeptical. "I thought it was that Meiling girl on the phone."

"Yes!" I groaned by slapping myself mentally. God! "But Rika just called after her! And she needs my help! I thought you might say yes, so I—,"

"Okay. Fine, just stop yelling will you? I already have a bloody headache with the phone ringing, and Kero barking. I don't need you to make it twice as wo—,"

"So I can go?"

"Yes. Go. Get out of here. I have a lot of—,"

I didn't need to be told twice. After mumbling a quick thanks, I grabbed the nearest sweater from my pile of dirty laundry on my bedroom floor, and dashed back downstairs, Kero hot on my trail. Getting back into my sneakers, I yanked open the curtains to spot any headlights outside the gate.

Meiling was there five minutes later. I had to practically push Kero back into the house by the time I had settled myself into the passenger seat and put on my seatbelt.

"Did your parents say anything?" Meiling asked, but I just shrugged.

"Just take me there."

And so without another word, I found myself racing through the streets in a car that was so familiar to me. My head had so many things thinking at once, that it was at a point of bursting. I was preparing myself to expect the worse. I was preparing what to say. How to act. When to leave. I was preparing myself to shut my ears tight if things would get out of control.

"Does he know I'm coming?" I almost whispered, and when she said no, I sunk deeper into the seat.

This meant that I had to expect probably a lot more. But I had to do this. I had to help him. I _had_ to! I didn't have a choice in this.

The route back seemed longer than I could ever remember it. And the apartment building looked even darker and mangier from outside. We didn't turn to the elevators, instead Meiling ran up the stair, my feet clattering after hers. I didn't stop for a second as she barged through a door, her hand suddenly grasping my arm as we passed by Yamazaki, Shiroi and a couple of dodgy looking guys. But it was when she opened a bedroom door, when I paused suddenly. I yanked my hand back and left Meiling to walk into that room, yelling the name of the boy that made my skin crawl. The hairs on the back of my neck rose and I felt trepidation dawning onto me.

"I got you what you wanted." Her thick voice was faint against my rumbling mind. It was spinning and my throat felt constricted with panic. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I shouldn't have come. Maybe this wasn't how it was—

"Sakura!" I heard my voice sharp on Meiling's tongue, and I all but forced myself to step in forward. This was my fault! I had to do this!

And that was when all hell broke loose.

**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

I felt like a fucking patient. After Meiling had walked out with a blatant lie, she had rushed back in running when I had forced myself off the bed to reach the bathroom to retch a little more. A second too late and my vomit had hit the tiles with Meiling still holding me up.

It had been disgusting. Embarrassing with Meiling watching and supporting me like I was some weak, helpless kid. I _hated_ feeling like this!

She yelled a little more, begging me to let her take me to a doctor, but I pushed by her grasp with fumbling hands.

"Fuck off." Except this time, my voice came sounding like I had just been strangled. Then after making sure I was in bed again, she had stormed off. It had been about 4 two hours back, and Meiling came in often, sometimes her head just popping in through the gap. Her face looked strained, but I had to strain myself to open my eyes a little wider to re-check that. The heat seemed to have suddenly increased, and while I laid back down in my messy sheets, parts of my body went to sleep. But not my mind. Somehow, I just couldn't seem to doze off. Little random ass things just popped in.

Every little noise seemed to tick me off, and for a while I began wondering where the guys were and why no one other than Meiling had come in to annoy me. But they were probably at a bar or something by now, laughing at how I was sick in fucking bed. When Meiling started with her ranting again, I ignored her as she plodded out once again. When she didn't come back in the next half an hour, I started thanking whoever had kept her from screaming in my bruised ears till now.

But she came in after another five minutes, her face brought down to a half-frown and a half-frantic expression. "Syaoran." She was strangely calmed up, and I wondered if she had fallen and gotten some amnesia. "I got what you wanted." She stood there silent, as if expecting me to say something. Then she whirled back distractedly to the open door, "Sakura!"

That's when I got another nosebleed.

I didn't realize it at first. I just felt my breath stop at the sight of her. Then I lost it. I lost any control I'd ever had.

"What the _fuck_ is she doing here?" I was yelling and pushing Meiling away when she came to me with a towel. I managed to pull myself up, one leg hanging off limply at one side, "Fuck! _Get out_!" I don't know how long this went on for, but each time I attempted to get up, Meiling shoved me back down to the pillow, thrusting the damn towel into my nose.

"This is what you wanted!"

"Oh for fuck's sake, who the hell told you that?" I had long stopped even glaring at the girl who stood still by the door.

"I don't need anyone to tell me that! I know of everything that you want!"

"And what you don't know is that you've got something really sharp up your ass! You're fucking with me again, and I don't fucking like it!"

"Quit your shitty swearing you asshole!"

"I can bloody swear at whoever I _fucking_ want! Get her the hell out!"

"No I won't!" then she whirled around again to glare at Kinomoto, "And _you_ are gonna beat the crap out him until you sort him out!"

"Meiling!" my voice was hoarse with yelling, and I could feel my throat tighten for air. _Sort me out?_ What the hell?

"Shut up! You're gonna work with this whether you like it or not!" And then she ran out, slamming the door behind her and making sure it bounced back.

There was silence for a second, and I heard the soft click of the door as I shut my eyes tight, still holding the towel to my nose.

"Get out."

I couldn't hear any shuffling so I repeated myself, louder this time, "Get out."

Silence greeting me again and again, so I threw my eyes open, "Bitch! Get the fuck out!" I didn't want her here. I didn't want here in my room. I didn't bloody want her anywhere near me! Why the hell did Meiling had to do this! Why now! When I'm so freaking unable to make out any fucking sense!

I was tired! I was so damn tired! I—

"I'm sorry." It took me a few seconds to figure out that it hadn't been me. The voice had been soft and so silent that I nearly hadn't heard her. I wish I hadn't.

"Fuck off."

"I didn't mean to. I-I didn't realize—,"

"What the _hell_ are you yappin' about!" I snapped before _I_ realized that she was sobbing. She was flipping _crying_. Shit!

"I'm so sorry."

It had been weeks since I had talked to her. The last thing I'd heard from her was calling me a wanker. And now, she's saying _sorry_? Was I dreaming? Was this shit for real?

"Stop it!" Was this her way to score points?

"I'm really sorry!" I could see her now. She had come to me, by my bed, her arms holding herself.

I closed my eyes again, willing myself to ignore the damn tears, and bring my anger back up. Where the heck was it when I needed it the most? I couldn't feel it in me. All I wanted to do was bring her down on me. Touch her. But _no_. That was fucking crossing my line. She was a slut, and she was here because she needed something. That was all. She was here because Meiling had bloody dragged her to put up this sniveling act. That was it.

So I said the only thing I had been saying, "Get out."

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

I think I sort of lost it at that moment. I walked out before I could scrounge out another word, making sure to wipe out the tears with my sleeves. I couldn't believe I had just done that. _Apologized_ to the pig. Even cried in front of him. After…after all the things. I had actually had the nerve to apologize! And for what? Nothing! He hadn't even looked at me! That bloody conceited little creep. He didn't deserve this! Hell with this! He didn't deserve me, and he certainly didn't deserve Meiling who was going through so much just to help him. He didn't deserve _any_ help. His misery was because of his own treachery.

Maybe coming had been a bad idea all along. I mean…he had started it first. He had torn through my house first. Before knowing any facts for sure. If he was stupid in the head and ignorant enough to hear rumors that weren't true…its…it's wasn't my fault. If he had just asked me what was true and if I was playing him, then this wouldn't have happened. It was his fault more than mine. That I knew. He was the entire reason for this. Because never once had he asked me what was true. Never once had he let me explain.

I…I had just cried in front of him like a fool, even though I knew nothing would come of it. I mean, what had I expected? For him to suddenly jump back after seeing me cry and let me take him to a doctor? No. No. No! He was a heartless freak. If he didn't care of the well being of his own body and what others did trying to help him, then he was a useless junkie. He was a jerk who thought he probably could overcome anything. Overcome, my ass.

I saw Meiling in the lounge thingy the apartment had with a couple of chair and sofas. It looked like a dump. She had collapsed onto one of the couches and stood herself up instantly the second I came to her. The guys I had seen before were gone. And I stood there in the middle of what seemed like a wreckage.

"So?"

"So…nothing." I murmured, "It's hopeless."

Immediately heaving a sigh, she ran a hand through her hair and lunged back onto the sofa, "That's exactly it. You're supposed to make him _un_hate you."

"Look." I made sure my voice didn't waver, "This isn't easy for me. If I could, I would have strangled him there." And I also made sure she wouldn't catch sight of my balled fists.

"Really?" Meiling looked up at me through her curtain of hair, "Then you should know, that every night, I wish I could do the same." Her eyes were red, and I hoped mine weren't.

"There's a lot of stuff between us that—,"

"I don't care!" Meiling interrupted me with a glare, "I've told you before. I really don't care what he has done or what you have done. I don't even want to know." Then her voice came lowly and softly, "But I don't want anything to happen to him. I know something's wrong with him. And the only person who can get through him is you."

"Me?" my voice was sour as I faked a laugh, "_You_ are his cousin, not me. _You_ are the one he knows better. Not me. And it's not me, he gives a damn about. Trust me, I should know that."

"He's _miserable_."

"I tried ok. That's the only reason I came here. Just to try."

Then Meiling's glare vanished, and replacing it came quick traces of sadness, "But he really likes you. You are the only he will li—,"

"Likes me?" this time my laugh wasn't fake and I think overrode my anger, "I don't think you're even a _little_ bit close to anything truthful. If he _liked_ me, he wouldn't have beaten up my brother over a bunch of rumors! If he liked me, then he should have trusted me! If he liked me, he shouldn't have been a total asshole by wrecking my family. Do you know the things he has made me go through? No you don't! Right now, I apologized! I don't even know for what. It's him who should be doing that. It's him who has sinned!" I was breaking down, but thankfully, I wasn't crying. My anger was burning, and it felt good to let it out. This had been the first time I had told anyone else about this. The first time. "I hate him honestly. You have no idea how much I hate him. But—,"

Her hands had extended towards me, and they landed on my shoulders, "He can't help it. He has always been a bastard."

"But he—,"

"He judges quick. He was hurt."

Then I wrenched away from her, "Hurt? What about _me_? What about the silent treatment I got from my family! I broke their trust over him! My brother had a black eye for weeks because of him! And you know what, I didn't even let them call the police. Because I knew he was angry. But does he know how angry I am? _He_ is the whore, not me. The first thing I see of him is making out with some girl, and you expect me to believe that he _likes_ me? He makes me sick! You tell him that!"

There was a bit of more silence, before Meiling grabbed my wrist and dragged me down with her to the couch, "Sit." But she stood right back up in front of me.

My insides were riling and I was shuddering with fury. I didn't know what more Meiling could possibly say. If she asked me if I felt guilty, then yes, I would agree with her. I could feel the guilt choking me. But I wasn't going to let her tell me how much hurt her cousin was before she knew my side of the story. Because she had to know what a sore loser Syaoran was before she could support his hide. He was ignorant and irresponsible.

"Believe me Sakura. More than anything, he has changed since this happened." She made sure her voice was a whisper, and my insides churned. If he has changed, then I have mutated. "But that's what he does…I think. I think that's what he has been trying to do. Ignore that you betrayed him."

"I _didn't_ betray him! Never once."

"And now that you and that Van—,"

"So he's jealous again? That's good, because I sort of expected that. What is he going to do this time? Beat _me_ up instead of my brother? Or maybe put my house on fire?"

I could see confusion contorting her face, then she blurted, "The fire at school? No! That wasn't Syao—,"

"It doesn't matter. The point was, he never once asked me if the rumors were right. Never once." I was clenching the cloth of the sofa in my fists, and for the first time Meiling looked empty of a comeback, "If he can make out with girls to _ignore_ the fact that I'd betrayed him, then I can go out with whoever the hell I want to, to ignore _my _hurt. That's strictly my business. Not his, not yours."

Meiling watched me nice and hard, and I confront her back. Then her face lowered, and she looked back at me pleading, "I'm sorry for you. Don't forgive him. But…please help him. Do anything you want. I really want him to see a doctor before anything happens to him and if Aunty finds—," that's when Meiling froze at her words, and I was left trying to predict them.

"What Aunty? Whose?"

Meiling didn't answer my question. Instead, her voice dropped even more, "Sit here. And…I'll talk to him again. I'll see what I can do…"

That was where she left me. And that was where she found me when she came rushing out just about a minute later. She dropped on the chair opposite me, eyes never looking at me.

"He heard us."

My heart slammed against my ribcage, my anxiousness a second away from squeezing my breath, "And what did he say."

She looked at me with a small smile on her face, "Something I had expected him to. That all you're telling me is a load of bullshit."

The slamming stopped. And so did the anxiousness. "B-bullshit?" I repeated her words slowly, each syllable a tear to my hopefulness. Meiling nodded, and I stood up on my heels, a spurt of rage suddenly making my head convulse, "Bullshit?"

If hell had broken loose before, this time I was gonna make sure he was going to the swallowed by the pits of hell, and never be allowed to return back. I'll show him bullshit!

* * *

**§ђϊη§зϊ-Кσќσѓσ**

_A longer chapter for you guys. It's probably my fastest update in a few months. Not much was able to be filled in this, sorry. But in the next chapter, I'm planning on focusing a lot more on the dialogues than details said and given by the person of the point of view. Hope you guys liked this chappy though. I kept each povs nice and short, just so a brief account of each part that Sakura and Syaoran share are given. Changing povs is sort of hard for me, because I sometimes give Sakura an extra boost of aggression when it's Syaoran who's feeling most of it. But enough of that. Nity nite for now. I'm feeling too sleepy to type another word._

_Bye! And a merry christmas! A day late, but that's okay right?_


	21. Just You and Me

**Title: **Head Over Heels

**Author: **Shinsei Kokoro

**Chapter: **21: Just You and Me

**Updated:** 12th January 2006

* * *

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

I don't think I had ever felt this angry before. Maybe once or twice, but as I barged back into Syaoran's room, I slammed the door shut behind me. I was gonna let him have it. Scream my lungs out, until I could get at least something through that damned, thick, chicken-nest head of his. It was time he heard the bitch bark.

"You," my voice shook as I took in his sitting up body, "are a fucking asshole!" That comment wasn't part of what I had in mind. I hardly swore.

But Syaoran didn't look up. Instead he was doubled over, his head hanging down, chin tight against his chest. My frustrations were unearthing. So quickly that it felt like I had just stepped into a cauldron of fire.

"You care about _nothing _and _no one_ but yourself!" I noticed his fingers shaking. Yeah? Now I knew he was listening for sure. "You're pathetic! You're honestly brainless! And even if you did by any chance have a few brain cells, I hope you spend that in _listening_ to me right now!" I drew in a sharp breath, but he hadn't moved.

"You see I don't care if you think everything I say is _bullshit_, but you're gonna keep your ears open and _listen_ to me." My voice had gone hoarse, and I belted back as I heard him groan. "Syaoran!" Not matter how shaky my voice felt, I kept it hard, "Are you listening?"

Then he made this strange noise. Sort of like a strangle at the back of his throat. An arm snaked out, and fingers clenched at the bed covers.

"Syaoran. Are you li—!" And that's when I saw it. Something that made my nerves freeze. Blood pooled on the sheets. Blood dripping down his chest. Blood smeared across his cheeks.

I ran to him, my feet going numb. So much blood. "Syaoran?" Lord, I had never seen so much blood in my life.

The fingers on his chest were trembling hard, and I could make out what he was doing. Firmly pounding his own chest. His breaths short and sharp. I could hear it. I could hear the sick thudding. The retching sounds he made.

"Syaoran!" I grabbed him by the back, pulling his head up. His eyes were half lidded, and the blood trailed down his nose, "Shit! Syaoran!"

Meiling had darted in abruptly, and for a second she stood staring aghast. Then her jaws clenched.

"Fuck!" she had suddenly grabbed his arms. "Come on Syaoran, get up!" She pulled him as he made another violent lurch, "Quick!"

"What's happening to him!" I felt desperate, and I watched as he choked on a breath, "Syaoran!" then cried back at Meiling, "We have to call a doctor!"

"No." the boy in my arms wheezed, his free hand suddenly grasping my shirt then pushing me away.

"Come on!" Meiling urged at me, "Help me! I think he's gonna be sick." I watched as a third lurch came, his mouth gasping for air. I watched as his eyes flew open wide, a painful cry croaking out of his throat.

I didn't wait to be asked twice.

As Meiling seized one arm securely, I took the other. Pulling him up on his feet, we stumbled along with him as he swayed. Then he heaved again. It wasn't too hard getting him into the bathroom, and then suddenly, he pushed us away. Skidding on his knees, he threw his head into the toilet, this time heaving completely. The vomit came after some more coughing and he panted uncontrollably.

Unable to do nothing but watch, I kneeled down behind him, holding his shivering back. He shook me once, but I held his shoulders tightly as he went for another throw.

The smell was acrid. It stung my nose, and I turned away, burying my face into the middle of his shoulders.

I watched as Meiling cleaned up the little drops of blood that had trailed after us, then I wiped at his sweaty body, "We need some wet towels."

Nodding, she was out as quickly as she had come.

I turned back to grab Syaoran's arm. He had stopped, but his head still hung down, mouth open, as if waiting for another stomach to fall out.

"Syaoran?" I touched the back of his head gingerly, digging my fingers into his hair, "Is that better?"

He groaned once again, breathing hard. Then he swung his head at me. His eyes looked at me through half closed lids. They were red and raw, and I gulped. I had never once seen him looking so miserable.

"Here." I pulled him back, just incase he would loose his balance and drown himself in the toilet. His head recoiled immediately from my touch, and I saw something flash in his eyes. But that was nothing compared to the blood stained on his face chest.

Meiling wasn't back with the towels yet, so I shrugged out of my own sweater. Balling it up into my hands, I dabbed it at his face.

He grunted by pulling back and I scowled at him, "Just wait, will you?" I stood up to hold him, and I reached in to clean out the red on his nose and cheek. He didn't protest. And I didn't warn him as I turned him around to wipe away his chest.

He winced before I could get away, fingers crawling back to hold his chest. God. What was wrong with him?

"Does it hurt there?" I asked as he fell on his knees again, knocking himself into me. His skin was wet and hot, and I could feel him trembling, "Syaoran?" I was close to sobbing. What the hell was happening to him? I felt his forehead, purposefully ignoring the way he was looking at me. There was a definite fever.

"Come on." I tugged at one of his arms, and laced it around my shoulders. But he pulled it back instantly, a frown slowly flaring into his features, "Come on!" I felt exasperated as he drew away completely, "You can bitch about me later! I promise." I pretended not show that I was sweating as well. This time, I pulled him against me before I could give him any warning. His body felt floppy and weak against mine, but I could tell from the way his face remained clenched, that he was trying his best to stay on his feet.

We walked to the door before he collapsed on me. I held him firmly by the waist as his arms shakily brought themselves around me for support. My legs felt close to buckling underneath me, but Meiling was just in time to help us. Syaoran grunted loud enough as we both clasped onto an arm each once again. I stripped the bed of the bloody sheets before we let him sit back down. And almost immediately, he fell back on his side.

While Meiling took the sheets to get new ones, I rushed around the room to open the jutted windows. If he had been feeling hot, the first thing he would need was some natural breeze.

When I turned back around, Syaoran had his eyes open. He didn't say a word. I couldn't figure out what expression he had on. He was still breathing fast, and as I neared him, I could almost hear his intake of breath.

Grabbing the wet towel lying in the bucket beside the bed, I squeezed any extra water out of it. I waited for a good long second then rolled him on his back, and wiped off his forehead. It was hard pretending not to notice his grim eyes on me. His hands came to my fingers, and before my heart could beat any faster, they grabbed the towel, "I can do it myself." His voice was gruff, and I let go of it the second his grip tightened.

When Meiling came back in this time, not only did she have a heap of sheets in her arms, but also two guys behind her. Yamazaki and Shiroi. She quickly threw a blanket on Syaoran to provide him some decency in front of his friends. They help him into a chair while the two girls made the bed. And all this time, I couldn't help but feel a little cornered. A little uncomfortable in the room.

After Meiling had finished helping Syaoran back on the bed, it was her who first spoke the words I wanted to speak, "Syaoran. Let's just call a doctor now. This has gone too far."

"No." he growled as she brought the covers to his waist, letting a new layer of sweat shine onto his exposed skin.

Shiroi sat where I had been itching to sit; by Syaoran, "She's right man. You look like shit."

"Yeah? Then why don't you fuck off?" his breath sounded laboured.

Yamazaki shifted in the chair, hurriedly running his fingers through his cropped hair, "Jeez, do you wanna die? Look at you! You're bleeding for no reason. Puking for no reason. We don't know what is wrong with you."

"Well, I do!" Syaoran bit out, letting a strange cough escape. He heaved in another large breath before replying, "You guys are on my fucking case. Get off now!" Another cough was followed, and soon enough, he was clutching his chest again, another strangled groan escaping his lips.

"Syaoran!"

I was the first one to move. I was the first one to grab hold of him and pull him back up in a sitting position, "Shut up now!" his soft whines set my neck on fire, "Can't you guys see? The more he gets riled up, the harder he finds it to breath!"

His bare shoulders felt hotter than ever, and I didn't fail to notice the mess of sweat at the back of his neck. "Syaoran?" I could hear Meiling's thin whisper. It sounded almost ghostly, "God. What is wrong with him?"

"He…" I rocked him slowly, "I think he has some chest pains. Has…has that ever happened before?"

"No." Shiroi spoke, "Don't think so."

I don't know how long I sat there for. Holding onto his bare waist. Patting his warm back, and swallowing hard every time I heard him take a long jagged breath. I blew onto his cheeks, as sweat trailed down from his forehead. Meiling patted it off with one of the wet towels, then held the cold cloth against his back. But I didn't let him go, because the hand gripped onto the front of my shirt hadn't budged.

I could nearly feel his pain. I could nearly feel his lack of breath. The giddiness. The hotness. And it made me heavy in the head. So heavy that I nearly couldn't see what was in front of me.

* * *

**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

I couldn't see. My eyes were hazy and my chest was being ripped apart into tiny goddamn pieces. It hurt. The pain was making me bite my own fucking tongue. I wanted to cry. Honestly, I did. I wanted to cry out the ache. But would I be able to breathe any faster then?

I held on tight, taking comfort of the cold on my back and the cool blow against my face.

I felt like if I stopped breathing only for a second, there would be no more air left. My throat hitched hard, but the air wasn't enough. I needed more. I fucking needed more air to breath.

It…it felt like I was strangling myself. And my head was spinning. So fast that I couldn't see. So fast that I could hardly keep my eyes open. My nerves felt jumbled and my muscles felt cramped underneath me. I wanted to jump. I wanted to run. I wanted to scream out loud. I wanted that dizziness to leave me the fuck alone! And my heart. My heart felt like it was being cut up into tiny ribbons. It bloody hurt. So bad. So fucking bad that I could do nothing but hold it tight in my hands.

And it hurt.

It hurt like shit.

* * *

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

The two guys had left. I hadn't moved. Nor had Meiling. And neither had Syaoran. For a moment, I thought he was asleep. He had stilled with his head on my shoulders, and I could feel wetness. I didn't care if it was drool or tears or even blood, I just kept blowing cool air into his neck.

"Syaoran?" I whispered his name, and Meiling looked up at me. Nodding at me, she grabbed his waist from the back and pulled him a little. His grasp on my shirt broke easily, and the second I caught sight of his face, I could see his open eyes searching mine. I was hoping he had fallen asleep.

As she held him tight, I took the cloth from Meiling and wiped his forehead. He seemed to be breathing normally. And his face looked almost…a little peaceful.

Sighing in relief, I got up as she set her cousin out to lie on his back. Sitting on the small space next to him, I felt his face. The fever was still strong. Maybe even higher. I moved my fingers to push back the hair falling on his face.

He stirred slightly, and his hand flicked away mine with closed eyes and furrowed brows, "Fuck off."

I didn't realize how he made those two words sound so easy, when just minutes ago he was gasping for air. I didn't realize anything but my heart wrenching. I could nearly hear it. My surprise. My head rolling off into a dark corner. Even Meiling had stopped in the clothes she was trying to clear away behind the bed.

I stared hard at him. It seemed easy to remember every detail on his face. But so hard to forget how much his words always affected me.

Despite myself, I stood up on wobbly legs. I turned away before my eyes could let themselves sting when he was still watching. And I ran out of before I allowed the stupid tears to fall.

Maybe I should just do everyone a favour and drop dead.

* * *

**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

My head cleared the second after my breath returned. For a few minutes I was just sitting there, letting the cold on my skin drive me to heaven. My stomach felt a little clearer, and I could blink my eyes good.

And then I felt her fingers holding my neck. Sakura Kinomoto's. I felt the fabric of her shirt in my hand. The softness of her body where I was leaning onto. Her lips brushing against my jaw. And her warmth just nauseating me. I felt so hot.

I couldn't believe what I was doing. I was letting her touch me. Hold me. Pat me. I was actually letting the bitch near me.

When Meiling pulled me, I opened my eyes wide. I wanted to see her face. I wanted to see what she was seeing.

But all I got was pity. In those bloody large eyes, all I saw was how sorry she felt for me. And soon the anger returned. It came back running into my blood. Just her face made all the blood in me run cold all over. I don't remember what I said, but her face collapsed. It flushed. And her eyes shook.

Watching her run out that door, it didn't satisfy me.

"Are fucking heartless?" Meiling's snarl crept up from behind, and I shut my eyes tight. Maybe I was.

All I got was a slamming door, then the door opening again. I peeked to see Yamazaki making himself comfortable on my chair and Meiling no where to be seen. "Sod off." My voice sounded hoarse and raw. Maybe my vocal cords were bleeding.

He gave me this blank look, and I turned my head away, "Why don't you just get some sleep. You're obviously in a shitty mood right now."

I didn't say anything. It was hard not to. It was hard to keep from asking if Sakura was gone or not.

I didn't want to see her. I didn't want to hear her voice. Knowing that she had seen me. At my worst moments. Helped me at my worst moments. And said all those things, also at my worst moments.

And just like that, an hour went by.

I didn't move an inch as I stared up to make out the little cracks in the ceiling. I had heard her just fine. I could still hear them beating in my eardrums. Her screams. '_If he liked me, then he should have trusted me!' _My head burned at the sound of her voice. What the heck is trust?

'_The first thing I see of him is making out with some girl, and you expect me to believe that he likes me? He makes me sick!'_

Believe?

'_I didn't betray him!'_

Didn't she?

'_He never once asked me if the rumors were right.'_

Were they?

'_So he's jealous again? That's good, because I sort of expected that.'_

Had she played me?

'_And it's not me he gives a damn about. Trust me, I should know that.'_

How?

'_If he liked me, he wouldn't have beaten up my brother over a bunch of rumors!'_

Rumors.

Just rumors.

Were they?

Were they just rumors? No. They couldn't be. They couldn't just be rumors. Rumors were lies. And what I had heard from several mouths weren't lies.

Maybe Eriol hadn't had her. Maybe she was going out with Van just to get me jealous. But what about that guy in Tokyo? What about him? He wasn't a lie. Was he?

Before I could think anymore about it, Meiling was back into my room. Her face was hard and her fists were clenched beside her. Just one look at Yamazaki and he was already heading for the door.

"Is your chest still hurting?" her words were low and I hardly heard them. Out of nowhere she threw a shirt on me.

"No." Then after another lapse of silence, I turned to see her sitting where Yamazaki had just been sitting, "Is she gone?"

I never got a reply. Maybe Meiling had gone to drive her home. But then she wouldn't be here in my room. Maybe…maybe Sakura had gone walking. The thought made the back of my head cold again. Could she be walking out there somewhere in the middle of the night? All by herself?

"Did you drive her back?"

She answered only after a while, "You know, if you gave so much of a shit about her, I don't know why you end up acting like a bloody bastard after all she has done."

I didn't say anything. This time, I didn't have anything to say. I drew up the covers right over my shoulders, knocking over my shirt onto the floor.

And at that same time, the door opened.

Maybe I wasn't seeing right. Maybe all that blood. All that puke. And being handled by two girls had made me start to hallucinate. Because there she stood. Sakura Kinomoto. Her eyes anywhere but on me. And holding a tray with a bowl and cup.

"You'll have to get up." Maybe she wasn't looking at me, but she sure as hell was talking to me. And one look at Meiling told me the truth. This was definitely no hallucination.

* * *

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

When I called home, it was about half past nine in the night. I spent a few minutes with Touya yelling at me about not calling him earlier, and the next few seconds explaining I was going to remain at 'Rika's' for a sleepover. He grumbled about it a few times, but when I hung up on him, I knew he wouldn't like it any better. I had told him that I would be getting to school with Rika and that he wouldn't have to worry about picking me up from school either.

I had made up my mind while making some chicken soup. I wasn't leaving this apartment. Not until Syaoran would agree to see a doctor.

When I turned back into his room, I was expecting the least. And things to blow up again. Meiling betrayed me by giving me a wink and sauntering out of the room. That hadn't been part of our plan. Our plan had been that I would give him the soup, then go back outside to watch some TV maybe while she continued to stay there.

I was frozen by the door for a couple of seconds, and when I looked back at the boy who had sat up on his bed, I nearly cried. I didn't want to be here.

"I'm not hungry." Those were his first words, and I took my first few steps towards him as he said that.

"Meiling told me you haven't had anything to eat for hours."

"I said I'm _not_ eating that." His eyes were still watching me, and for a moment I felt like dumping the soup onto his head. But I just kept the tray on the table.

Sighing, I pulled up whatever courage I had in me right then, "You know what? I don't care." I hoped my voice didn't sound as wobbly as it felt, "You're gonna drink this whether you like it or not." And with that I took the bowl and brought it to him. Reflexively he caught it in two hands and yelped the second his held it.

"Shit! Are you trying to burn me!"

Holding the bowl by its rim, this time I brought the entire tray to him, "Trying?" I scoffed lightly under my breath, before replying in my lightest voice, "It's supposed to be hot. This way, it'll be good for your stomach."

"Get lost."

Fury assembled in me at those words. Keeping my lips from trembling or rather the tray in my hands, I bit the inside of my lower lip, "Why don't you go see a doctor?"

"Fuck off." Came his drawled reply.

"Exactly." I rested the tray on his stomach before he could protest, "I am not _getting lost_ until you go to a doctor."

With that his lips curled into a wry smile and glared at me at the same time, "Then be prepared to spend the night."

Glaring back, I brought the spoon to his face, "I am."

But his eyes were already on the spoon, "I can eat by myself." His growl was low and hard. But it was surprising how a person could change their minds in just two seconds. And so for the next hour, I was left watching him eat like a sodding snail. I had gone back to sit on the chair and I rolled my eyes each time his trembling hand came to meet his lips with the spoon. What a coward.

When he was finished, it was about ten to twelve, and even then, there was still some soup left. Jeez.

* * *

**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

The soup was alright. Chicken wasn't really my thing, but it sort of warmed my throat and stomach. Just like the girl had said.

I didn't know what was happening to me. She was right there. Watching me eat…or drink or whatever. And I couldn't open up my mouth to ask her to leave me the hell alone. I couldn't say a single word. I admit, there were so many fucking questions I wanted to ask. About all the shit she had said. But what then? What would she say? Hell, what the fuck would _I_ say?

"I hate Eriol." Her voice surprised me, and I gulped the last of the soup. Hiiragizawa? Were we gonna talking about that pimp now? Maybe I should just—

"I can't stand Van." Her eyes were on her lap, her fingers gagging themselves. Right. Like all they snogged was for shit.

"And there's no boyfriend in Tokyo who's waiting for me." My ears perked up at that, and my head went flat-lined. _What?_

Her legs jumped up and down, and she crossed and uncrossed them, "Tomoyo was jealous of me. She didn't like the attention Eriol gave me. She didn't like the fact that he liked me…the new girl." I could hear nothing but her voice, and everything else was silent.

"We talked and I came up with it. You know, maybe if I had a boyfriend, Eriol would give up on me. But…" her breath hitched, and she let it out slowly, "…it didn't…exactly go according to plan." Then in a small and soft voice she added, "As you might already know."

_What?_

_A plan?_

_What the fuck?_

"Don't fucking lie to me you bitch." The words came out before I could stop them.

"Shut up!" she snapped, suddenly getting up on her feet, "And if you _ever_ had the decency to _ask_ me about it, then I would have told you! It's the bloody truth. And if you don't like it, you can go kiss your own sorry ass!"

"I heard it right." My tolerance was breaking, and the sweat was coming down hard. _No way._

"You heard it from two guys who heard it from Eriol! What else would you expect!"

"Hey! You played me!"

"No I didn't! Get your facts right before you accuse me you rat! Admit it, you were wrong! You're just some stupid psycho!"

"Don't expect me to believe you."

"I won't expect anything from you! You're blind, you're deaf and you have no guts!"

"Then why didn't you tell me!" my heart was beating, racing over the hills and down. _Fuck. I'm not hearing right._

"Tell you?" her grimace was laced in anger and her eyes flashed like thunder, "How could I tell you! You bloody tore my house down! You beat up my brother! You kicked my dog! And then I see _you_ cheating behind my goddamn back! _When_ did you expect me to tell you! How!" her scream reverberated around the room, and my muscles fell limp.

"You had made up your mind before you even gave me a chance to explain! There was no time! _You_ gave me no time! You're a self-presumptuous freak! That's what you are!"

_No._

"You're mad." Her last whisper hit me hard, "You're honestly mad."

The room was silent. The entire apartment felt silent. And so was everything inside my head. All silent. '_There's no boyfriend in Tokyo waiting for me…'_

"No…" I croaked.

"Yes!" she screamed, "_You_ played me! And this is all _your_ fault!"

All my fault. All my fault? No. Could it be?

No Eriol Hiiragizawa.

No Van.

And no Tokyo boyfriend.

Then it crawled into me. Shit, it slapped my face. "No one?"

She was panting, and as she walked to me I noticed for the first time that she had been crying, "No one." She squatted down by the bed, "…just you."

Fuck.

Had all of last month been for nothing? Had it all been…because of me?

"But it doesn't matter." I zoomed my eyes on her. _What?_ "At least I got to know what kind of a guy you are." I could hear the disgust in her voice, and before I knew it myself, I was swinging my legs off the bed.

"Yeah? Well then, what did you expect?" my head was spinning, and my hands felt clammy, "Did you expect me to go quiet? Did you expect me to come up to you and ask you?"

"Of course! What else? How else would you know? But you didn't _care_ to find it out the story from my side. You didn't even trust me!" Her face was near and so sour.

"Like hell I would! I had just heard that my girlfriend was cheating on me!"

Her expression was a tornado, and a finger suddenly stabbed my chest, "Then maybe you could have confronted me? Did you ever think of that?"

Shit. Her face was so near, and my back was burning, "I did that."

"That wasn't confrontation." she didn't stop crying, "That was _abuse_! You could have killed my brother!"

No. It wasn't. I was pissed. I was so angry. I had wanted her to suffer.

I slammed my eyes shut tight. _No. It's a lie. It _should _be a lie._ I hadn't gone through all that shit for nothing. I hadn't made myself crazy for nothing. I hadn't spent weeks seeing her everywhere I looked. So angry that I could smash someone. So angry that I could smash _her_. This girl, right in front of me.

No. She must be lying. She must be making it up. She must be saying this just so I could…I could what?

"And now…" she continued, her tone so soft that I had to open my eyes to hear her, "Because of that…you're like this."

_Like what?_

"Because of me…you're sick." Those words did something. I don't know what. They stopped the racing of my heart. The numbness in my head. The shake in my fingers. And the disgust in my throat. Something tore free, and I grabbed her shoulders, slamming them into me. This bitch had screwed with me.

Ignoring my resisting mind, I held her tight to me. So tight, that for that second I was ready to squeeze the life out of her.

A rumor.

How could it…how could this have just been a rumor?

How could I have—?

How?

'_No one…just you.'_ I felt her hand on my shoulder trying to push me away, but I brought an arm around her neck.

How could I have been so…fucked?

So screwed up?

I felt her shake underneath me. Her shoulders were trembling, and I heard her sobs.

And…fuck…something happened. It's…it's like…my heart broke or something.

Something tingly fell out of my eye, and I pulled her up, ready in pulling her waist towards me. She felt just like I could remember her. Man. I swear, she felt the same. She smelled the same.

I could feel her tears on my arm, I could feel her face pressed against my shoulder. I had never seen her cry. Not since that day…that day when I had ended things.

How had I screwed so fucking bad!

How…how had I been fooled…by myself?

Oh shit. Shit. Shit! _Shit!_

How!

How could I have been so…stupid? So unaware?

Then…then this really was _my_ fault. It was all my fucking fault. It was because of me…because of me. All fucking because of me!

I tore her away from me, her face inches from mine, "Tell me again." My lips were hot, and her breath was hotter, "Just tell me…that you're not lying."

Her watery eyes froze, then shook again. Blinking the tears out, she bit her smooth lips, "You still don't trust me?"

"Just fuckin' tell me!" I shook her shoulders, ready to plunge into her neck. Her face was flushed. Red. And there were tears down her face, and some mascara smeared.

"I'm not lying…" that was enough for me. That was enough for me to keep myself from crashing her into me once again.

"God…" I murmured into her hair, and I felt her arms around me. How could…how could that be…

I felt her soft skin against mine.

And then I felt my chest squeezing again.

I ignored it for a second, not ready to let her go. Not ready to start thinking. But the pain hit in before I could help it. I couldn't breath. I couldn't see. Just a hazy fog.

"Sa…ku…" I gasped, the back of her shirt suddenly in my fists, "…ra…"

"Syaoran?" her sweet voice broke us apart, eyes looking at me strangely before they went wide, "Syaoran!"

* * *

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

I was crying loud. Pathetic, I know. But there was good reason. There was a good reason why my insides were so light, and my mind screamed with happiness the second time he hugged me. So tight that I felt like I was a part of his skin.

To me, it all seemed to be happening too fast. It all seemed too sudden. Just hours ago, I had hated him…and he was loathed me. And now…we were holding each other. He was keeping me locked under his arm. It seemed strange to me. That just me telling a few things could change. Would this have happened if I were to tell him this last week? That there was no one in Tokyo that I was dating. Maybe even the week before? Would he have done what he was doing right now? Or was he going through a sudden phase of weakness? Was this because he wasn't thinking rationally?

But then it went all wrong. The first time when I noticed it was when he tensed. His hold went a little limp, and I nearly slid down back onto the carpet.

"Sakura…" his call came sounding laboured, and I pushed him apart.

"Syaoran?" his eyes were half closed, and his lips tight against each other, his jaw fixed tight. The second his arms were free, they flew to his chest where he clenched them, "Syaoran!"

His face scrunched up in twinge, and his grunt came out as strangled as ever, "Meiling!" I screamed out, and the girl was in the room just in seconds.

I was still crying when we had laid him back down. Still crying when Meiling had asked me to leave the room for sometime. Still crying when Yamazaki and Shiroi had found me in the lounge, with hands over my face, and these stupid tears falling down. God! I hated myself. I truly hated myself. I had seen his painful face. His painful groans. And the pain in his eyes as he had kept them forced open just to say my name over and over again. It was killing me. God, why couldn't he just see a flipping doctor! Just to put me out of my own misery!

"Sakura?" Meiling's voice broke my thoughts apart, and I could see her standing there in front of me, "You okay?"

I nodded slowly. Of course I wasn't okay. "How is he?"

She sighed, "The same. I think you were right about those chest pains. He gets it every time he's peeved about something. It's as if his heart won't beat any faster so it hurts. And that somehow slows his breathing…I think."

I looked her…clueless. Just as clueless as Yamazaki and Shiroi looked.

"But…" her face became a little less somber, "He keeps wanting to see you." When I didn't respond, the tugged my arm, "So go."

I watched her small smile for a second, then I leaped back from the couch, rubbing away at my eyes hastily and driving cool air into them. I could almost hear the guys behind me chuckle.

Brushing down my skirt and shirt, I took in a large breath, letting it out the second I opened the bedroom door.

The first thing I noticed of him was the shirt he was wearing. Then the way he was looking at me.

"How are you feeling?" I was the first one to break the silence as I sat on the chair. He took a while in answering.

"The same." His voice sounded as monotonous as Meiling's. But from my eyes, he looked a little better than before the half an hour I had been waiting outside for. He wasn't cringing, and his face seemed a little less pale.

The silence kept dragging itself on, but we never broke eye contact, "Still hate me?" my hoarse voice finally blurted and his eyes narrowed subtly.

"Do you?"

"I asked you first."

"So? I asked you second."

"I asked you first, so you answer me first."

"What? Is this some sort of a game?"

"No, but only if you want it to be."

"So, if I want it to be a game, then—,"

"For God's sake, just tell me!" I stood on my feet as his eyes shifted, "Fine. No." I couldn't stop myself from feeling the nervousness seep in again, "I don't know why and for what moronic reason…I-I can't hate you." His nod came slowly and I licked my dry lips, "Your turn."

"Do I have to answer?"

I nearly tore my hair out, "Yes, you do."

"As in a yes or a no answer."

I sighed at his antics, then shook my head, "You know what?" I sat back on the rickety chair, "Forget I even asked."

The silence continued…for ten more minutes.

"Who else knows?"

"What?" I looked at his form, confused, "Knows what?"

"About the guy…err…from Tokyo. Your…boyfriend or whatever."

Seeing his disgruntled expression, I didn't miss my chance at smiling at myself, "Just Tomoyo…and you."

Again he nodded. The comfort that we had shared before when he had hugged me, seemed to have vanished. And now…there uneasiness.

"Why didn't you tell me all these days?"

My smile faded, then I returned to look out the window, "I was angry. Pissed. Hated you enough to kill you."

The answer seemed to satisfy him, then he asked again, "Why the hell are you with that wuss?"

"Who? Van?" his silence was enough to confirm it, "I…I guess…I just wanted to make you jealous. So that…"

"So that what?" his gaze was intent and I hesitated. He _had_ heard me when I had blown up at Meiling. Why the heck couldn't they have thicker walls?

"So that I could pay you back." I didn't look at him once I said it, "I wanted to make you feel how I felt…when…when I saw you with that girl. I wanted to hurt you."

He spoke after a whole minute.

"Congratulations," I looked at him half irked and half puzzled, "It worked."

Somehow I didn't know what to do. Cry or laugh. Throw my arms around him or continue hating him. It was a hard decision. So I just stayed where I was, hoping I appeared to look blank.

"It worked quite good." I stole a glance at him, then at the tiniest twitch that appeared on the edge of his lips. I got back up on my feet.

Falling by his bedside, I felt his forehead again. I knew the fever would still be there, but it felt as though I just needed an excuse to touch him. I brushed his hair back and I squirmed lightly as his eyes picked me apart. Maybe he still didn't like me touching him…

"What is with you and that skirt?" I looked at his accusatory stare, then nervously pulled at my skirt. It was one of the minis Tomoyo had made me buy, but it was safe to say that it covered most of my thighs.

"Shut up. I happen to like it." I mumbled under my breath, suddenly feeling a bit exposed as his eyes continued to watch, "Do you mind?"

"Mind what?" his lips spread a little into a small trademark smirk. I could almost hear what he was thinking.

I scowled at him, "Not staring."

"Nah." His smile widened, and I rolled my eyes.

"Are you hurting anywhere?" I asked lightly, gathering up my courage and bringing my hand to hold his. In three short seconds they tightened around mine. I felt heat creep up my neck the same time he pulled me down. And I was left feeling dizzy.

"Is that a trick question?"

"Just answer me Syaoran." I glared at him.

His whisper was so soft; I almost didn't hear him, "Everywhere." His face was drawn together, and he looked so serious that in the next few moments I never expected him to pull me down further and kiss me.

I wanted to pull back. I wanted to slap him for even trying that. But resisting was impossible.

His lips felt soft on mine and almost hit me like a ton of bricks. A zillion stars bursts across my eyes as he pried my mouth open. I could remember this. The same moments. I could remember them from a few months ago. When we were in this same apartment. In a room across from here somewhere. I think I was dreaming.

His hands were around me, and before I knew it, my heart was racing a million miles. I could feel his hair in my fingers. His actions were so slow that I almost lost count of time. I remembered his lips kissing mine. I remembered his hot breath against my face. I remembered my skin going numb at his slightest touch.

I felt overwhelmed with this stark burn. And so before I knew it, he was kissing me hard. Our tongues clashing and a sense of pure ecstasy came pouring into my head. I don't think I had ever felt this tense before. I don't think I had ever felt something as wonderful as this.

It struck with every memory I had of kissing him. Every memory of holding him, letting his fingers weave through my hair, and his breath tickling my neck. So many memories.

And then I felt his exasperation. His fingers slid up to clasp tight around my face, and I could feel the violence in his touch surging. Parting only for a second, he kissed me again and again. So furiously that I felt nimble in his grasp. My arms felt like jelly. And I could think of nothing but of the boy kissing me. Could feel every thread of his emotions snaking into that kiss. Anger. Madness. Desperation. Hurt. They wound me up strangely, and in a moment of confession, I let him have me.

I still wanted him.

* * *

**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

She was just the same. The same as I could remember her. A little shy. A little awkward.

Her lips tasted the same, and her hair felt the same. So damn soft. Breaking away from her mouth, I pushed myself into her curls, letting the smell of her shampoo scream out her name. Her skin was just as smooth. Her face red as it went every time I used to kiss her.

I never realized I had missed her so fucking much. Everything about her. It made my back freeze with pleasure. It made my muscles clench and unclench at the same time. For a second, I lost my breath once again. But I had her. It didn't matter how much it hurt to breathe, because she was mine again.

"Is that better than what your boyfriend gives you?" I felt her tense as I said that. She swallowed in a sharp breath and I pushed some hair off her face to smirk at her.

She was redder than usual, her fingers playing with the hem of that tiny skirt she wore, "Why do you want to know that?"

"So that I know if I should improve or not." The words came out of my mouth so smoothly that I had to wonder what the heck I was even saying. But she saw right through me.

Her green eyes bored through mine, and I was left thinking on how many times I wanted to see those stunning eyes. Her crucifix had fallen against my chest, and I thought of all those girls I'd seen wear a crucifix.

Nah. This was the real one. The same damn eyes. The same blue crucifix. And the same girl that I wanted. This same girl that had been driving me crazy.

"You don't need to improve." Her voice was soft, and after hesitating she leaned down to quickly kiss me once, "Never." Twice, "Ever." Then thrice. "I like the way you kiss me just fine."

"Better than _any_ of your boyfriends?" I couldn't help asking, and I watched her smile. I watched her eyes sparkle, and she poked my nose lightly with a finger.

"Yup. Van, Eriol, the one in Tokyo and even the ones from my past life. Happy?"

"Happy." I let her laugh a little. I hadn't heard it for a while. I let her run her fingers over my face, and then she leaned down to kiss me again.

There was nothing but this silky warmth as her hair fanned out beside me.

"So…" she laid her head on the pillow next to mine, "…are we good?"

"Define good."

She smiled again and threw an arm around me, and I was left staring into her jewel eyes, "As in will you be cheating on me any time soon?"

"Only when your back's turned." I replied. Believe it or not…I was teasing. I never teased.

Pouting, she punched my arm, "So it's not going to work."

"Whatever." I shrugged lightly, then watched her blush when I bumped my nose against hers to kiss her. It was going to work all right. Imaginary boyfriend or not, I wasn't gonna let her get near anyone else. She was mine. All mine.

And I didn't think this could get any better.

* * *

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

Would I have ever thought of this? Would I have ever imagined that today, I was going to be back with the guy who had the habit of stomping on my heart and then making it flutter with just a look? That today would be the day when my wish was going to be coming true? That today, would be the day when all questions would be answered, and all misunderstandings would be cleared?

I mean, I hadn't exactly forgiven him. And I don't think he had either. He seemed slightly wary, and I found each time he touched me, a hazard to my own breathing. At first, I felt a little cautious at kissing him. As in, what if he were to loose his breath again? What if his chest would start to hurt again? Just because of my suffocating him.

I tried for some space. I really did. But it seemed impossible. It seemed impossible to go back to sit on the chair when he was right there in front of me. Not swearing at me. Not wanting to kill. Not hating me. It seemed so impossible to not like him. So damn impossible for not being near him, holding him, as if making sure that this was not truly a dream.

Maybe someone up there had finally blessed me. Maybe all those weeks of suffering had paid through. All the days and hours of thinking about Syaoran. Cursing him to hell and back. Envisioning the day he had fought with Touya. Envisioning all he had yelled at me. Envisioning the day I saw him kissing that girl. And envisioning his tightened back when he had seen me kiss Van.

I could never forget those days. Never.

But I couldn't ignore what was happing right then either. I couldn't forget his kisses. The way he would tightly hold my hair and put his face in it. For all I knew, I don't think I had washed my hair in three days. No, make that three and a half.

It was impossible to ignore what I was feeling. The happiness. The utmost happiness of almost feeling…good about myself. I don't know what it was, but I couldn't stop smiling. Maybe it had happened all too suddenly, but I didn't care. As long as it had happened.

Even when we decided to shut the lights. When I decided I would stay with him tonight. And even when I kneeled on the floor, and kept my head on the side of his bed, just where his fingers could play with my hair. I couldn't stop feeling like all was finally right. That with a few words to Dad and Touya, to the people at school, and to myself, that things would be okay. Between me and Syaoran. Between me and my life.

But what were the chances? The possibilities? I didn't want to think about what Dad and Touya would say. And no way on earth did I even want to imagine what Eriol, Van, Tomoyo and the rest of the school would have to say.

My eyes burned, and I lifted my head to glance at the boy on the bed. He didn't look like a peaceful angel. He didn't look a baby when he slept. Instead, he looked tired. So tired. His face was moist and his hair was wet with sweat. I could nearly make out the dark circles under his eyes, and it kept me thinking on how many sleepless night he had spent right here.

Biting the insides of my cheek, I reached out to his hand with my mind still in pause mode and laced my fingers around it. Bringing it to my face, I felt it firmly against my eyes, my silent tears dropping and running down through the gap between his fingers. I felt them move a little. With the surprises that came along with this night, I found this a surprise myself. I softly kissed each finger, then held it tight in both my hands, letting the hotness of his skin seep into my cold cheek and hopefully cool it. I was afraid to let him go.

I didn't know why, but I didn't stop crying for a long time. Silently. I hated being weak, but that was what he made me. He made me weak against myself. So weak that I was helpless not to cave in. In a rush of mindless thoughts, I rocked myself to sleep. At that point, I had figured something out.

It was never going to be possible to forget someone I cared about. Forget things that had happened. I couldn't forget that I had a mother who was married into a rocky family. Had a stepbrother who most probably hated my existence. It was because of her that I was here, living my mistakes. Understanding what it meant to have your mind break again and again. Appreciative of the things you've always had, and never realized. I couldn't forget that there was one person right here in front of me that needed me the most, no matter how much he denied it. No matter what I did and whom I dated and pretended to fall in love with, Syaoran was never going to leave my mind. This time I knew it for sure.

I knew what I had to do.

* * *

**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

On my clock, it said four in the morning.

She was asleep. I knew it because her breath was sort of rhythmic against my hand. I didn't move them. I didn't dare. And I knew as long as she held my hand, I would get some sleep. Man, even a little bit would do.

As long I would wake up seeing her sitting right there, holding my hand. And her eyes telling me that she knew me inside and out. Then I would make her pay for all the moronic emotional things she has made me go through. Bullshit I've never thought of. Things she has hammered through me.

And this time, I was gonna keep her with me no matter how much she wanted to get away.

It was a brilliant strategy.

* * *

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

When I woke up, it was because of the sudden emptiness in my hands. I think it was hardly about seven after a quick peer at the clock that hung on the wall opposite. I strained my ears to hear any noise in the household, but when there was nothing but silence, I knew that the entire apartment was still asleep. His hand had left mine to dangle by the edge. As for me, I had somehow ended up half sprawled on the floor, and I groaned as I rubbed at my aching waist. It wasn't always that I slept at odd angles on floors. And as I glanced at the quietness of the boy on the bed, I grinned. It certainly wasn't always that I woke up to see a hottie sleep like he were finally an angel.

I rolled my eyes. What a thought. The day Syaoran Li would be an angel, would be the day I would morph into a goat. Laughing quietly to myself, I picked myself up, rubbing the dirt away from my eyes and letting out my usual morning yawn. I stretched my arms as far as they could get, and let my eyes wander across the room. Maybe I could tidy it up a little as a surprise before he woke up.

Falling back down on my knees again, I reached out to push back the hair off Syaoran's face. He didn't stir.

Sighing thankfully, I traced the side of his cheek with a finger. Still he didn't open his eyes. Smirking to myself, I took this opportunity to heave myself up onto the edge of his bed and lean down to kiss his lips softly. Then his nose. His forehead. His chin. His cheeks. And lastly his lips again.

I shuddered a little as I bent back. His skin felt somewhat cold against mine. Holding a hand against his cheek, I frowned. They were sort of icy. Cupping his face with both my hands, I felt for a temperature. It was gone. At that point I noticed his sweat had disappeared too.

Cheering up, I kissed him again. The stupid fever had finally gone. Phew!

"Syaoran." I whispered into his ear, the ends of his hair tickling my lips. He was a little better. I just knew it. Maybe after a little bit more coaxing, he would finally even eat a little bit more. Maybe I could get some oden? And ramen maybe? And a little bit of stir-fry?

"Syaoran." I ran my fingers to tidy his bangs. I watched his silent immobile face, and shook him, my finger prodding at his stomach, preparing myself to tickle him the second his eyes would open.

But they didn't.

"Syaoran?" I shook him a little harder. He was such a heavy sleeper for an arrogant guy. Maybe all the sleep he had lost from yesterday were taking their toll on him right now. But I was much evil. No way was I letting him sleep. His fever was gone. So he should be able to move around a little. And I bet his muscles were all cramped up. This was somewhat what had happened to Touya when he had broken his leg in senior high. So I poked him some more.

No. He didn't budge. Grasping his shoulder, I shook them. "Oi! Get up." Was he playing some sort of a joke on me? "Syaoran, it's not funny. Get up. We need to get you walking and getting some air." Then I wrinkled my nose, "And maybe a shower would be good too."

I didn't get a response.

That's when I froze. My heart tightened a little, and my stomach did a few quick flip flops. My head tore itself from my mind, and I shook his body, "Syaoran?"

No.

"Syaoran?" I patted his cheeks. A sense of cold fear washed over me.

No.

"Get up!" I shook him harder. Closer, his face was pallid. But I didn't get a response.

_No_. My chest had tightened. And I stopped breathing to hear his laugh that would come in just seconds. I waited so long.

"Syaoran!" I slapped his face.

But he didn't move an inch. There was no laugh.

A wheeze came from me. And I felt like someone had shot me. My mind burned. I slapped his face harder. "Syaoran!" But my scream wasn't loud enough. Because he didn't wake up. "_Syaoran_!"

The tears came before a shiver ran through me, and my spine entangled, "No." No. I wasn't thinking. He was playing with me. Some game. Some really sick game, "Syaoran! Get up!"

My breath ran away. My heart stopped beating, and I was screaming before I knew it, "Syaoran!" my tears felt hot, and as I groped for his fingers, I noticed how they were frosty against mine.

No.

No, this wasn't happening.

"Syaoran!" I grabbed the front of his shirt to shake him further, almost lifting his waist off the bed "Get up!" my blood had rushed cold, and I didn't stop screaming his name.

"Syaoran!"

But he didn't move. His fingers were limp in mine, and I dropped them quickly. They hadn't moved. Oh Lord.

No!

"Get up, you asshole! Get up!"

He didn't get up. His eyes didn't move. He didn't grin. I double over him, my breath coming in rasps, my head shut off. "No." I barely heard myself.

No.

No.

I stumbled back. I fell but got back up. It was too quiet.

No. Lord. No.

I backed up until I could go no more. I felt the wall behind me. Everything was silent. Nothing was moving.

_No_.

I couldn't feel anything. I couldn't hear anything. And he didn't move. I felt like I was dead. I felt like I had been slaughtered. I felt like someone had drowned me. Killed me.

And then I screamed. I screamed till my lungs burst and my throat opened out. "SYAORAAAAN!"

* * *

**§ђϊη§зϊ-Кσќσѓσ**

_Uh…those who hate cliffhangers, please raise your hands up. Okie. Now no throwing tomatoes or flinging your knives at your screen. I am armed and ready for defence _o0

_And btw I lied. About that more dialogues thing. I don't think I've had to write a more emotional chapter. Sentence after sentence after sentence. Hardly any room for dialogues. My bad. And the repeating phrases were driving me crazy! Writing drama can get so stressful…_

_Anyways! Now enjoy screaming at me._

_P.S. Go easy please? I did make this chappy extra longer…I mean, more than 9000 words is quite long…looks at you with puppy dog eyes_


	22. Unbreakable

**Title: **Head Over Heels

**Author: **Shinsei Kokoro

**Chapter: **22: Unbreakable

**Updated:** 17th February 2006

* * *

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

Each day of your life, there is something you always learn.

Ever since I came to Tomoeda. Ever since I met new people here. Life is not just partying, studying, and trying to match your own parents up together. It's not trying to sneak a drink from your dad's liquor cabinet or attempting to wag school just to get a decent private snog with your boyfriend at the movies. It's not even sneaking into the boys toilets when the girls' ones are all full.

Your life is the moment you look up in the sky and see the sun rise and fall. Feel the rain drop on your face. The snow burn it.

You learn. You suffer. And you conquer. But sometimes, you fail. You fall right down on your face. And it hurts.

There has always been only one clear motive to our lives. To survive. I suppose it's the only thing that keeps us going sometimes. The will to make the most of what we have, and the will to encourage people in doing the same.

We forget the major situations in life occasionally. We forget that as humans we have to live up to a particular standard.

To face up with challenges.

To get back up when you fall.

Make the most of every situation.

And at times, to admit defeat.

Because at that point, you've just about had enough. So sick of everything. So mindless.

How many times can I feel so alone and suffocated?

And how many times should I feel this pain?

I don't deserve all of this. I don't deserve to be put through something as brutal as this. I'm human. And how much torture can a human take?

Our existence is like a never-ending rollercoaster. A ride in which you keep getting dizzy and keep puking. Something that just won't stop to free you. Something that holds onto you, clinging and stalking you.

It's a horrible thought.

But now I know better.

Just one wrong step. Just one wrong turn on that rollercoaster and that's it.

That's all it takes to suck your life away.

That's all it takes to know that in the end, there's nothing else that matters more than seeing, breathing, hearing and knowing that you're a part of the world. Knowing that you're part of someone's thought. Someone's beliefs. Someone's heart.

I wonder if Syaoran knew that.

I wonder if he knew that every time I think of how his cold fingers felt, I die for a second. But I'm alive the next. Reliving the same horror by seeing his peaceful face taunt me. His stiff body in my grasp every time I close my eyes.

I wonder if he knows how many times I've cried because of him. How many times I've craved to just hold him and apologize for my mistake.

How many times I have wished I could redo the past few months.

But most wishes can't be granted.

"Sakura?" I felt Meiling poke my arm, but I didn't look up. I didn't want to show her my face. "Do you want to call your family? To tell them that you're here or something?" My head shook without my consent, and I heard her sigh, "Do you wanna go for a walk?" I'm not sure how she even got the courage to speak in a situation like this. I'm not sure how she could bare looking at me at all.

Because all I could do, was remember the past few hours. Meiling and Yamazaki shaking his cold body. The ambulance coming. Nurses in the emergency asking for his parents or guardians. Doctors asking what Syaoran was on. What drug had he taken last. What had he done. What had he said. And how his eyes had never opened. And then, when the doctors hadn't come out that door for another half hour, I had lost the blood in my brains. I hadn't heard them speak to Meiling. I hadn't heard anything other than their first word.

"Sorry."

I don't know how just one word was enough to make my nerves bleed. That one little word. It made me stop breathing.

We were in a hospital waiting room and the lights were so dim that it still felt as thought it were night. But it was eight in the morning and we had been there for roughly two hours, my back numb from being in the same position for too long. But I couldn't feel anything. Is that possible? To not feel anything? To not be aware of your surroundings? To be stuck somewhere dark and cold, where the only way out is to look into the eyes of a boy whose life I've snatched away?

How could I go for a walk when I couldn't trust myself with what I'd do if I were truly awake? How could I move a single muscle when all I felt like doing was sticking my head inside a toilet and throwing up? Just to get the nausea out of my chest. Just to get my frozen insides to warm up again. But there was no bile that would rise.

My head shook again, and this time Meiling whimpered, "Please?"

One side glance at her, and I couldn't refuse her tear-stained face. "I'm sorry." Meiling looked so small in between these walls, that for a second she reminded me of Tomoyo. Sniveling and witless. Unable to bring out that rigid exterior.

"Come on." Her sniff altered into a rough grunt and she pulled me up by my arm, "I need a walk. I can't sit here."

I stood up funny. Stumbled for a few seconds, then when she grabbed my shoulder firmly, I gave her one clear look. Her eyes were as red as her cheeks. I broke apart before I could take another step. The flood gates around my eyes shattered into so many pieces that all I could see were her blurry eyes. It wasn't the first time.

Wishes are just motivators. Something stupid that keeps stupid people going. Wishes are incoherent thoughts. The deepest of your desires where you know they won't be granted. That's why they are wishes. People know they're imaginary. People know they are stupid. A waste of time. Complete rubbish.

"Stop." Her mutter managed to get to my ears, and I couldn't help but cry harder.

But would it hurt for just one wish to come true?

"I can't."

Just one.

Lord, just one. I promise never to make another one. I promise if you grant me this one wish, I'll never wish for anything else as long as I live. I swear god. Just one measly wish.

"He'll get up." Her voice sounded unsure, and she twisted her fingers in mine, "You just watch." Her whisper was rough, "He'll get up." And all I could do was hold her, hoping I would see an angel in her eyes.

Make it come true. Please!

Wake him up.

Wake him up for me.

Because he couldn't die.

He _can't_ die. If…if you make him die…I would never forgive you. I would never talk to you. I would hate you God. I would hate you forever, I would hate you with every fiber in me!

If he dies, I would never forgive myself. _Never_.

So he can't. He can't leave me here. Hanging by the image of his face. Hanging by his small smile. Hanging by the fact, that it's me to blame. That it's all my fault.

"Sakura." Meiling was wrenching me back and forward, tears in her own eyes, "He'll get up. He will." Her eyes were distant , "Or I'll kick his ass."

I nodded vehemently, a hand clutched to my crucifix, and the other wiping away the tears that wouldn't quit falling. God, if you're up there. Help him.

"He's here." Her eyes were glazed, and she talked as if she were comforting herself, "The doctors will take care of him. He'll…" her voice shuddered, "He'll be fine."

Will he?

Will he wake up?

Will he ever laugh?

Ever swear at me?

Ever hold my hair tight and breathe into it?

Will I ever see his endless eyes again? Filled with so much pain. So much arrogance. So much bitchiness. Will his lips ever touch mine and whisper sweet words in my ear?

"Sakura!" This time Meiling's grip tightened and I felt her need to pass out anger, "He's just asleep. _Not_ dead. Okay?" a tear escaped from her crimson eyes, and I felt pain overwhelming my numbed skin.

But he wasn't asleep.

Asleep people moved. But he never moved. In two hours, he hadn't moved an inch from his coma.

He hadn't opened his eyes.

And I think, as every second ticked by. As every thought of him swam across…I was loosing my sanity bit by bit.

* * *

**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

It was hard being a kid.

I dunno why, but it's suddenly all coming back to me. These memories. You know, those ones that you keep locked away from your main brain. All these times that I used to run to my room, or up to the roof just so no one would see me cry. I can remember each and every pitiful scene of my fucking childhood. That is, if I was ever even a sodding child.

My four sisters were older and even wackier. I was the only boy and way younger than them. Apparently, when I was born, there had been this sort of celebration. My sisters used to tell me how the family was so proud of me. But for what? For being a guy. For being able to carry out the true Li name. That was the real reason why I was born. No other special explanation. I was born to be cursed. To be used. And to be nothing but a puppet.

I was four when my father first slapped me for scattering my toys. Six when he belted me for disobeying. Nine when he would send me to my room, my face scarred with bruises and blisters on my back. When I used to run up the stairs, the maids used to be busy cleaning away the blood splatters behind me.

And even then, I kept coming back for more. I don't know for what fucking reason, but I loved him. Is that even possible? To admire someone who's the sickest of bastards?

He was everything I wanted to be. Stoic. Composed. Strong. Respected. A man who was flawless without shit to hold him back. He was rollin' in money, no one spat at his face and most importantly, he had control. So much bleeding control.

My life was planned day for day. Every thing I did was scheduled. Every one I met. Every where I went. My future was so planned to the point that I once heard my father discussing about who would be my 'potential' wife on day. I mean, I was freaking nine!

We were the Li clan. One of the most manipulative. Father had owned companies, piles of shares, so many responsibilities. And in years, they were to be mine. They were to be _my_ responsibilities.

As the only cursed son, I _had_ to be best. I had to the get the best grades. Have the best manners. The best personality. Even have the best control over my anger. I had to be the best blimmin' dog whose leash he never let go off. He was an asshole. On my tenth birthday, when he had last belted me, I had punched him back. I don't know how much strength a ten year old might have, but I had screwed with him.

And he never let me forget it even once.

I could never remember a day when he had praised me for getting the highest in class. Congratulated me for winning my kung fu matches. Or even fucking smiled at me for being the perfect host, with the perfect manners and perfect self-ironed clothes. There was never a time he had ever been whatever a father was supposed to be.

On my tenth birthday, when I had smashed him back, that was the day I had given up. Given up to look in his eyes and see my idol. Given up to even try being the man he wanted me to be. I had had enough of being used through and through, like some goddamn rag.

He wasn't an idol anymore. He was a load of shit. I started to see him for real. For the true nasty fuckshit he was. See the way he snapped at servants. Ignore my sisters. Look down upon my mother for even the slightest of mistakes. I hadn't quite understood the full meaning of having an 'affair' and when I did, I also found out that he had done it all when I was still an embryo. I didn't know what made my mother even stay with him. Damn, probably for the house…and even more for the money.

But I was the worse. I was never good enough, and at that point, I knew I would never be good enough. When my Dad made me fly to Japan with Wei my butler, it was supposed to provide me with independence. It was my punishment. To be abandoned. It was supposed to show me the true crap of life. Make me learn more about self and responsibilities. He had dumped me in some foreign land. But the second I stepped into Tomoeda, I knew it.

I was free.

I was free from him! Free from being trashed around. From being worked. From being laughed at behind my back. Free from my old past.

I had my own life in my fists again, and it was my doing. No one else's. It was my life. My own very life that only _I_ could control. And nobody else.

That's when it all happened. Loosing shares, being doubled by his own partner, and dropping company after company. My father had his own shit coming to bite him back in the ass. And then he got sick. Depression. Blood pressure. No self-control. Ha!

Instead of following my every move of what I did in Japan and who I made friends with, he had his hands too full. Mother called once in a while, and so did my sisters and uncles. But he was too bothered with his stuff to give about whatever I was up to.

I swear, I had never felt so fucking free before. Never felt so happy. And I loved each and every second of it.

I was ready to make my own new life. And it sure was wild.

But for some reason, every time I think of him, it's not the bad stuff that comes into my mind. It's the day, when I was five and he was showing me off to a couple of his colleagues. That's the day I remember. This is what he had said. And I can remember it so well. It's like someone has taken a stone and carved it into my head.

"One of these days, this boy is going to make me so proud."

Shit. That's what he got. He suicided, and now I know how weak he was. But I suppose being weak makes you do things like that. I remember mother telling me over the phone what he had told her last. "I've lost everything. Everything I've had. My work. My family. My life. I've lost it all." She had cried repeating those words to me. At that point I knew she had also been making an attempt to make me come back to her. But I couldn't.

That day when the police had caught me drunk outside the club, I knew I could never go back to that place. That mansion where everywhere I would look, I knew I would see my father. If I went into my room, I would see him with his belt in hand, his face cold and so straight.

That's how much I missed him. And hated him. And loved him. I mean, I guess it's alright, 'cause I've heard a parent can't really hate their child and nor can a child. Maybe my father didn't exactly hate me all those years I was with him, but I'd rather be without those memories.

I would rather have a few better memories of him. But all in all, there's just one. And I'm gonna keep it with me no matter where I go.

It's all I've got from a shitty childhood.

_One of these days, this boy is going to make me so proud. My own son. My own blood._

_

* * *

_

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

It was the fourth hour. I hadn't moved from my chair. I hadn't called home. And I hadn't stopped praying.

The doctors were whispering again. That's how it felt anyway.

I could hear nothing but their strained voices, each of them with worry lines. Meiling was nodding every now and then, tears falling freely, and then clenching her own head.

I was seeing a mental picture unfold before me. I was seeing a hard-headed girl I knew break down. I was feeling my own heart break again and again. I was feeling this coldness behind my neck. Almost strangling. Blocking my air supply.

Shaking my head, I tried to make out the words.

"…when he'll wake…"

"…hard to tell…overdose…"

"…assume…cocaine…nasty…addiction..."

"…symptoms…strong…"

"…life-support…five months…"

"…family…"

"…maybe he'll hear something…"

"…can do is wait…sorry…sorry….sorry…sorry…"

And that was all I heard. That was all I needed to make myself stop the screaming inside my head. I scrambled up from my chair as the doctors moved past Meiling. I picked myself up before I could fall. Pushing myself past chairs and a close wall, I turned the corner.

"Syaoran!" the scream belted out of me, and I heard my earsplitting footsteps. They turned and I waited, "Is he awake?" and waited.

"Sakura." I felt Meiling's hand on me, but my eyes were only on the doctors. She had said they would take care of him. She had said that they would make him fine. That he would open his eyes and start swearing again. Asking for a smoke. Asking for a beer. Asking to make some decent dinner for once. Meiling had promised me!

"I-Is Syaoran awake?" I didn't take my eyes off them. But I didn't miss the pity. I didn't miss their faces. Then without answering, each pushed through the door, "Tell me!"

I whirled around to grab Meiling, "Is he awake!" My head throbbed. My eyes leaked. And I squeezed her, "Meiling?" Her gaze was smoldering and it didn't stop from staring at me.

Her tears fell past her jaw, and I reached out for an answer in her scarlet eyes, "Please." I pleaded. Seeing the tears continue to fall turned my legs wobbly, "Tell me…" my whisper was so silent, "Tell me he's fine…" I almost couldn't hear myself.

"Not yet." I didn't hear her the first time. She was almost as quiet as me. "He's still in a coma. They've put him in the ICU and they're taking a few tests. And they still want to see through him...so it'll be a while before we get to see him."

I hit the floor the second I heard her words. My hands came to my face the moment the tears came falling harder. But they were silent.

As silent as the entire world felt to me.

As silent as Meiling's voice felt.

As silent as her yells felt.

As silent as Syaoran felt the first time I saw him this morning.

So quiet.

Like there was nothing alive.

Like there were no hearts beating.

No children playing in parks.

No music in clubs.

No traffic.

No one in the world.

Like…like I was the only one. Sitting. Searching. And so blinded by the darkness. The same darkness that was veiling over my Syaoran. The same darkness that he hovered in.

And I couldn't see him. Like he was lost…forever. Like he was dead.

* * *

**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

Believe it or not, my first date was when I was eleven.

Fuck. Now that I think about it, I was such a goddamn stud. My entire elementary school knew me. Heh. I was rich. Sporty. Had the looks. The brains. The charm. I could get every teacher onto my side. They loved me. Each and every one of them. The perfect student. The perfect boyfriend. Boy was I good.

And that's not it. They praised me. The teachers would recommend every student to be like me. Even non-single girls preferred me. Even older girls winked my way when I used to bike down my street. Hell, life was good.

Then when I was twelve, it changed a little.

I was two-timing some slut with this really cocky girl. I had forgotten to give a report in. And I had broken into a fight for some cheat the players thought I pulled in our soccer semi-finals. I mean, all I'd done was trip a guy up. But even then the coach used to kiss the ground I walked on.

Jeez. That's also when I got my first detention. And it wasn't that bad. Now that I think 'bout it, it was pretty alright. That was where I first met Yamazaki. Making paper cranes out of all things. Shiroi was next to him and he was throwing paper planes around. When one hit me, I was ready to tear it into pieces. But the second I caught his cheeky smirk, I grabbed the plane and smacked it right back at him. It hit him in the eye. That's why his eye twitches every time he laughs a little too hard.

That's how us three met. The three friggin' musketeers.

Yamazaki was sort of a dweeb back then. High rider. Pinstripe shirts. And short, extremely neat combed hair. He was a hardout nerd, always smiling with his eyes closed. Sort of freaky, but Shiroi on the other hand was different.

He was a wannabe from the start. Poor family but covering it up with his style. I remember when he used to have this fucked up habit of snorting like a pig. I used to mock him bad for that, but he outgrew it. I think it's 'cause I always managed to make him red around the girls.

Then came the drugs one day. And then came high school. We all changed during that summer.

Yamazaki became depressed with his family problems. Shiroi lost himself in his booze and joints. And I went from a stud to a junkie. That was also the year Meiling followed me here.

Sanron had been a fucking hellish school from the start. The rules were the lamest thing I had ever heard off, and during our first year, none of us really cared too much.

Then the seniors started playing their shit. Their bad-ass attitude. And their attacks.

It was pathetic at first.

I mean, it was like we were already grouped in these cliques before we had a chance to even make up our minds. What was it? Some sort of a Hitler concentration camp? As far as I knew, it was a goddamn prissy school.

On my second week there, I got a wicked hiding while crossing the halls once. They nearly broke my nose. Gave me a black eye. And I couldn't move my fingers properly for weeks. It was real nasty. I hadn't expected it, but one of these 'outcast' guys had saved my ass. Even though I hadn't realized it, they had known I was part of them. Y'know? Like some sort of a fucking telepathy? Man, I swear, there was nothing that could ever be freakier than that.

It's like they had my back even before they knew my details. That was just twisted.

But even if there was some prick swearing at me in the classrooms or someone tripping me up in the hallway, Yamazaki and Shiroi stuck with me. Nerdy Yamazaki went to not give a shit, and shy Shiroi went to ogle every damn girl who had a rack and a rear. I remember when he had gone back to chatting up one of his exs from our elementary, Rika something. The next knew thing he knew, he was limping with blood dripping down his nose. Poor guy. Never had a decent girl ever since then.

A year had passed, and I was still getting used to being thrown dirty looks and sworn at when getting my books from my locker. Random punks wanting to smash my face. And that's when I couldn't stand it any longer.

I mean, if they wanted a fight, I would give them a pretty kiss-ass hiding. I was happy to break bones and twist their wrists. I was happy for some good payback.

Then this twelfth grader starter talking to me. Inari Nakamura. Pretty decent guy but heavy into his business. When I first bought my crack from him, we sort of hit it off. He would call me to these raves and tell me who was right to deal with and who were bullshitters. He got me around with the people he thought I'd be able to call my own.

I guess you always need guys like these to guide you along the way. He was also the one to show me another set of apartment 'cause my old one was surrounded by old business men who would glare at me in the elevator for all the parties I had.

Then Inari was murdered during the summer holidays.

It wasn't any sort of a big deal because people hardly knew him, and those who did, thought he was an ass and had it coming for ages. But to me…he was a good guy. Decent.

I don't think he deserved to be shot through his head just 'cause he hadn't being dealing fairly. I remember him telling me how he had been down on money and all, and even then, he hadn't asked for any to be borrowed. And he knew for sure that I was loaded. He had been a pretty straight guy, all on his own and not dependant on anyone.

So even if you're some rich pansy, but you're dealing with crack, you're sure to have a short life. That's what I learned from him. You can be alive one second and dead the next. The police won't help. The government won't say shit, because in their eyes you're just as bad. Sucky eh?

That's why I never got into dealing, or I'd be making some real good stash right under my ass. But I don't regret it.

I think Inari's death was a good enough lesson. And there's something he used to always tell me. Every time we would be snorting his coke, and he used to let his girl get busy with corn-braiding his hair.

_When you get into shit, it's up to your ass to get outta it. Out there, no one likes to help. It's all up to you to make your own fucking place._

That's what I go by. His motto. Because as far as I know, I've been a loner my entire life.

* * *

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

It was about midday.

My eyes felt weary, as if they were bleeding from the corners. I was barely aware of the arm of my chair jutting against my elbow, little jolts of pain helping me connect to the world settling around me.

People came pouring in and out. Flowers got changed and rearranged. A few toddlers crawled around. But me and Meiling never let go of each other. I clutched her wrist like as if she were my only lifeline. As if the second the doctors would come to her, we would go running to meet Syaoran. And he would be there, sitting up on his bed, smiling softly and then frowning at how we would baby over him.

I had waited for hours for that moment. And it never came.

But Meiling hadn't stopped talking. When I took the chance to glance at her, I could see her lips moving, babbling nonsense to me and my ears ever so slightly aware of her words.

"I knew this was going to happen." Her voice would shake a little then continue, "One day, I knew something horrible like this would happen. God. I just knew it."

I didn't ask for explanations, and she went to do just that.

"He should have listened. He should have listened when he had the chance. But…fuck! He's so bloody stubborn! He…he's so stupid. Such an idiot."

Her soft cries were like a dagger striking across my skin; reopening the wounds whenever they would have a chance to heal. She never stopped.

"He shouldn't have come here. Uncle shouldn't have sent him…then…then all this would never have happened. He should have just gone back."

I was aching, and the melancholy in her tainted words didn't stop the ache any more. They just increased ten fold.

"If uncle would have been here, he would have known what to do. But he has no one here."

No one? Were we not enough? Were our tears not enough to call Syaoran back?

"I have to tell Aunty. I don't have a choice. I-I have to tell Aunty everything. No matter how much they'll all hate us. They have to know now."

I didn't ask her to elaborate. I could barely lift my eyes, and when I could, I would see hers glazed over, talking into space and visitors just watching and listening discreetly.

But it wasn't her voice I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear my Syaoran. Hear him growl and snarl. Hear him laugh humorlessly. Hear his deep voice that would send shivers down my back.

At that point, I believe there has never been anything I've ever wanted more than this. A desperate wish Lord. For this boy to be saved. My Syaoran Li. This boy who could send a million of emotions by just looking at me. A boy who hadn't been out of my mind once for so many months. A boy that was making my entire body retch without his presence.

"I'll have to tell them." And then with giving my hand a tight squeeze, Meiling was getting up and walking off. She was almost half-running and I looked at her back until it disappeared around the corner.

I would wait here. However long it may take Syaoran to wake, I'll wait here for him. So when he wakes up I can be the first one to look into his eyes.

I'll wait. Because God wound never abandon anyone in need. He's up there watching me and my Syaoran. And he'll wake him up.

I just know it.

* * *

**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

I come from the weirdest of all families. No I'm not pulling no one's leg. The rich families are the ones who're the extra-looniest. They've got mad issues.

My clan probably tops being the weirdest in all of Hong Kong. Sure I haven't been there for years and I never want to, but there are some quite wacky superstitions.

I've heard the Li's have never actually fallen in love. For the exception of my youngest sister I think. She eloped in Taiwan. Just for the sake of it.

No. I'm not making me sound like some soppy twig, but it's something I've been thinking about. Out of pure curiosity. Honestly.

I guess, it's sort of true. I mean, all I feel is…like a wanting. Like y'know how sometimes you get this strange craving for your favorite food. Lust. That's all I ever felt for girls. Maybe it's another one of those Li curses. We can probably never fall in love.

As in, my Mother obviously fell in love with Father's money first…and then his house…and then maybe him, when he got even richer. She's a Li by being some very distant cousin of my father's and it's obviously in her blood. My two sisters love the idea of having some poor guy at their service, being the bum boy and all. Another loves the fact that her husband's in the navy and he's never around to see her flounce his money. And my fourth sister…she probably just eloped the sorry-ass guy just for the love of rebelling for once in her life. They were all home-schooled, so I can sort of feel for them.

Yes, that is as far as the word 'love' ever gets in our family.

You get used to it. I mean, I don't see the entire town around me in love or anything. Most of them are having affairs, attempting to get over a break-up or maybe even too chicken to ask somebody out. And I fit in here. With the misfits. Yes it annoys me to the end of a fucking toilet seeing these cuddly couples making out at bus-stops and spending hours on the bloody porch just to flipping say goodnight even when they'll get to see each other the next day anyway. I mean, don't they ever get _bored_? The same person. The same cuddling. The same person to kiss over and over again.

But I guess not. I know I'm not in love or anything near to something as corny as that, but there's something about Sakura Kinomoto that's makes me wanna make out with her day and night. To keep her away from the assholes at our school or just anyone in fact from even checking out the little skirts that she started wearing. _That_ makes me wanna throw up. Imagining someone making out with her. Hiiragizawa. Van. Or any made-up guy.

But I don't know what it's called. This…feeling thingy. Something more than lust.

She's seen me be a bastard. A loser. A wimp. A cheater. She's seen me when I'm weak. So pathetic that I was unable to stand up by myself. So pathetic that she had to wipe vomit off my face and fan my sweat away.

Who the heck does all of that when I've treated her like shit?

What kind of a girl would do that for me?

Other than her.

This stupid, naïve, stubborn…and idiotic bitch. This girl who kept coming back for me.

_I can't hate you._ That's what she had said. Without even thinking about it. Just like that. This girl who had somehow managed to worm around me had made me feel like a happy sap by just those words. Shit. _Fucking shit._

She was…so innocent. So decent. So refreshing and…I don't know. I don't know how I'd describe her. But she was like an entire package deal. With all sorts of attitudes. This girl who didn't give a damn about me or what I was.

And every time I picture her face in this darkness, I can hear her words, followed by her soft lips kissing me. Something no one has ever told me before.

_You don't need to improve. Never. Ever._

And just like that, I knew I would always want her to be mine. To know that there was one person in this fucked up world who wouldn't need me to improve. Someone who would except me just like that. I remember the first time I met her, by our lockers. I remember the first time I kissed her. Those quick minutes we spent in the Resource room. They were so long ago, but just thinking about it, makes it feel like yesterday.

When I wake up, the first thing I want to do is kiss her and keep her in this apartment for a good few days. I mean, we need some time to catch up and all. And what's better than asking her to stay with me for a while?

* * *

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

It was past three when Meiling came back.

I almost didn't notice her. But when the trembling continued, I couldn't help but stare at her, "Meiling?"

She didn't look up for a long time, and when she did, I felt my fingers reaching out for hers, "I told Aunty." Her whisper was raw and hot. Her eyes were glazing and her face flushed and a battlefield of mascara trails.

We sat there for a long time, my mind unable to make out what she had said.

But her next words shifted the bones inside of me, "And I called up your home…your Dad's coming."

I looked at nothing but a particular smudgy spot beside my shoes. I shouldn't be surprised. It shouldn't be a problem. Dad coming I mean. Yes, he would yell. He would ground me. He would take me back home.

But I wasn't going to move from this seat.

"Why?" the words came from my mouth unmonitored.

"Because…" she said slowly, "I…I just don't want any of this pretending anymore. So fucking…sick of it." She had to know. She had to bloody _know_. Nothing coming from her was making any _sense_ to me!

"Meiling…" my tone shook highly. I wanted her to freaking make sense around me! I wanted the shaking in my feet to stop. Just stop. I wanted at least _one_ goddamn thing in my life to make sense to me.

"But that's nothing…" she gripped the fabric on her knees tight, "We've been pretending for years…" Her tears were nothing like mine. She was quiet. Her tears were quiet. And they didn't stop falling even for a second. "And it's time we paid for it…S-Syaoran will understand…he'll understand. It'll all be okay. He'll be okay. Aunty will make sure."

I tuned her out slowly.

It was cruel of me, but the moment the name Syaoran fell from her lips, that was the exact same moment his cold lifeless face flashed in front of my eyes.

Pulling my knees against my chest, I sat there awaiting my Dad.

I just wanted someone to hold me tight…and never let me go. I wanted someone to help me see and hear properly. I wanted my Daddy.

I don't know why, but the second I caught sight of him and Touya just by the reception desk, I tore away, choking and sobbing suddenly at the same time. I threw myself at him.

And he caught me.

We stood at that spot for so long. They were asking questions, and I answered only by crying.

What could I tell them?

What _should_ I tell them?

I felt so lost all of a sudden. They wanted answers and I didn't have any. I didn't know where to start. I didn't know where to end.

But no. _No._

I didn't want there to be an ending. No way.

Syaoran would wake up soon.

So there would be no need for an ending.

I didn't realize Meiling behind me until I felt her touch my back. And when I looked back at Dad and Touya, I knew she would help me. She would help me explain. Explain this from the start.

Daddy didn't let me go, even as we sat on the chairs. I held him tight, my face in his shirt and aware of Touya's rough hand holding mine.

And just like that. Just like that, I knew everything would be fine. I had my Lord, my family and my own heart. And they told me, everything would soon be fine. I would keep faith.

* * *

**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

I've always been a loner.

Yeah, I have friends, some really good ones too, but this loneliness is even around them. And I think I like it much better this way. Because when you're alone, no one can hurt you.

When you're alone, no one can jack you around.

But sometimes I guess, it gets to me. Fuck. I suppose it gets to just about everyone.

And man…it hurts. I'm no wimp shit…but it's no fun being alone. It's no fun at all. When I'm high, it changes though. At that point I don't care. I mean, I suppose that's what drugs are supposed to do, but when you get up the next day…it all comes back.

Because once again, I'm all fucking alone.

* * *

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

We were still in the waiting room chairs. And Dad was still sitting by me, talking to both Meiling and me. Touya had gone to get us something to eat, and when he got back, I couldn't get anything down my throat. He wouldn't stop staring at me, and I guess even he was a little surprised with the way this had turned out. He looked almost uncomfortable. Like he didn't know what to say.

Meiling had fallen back into her corner, and my eyes were still on the smudge beside my shoes. While Meiling had started talking, I had filled in everything in the middle. Dad's expressions didn't change when I told him about my lie. About how I had spent the entire night with a boy. About how I couldn't stay way from him no matter what. And now, Dad was just listing of some over-dose symptoms to himself. The doctors had come in a little while ago, and he had volunteered to talk to them.

They talked for a long time. About cocaine overdose.

God. It hadn't hit me as hard before…but now. Now that's all I could think about. _Cocaine overdose._ It was real.

It wasn't some show on TV or a movie or a documentary. _This _was real. Too real. Syaoran was in a coma become of an overdose.

I've heard people turn to drugs when they're at their weakest. When they want to feel lighter and happier. When everything in their life has drained them away and all they want is one small fleeting moment of happiness.

Was that what Syaoran wanted? Was he weak? And depressed? Wasn't he happy?

In all those days when I was with him, it had never occurred to me. I sort of had an idea about it…that he smoked and I had heard stuff about him from Eriol and Rika. But this was something I had never expected. He was an addict.

An addict. A drug addict.

And I never knew enough to talk to him about it. All those times I kissed him, fought with him, attempted to ignore him, and dream about him day and night, it just never struck me.

_Syaoran Li was a drug addict._

The words kept playing in my head…like a little puzzle. It was tearing my down. And then…I thought of yesterday again.

Chest pains. Lack of sleep. Fever. Cold sweats. Vomiting. Coma. They were symptoms. Symptoms of cocaine overdose. And from what Meiling had told me, it had been happening for a long time.

Did…did that mean that he knew? Did that mean that Syaoran knew what was happening to him? That he was going to end up like this? He hadn't wanted to see a doctor…so did that mean…that he wanted…to end up like this?

No.

_No._

It couldn't be.

It just couldn't be.

Maybe…maybe he didn't know exactly. Maybe he was just scared. Maybe he didn't _want_ to know what was really happening to him. Anything was possible.

But…but I don't think someone like Syaoran would know he was dying slowly. He would have done something about it if he had known. I know it. I know it for sure.

"Sakura?" I shuddered as I felt Dad's hand on my shoulders.

The reports had come. But I couldn't understand half of it.

Syaoran's blood pressure was too low. His blood vessels were constricted. His heart rate was too high. His mucous membranes were swelled from bleeding. There was damage to his nasal cavities. Damage to his lungs. He was in a high range of experiencing a serious heart attack and a respiratory failure. And so…what did that exactly mean?

Did it mean…that he would die for sure? That he would never wake up? Would he just die in his coma? Would his eyes never open again?

God…I beg of you. If you're up there somewhere, save my Syaoran. I would do anything. _Anything_. Just help him.

I don't want him to die.

I don't want his life to be a waste.

He must have so much to look forward to. So many dreams. He can't die until he has fulfilled them.

By the time it was six thirty in the evening, Touya had gone back home because Kero was alone, but Dad stayed with me and Meiling. Yamazaki, Shiroi, Chiharu and a couple of other guys had come by, but they left immediately when they found out that Syaoran was still unable to be seen by visitors.

I ached to see him. Ached to touch him. And smooth the hair off his face.

Dad didn't ask me anymore questions. He didn't yell at me. He didn't talk down to me. He just spent little time talking to me and Meiling one by one. Yes, I had expected him to drag me back home the second he found out what I had been up to. That I had still kept in contact with the boy who had abused Touya. For a second I had even expected him to call the police and identify Syaoran as the man-handler.

But he didn't do any of that. I don't know if he pitied him or just wanted to provide us girls support, but my Dad never left my side. He wanted to stay through the evening, but I urged him not to. He had work, but if I had to hear any of his comments on drug abuse and how his chances on survival ranged, I would screw my head to a wall.

Dad was being sweet and helpful, but this wasn't what I needed. All I needed was to see Syaoran and wake him up.

I mean, how long would we have to wait? The doctors weren't too sure about the time since it was too early in the stage, and they were still doing a few more tests.

"Are you sure sweetie? It won't be too much of a problem for me. I can just call them up, and take today's leave."

"No thanks Dad." My voice came out weakly for the umpteenth time, "We'll be fine."

"But you promise to call me when you need something?"

"Yes Dad."

"And inform me of any news?"

"Yes Dad."

"Absolutely anything, alright?"

I sighed and nodded. I was so exhausted, that I could feel my eye lids dropping. Meiling was quietly reading in the corner, but she quickly waved at Dad when he left.

There was this strange silence when he left. Like when you go deaf and this thick tone hits your eardrums. Dad had been talking non-stop to us for so long that it suddenly felt like an emptied battlefield. There were still a few visitors waiting with restless feet, but I guess to the outside world we appeared a bit more composed. We weren't sniveling or breaking down every minute. Yes, tears would pop into my eyes, but they never fell. It was as if today's quota for crying tears were already finished.

I was so dried eyed that my attention span was buzzing a little.

I must have dozed off at some point, because all of a sudden I could hear so many voices. Craning my head off the wall, I turned around to see Meiling on her feet, arms around a woman. And at least six people gathered around her in tears.

It seemed like a hallucination to see so many people in there all of a sudden. They were talking loudly, crying, swearing and for a second I almost overlooked the fact that they were so smartly dressed. I didn't know how Meiling could possibly know these kind of people.

"Is that her?" I heard the question being asked repeatedly at the back of my head, and when I looked into the eyes of the woman nearest to me, her glare froze me to my seat.

Meiling pried herself off the oldest woman, and she looked at me with blood-shot eyes, "Yes." She heaved for a sharp breath then looked away from my gaze, "This is Sakura."

Then she turned to the woman whose face looked so familiar in a heart beat. Her expression was hard and her presence was like nothing I had felt before, "And this is Yelan Li…my Aunty…Syaoran's mother."

The words didn't process at first. I was seeing these stormy brown eyes and the words _Syaoran's mother_ came pounding down. For a second, I almost saw Syaoran standing by his mother, looking almost identical.

This was Syaoran's mother. His family. These people standing in front of me were his family. Syaoran…had a family. A real family. I mean, why wouldn't he? Everyone has some sort of a family out there somewhere. I just never expected that he had one…I had never thought about his parents…his siblings…his cousins. I had never given a thought to where his family ever was.

I don't know why, but my wobbly legs stood up on their own, and I straightened down my wrinkled shirt and skirt, suddenly feeling shabby near the little crowd. It was getting a little chilly and I was left with my lips unable to open.

The woman watched me with a scowl in her eyes. They were tearful and angry…and somewhere in there was disgust. I could see it on her face.

"Have you known of my son's…obsession…for a long time?" those were Yelan's first words, and I almost blanched. She sounded so pained that I couldn't help my eyes from stinging. Hadn't she known?

This silence swam over the moment she spoke, and I just couldn't waver my gaze from hers. I could feel my fingers shake in their fists, and I swallowed hard looking over Meiling, "I've known him since this March." My voice croaked helplessly.

"I hear you're the reason my son if fighting for his life right this moment." Those words just walked out of her mouth, and my heart tightened as I watched the tears in her eyes gather around the edges. The words made me sound like a murdered. Hadn't she known about Syaoran's addiction?

"Aunty," Meiling interrupted before my stomach could roll up my throat, "You heard wrong. It wasn't her fault at—"

"Shut up!" Yelan whirled around at her niece, eyes cold and cheeks wet, her beautiful pale face flushed red in rage, "I think you've done enough here! Enough damage! I-I can't believe this!" she brought a quivering hand to her face, and the girls around her crowded by her, "I just can't believe he would do this. Xiao Lang…I just never. I had never expected this. I had never thought I would even have to _imagine _such disgust in my own son!"

I watched Yelan cry as her hard face crumbled into this face of disbelief. The people around her started talking at once, and the receptionist had leaned over her desk. Meiling had shifted away, her eyes on me and mine on hers.

"It's because of you!" Another girl by Yelan screamed, and she was pulled back by a man before she could come to me.

My feet were numb, my blood went cold and my eyes went everywhere. My stomach was stuck in my throat, and for the first time, I felt so ashamed. They were right. They were right about me. It _was_ because of me. All of this was because of me.

"Aunty!" Meiling's cry broke me apart, "It's not her fault!"

"Meiling! It's time for you to shut up!" one of the men hollered, but Meiling grabbed me by the arm.

"She hasn't done anything!"

"Not another word Meiling. Not another word from you." Yelan's voice was back, but her cold eyes weren't on the hysterical girl next to me. They were on me. "I want you out of here." Her tone was soft and bitter, "You hear me girl?" my tears fell one by one, and I found it hard to see her, "I don't want you anywhere near my son!"

I stumbled as her words flew out. My fist tightened, and I broke apart, "I'm sorry…" I don't know why I said it, "I'm…really sorry—,"

"Sakura! It's not your fault!" Meiling was sobbing before me, but I pulled away my arm from her. It was my fault.

"I'm sorry…" I think my heart was dying. I was crying and talking. And crying. I didn't stop. "But please…please let me stay. I don't want to leave him again." M y hands came together and the tears came harder than before, "Please! Don't make me leave him."

I didn't see the nurse come to us. I didn't see other visitors watching. My eyes were on Syaoran's mother, and hers on me, filled with so much anger, despair and coldness.

"Excuse me, but could you please keep your voices low." The nurse had come by us out of nowhere, and her narrowed eyes were darting between us. "This is a hospital. I must advise you all to leave right this moment." Her tone was firm, but I didn't acknowledge her.

I could hear my heart beating wildly. I felt so helpless. So weak. So pathetic.

"Please…" my voice wept as Yelan turned to face the nurse.

"Syaoran Li. I'm this patient's mother." The woman's voice was cruel.

"But still ma'am, this is a hospital. No behaviour as such can be tolerated."

Yelan didn't budge, she only rubbed away her tears, "I know, but I was only advising this girl to leave."

_No._

There were eyes on me, and I stopped breathing, "No. _Please_…please don't do this…"

But Yelan's eyes were nowhere on me and she continued to the nurse, "She isn't family and she isn't a friend. I want her to leave."

"No…" my voice crumbled in my own throat.

"And I want you tell her to leave and never come back here. If she does…I'll be pressing charges against her."

"No!" I yelled before I could hold myself, "Please! I beg of you, don't do this. I still have to see him!"

"Please tell this young lady never to visit my son here again…if she knows what's good for her."

"Please..." I felt so useless. I felt like my heart was breaking all over again. Into so many pieces.

The nurse turned to look at me uneasily, but before she could speak, I whirled around at the little crowd, my sobbings never dying. They hated me. They loathed me. And I didn't blame them.

Because I hated myself as well.

I started running before anyone could say anything more.

I ran wherever my feet carried me.

I ran.

I ran away from my Syaoran.

How heartless could they be? It was my fault…but I wanted to see him. I wanted to be the first one he would see. How…how could they do that…?

But it was my fault. In the end, it would always be my fault. Always.

Syaoran's death would be my fault.

* * *

**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

'_I like the way you kiss me just fine.' _That's what she had whispered into my ears. And her soft lips had brushed my ear.

This is weird, but I can't get it outta my head. I'm supposed to be cursed. I'm a Li. It sounds fucking mad but I can't help it. I keep thinking about it. About her. And I don't know any other reason for it other than this.

I think I'm in love with Sakura.

* * *

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

Life never goes the way you want it. I know that. But I needed to see him. I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't stop screaming. Touya wouldn't stop banging the door ever since he brought me home. I locked myself in my room and I tried to suffocate myself in this darkness overwhelming my life. Trying to stop breathing and fall dead so I can never hurt anyone ever again.

If he died, I don't think I could ever live with myself.

If he died, I might just have to die with him.

* * *

**§ђϊη§зϊ Кσќσѓσ **

_There. The long awaited chapter. I'm sorry if it seemed somewhat too bland or a little overly exhausting and even for the grammar and spelling. I was in a hurry to update this. And yes, Syaoran is in a coma as many of you guessed. I couldn't really off him or I'd be getting death threats myself _XD _And we also require his input in every chapter, so I decided to make him reminisce. As in, when people come close to dying, they have parts of their life flashing by them._

_I'm not too sure on which level a human's conscience lies at when they are in a coma, so I apologize for any errors. Maybe they can hear the outside world sometimes, maybe they're in a dream state, or maybe just in a heavy sleep. I'm not entirely sure and I don't plan on making any presumptions. However, all the symptoms I mentioned for cocaine overdose are real facts. The blood in the vomit is due to a tear in his mucous (nose) membranes. His restlessness and lack of hunger are also symptoms. But inform me if you think I'm wrong._

_Hope you all enjoyed this chappy and a million of hugs and kisses to all those people who read and reviewed last chappy. Thank you all very much for the wonderful comments._

_P.S Started school and I already have homework I'm drowning in. Oh the joys of being a senior…_


	23. Sooner or Later

**Title: **Head Over Heels

**Author: **Shinsei Kokoro

**Chapter: **23: Sooner or Later

**Updated: **19th May 2006

* * *

**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

I didn't know what was happening. I didn't know why I felt like screaming. The pain was numb. I knew it was there, but couldn't feel it.

I was thinking about Sakura one second and then suddenly I felt someone stabbing my chest. Over and over again. I felt myself rise once. Then twice. My blood was soaring and spurting. My chokes weren't making any sound. Or that's what it felt like.

It was strange.

I was shivering. But I wasn't cold.

I knew I was dreaming again. It was all just one big freaking dream. Sakura would be right next to my bed, still holding my hand and Meiling would be itching to chuck some ice water on me.

But I felt drained.

So empty.

And so out of breath.

Like I was falling or something…falling and falling.

* * *

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

Sometimes, it's not easy to tell which is better. To die or to live.

I choose dying, because this way, you won't ever be able to feel any pain.

It's a decision we make. It's a decision we _choose _to make. Because in the end, it is the only thing that truly belongs to us. Our lives. Our pathetic vulnerable lives. And living it is the best we can do.

When Dad came the morning after Touya had brought me home from the hospital, he found me locked in my room, and probably with Touya and Kero still sitting by the door. He spent the first half hour coaxing me to open up the door, and the next hour having a conversation with a door between us. I was hoarse most of the time, and Dad's gentle voice made the pain and horrors come back to live in me again.

I had cried myself to sleep in the middle of the night. Then gotten back up screaming from nightmares. I was sweating, hyper-ventilating, and crying so hard, I barely found myself able to breathe. Everything had felt muddy and tight. So suffocating.

Then it had come back to me. This image of my nightmare. This image so haunting that I wished I could just be swallowed up whole.

I would see Syaoran dead.

I would see him lying on his bed, stone cold.

His face pallid and his fingers cold in mine.

And there I would be. Weighed down in his arms. His legs tangled in mine. His body pressed against me.

But dead.

_Dead._

That was all I could see. That was what kept me wide awake and cold hearted. I would shiver and pull up the sheets. Then I would start sweating and kick them away. And then in minutes, I'd be getting goosebumps all over again. My anticipation never ended.

What if he really was dead?

What if right then, the doctors could no longer wake him up?

What if his heart was no longer beating?

No.

_No._

That couldn't happen. That could _never_ happen. I was only dreaming. It was only a nightmare. It wasn't real. He would still be alive. He wouldn't be dead. He was just…asleep.

"Daddy…?" my voice croaked in the dim of my nightlight, and my Dad leaned in closer as I pushed back my covers. "Do you think he-he's still…there…?"

I had let Dad in just three hours ago, and although he had been awake for more than 24 hours, half of it spent listening to me cry and scream, he still looked more awake and level-headed then I felt. His hand clutched mine hard, and he brought me to rest against his chest. And very lightly, he pressed a finger on my crucifix.

"Sweetheart…your Jesus loves everyone." That was the only thing he ever said. Even though he was the one always uncomfortable with religion, he respected what I believed. That was the only thing he ever knew to say, "He'll be made sure to make it." What else could he say?

That was his only way of comforting me. His only way of keeping my hopes lighted. Because at that moment, we were both clueless. We were both without answers.

Dad hadn't said much when I had blubbered through everything that had happened in the hospital after he had left. How Syaoran's mother had blamed me. How right she had been. How she had banned me from seeing him. It wasn't fair. It just wasn't bloody fair!

It was my fault. It would always be my fault, but I _needed_ to see him. My heart needed to see him so bad. I needed to know if he was okay. I needed to keep listening to the doctors' comments of their recent check-ups. I needed to keep up with reports. I needed, more than anything to just be there. To feel at least a little closer to Syaoran. So that whenever he would wake, I would be able to just run to him. I would be able to stay with him all the time it would take to recover. I would stay with him. By his side. I would always stay with him.

"I'm scared…" the words fell out of my mouth slowly, and I shut my eyes tight. I was so scared.

"Its normal to be scared Sakura. It's the most normal to thing to be scared for someone's life."

"I want to be there. With him." I was crying again, "Near him." God help me, "It's…it's all my fault."

Dad didn't say anything. That's because he didn't know about anything that had happened between me and Syaoran. He knew nothing after the part Syaoran had bruised him downstairs. He knew nothing after that day.

Maybe Dad was helping me stay sane by keep positive thoughts about Syaoran, but he didn't know that guy. Not like I did. He didn't know how close we were…are. He didn't how he had kissed me. So hungrily. He didn't know of the happiness I had seen in his eyes. In his smile. He didn't know how I still wanted to be his girlfriend. Wanted to keep close to him. Wanted to know him even better. Dad didn't know about me being in his arms again. Starting to need him again.

Oh God. I needed him back. I needed Syaoran back. I had had him with me for just a few minutes. Just a few minutes and he was taken away again. I needed him so much.

I needed to kiss him. Hold him. Take care of him. And this guilt was tearing me apart.

"Sakura…"

"I want to see him…" I sobbed into warm arms. "I need to be there. Dad! I need to be there with him…_for_ him!"

"Shh. We'll do all we can."

"But his mother will press charges!" _I couldn't ever show my face to her. Because never had I seen someone so angry at me. She was his mother. I couldn't find a reason to hate her. But I could find all the reasons to hate myself._

"We'll think of something else then."

"But I need to see him Dad. I…" _I miss him so much._

It wasn't a realization. It wasn't something new I'd been thinking about. Because it wasn't the kind of the loneliness where I missed being his girlfriend. I missed his being there. Being..._somewhere_. I might have hated him a few weeks ago, but even then...he was there somewhere. I would see him at school at least. At least...at least he wasn't in a bed somewhere, not knowing if he was dead or alive. At least back he had been awake...full of emotion. Anger, fury, it didn't matter...but that was his presence.

I had never seen anyone look so relieved. When I'd told him about how there had been no other boy, he had hugged me so tight. He held me so close to him. And kissed me like I had never been kissed before. I had felt his happiness. His smugness. And...and it had made me feel so...so special. So needed and wanted.

Maybe I didn't know about his past or future, but I knew his present well enough. Right now…or rather when I had seen last, looked into his eyes, he was just like any other person. Not a wannabe gangster or a druggie. He was just a lost boy. Just like we all were at one point in our lives.

He had been vulnerable and weak. His tears had soaked into my shirt. And his face had brightened so much after the long talk we'd had. I don't know what else it was, maybe even attraction, but there was this string in between us. Although it would get broken, it would keep retying itself. Like magic.

Or maybe it was guilt that was making me think this. But I didn't care.

That was the only thing I was sure of. I cared about him. So much.

And yet…I couldn't do anything for him. I couldn't even be by his side. I…I was useless. Although I cause so much pain and I want to help ease it, no one…I feel like all I am ever capable of doing is nothing.

Nothing.

My life is a big fat nothing.

* * *

**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

I used think she was one of the crowd. One of the stereotypical girls, where all they wanted to do was gossip about jocks and worry about how fat their butt looked in their skirts.

The sort of girl who'd make their boyfriend wait for hours and start whining about crap. That's why I never wanted a girl like that. I wasn't going to be the one to take shit from anyone, much less my girlfriend. Unfortunately for me, I didn't know Sakura Kinomoto.

But now…now I wished I had listened. Listened to her. About how true she was.

When I had seen her by our lockers on her first day, I thought she would change by the end of the week. You know, start hating us outcasts just like the rest of the damn world.

But she kept blushing when she saw me, walked into a _wall_ as well. She talked to me like it meant nothing. Walked into my life just like that. And things suddenly became jumbled. She would be the only thing on my head. Made me feel guilty after that day I had left her waiting for me in the back field and without giving her a lift. Everything would be about her. What would Sakura think of this? What would Sakura think of that? For all the little time with her, dope was the last thing on my mind. She was all I ever thought about.

And then after that thing with Hiiragizawa and Van and all that other shit. It made me realize who she was. She was my fucking savior…I don't even care how lame that sounds. But she was there for me.

She was the only stranger who had earned my mind, heart and soul.

* * *

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

Sometimes, when your world is such a big drab of a mess, you forget what's happening outside it. You may cry a million tears, but life around you just goes on.

I hadn't left my house for seven days and along with that, I hadn't heard any news about Syaoran. But on a new week, Dad had insisted me to go to school. Said it might loosen me up. Get my mind out of things. And even gather some information about Syaoran from one of his friends.

Sanron High. Even thinking about school made me feel sick all over again. It used to be something I somewhat enjoyed. Meeting friends, trying to spot Syaoran in his crowd, trying to _avoid_ Syaoran when I used to think he was a prick…there are just all these memories.

But what would I have now?

Nothing. It would just be another tacky school. A school that was so judgmental and discriminating, they could make their own opposition party. I _hated_ that school. Loathed everything and everyone in it. They had cliques. Cliques who hated each other. Would even reach the point of murdering each other. What kind of a school was this?

They were ignorant…most of them. Self centered. And lived on spreading rumors.

And no one in there knew Syaoran. No one. Maybe setting aside a few of his friends, but that was it. I doubted even Meiling would be there either.

They didn't know how sweet he was. How much of an impact he had had in my life.

"Sweetheart?"

I looked up from the dining table at hearing Dad's voice. Touya's spoon hung midway between his bowl and Kero waddled to lick me at my heels, then letting his fuzzy head rest on my knees, coaxing me into patting him.

Breakfast was a horror. My fruit loops weren't agreeing to go down my throat, so I had to gulp them down with juice. Anything to not make Dad think that I was starving myself over depression or whatever I had heard him mentioning to Touya yesterday.

But it was hard.

It was hard spending each second of the day thinking about Syaoran. Sitting by the phone, praying someone would call. Looking out the window, wishing more than anything for a black car to stop and Syaoran to walk out of it.

Sometimes, I would imagine it. It was completely nonsense, but it kept me from crying at times. I would imagine him rushing to open my gate and running to catch me by the door. He would grab me tight, look into my eyes and he would kiss me and kiss me and kiss me. He would grab my hair and kiss my neck. Then he would open my mouth and kiss me senseless. Send sharp little shiver down my back and run his fingers along my spinal cord. He would hold me above the ground and swing me in circles. Telling me how much he missed me, forgiving me. Just like in the movies.

But then at the end of it all, I had to come back to reality.

Touya and Dad stayed very supportive through all of it and I was so grateful to them. One of them stayed at home with me at all times, and there was always Kero, recovered and back to nosing me and snuggling into me every time I managed to take a nap on the couch, phone in my hand, and the curtains wide open.

Mom called once, just to check up on us, and I was relieved to know that Dad hadn't enlightened her on what had been going on in my life.

It felt strange staying at home. I hardly slept. Didn't watch TV. Didn't go online. No one from school called. And so I stayed where I could remain sane.

Every morning, at about six, I would wake up, hoping for a second that this would all be a dream. I would look at the crack in my ceiling and then start crying again. No dream could ever stay so fresh in my mind.

Then Kero would snooze a while beside me, his tail wagging in my face while he licked himself clean and shifted around until he found his perfect position to doze. At eight when Touya would be leaving for his classes, he would come and switch off my night-light, open up my curtains, just sit next to me for a few minutes all the while attempting to bring Kero off the bed, and then leave.

Dad came occasionally with food, but I made him stay downstairs and let him do his work. Talking to Dad just made it impossible for me to keep my eyes dry for even two minutes. Yes, he though I was depressed. And maybe I was. But what could he do? He couldn't possibly take me to Syaoran could he? He couldn't take me to the hospital. He couldn't do anything to let me see Syaoran again.

"Sakura?" Dad's voice broke through my head again, and this time I blinked several times before actually looking Dad in the face.

"Hmm?"

For a second I imagined Dad and Touya exchanging glances, then he sipped on his tea, looking as thoughtful as ever, "Remember to give in your absence letter."

"I will Dad."

But I knew that wasn't what he was about to say. He was about to remind me of the work I had missed out on. Mid-terms were only in two and a half weeks and I hadn't started anything yet. Study had been the last thing on my list, and now when I buckled myself in Touya's car, I began to think of everything people would ask me. Where I'd been. What I'd done. The sorts.

So by the time Touya had parked us by the curb of my school road, I was close to hyperventilating again. My nerves were a fuzz, and my legs shaky. What would people say? Would they have heard of Syaoran's sickness. Would they be laughing? Happy that he was in a coma? My nerves clenched at that. Would all my friends, Tomoyo and Rika and Naoko, would they all be happy, because there was one less outcast to care about?

"You alright?" Touya's hand shook my shoulder slightly and I nodded without looking at him.

"Yeah. I'm good." I was such a liar. Getting out of the car, I tucked the books by my hips and leaned in into the window, "Will you come whenever I call you?"

"Yup." His expression was firm, "Give me a ring when you're feeling sick and I'll pick you up. I promise." It was unusual to find my brother looking so brutally honest at times. He had given up on so many evening classes just so he could stay at home with me. I wasn't going to ruin his schedule. I didn't want to ruin any more lives. Annoying or not, we shared at least half our blood. And I loved him for everything he had done for me.

"Thank you Touya." I whispered to him, and watched his car turn into a spec in the distance as he roared away.

Taking the deepest breath possible, I turned to the school gates, my aching body mechanically making its way through them.

And that's when I noticed everything. Every little thing.

I wasn't looking at anyone in particular, but it's like I could feel their eyes on me. I was begging fates to let me bump into Tomoyo, but when I turned into the quad, my group wasn't there, hanging out and mucking around as usual.

There was no Eriol. No Van. No Naoko. No Rika. And no giggling girls and sniggering guys either.

But I was freaking myself out over nothing. Maybe they all had some important assignment due or something. Maybe they were in the library catching up on work. Or something like that.

So I went homeroom. I was the first one there and the teacher gave me a narrowing stare for a few seconds too long. I decided to wait and give in my absence letter in to the office maybe during lunch. I just wanted to wait. I just wanted to sit somewhere and start a normal routine for once.

The first student was some girl I'd never even seen. One withering glance at me and she plopped herself at the back of the room.

I felt indifferent. But maybe I should have taken this as a clue and realized this earlier. Everyone who came filling in after the second bell either didn't even look my way or just frowned with disgust.

I was confused. And now, I wish I had chosen to remain confused.

Eriol Hiiragizawa, Van and Rika came in last, murmuring about something together, then stopping short when their eyes fell on me.

For a second, I had expected them to gush towards me, asking me questions about where I'd been and why I looked so exhausted. I had expected Van to hug me and kiss me right there and then with Eriol scowling away.

But nothing of that sort happened.

They didn't smile. Then as though I didn't even exist, all three of them sidled up in the front seats.

I knew it right then. I knew that they knew. I knew that they knew everything about me. I knew it with all my heart.

God, I nearly cried. Nearly.

My eyes burned heavily, and that was all there was to it. No tears fell.

I sat there stiff and quiet for nearly fifteen minutes, and I took my time getting up when bell rang. Because for some reason, I knew I was expecting someone to be waiting outside that door for me.

I had become close to a boy, and there was no wrong in that. So I didn't know how any school or anyone would stop me for something as innocent as that. I didn't know of any apologies I owed them.

I've handled so much so far. A few grumpy discriminating students would be nothing compared to my nightmares.

Or so I thought.

* * *

**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

My eyes felt heavy.

That was the first thing I felt. Heaviness.

This fucking heaviness all over my body. Like as if ten thousand sodding trucks had fallen on me.

I couldn't move my lips, and my throat felt raw and parched. I gurgled for a while, then croaked to clear my throat. My saliva tasted funny, and I tried spitting out the off taste. I could say it was even worst that tasting a dead rat, but that wasn't all of it.

Everything in me was in pain.

This sting shooting through all of my muscles.

And then I could hear voices. They were buzzing around me, like these annoying bees, or rather like a few annoying Meilings, begging me to give her a lift to school every damn morning.

My eyes were aching to open, but they ached ten times more each time I attempted that.

"Nggh…" My throat was stuffed with something. And it felt warm and cold at the same time. Hoarse. That's how I sounded to my own ears.

And then I heard this voice that wasn't my own. This familiar voice. So familiar that I knew in a second that it was one I wasn't expecting for all my life.

"Xiaolang…" it sounded far away and almost hysterical. _Xiaolang_. When was the last time anyone had ever called me by that name?

* * *

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

I was standing where I had been standing for the last one minute. None of us had spoken and none of them had taken their eyes off me.

The hallway was hustling with students getting reading for their first period classes, but some around us slowed down to catch up on what we might have been saying. Unfortunately for them, we hadn't exchanged a word yet. It looked like they might have to catch up on the gossip later on.

There was Naoko with books clamped in her arms. Rika beside her, and Van leaning next to her. Their eyes looked cold. Just as cold as my stomach felt. Tomoyo was by Eriol, and he was standing just a few inches away from my face, his jaw set hard, and his face pale with firmness.

All those times when I used to think he was a crazy player, a wannabe stud, now I had no opinions of him.

I didn't know what to expect. Would they swear at me? Would they beat me up? What the heck would they do? Not talk to me for the rest of my life?

"You…" That was Eriol. I didn't catch any word after that, because Tomoyo had suddenly scrambled off after that one word was spoken. I looked at her back disappearing into the crowd, hair rushing past people, and I couldn't help but notice how her shoulders had quivered.

Eriol glared harder, and then all of a sudden he grabbed my arm and started dragging me. Other than letting out a cry of surprise I didn't protest. I didn't stumble. I didn't do anything. I just followed his lead.

How bad could this be anyway? What was the least he could do to me?

Pushing past people, he yanked me into a familiar place, and I pulled myself free as he hauled me into the white brightness of the boys toilets.

"You—! Why! Fucking why!" Those were his first aggressive yells.

He didn't notice Rika and Naoko file in, Van pushing back against the door and not moving from his spot. And somehow nor did I.

My eyes were only on the boy in front of me, and noticing how his usually calm eyes were now recoiled in disgust and fury. It didn't alarm me though. I knew this phase. I knew how his anger rolled about.

But I was caught by shock as Eriol grabbed me by my shoulders and pushed me against the sinks, "H-how could you fucking do it!" His yells reverberated across the walls, and I felt small under his largeness. I felt meek and weak. Unable to look into his eyes. Unable to get a grasp of myself.

And then, when his face was so near that I could feel his hot breath on my lips, he whispered, "Y-you lied."

His fingers brought themselves to hold up my face, and when I finally met his striking blue eyes, I hoped he never saw the tears that were running down my face. I hoped he never saw the way his words were cutting down on me. I hoped he never felt me hold onto the front of his shirt.

I was tired.

I was tired of being shut down. I was tired of holding down pain and anger and frustration. I wish I too could punch walls and beat someone up. I wish I too had a way to take off my aggravation. But I didn't. This was the way I answered to my pain.

I cried.

I cried like anyone would.

"Is…is it a crime?" my voice murmured.

"Yes! Where the fuck have you been all these months to not know that! Offcourse it's a fucking crime! They're assholes! Losers! They fucking ruin lives everywhere they go!" his grip on my jaw tightened.

"No they don't!" I screamed back before I could think, "You can't give an opinion when you don't know anything about them!"

Then he grabbed me by my front, wide eyes peering into mine, "Trust me Sakura, I know these kind of people inside out!"

"No!" I cried into his face. "That's what you _think_ they are!"

"Yeah offcourse you'd say that." He spat, "After all, you've been doing the whole lot of them haven't you?"

His disgust soared around the room, and I just collapsed further in his hold. He was insulting me. That I could take. But he didn't have the right to insult a boy who was in a coma right now.

"You know," I could hear him right next to my ear, "When I first heard about it…" his pause sent sharp shivers down my back, "I didn't believe it." His grasp was so painful that I couldn't help but cry out. "Then it all started to make sense. Right Van?" his last words were directed to the door, but he got no answer. Instead he went on, with this stumbling yet fierce voice, "You wouldn't have anyone. At first, we thought it was because you were a city girl. And city girls have high expectations. That was reasonable. What was his name? Ryoga was it? A fucking fake he turned out to be."

I gasped for breath and bit my lips to stop the tears. So Tomoyo had finally sold me out. But somehow, that didn't come out as shocking as to what he said next.

"She told me that a week after I asked her out." His face didn't give away anything but fury, and his eyes tore into mine like knives, "You've been doing Li the second you saw him haven't you?"

"No!" I cried out. It was disgusting how he could think like that. Disgusting to know that once upon a time I thought he could be a good friend.

"Making out with him every time you thought no one was there to see you." It wasn't like that. "City girls are like that aren't they?" he sneered at my face, "They like bad boys. No matter where they've been, what sort of things they've done, there's no stopping the attraction is there?"

"No." I whimpered, my mouth shaking. He was cold. So cold. Such a bastard.

"Come on Sakura," his face was so near that I almost didn't see him bite his lip and smile in that taunting way, "What's the point of lying anymore? You've already ruined it for your self. Fraternizing with nasty wankers. You fucking lied to all of us just so you could have your way with that son of a bitch."

He didn't stop talking and I didn't stop crying. And in that moment, when I could hear nothing but my pitiful cries and feel nothing but my painful throat, I screamed at the top of my voice, "_Shut up!_" I tore myself away from his grasp and flung myself against the wall sideways, "Just shut the _hell_ up!"

"Give me one good reason to. I have all the right to—,"

"Don't you _dare_ talk about him like you bloody know him!" I wasn't aware of the words coming out of my mouth. They were just flowing out. So fluently. So heatedly. Like I was on fire. Like every bit of me was aching. "You don't know one thing about him. Because people like you _never_ will! Because you're so clouded by your own stupid thoughts that seeing someone different just kills you! Knowing that someone different exists just gets to you!"

The world was echoing. Or that's almost how it felt. Like the whole world was spinning. And I was the only one standing.

My eyes were closed, and I pretended Syaoran was standing there behind them.

"Just because he's different does not mean he's not human. It doesn't mean that you have to treat people like him like _shit_!" then I whirled around, setting my eyes on the three people by the door, "It doesn't mean _outcasts_ like him go around stalking girls and coming up with ways to get them wasted! Because I could say the same about each and every guy! Every bloody guy on this sodding earth is like that then."

My fingers grabbed at Eriol and I held his collar, "Remember the time you brought me here once?" his face looked hesitant for a second, but I was unstoppable, "Do you remember!"

"That was—,"

"Do you!" I screamed. My rage was building and it gave me to pleasure to see his restless eyes darting from mine to the door, "You wanted to kiss me! You wanted me to be your girlfriend! _You_ wanted your way with me!" Oh I wasn't gonna let him get away with calling me a whore. I wasn't gonna let him get away with insulting a boy who was barely alive.

"E-Eriol?" the faint voice was Rika's, and her eyes were so wide and shocked, that I laughed indifferently.

"Oh don't bother asking him." I snapped, then pushed the boy away, "He'll just lie. Because lying's what he's best at!"

"Sakura—," I could feel Eriol closing in on me, his eyes flashing dangerously.

"I said _shut up_!" I hollered, "If this is the time for everyone to come out clean, then so must you!"

"I'm gonna—,"

"I don't care what you're gonna do! Because I've been through so much shit, that you doing anything to me will _never_ compare to what I've been through!" my voice was breaking right then, and I felt like my head would burst anytime soon. I couldn't think straight. I couldn't stand straight. But as long as I could open my mouth, everything would be fine.

"Eriol, you fucking ba—," Rika's growl was drowned by Eriol's bark.

"She broke the rules! She broke the fucking _rules_!"

"Oh screw your rules!" I screamed above him, "As long as you can cover up for yourself everything's gonna be fine isn't it? As long as everyone sees you as the good guy and Syaoran as the pathetic junkie who gets wasted night after night! When everyone sees you as the heroic guy beating him up you're just dandy aren't you? Isn't that how you want things to work around here Eriol?" I asked scathingly, "I know you and that just makes you lower than anyone else."

Eriol snarled in the same tone, "He's scum."

"He's _decent_!"

"If you're calling him decent then you're not that bad of a slut yourself!"

"It doesn't matter what you say Eriol. Maybe I _am_ a slut. But I don't regret it." My tongue felt feathery and I managed to stop my tears just for a second, "Because you will _never _in a million years be as decent as he is. And…" my heart was crying. My anger was in my head. My insides felt cold. And I imagined the way I was kissed by Syaoran Li. I imagined the way he would bump his nose against mine and smile against my lips. "…and if anything happens to him…" _I'll never forgive this damn school_.

"If anything happens to him…" Eriol's voice echoed mine, and the bright light got caught in my vision, "…that means he deserved to die."

His face was red. Maybe as red as mine. Maybe his chest was heaving as hard as mine. Maybe he was holding back from hitting me just like I was. But, I never held back. I couldn't hold back on what he deserved. Not after what he said.

I slapped him with every ounce of energy I had. His face reeled back once, surprised. I punched him across his eyes. I grabbed him by his neck. I grabbed his hair. I broke his glasses. I tore his shirt. I kneed him in the groin. I damaged so much that I never saw his fist coming to meet my stomach.

And then all hell broke loose in me.

"_You bastard!_" I swung my fists out again, "_He won't die!_" the tears were coming down and I ignored the sharp pain as he pushed me hard into the sinks, "_I won't let him die!_" And in between tears and screams, I didn't realize Van peeling Eriol off me. I didn't realize sliding down until I met nothing more other than the cold tiles. "I won't…_I won't!_"

And that's how they left me there. My pathetic friends.

* * *

**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

I don't think I've been this scared in such a long time.

I would get beaten badly. I would crack open a beer. A police would hold me at gun point. I would just laugh at him. I would get wasted and see blood in my puke. That would just make me sick.

But never had I been scared. However the second I heard that voice. That name. _Xiao Lang._ The second I opened my eyes I knew something was wrong.

The first thing I saw was…white. There was no Sakura. No Meiling. Just grogginess. And this pain shooting from everywhere. But most of all…my heart had continued to beat hard like someone had been pounding it.

And there were blurry faces.

My throat felt raw and dry. My tongue felt parched. And there was this sour taste underneath my tongue. I tried licking my lips, but it seemed such a effort.

Then the blurry eyes moved over me. Touching me. Pulling my eyes open, while all I wanted to do was roll over and fall back to sleep.

But that voice…I wanted to meet that voice. That stern yet soft voice.

I couldn't hear it anymore. All I was aware of was that my back was stiff and my muscles were numb. The faces above me cleared a little, but all I could make out were large eyes and fat noses. Graying hair and then fingers trying the pull apart my eyes.

"Nggh." I attempted moving my head away, but it felt like lead. And then I was aware of my eyes watering from being kept open for so long. Just watering until I could see the faces no more.

"'ura." The name came out my mouth unguarded. _Sakura_. Where was she?

"Xiao Lang." There was that voice again. "Xiao Lang!" I could hear it so clearly now. Like as if it was right beside my ear.

But my eyes were so tired. I tried moving my fingers a little, groping the sheets below me for Sakura. Where was she?

"Xiao Lang?" That name. I knew it was my name. My Chinese name. The name my father had given me. The name everybody called me by in Hong Kong. Nobody had called me that so closely in years.

"'kura." My fingers couldn't hold anything. There was just emptiness around me. Where was she?

"Xiao Lang. I'm here." No. She wasn't there. That wasn't Sakura's voice. "Xiao Lang. Look at me please." I _was_ looking. But she wasn't there. Where the hell was Sakura?

"Xiao Lang." the voice cried, and then I felt fingers holding my hand. I felt this smooth warmth touching my forehead. "Please." Someone was crying, "Look at me."

The fingers holding my eyes let go, and I tried swinging my head into the direction of the voice. This familiar voice.

And then there she was. There. Right in front of my eyes.

Sitting beside me. Hands holding me, with tears on her face. Looking so scruffy, looking so tired that I almost didn't recognize her.

"M-ma…?"

* * *

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

I didn't move from my spot. I didn't know how long I sat there. But it was just me and the cold tiles. My books were sprawled across. My face was dry with tears. And I was trying to make the floor swallow me up whole.

My stomach was aching from Eriol's punch, and I was trying to make the pain disappear. I was trying to forget everything.

I wasn't particularly thinking about anything. Just…just feeling sorry for myself. Just feeling sorry for the stupidness I had pulled. And feeling stupid in general.

I was in disbelief maybe. In shock. In denial. I'm not sure, but right then…I just didn't want to think. About anything. I didn't want to cry. I didn't want to scream. I didn't want to open my eyes.

I wanted to disappear. Leave without a trace. Erase all these thoughts and memories from my head. And why wasn't that possible? Why wasn't it possible for me to just close my eyes and pretend I was a princess being served at my beck and call. Pretend I was someone else. Pretend I was no longer alive. Just pretend only for a second. Why wasn't that possible? Why couldn't I get one moment of peace? Not one moment of happiness. Why was I incapable of picking myself up and hurling whatever in my stomach into the toilet? Why was I incapable of being strong? Of being normal?

And that's how Yuji Odagiri found me. The tall lanky guy who sat next to me in Computers.

I didn't notice him at first. I didn't pay any attention to him just like the rest of the guys who came in, saw me and left the same second. I didn't even look up when he stopped to stand in front of me. I wasn't looking at him. I was looking at his worn out Adidas. At how their blue laces disappeared inside the shoes. They were scruffy unlike him.

"Sakura?" his voice sounded the same. Just like when he used to annoy me about being a computer-illiterate.

And then he came down on both his knees, fingers reaching out to me before they touched my arm.

Why was he here?

Why wasn't he avoiding me like everyone else?

Why wasn't he out there gossiping about the slut who was hiding out in the boys toilets?

Or had he just come to get a rise out of me?

I flinched at his touch. I drew back before he could take the fabric of my sweater in between his fingers.

"Hey." His voice was soft and low, "You okay?"

Was I? Could I ever be? Why was he here? Why couldn't I just be left alone?

"Sakura?" he nudged my shoulder again before quickly drawing back his hand. "Hey, do you wanna go home?"

His voice was so faint that I couldn't help but look up at him. I couldn't help but notice how sincere he looked. How he had crouched down so we could be at eye-level even on the floor.

My breath came out shaky and with a sob. "N-no." I swallowed hard before I looked back down.

And then I felt him settling next to the wall beside me, his shoes squeaking as they rubbed against the floor, the sleeve of his jacket brushing against mine, "No, you're not okay? Or no, you don't want to go home?"

I shivered lightly, and wished deeply he would just leave, "Both." I croaked.

He was quiet for a moment, and I was counting down the seconds when he would finally blow up and ask me if the rumors were true. If I'd actually been seen at the hospital where Syaoran Li the outcast was admitted. If I was actually his girlfriend. If I had actually lied to my friends all along and been…_doing_ the enemy. The wait felt like so long that I was growing restless. My fingers were trembling faster. My lips burned from gnawing on it for too long. And my nerves were bristling.

"Are you sure?" he asked me finally after what felt like ages, and I couldn't help but glance at him after my anticipation.

His face was passive. Ruby eyes looking at me intently. And not an inch of a smile stretched on his face. Why wasn't he hounding me down with questions? Why wasn't he acting like the rest? Why was he actually sitting in the corner of the boys toilet beside me, looking as if it were the most normal thing to do?

"Why are you here?" I blurted, averting my stinging eyes.

He only snorted, "I could ask you the same thing." But he didn't wait for my reply, "I mean, first of all it's not hygienic to be sitting here like this. And secondly, you're in the _boys_ toilets."

I think he was trying to humor me. But I could feel nothing but this pain soaring through the muscles in my stomach, "Why are you here?" I asked again.

"I'm trying to see how it feels like to be wagging a class." From the corner of my eyes, I could make out a smile on his face. I could feel my guard fall right then. And my eyes closed once again.

"Okay, sitting here counting the tiles is alright, but are you actually planning on _sleeping_ here?" he asked with a nudge against my elbow and I opened my eyes as quickly as I had shut them.

"Yuji," I think that's what everyone called him, "Why are you here?"

Spreading his legs out in front of him, he shoved his hands into his jacket pockets, "I don't think I've told you this before, but Yuji just sounds too old-fashioned. Stick to Yuu alright?"

My impatience edged into me right then. And I think I lost all track of playing nice. "Dammit, what do you want from me?" I didn't mean to snap. I really didn't. It was just my frustration talking. That's all.

But he finally answered me. And he wasn't looking at me this time. That's how I knew he was done with joking around just like I was. "I heard from a few guys you were here. Then thought I might try and get you out before someone else did. Three periods is a long time for some guys to hold it in." I couldn't say I wasn't touched. I couldn't say anything. His mediocre joke allowed for my lips to lift a little.

But he went on like it were nothing, "You know, I'm missing out on Calculus right now. And it's all because of you" When I turned my head to him to greet his annoyance, all I received was this cheeky glint in his eyes, "I can say I won't be missed though."

I didn't know how a boy who never knew me would ever sit here with me like this. Talk to me. Joke to me just to lighten up my mood. Help me when no one else would.

And just like that, I dug my face into my knees and let myself go. I don't know how long I cried, but that one hand on my shoulder let me know I wasn't alone. That not everyone in this school was prejudiced. His presence there to let me know that he didn't care about rumors. For that, I was happy.

I don't know for how long, but I knew I would always be grateful to Yuji…Yuu.

Because sometimes…it actually turned out a stranger could help you better than your friends. That a stranger could understand you better. And was willing to let you know that you're never alone.

* * *

**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

My mother has never been part of my life.

Never.

She loves me, I know that. But usually she was just too chicken to defend me when Dad was around. So there weren't many memories. You know, like those ones you see on TV, where the kid is licking the spatula and the mother is busy making the cake? Or the one where the kid has the flu, and the mother lovingly comes to provide him with tissues and rub Vicks on his back? Ok, those were pathetic ads, but still…in little houses, that's just the way it is.

Take Shiroi's mother. She's so protective of her brats that it's sickening.

But not me and my Mother. Never me and her. When I would take days off school to take care of the cuts Dad would give me, I would probably just see her once in two days maybe. Sometimes she would come up with the maids, pretending to look like she was helping them sort out my bed. Pretend she was going through my books to see how much work I had been doing in class. But it was all just…fucking _pretending_.

That's what pissed me out most of the time. While most kids at school were bitching about their parents about how they had put up curfews or about how they hadn't allowed them to a party or some bullshit. But me, it was like I _had_ no parents I could complain about. People _expected_ me to have a fantastic family just because I was rich. They expected me to go to dinner every evening with my sisters and parents sitting at the table, laughing at how our dog went round underneath the table nicking leftovers.

But, that wasn't the way.

Didn't have a sodding dog…not that I liked one in the first place. My Dad was busy with work or picking on my reports. My mother was too busy with tea parties and those social shitty things. My sisters got together sometimes, gossiping about crap the 'little brother' wasn't supposed to eavesdrop on.

My friends didn't know that I practically had three meals of the day by myself in the bloody gigantic dining room. While they argued about how their parents were being unfair and all, I was busy envying them…or otherwise just ignoring them. Hear not, care not. That's what I went by.

So my eyes might have been blurry. My head might have been only half awake. But that face…you could never forget your mother's face in a lifetime. Never.

And that's how I knew it was her. She might have had bags under her eyes, wiry hair in all places, but that face…that face she had on was the one from every time she would try and get a peek on my bruises when the maids would bandage them up…complimentary of my father offcourse.

But that face…shit…that face. It had been so long. I hadn't seen her for so many years. So many.

"Xiao Lang?" That was Chinese for little wolf. That's what I was supposed to be. A little wolf. But half the people in Japan probably wouldn't be able to even pronounce that, so I stuck to a Japanese name. Shit, I remember it taking some time to become legal. And ever since then, I had forced her to call me Syaoran over the phone.

"Xiao Lang? Please can you hear me?"

"Ma'am I assure this is a normal phase."

"But he's not saying anything!"

"Ma'am, it's a procedure. He might not be able to make out his surroundings for a few minutes. It will take a little bit of time for him to adjust."

"But he—,"

"I assure you ma'am. No matter how long, his brain is yet trying to get to its normal pace. It'll take time."

"But—,"

"It is perfectly normal to be disorientated. A week is a long time after all."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes ma'am I am. Now, if you'll please. We should gather a few more test before visiting hours can be allocated. Please—,"

"No! I'll prefer to stay here with my son!"

"Ma'am please. It's not a concern. He is out of harm's way, and it is absolutely crucial that we see a few more blood tests and levels."

Fuck. These voices. So many fucking…people around me. Like I was in some crowded room.

I could make out the voices. I could make out my mother's voice. I could make out her mouth kissing my forehead. After more than five years she was finally in front of my face. She was finally here with me.

Her face was the last thing I saw.

Because there was this sudden pain in my chest. Something was rolling up my throat before it finally came out pouring through my mouth.

And then my eyes rolled back.

* * *

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

Rumors were like mosquitoes. It was a perfect verdict. Like mosquitoes they eventually got around to everyone. They bit you and tortured you. It would scab away until it itched and itched and bled. It would go away eventually. But that scar would still be there. That scar that would remind you of your misery day after day.

This depression. You wanted to be rid of it, but it's like…it's like you also depended on it.

And sometimes, people lived and died so much on rumors that it made me sick to know that no matter how much you resisted from gossiping, it would just get worse. It was such an old-school topic. Gossiping. Bitching. The sorts. People got their thrills from manipulating secrets and twisting them until...until it wasn't much of a secret anymore. Until it wasn't anything private or special.

So now, it wasn't just about me. It wasn't just how Sakura Kinomoto had secretly been doing the nastiest bad boy druggie, but also about the stupid, clueless boy who had come to her rescue.

As it turned out, Yuu Odagiri had actually the nerve to talk to the 'recently turned' outcast in the boys toilets no less. He had managed to stay there with her for an entire period and talk her into finally escaping her temporary haven. But although he didn't become a target he was definitely scorned by association.

Not that Yuu cared that is.

Right now, he was walking me to Chemistry. A book under his arm and the other in his pockets. His eyes were on me. And I was suddenly jealous of his braveness. Of just the way he looked so loose and...normal.

He didn't care. He didn't care who saw him with me. He didn't care for rumors. He didn't give a damn about gossips. And that made me happy.

Believe it or not, I actually felt a little better. I was walking with my head up, and Yuu was there beside me, making lame talk that was meant to be funny. And I was…happy. Because people were looking our way. Talking behind their hands. Scowling. Laughing. Pointing. But sod it.

Although they didn't know what they were supposed to know, I didn't care anymore either. Maybe they didn't know the truth, but at least I did. Maybe they didn't care about Syaoran Li. But at least I did.

I didn't care if I were to bump into Eriol or Van or anyone. I didn't care about what they had to say to me.

Because I was done caring. I was done giving shit about what other people thought of me. About my reputation.

Yuu grabbed my elbow before he left me. He didn't smile. I think his smiling quota for the day was finished. He was back to his-grumpy-highness behavior.

"Ignore them." he hissed into my ears before giving me one last little smile. And then he was gone. I was alone once again. But this time I had been left with resistance. With courage.

A few kids were already there, majority of them smirking my way as if I was some insect wing on display. I took a seat where no one usually sat. Away from the back row and away from at least half the class's eyes. In the corner where the window sat. Where colourful displays hung. Where I could sit and brood, and still in the end never have to look at Van and Eriol.

When the two came in, I was looking out the window. When they sat down at the back, I saw through them the corner of my eyes. And that was all it took to make the blood rush to my head.

They weren't talking like they usually would have. Eriol looked pissed. And Van at the tensest I've ever seen him. They didn't talk to the guys around them and just opened up their textbooks. Mine still lay on my desk, unopened and a pen inside it. I looked down at my hands, and pressed them to get the colour back into them. They looked so lifeless. Like they could drop off any moment.

My head was splitting bit by bit, and even concentrating on whatever the teacher was illuminating us on about the exams, was killing me.

I didn't want to be there.

I really didn't.

I didn't want to sit there, knowing that everyone around me hated me, gossiped about me, laughed and would take every opportunity to just taunt me. Knowing that there were two guys behind me glaring into the back of my head. Wishing I'd just drop dead.

But I had to sit there. I just _had_ to. Because I hadn't done anything wrong. I hadn't committed a crime. I hadn't hurt anyone…okay yes, other than Van. I might have cheated on him with a just a few kisses with Syaoran, but the situation had been different. Because in the end that was it. If they hated me for being with a guy who drank and too drugs, then screw them.

Those weren't the things that made Syaoran. Even when I had been with him…even for a little while, he hadn't been wasted.

They didn't know him. They didn't _deserve_ to know him. Because he was normal just like anyone. He had flaws just like everyone. He got angry. He got happy. He got sad. He cried. He laughed. He felt pain. He was normal.

And it was no one's business. I could be with whoever I wanted to. I could be with Syaoran Li, because it was none of their damn business!

It was my life. My tears. My expense. My happiness. I could share it with whoever I wanted. I could cry for whoever I wanted. Because it was my choice. Only mine. And if they didn't understand, then there was nothing I could do. I couldn't change anyone's mind. I couldn't force anyone to listen to me. I couldn't change the entire school's opinions.

And that's how I sat there. My thoughts to keep me company and the window to look out of.

I walked out the second bell went. And this time, no one was after me. Waiting for me. No one said a word to me. I went to my locker. I slammed in my locker, and I ignored the fact that Yuu had asked me to wait outside my class for him. I ignored the thought of Yuu. Of what he had said to me. _So you might not be like anyone from this school. But that just makes you even more normal._

I ignored the way some people purposely tried to bump into. Ignored guys who came out of their way to brush by me. I ignored their stupidity. Their bloody ignorance.

I just wanted to see Meiling. Or Yamazaki. Or Shiroi. I wanted to talk to them. To ask them about Syaoran. How he was. I wanted to ask them so many things about him.

I got to the backfield where their lot hanged out. From the distance I could make out Shiroi's wild hair. I could make out that Chiharu girl by the benches taking a swing out of something in her fist.

And then there was this girl in front of me. Tall and pretty and looking furious. Actually there were two other, but she was just in my face. And then her hands were at my shoulders pushing me back.

"Sakura right?" she spat, her face twisting and contorting that I backed away a few steps. I didn't say anything, because she didn't give me a chance to. "The bitch screwing my boyfriend?"

"Uh—," the words didn't come out because she gave me another sharp shove. And then another. After another.

"You fucking slut!" I didn't see her fist coming. I didn't see the other girls coming up around behind me. I wasn't thinking I guess. But I knew who she was. She was that girl who I'd see making out with Syaoran in the first few days of school. The girl by his side. The girl I'd last seen him kissing by our lockers.

Her punch hit me across my face, and it pinched so many needles that I stumbled.

"Wha—,"

She cut me off with another punch across my face and then the next thing I knew, we were in a tangle. I was trying to get away from the grasp of two girls. Shielding myself. Slashing out my arms. And hoping for the girl to just finish pulling my hair and kneeing me and slapping me and punching my neck.

I wasn't given an opportunity to get anything out of my mouth. But I could taste blood. Helpless tears. And this spurge of anger before I pulled my fist back and gave the girl everything I had in the face.

"Get the fuck _off_ me!" I kicked her, then elbowed one of the other girls in the ribs. I was hurling around so madly that I never noticed the new faces. I never noticed hands holding me back. I was just panting. Furious. So… so damn angry. My hands were shaking. And I could feel my face burning.

But that girl's face was yet so near. Although her hands were held back, I could see her snarling and swearing. But I couldn't hear anything, but I could everything through my blurry eyes. I just fell back into whoever was holding me and their arms tightened.

For a second Syaoran came into my mind. For a second I was thinking about the same way he had held me back when I'd been on an angry mode at his party. For a stupid second, I expected him to be there. Holding me. Smiling at me. Oh God! I expected him to be there! Near me. Smiling at me. His mouth kissing me. My heart was racing and crying. I was screaming. That's when I heard myself. And that's when disappoint hit me the most. It wasn't Syaoran Li. It was just Yamazaki. His hands dragging me away. It wasn't Syaoran. It wasn't the guy I wanted it to be.

I was barely aware of Shiroi and Chiharu and a few other guys behind us.

But that was it.

I broke down for the third time that day.

I missed him. I missed him so much! If only he were there next to me, holding my hand. I would have had all the strength in the world to face anyone and everyone. If he were there with me, I wouldn't have cried a single tear. I would have happily kissed him in front of the entire school. If only he were there!

But he wasn't.

Not even his ghost.

He was just somewhere so far away. And I missed him.

* * *

**§ђϊη§зϊ-Кσќσѓσ**

**Author's Little Note: **

_Honestly, it is utterly depressing to write depressing things. That's how I feel anyway, and that's the reason I haven't been updating. And a bit of writer's block too. It's like I need to keep running into some sort of inspiration to write depressing pages._

_Well, I have to tell you guys that HOH is somewhat nearing its end. Maybe three more chapters, including the epilogue. I'm still waging on what sort of an ending I should give this. Hoping for a bittersweet. Definitely not a fluff one, but who knows…knowing me, I might as well turn it sappy and happy._

_I've decided to give this fic a sort of a theme song. 'Everything' by Lifehouse. Fell in love with it the first time I heard it. So please download it. Go on. The words fit in so well and the way everything builds up at the end is so awesome. By the way, also remember to check out my promo cover pic for this fic. You'll find it down on my bio page, where I have info on my current stories. _

_On the other hand, I'm sorry for the slow updates. Blame it on school and work. Balancing my life like this is getting quite tedious. So yeah…tell me how you liked this chappy!_

_P.S. Thank you to those who took time to write to me about my errors and the things I need to improve on. You guys are awesome! Rock on._


	24. Firefly

**A/N:** Before you guys read on, I have something to say. THANK YOU to all those wonderful reviews! Ahhhh, I can't say thank you enough. I had long ones and short ones. Sweet ones and constructive ones. And I loved reading each and every one of them! So thank you for taking the time to read and review.

Now you guys can read on. …and continue cursing me for the achingly long time I've taken to update. Stupid SK…stupid stupid

* * *

**Title: **Head Over Heels 

**Author: **Shinsei Kokoro

**Chapter: **24: Firefly

**Updated: **13th September 2006

* * *

**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

I don't know how long I spent staring at my hands. Or how long I stayed shut. My head blank, my skin cold, and my fingers shaking.

I needed a smoke. I needed to get up. I needed to know if I was dreaming or not.

Every time I tried coughing, no sound came out. My throat felt raw, itchy, soar and as if it would come crawling out of my mouth. Everything felt weighed on me. The lights. The faces. Their voices.

I was confused. That wasn't even the word for it. I was…was so…so…lost…so dead

My eyes kept closing every few minutes, and there were these nurses taking tests. These Doctors opening my eyes wide and asking me weird questions. Like what my name was. I mean, of course I knew what my fucking name was.

I just wanted to know what the hell I was doing there. Why I couldn't get up. Why…why all these faces were suddenly appearing over mine. Saying stuff I could barely hear or understand.

I heard my name again. "Xiao Lang."

And I saw my mother. I saw my…mother. Her face. That face I had missed for so long. That face I had forced myself to forget each day.

I had been close to having a freaking heart attack. My mother wasn't in Hong Kong. My mother was here. Right here. Sitting beside me. Holding my hand. Crying. She was here with me. In Japan. In Tomoeda. My mother. Fuck.

I felt something wet fall out of my eyes. And I coughed. I kept coughing.

Then there were these people. These hands holding me up. Snapping something over my nose. Stinging something into my arm.

But I didn't stop coughing.

I wanted to cry. I…I…wanted to breathe. Because there was all this red blood. This…just so much…blood.

* * *

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

I wasn't listening.

I wasn't thinking.

I just…I just couldn't stop crying.

I couldn't ignore the pain aching in my body. I couldn't ignore the taste of blood in my mouth.

First there was Chiharu, one of Meiling's friends. She was wiping away the blood on my face. Then there was Yamazaki holding onto my shoulders, and his voice soft and hard at the same time.

"Sakura."

They kept saying my name. They kept making me look up.

But I couldn't stop. I just couldn't stop.

I missed him.

I missed Syaoran Li. I missed him not being there. I missed him not watching my back. Waiting to kiss me. Waiting to hate me.

"Hey. Kinomoto!" I snapped when someone shook my shoulders, and I looked up out of instinct to see Shiroi. I wished he couldn't see me. That he couldn't see the tears on my face. But his face cringed slightly, and he looked away.

"Sakura, are you okay?" Yamazaki looked at me carefully.

I looked at him hard. So hard that I wished I would melt on the spot. But I shook my head instead. "I hate it." It came out as a hoarse cry, "I hate it!"

Why was it becoming harder? So…so unbelievably impossible?

Why was…why was everything around me falling apart?

Why was I…just drowning away?

"Man…" Yamazaki mumbled to himself, then slowly pushed me down onto a chair. "Just…sit tight."

I looked up for a moment. Looked at the cream walls around us, with posters of Red Cross and medical clinics.

Stumbling, they had bought me to the Nurse. And with an aghast face, she had quickly bandaged me up, giving me disapproving glances all the while. And then they had taken me to another school corner.

Here I was now. Yamazaki and Shiroi standing in front of me, and Chiharu sitting on some loaded red bricks.

For a second, I closed my eyes, and wiped away my face. For a second…I willed myself to stop the tears. To stop myself from falling into pieces all over again.

And when Yamazaki inched down so sit on his heels, I looked at him. The words came blurting out, "I want to see him." A whimper escaped and I clenched my nails into my palms, "Please."

His face tensed slightly, looking away just when Chiharu spoke up for him. "Don't think you're the only who's been wanting to see him."

Yamazaki explained before I could snap back at her, "We would take you to see him. But that's not really possible, 'cause we haven't been allowed to see him either."

"This fucking lady actually said she'd call the cops for us." Shiroi kicked the wall as he tried scuffing dirt of his chucks. "She said a whole lot of other bullshit. And when we said we were his mates, I swear to God, she looked like she was so gonna fucking kill us. Shit, she screamed all this nasty crap, and we just had to leave. All these people were there. They didn't do nothing, but that lady. God, if I see her again, I might just—," he trailed off with a threatening look in his eyes, and he sat down on another bench.

I dug my face into my hands, sighing, "And that would be Syaoran's mother."

There was silence. "Oh." He chorused after a while.

I wasn't surprised. I really wasn't. But something in me sort of deflated. I mean, all this time I'd been hoping that somehow I would be able to sneak in. To somehow get past everything and return next to Syaoran. I thought just maybe, his friends would understand me and…and get me to see him.

I was just…I was just so desperate. So…needy. He was there one second. Right in front of me. And then he was gone. Things like that weren't supposed to happen. Things like that…things like that were _never_ supposed to happen.

"How is he?" I didn't need to look up to know my answer. "Have you…have you heard anything?"

"Meiling called last night," Shiroi's whisper was almost deadly, "I could tell she was a bloody mess the second she opened her mouth…and Syaoran's just…just the same apparently. Hasn't woken up."

I won't lie. But it felt like someone had squeezed my heart. It took just three words. _Hasn't woken up._

Three words that I've never had to deal with. Three words I never really new the meaning to. Three words that meant life and death.

"Where's Meiling?" I shook myself violently.

"Who knows." Shiroi didn't glance up, then when he did I saw this miserable smile, "But where ever she is, she's fucking nailed."

"If that was her family," Yamazaki interrupted, "Then she must be with them. She hasn't been to school…so it looks like she either hasn't been allowed to, or she's just…a mess."

"Offcourse she hasn't been allowed to." Chiharu's voice was soft. For a while I thought she wouldn't say anything. To me she was always a small girl of big harsh words. But she sniffed slightly and Yamazaki went to put an arm around her. I felt sort of cold. "She's never gonna come back." Chiharu was sobbing now. Her face was in Yamazaki's shirt and he was kissing the top of her head. It felt so cold that I had to shiver.

"Chiharu, just shut the fuck up." Shiroi was yet in his corner, "Don't say—,"

"Hey!" she tore away from her boyfriend's hold, "Don't you fucking tell me what to say! I knew her! And I knew _all_ about her! And they will never let her come back!"

"Don't fucking say that you bitch!"

"It's the truth! They won't let her come back! Both of them! And you know it yourself!"

I was lost. I was in a void. Their yells flew above me and all I could do was try and make sense of what was being said.

"She…" Shiroi was up on his feet once again, fists quivering beside him, "She'll come back…and so will Syaoran."

And then Chiharu just collapsed into tears. Loud wailing tears. I didn't know she was capable of crying. I didn't know she was capable of showing warmth. But she was crying. And Shiroi had fallen back down on his seat, hands cradling his head and his jaw clenching and unclenching.

Around me Yamazaki seemed like the only who was holding himself together. The only one not releasing his frustration. And somehow, I got the idea that out the three of them, it was Yamazaki hurting the most. He was the closest to Syaoran. Almost like his best friend. But in this group, everything was so confusing. Every one of these outcasts were so detached in their own way. Like as if they belonged to a different world all together. Like their problems didn't meet ours at all.

And their lives. They lived in apartments. Did that mean that they didn't have families? Or did it mean that they had moved away from home. They were so close, living together in an apartment building, partying every other night, and not another care in their world. It made me wonder why they had chosen this way of life. Why was Syaoran here in the first place?

If his family had been from Hong Kong, why was he here? Living so poorly when his family was well off. Why was he doing drugs? Hadn't his family tried to stop him? Hadn't his family tried to come bring him back? Didn't they ever come see him? What was his past?

"They're loaded y'know." Yamazaki brought Chiharu in his hold to sit in between me and Shiroi.

I looked up, having just listened to the creak of the bench when they sat.

"Syaoran and Meiling." His voice was so soft I barely heard it, "Their families are one of the richest in Hong Kong."

I looked up squarely, dropping any pretenses, and my mouth hung open slightly. I…I had never known that. I had never…

"They're richer than everyone in this entire fucking school put together." Shiroi spat, "Even your bloody friends. They're like fucking ants in front of the Li name. Syaoran, that lucky bastard, he's even the next heir or something to their family company." A strangled laugh escaped him and I watched him closely.

I felt a tingle pass through my spine, and my ears felt like they were pounding. I sucked on my bleeding lip.

"Syaoran was sent here as an exchange student." Yamazaki went on, but his eyes were holed onto the ground, "We met him in elementary. He was…he was different back then. Quiet. Sort of shy at first. He kept to himself. He was…he used to be so fucking blank that…that sometimes you couldn't tell what he'd be thinking."

"But he wasn't one bit like the rich wankers," Shiroi added in, leaning back and thudding the back of his head against the wall, "We never knew. Not until when he invited us over eh Yama?"

A small smile graced Yamazaki's face. Like he was thinking about something pleasant. Those old memories must have been wonderful. "Yeah." He squeezed Chiharu in his arms, "Yeah. He had a butler." A chuckle escaped, "I'd never met anyone who even had a maid. But this guy…"

"Syaoran's apartment used to be up the high street." Shiroi said, "He had his own car…at elementary that too. He had…he had everything."

"We used to be jealous sometimes." Yamazaki glanced at his friend, and they both smiled. But it disappeared as quickly as it had appeared, "But…we never knew," he paused to look at me closely, as if eyeing me to know if he could trust me with what he was going to say, "We never knew how jealous he was of _us_."

The sentence reverberated in my chest. And I shook my frozen fingers, "Why?" I croaked.

For a few seconds I didn't get an answer. Even Chiharu's sobs had ceased. It was like I could feel it. Feel their tense minds. Their brain cogs turning.

Finally Yamazaki murmured hoarsely, "The Lis are different." His breath was shaky and slow, "They're an old family and they live on keeping up with the traditions and keeping the family name solid." I could hear hesitance in his voice, but I didn't ask him to stop. I didn't know where my voice had disappeared to. But I wanted to keep him continuing. I wanted to know everything there was to know. This was my opportunity. "I've never met them, so I guess this was the first time they had been to Japan."

"Hell, I think this was the first time any of them had seen him over so many years." Shiroi mumbled.

"Yeah. Syaoran…Syaoran wanted his distance. I remember his mother calling to ask him to come back a few times, but…but he didn't."

"Why?" I asked again.

"Why?" Yamazaki repeated my question, "Syaoran hated it." He swallowed thickly, "He hated his name. He hated being rich. He hated himself."

"He had no one until he met us." Shiroi sneered, then pointedly looked at me, "He didn't really want anyone."

I didn't get it. I didn't understand.

"Back in Hong Kong. He had an image to hold. He had responsibilities. He had his own straitjacket." Yamazaki's smile was crooked, "And he hated it. Because it's hard being rich. It's so fucking…hard." A breath was exhaled, "He didn't have a life. He didn't have his own name. He was just another Li. He didn't have choices to make. He couldn't choose which party to go to. Where to go in the weekend. What subjects to do next year. Y'see he hated. He hated his life. But here. Here, in Tomoeda. It's his home. His _real _home. His independence grew up here. His fucking entire attitude grew up here."

"But he was a good guy." Chiharu's voice was soft from Yamazaki's hold, "He did his dope. He started laughing more. He got angry like everyone else. And he gave us a place to live."

The apartment. The crowded apartment with too little rooms and too many people. The apartment with littered rubbish and beer cans in every corner.

"He let's us stay with him. We pay him a little. But he handles everything. Even strangers. He let's us stay. No matter what." A tear rolled down her eyes, "No matter who you are. An asshole. A bitch. A druggie. He let's us stay. And…and he's the only one who ever has." It seemed like she could say no more. Chiharu held onto tightly to Yamazaki, each breath laboured and each sob into his jacket.

It made my eyes sting. For a moment I couldn't see.

"We're not rich." Shiroi's confession seemed amusing to him, "Not as rich as him. But I have things that he can never have."

What things? What was it?

"I have a family." he looked at me softly, "I have people who love me even though I've been arrested twice." So much. So much dedication. "It used to make him miserable before. He used to get arrested, and Meiling used to get money from his bank to bail him out. But now…now he kicks it. Nothing can make him care. No bullshit."

It was cold, but I could feel it. Each word was like a thread. A thread sewing me an image. An image of a boy called Syaoran. A new image.

Maybe deep inside I had an idea. Maybe I knew about how hopeless he really was. About how he had no one but himself and these friends he called family. Maybe I knew who he really was. This boy filled with nothing but anger and grief. This boy who each smile was priceless. This boy whose each touch made my heart fly. Maybe I knew there must have been something that made him so special.

But these things. I never knew these things.

"Meiling came a while after we finished elementary." Yamazaki went on, "She ran away from home."

I looked up with a jerk.

Shiroi chuckled, "She cleaned out some money. Bought a plane ticket and came to find her cousin. That's pretty gutsy for some girl who's been a princess for all her life."

I couldn't imagine it. I couldn't imagine Syaoran and Meiling dressed in neat, tanned clothes. Eating off silver plates. Sleeping in rooms the size of their apartment. Looking…clean, rich, sophisticated, polite. I couldn't imagine them without their cocky smiles, without their rigid eyes. Without their intensity and rebellious look. I couldn't imagine them.

"Offcourse they called. Her father even tried coming here and dragging her back. But then…" Yamazaki trailed off with a reminiscing tone.

"Then what?" I whispered.

"Then it all turned downhill I guess." He sighed, then spoke with his lips against Chiharu's forehead, "Syaoran doesn't speak much about it. But things got fucked up with their family business. His dad got sick with depression. And then…and then he died. Just this year. Probably a few days after you got here."

I…I had never known that. His father. Syaoran's father. I had never…never known. Syaoran had never…I was never told.

"They lost several companies. And apparently most of the businesses were sold to pay off loans and all that shit. That's all Syaoran ever told us." Yamazaki said, "And then…and then his mother started calling. Asking him to come home, but Syaoran just made his excuses. In her eyes, he was still a transfer student working hard at school and living with Meiling. She paid for his bail once, but the only crime she thinks he ever committed was getting into a car accident. He's—he _was_ always a fucking good boy to her. Let's see what's gonna happen next…once he gets up."

When he finished, this familiar silence engulfed us all. Bell rang, but we still sat there.

For so long, we sat, and tears just fell.

So she knew. She finally knew. I guess I could imagine it now. I could imagine how Syaoran's mother would be feeling right then. Seeing her son after so many years, in a hospital no less. From a drug overdose.

I guess I could imagine why she was keeping him isolated. I guess I could tell why she felt so tormented. It would be hard. It would be mind blowing. Knowing that your son, a boy who had been following the name of good all his life, had actually gotten his name tainted. I guess…I guess I could feel for her.

A mother. She was just a mother in the end. And what would a mother do at a time like this? What would a mother do when finding out her son was neither dead or alive? What would she do seeing his closed eyes and pale face? What would she be going through? I couldn't imagine.

I couldn't.

I couldn't imagine her horror.

* * *

**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

It was cold.

Really cold.

There was something on my face. And…and I could open my eyes. Just wide enough. So many bright lights. So fucking…bright.

I could breath.

I could hear. Noises. Beeps. Voices. This muddle right next to my ears.

I could see. People. This man leaning over me.

"Syaoran Li." His face was so bright, "Can you hear me?"

I could feel. I could feel my toes. My fingers. This pain in my back.

"Syaoran Li." The voice touched me again, "I'm your doctor. Huen Lao. Can you hear me?"

Doctor. Doctor?

"You're in Ishigami Private Hospital. Can you hear me?"

I looked at him again. This man. He was speaking. So yes. Shit. Offcourse I could hear him.

"Syaoran Li. Can you hear me?"

I let out a breath to speak. But nothing came out. My mouth felt dry and sour. But…nothing came out. Why…why couldn't I speak?

"Nurse." I heard him say. And then there were these other hands. Pushing something to my face. I turned away, but something just jammed into mouth. And…and I drank.

Something cold.

Something really cold. But…but it warmed me inside. It pushed through my throat. It dribbled over my face before the cup was pulled away. Water. It was just water.

"Syaoran Li?"

I glanced up again, and I opened my mouth. A doctor. This was a doctor.

"Y…yea…" The moment I spoke, there were noises. Loud noises. These voices all at once, and I couldn't focus.

"Bring in his mother." The doctor called back before looking down on me again. He smiled once. Then adjusted something beside me, "Good morning Mr. Li. How do you feel?"

* * *

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

It was hard not to shiver.

I hugged myself hard. Pulled my sweater tighter around me. Dug my chin into my chest. It wasn't cold, but I was still shivering.

I held my crucifix tight in my fist, letting its edges burrow into my skin.

I don't know how many bells had rung. Maybe two? Three? Shiroi didn't budge. Neither did Yamazaki and Chiharu. They sat tight. In silence. Comfortable silence. And it was for the best. For the best that we didn't talk. For the best that we didn't see the tears in each other's eyes. The silence was good. It almost brought some sort of peace.

'_Yeah.'_ My heart shook. I could hear him. His husky voice in my ears. His lips brushing against my skin. I could almost feel it. _'I'm real.' _That had been a while ago. The first time I had kissed him.

I swallowed hard. Clutched the crucifix to my face. Yes. He had been real. A real guy. And he wasn't perfect. Because he was human.

'_Sakura.'_ I could hear it. The way he called out my name so roughly and yet…sweetly. _'I didn't ask you to leave.'_ It couldn't be helped. The tears fell on command. They dropped into my hands.

'_Is that better than what your boyfriend gives you?'_ These goose bumps rose up my arms, and I tried to imagine his expectant face. '_So that I know if I should improve or not.'_ No. Offcourse not. He never needed to improve. At least not for me. There was nothing more I wanted than what I already had.

'_Sakura…'_

I watched the green weed growing in between the cement cracks under my shoes. I watched an ant move its way across my feet. I watched dried yellow leaves scuffle with each soft blow of the wind.

'_Sakura.'_

It made me think. And it seemed funny.

Someone might be on the verge of death. Someone might be crying. Someone might be in pain. But outside that person. Beyond that person. Everything still remained the same. Nothing stopped. Everything still went on. The hands of time never stopped for anyone. Not even the most desperate of all people.

'_I like bitches.'_ He was so stupid. So blunt.

For a second, I squeezed my eyes shut. I tried to imagine myself.

Myself in a little corner in the waiting room. Myself sobbing and howling. Myself tearing away. And then…and then I tried to imagine a few people watching me. A few people who happened to be from my school, wagging only just to come and visit a friend in emergency.

A few people who happened to ask around, inquiring why Sakura Kinomoto and Meiling Li were huddled in a corner bawling. Just a few people. A few people who ended up telling the school what they had heard and seen. A few people who asked around before finally finding out what Sakura Kinomoto had to do with Syaoran Li.

They were only a few people.

People who I hoped were happy for being so insufferable. Just…some people.

Word had gotten around apparently. When Chiharu had said something about me and Syaoran. Someone had seen us. I don't know where. When. But someone had seen us together.

And…and so it just happened.

I smiled to myself.

I hoped they were happy. Happy that a rumor had finally been called true.

But I didn't care. I really didn't. I wouldn't give a rat's ass if photos of me and Syaoran making out were sent around. I wouldn't give a damn.

'_Sakura…'_

Maybe I should have asked Yuu. My new friend. Maybe I should have just ended up asking him. But I couldn't. I couldn't drag him into this anymore. Friends helped. They didn't solve your problems. And Yuu had helped enough.

"Yamazaki?" my voice shattered the silence. Our beautiful silence. But the eyes around me regarded it invitingly.

The boy looked at me. And I smiled the best I could.

"Take me to Syaoran. And I'll deal with his mother."

'_I didn't ask you to leave.'_ No. Offcourse not. How could I ever leave?

* * *

**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

I guess one second I was alive…and the next…dead. Almost dead. What else were people in a coma?

That's what I got told.

It was cocaine overdose…and fuck…I…I could hardly remember anything. I could hardly remember when? How? Where?

I'd been dead to the world for over a week. An entire week.

And the first person I had to see…was her. _My mother_.

They had helped me drink some more water…and she was there. Standing there. Crying. In her typical suit and shawl. That same hairstyle. Those same wrinkly eyes.

That had been the shock of my life. I had almost choked seeing her. I hadn't believed it for a moment. And for that second…I thought I might have been dreaming again. But no. She was for real. I thought she could have been someone else. But no…no one else could ever look like her.

And then I waited for it.

I waited for the slap. For the curses. I waited for her to yell and scream and tear out her voice. I waited.

Because I had been holding it out for too long. So many years.

Offcourse I had known that one day she would find out. That one day she would realize what I had become. How much I had changed. Offcourse I had thought about that. But that one day…I guess I never thought about how soon it would come.

But she didn't say a word. She was holding me gingerly. Pressing her cheek next to mine and letting her wet tears roll on my skin.

"Stupid…" I could hear her mutter in between her cries.

And bloody hell…I just fell into her.

I let her hug me. Smother me with kisses. And then she was holding my face tight. Her eyes were tearful but hard.

"How could you…?" she asked shaking her head. "How?"

That's how it went in the end. After years of waiting for this moment. This is how it went. We just cried together. Me and my mother.

Fuck…I couldn't help it. I couldn't fucking hold it in anymore. I couldn't.

I was tired. Physically and mentally.

I was so…so tired. And I wanted it over and done with. I just gave in. I let everything come out.

And I told her. Slowly. In my moment of confession.

I was a bad boy.

I've been to jail over seven times. I've been beaten up by officers. For abuse, for under-age drinking, drug-use, anything you fucking name it. I've nearly killed. I've been fined thousands for damaging personal property. I was a mess. A drug-addict. I was a…I was a _freaking stoner_.

And I guess she couldn't help but look disgusted. I guess she just couldn't help gritting her teeth and looking away.

But she knew.

She out of all people knew why. Why I had become like this. Why I had never said a word. Sitting there on the edge of my bed, I knew that she knew.

Because she never said anything else.

She just held me again and kissed my forehead. "I swear…" her voice was hard to hear, "I promise…I'll take care of you."

I didn't stop crying even when she was forced to leave.

I was…I was…I didn't have words for the first time.

But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't ashamed for the first time either.

* * *

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

We took Yamazaki's Honda out onto the road before last period class even ended. It was beaten up. Had torn seating. And stunk of smoke. But it would do.

I suppose I should have said something to Yuu. Because I knew he would be waiting by my locker after school. He would be waiting for me, wondering where I could be. Wondering if I was in the bathroom again crying my eyes out. But it was too late to turn back now.

We got a narrow space in the hospital parking lot, and I pitched in with Chiharu to pay for the fare.

Shiroi hadn't stopped dialing numbers on his cell phone. And Yamazaki looked so stressed that for a second I thought he might as well yank the steering wheel out of its hold.

The three of them followed behind me, while I sped in front.

In truth, I had no idea what I could say to Syaoran's mother. I had nothing planned. I had nothing to back me up. But there was only one thing I wanted. I wanted to see him. I was desperate to see him. To see his face. To see his results. I was so desperate that my hands felt clammy and cold as we reached the ICU unit.

My heart was shuddering in my ribcage. And my face felt like it would burst any second.

But I stopped. I stopped before I reached the doors.

It was stupid. Utterly stupid.

But I straightened my sweater out. I patted down my pants, and pushed my hair off my shoulders. I rubbed any dirt from my eyes and licked my lips. If I had turned around that moment, I would have seen Yamazaki and Shiroi awkwardly trying to tuck in their shirts, and Chiharu pulling up the zipper to her jacket.

And then we entered.

We probably looked like a group of misfits in the grey and blue setting, but in the end we just kept on walking. A few of the nurses glanced at us out of mild interest, but we didn't stop until we reached the fifth ward. I remember a 'Syaoran Li' card being perched on the door next to the other patient names, but we walked by thrice without finding one.

In a moment of frustration, I walked in into a ward I had ached to enter a week ago. But it wasn't it. Because in a bed where I had last seen Syaoran lying was a middle-aged woman with an oxygen mask snapped on instead.

I panicked.

I swear to God, my stomach jumped to my throat.

"Excuse me." An elderly nurse scowled at us from above her perched glasses, "Who're you looking for?"

"S-Syaoran Li." Yamazaki and Shiroi spoke at once.

The nurse looked down at her clipboard before glaring at us, "There's no one by the name of Syaoran Li here I'm sorry."

And that's when I lost it.

Something happened. Something. I snapped. And I screamed. I screamed at the top of my lungs.

"No!" I felt for the door behind me. I kept screaming.

God I thought I was going to collapse.

But I tore out of the ward with very ounce of energy in me.

I ran down the hallway. The reception stopped me, and I panted over it.

"Syaoran Li! Where is he!" I was pounding the divider. I was feeling a rush of hotness pierce through me.

Like I was being sliced open.

I felt cold.

Somewhat.

"Miss, please—,"

"No!" I yelped, scrunching a few papers on the table top, "_Where_ is Syaoran Li!"

And then she started typing furiously.

I barely heard footsteps behind me. Someone barely grabbing hold of my elbow.

"He's…" the woman's voice stalled as she scanned her eyes over the computer screen, "He's not checked in."

_No._ _God, please no. Don't let him be gone._

"He…" Suddenly the lady behind the desk whirled on her chair, "He's been transferred to a private clinic."

And I crumbled at those words. The world just fell around me as I collapsed on my knees.

I barely heard Yamazaki asking which hospital. And I zoned everything out when the lady said that that was classified information no one was allowed to.

Why?

Why was this happening?

Why was it that Syaoran Li was making my life miserable? That just the thought of him dead was like a bullet to my chest? Why? Was I going mad? Was I finally loosing it? Each dead end. Each time I thought I was just a little bit closer to being near him. Each time I was taking a jump away from him. God I wantedto see him so bad. So bad!

"Sakura. Come on."

When was I going to see him?

When?

"Come on, people are staring." Chiharu helped me out through doors.

For a second when I was about to collapse by the main entrance, Shiroi caught me just in time. He held my shoulders tight until we reached the car. We sat for an hour in the car. Chiharu trying her best to make me stop crying, and Shiroi and Yamazaki just sitting quietly in the front of the car.

They dropped me home on their way.

There was no one at the door when I went in and I flung my sandals away in a moment of contorted rage. Kero came to my feet after mere seconds, barking and licking at my feet.

I stared at the bright fur on him before I bent down to bury my face in his neck. He whined as I fell beside him, my tears soaking him and leaving him confused. He didn't understand. He didn't realize that I had finally reached a point of never getting back up. He didn't realize it. Because he was a dog. A lucky dog.

I fell asleep by the door steps with Kero struggling to escape my weight on his tail. I fell asleep remembering Syaoran's fingers in mine.

'_Sakura…I'm real.'_

Was he? Could any real person ever cause this much pain?

* * *

**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

I cried myself to sleep. Pretty darn pathetic for a seventeen year old but screw it.

The nurses didn't really look bothered, but ended up placing a box of tissues beside me anyways.

I wasn't aware of much, but they kept taking my blood and making tests. I could hardly move any part of my body, so I was stuck. Stuck to think and think. I was a stoner and my mother knew it. I didn't know what was going to happen to me, but I did find out that I had just barely made it.

The pain had hardly gone. So there were still a few times I shook uncontrollably on my bed, sweating and crying, hoping that this burn in my chest would just suck me up whole. There would come the oxygen masks and then I would just vomit onto the bed sheets. It was like a routine. Shivering. Feeling this restlessness and kicking away sheets. By the end of my first day into the world they kept me on low sedatives.

And then I got visitors on the third day. When I had seen Mother, I hadn't realized that she would bring half the family with her.

My sisters came with their husbands. They didn't say a word. They just sat there. Fanren, my eldest sister kissed me tight on my forehead. Xiefa wouldn't look me in the eye. Shaozeng stood by the door. Uncle Yau stood by a red-faced Meiling. Uncle Jianzhi sat on the chair beside me, with Fanren's daughter, Leong swinging by his legs. While they were all staring at me through their own way, I was ignoring every single one of them.

I didn't want them there. Mother should have realized that.

Shaozeng had finished insulting me from his spot by the door. Uncle Yau had finished shaking his head and saying what a disappointment I was to father and mother. To the entire clan. And as a future leader.

I got all the shit. I kept my eyes closed and took it. If anything, I deserved it.

I found out that Meiling had called mother. Uncle Yau only concluded it as "thankfully the stupid girl had some brains left to call us." And Meiling wouldn't stop crying. She cried so much that most of the time one look at me would send her running out of the room. Definitely not the girl I knew before.

They stayed for only an hour. Half an hour in my room and the other half hour outside with my mother. Drilling holes into my face.

And then they were gone.

Just like that.

I wish I never had a family.

I wish…I wish I never had anyone to disappoint.

And when they were gone, I wanted to ask Meiling where the people I wanted with me were. Yamazaki, Shiroi. Those freaks like me who knew me inside and out.

But the sedatives wouldn't let me think straight. I knew it was her who was there with me. Sakura Kinomoto. When I had last fallen asleep I had been holding her hand. Except this time…this time I had nothing but the hospital air to breath into.

* * *

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

The call came a week later. On the Friday I was at home, unable to go to school. Unable to get out of my bed. Unable to let anyone turn on the lights.

Touya had attempted to wake me up, but I had ignored him. Even when I had left him waiting for me at school on Monday, I had ignored him. He had been furious, and he probably still was, but I knew his three hours of waiting in the car were nothing compared to what I went through. I didn't let Dad or him in on the bruises on my face form that girl. They asked me for answers, but I had none to give. So I just said I fell while running on the track.

School had been funny. Utterly funny. Revision for term exams had started and I could hardly concentrate. Yuu had actually managed to get me talking to a counselor, except we had spent much of the hour in silence on my part.

I spent lunch with Yamazaki, Shiroi and Chiharu, huddled in a school corner, me listening, while they talked about ancient memories. Yuu had insisted on me sitting with him and his group, but that would mean being in the cafeteria near Eriol and the rest. I couldn't do that. I couldn't willingly look at Eriol and see the damage I had cause him. A cut lip like mine and a nice purple bruise sporting his cheek.

I guess this was the funniest of all things. Eriol was snobbing me. Van would stare holes into my head. Rika would stop to look at me from the corner of her eyes. And Tomoyo…Tomoyo would just sometimes look at me straight. Rumor had it that she and Eriol had split. Someone had obviously told her at what Eriol had been up to. I'm guessing Rika, but our fight in the toilet hadn't exactly been as personal as I had thought.

Sometimes when I would walk out of a class, I would see her standing in the hallway, almost as if waiting for me, but Yuu would steal me away. And for that I was glad.

I didn't want a conversation with any of them. Especially Tomoyo. I didn't want to have to explain anything to her.

And then I got called to the guidance counselor again, because by now even teachers knew about what had been happening. My grades had dropped. I wasn't concentrating in class. Dad got called up once.

So we had to have a talk.

The _family _talk.

It sucked from the second Touya and Dad sat across me. They went about how I couldn't loose myself. How I still had a life. How I couldn't abandon things just because everything had dropped on me. It was the usual family therapy session.

And I sat there, holding onto Kero and letting the voices enter one ear before letting it come out of the other.

That was how my week had been. A chaotic mess I still hadn't pulled myself out of. And today was my day off. Touya was at university. Dad was at work thinking that I was at home catching up on forgotten work. But that's what he thought.

Because I was still in bed, in the jeans I had worn to bed last night. Going to school seemed like almost a waste. I had my photocopied notes and exercises, so today had been the day I was supposed to start cramming.

Christ it was funny. I didn't seem to care anymore.

And then the phone started ringing downstairs.

I ignored it for a minute, knowing the machine would pick it up. But as soon as the answering machine came, it stopped and the ringing would start again. On the third ringing, I pushed myself down the stairs and answered the phone with a snap.

"We have an answering machine you dork! Use it!" I growled into the receiver, but all I could hear was this heavy breathing. "Who's this?" I asked irritably. If it was a prank call, I wouldn't hang up until I gave them a piece of my mind. "Look, if you're mess—,"

"It's me."

The phone fell out of my hands when someone spoke.

For a second, I felt the world spinning around me. And I felt that familiar feeling of having my stomach in my throat.

That voice…

That _voice!_

The same one I had been hearing over and over again in my head.

I scrambled up to pick the phone to my ear, clutching it tight in my hands, like a lifesaver. I could hear breathing. Distinct breathing.

"S—," the words tightened in my throat and I couldn't get them out.

"Sakura." The voice sounded different this time. But much clearer. And his voice was rough, "Sakura it's me. Shiroi."

The phone was clenched so tight in my fists, that for a second I was about to slam it against the wall. I was almost about to do it, but then he spoke again.

"Meiling just called." He paused before adding, "Syaoran's awake."

I was listening. And he went on.

"He's at some Ishigami Private Hospital down in the west. It's about a three hour drive from here. We'll come pick you up now."

My hands were shaking. So violently. And my heart was soaring. I think I was smiling. I couldn't tell. I just croaked a "Sure." before hanging up on him.

I think I sat there for a whole of five minutes, trying to register what was happening. And then I flew out of the couch and into the kitchen. I scribbled down a note and patted Kero before running out the door and thrusting into my shoes by the gate.

I didn't have to wait long.

The Honda came in less than another five minutes. I didn't exchange a word with any of them, but just got into the backseat with Chiharu before Yamazaki floored the pedal.

_Jesus. Thank you. Thank you so much.

* * *

_

**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

I was becoming weak. That's what my report came as. I was suffering from malnutrition. I had critical damage to my lungs. And those crazy pains had been seizures. Once, I overheard some nurse talking about disturbances in my hearth rhythms or something. All these classy terms. The only news they gave me was that I was 'due to the operation theatre at seven in the morning tomorrow'. Seven? They could rip me apart and operate on me right now if they wanted. It's not like I had anything to do.

Yes, I was freaked out.

Yes, I wanted a smoke.

Yes, I wanted to never get up.

It was as if every time I got up, I felt even more dead.

Sometimes I would get up at night. Sweating from head to toe. Spit on my chin. And the covers below my head filled with my vomit. I would stay tight. Trying not to smell. Trying not to shiver. And trying not to think.

It would be dark and I would just cry.

Sometimes, I couldn't see straight and things would start looking hazy.

Mother hadn't come to see me after that one day and nor had anyone else other than Meiling and Fanren. Fanren would sit next to me in the afternoons, talking about Leong and her husband. She was the only sister I was closest to. And in the middle of a conversation, she would just start crying.

This afternoon was no different. She was sitting on a chair next to me, with Leong absent.

"Xiao Lang?"

I acknowledged her by lifting my face up.

"Tell me about that girl."

I froze tight.

"Don't ask me what girl, because you know who and so do I."

I looked away then, "What about her?" Yeah, what the fuck about her? It wasn't as if any of them had come to see me.

"Is she really your girlfriend?" she asked. I shrugged, my eyes still on the door. "Sakura right?"

I felt something in my stomach at the sound of her name. I hadn't heard anyone say that name for so long. It almost made me weak. Hearing that name being said so freely.

Then Fanren sighed, "Everyone lost it at her when we first came here. Meiling had something about her to us and—,"

"What?" I glanced at her sharply, my neck almost getting a crick.

Fanren looked a bit taken back before settling uneasily into her seat, "I guess when Meiling talked to mother, she sort of babbled it all out. Something about you having gone nuts over some girl. Sakura this. Sakura that."

I cringed at her tone.

"It was mad Xiao Lang." Fanren looked at me with a glint in her eyes, "We took the jet. Mother…mother had lost it. She would talk about some girl. But I guess, it wasn't really her fault was it?"

Something shifted in me. And I grabbed her arm, "What do you mean? What-what did Mother say to her?" I was reeling. And coil inside to out.

"Meiling hadn't been very clear—,"

"_What_ did mother say to her?"

Fanren's uneasy look grew and I started sweating even more.

"Mother just yelled at her. Xiao Lang, you don't know how…how distraught she was. How distraught _we_ were."

Her words were small and quiet and I closed my eyes.

"No." I mumbled after some time, "No." I said it again, clearly, "It wasn't because of Sakura." I paused and looked at the ceiling, "Never because of her."

"Then why did Meiling say that you went crazy for her? Apparently she cheated on you…and you…and you lost your mind."

For something like being said out in the open made me cringe, then I smiled a little. I was though wasn't I? Only someone who spent each second think of her would be crazy. Crazy, yes. She made me crazy.

"Because…"I grinned a little at my sister, "Because I guess I did. But she didn't…she never cheated on me."

Fanren's face faltered as she tried to find words, then she attempted to hide her smile, "You'll always be my weird brother won't you?"

"Always." I murmured, as my eyes suddenly ached to close. I barely felt Fanren ruffle my hair like she always would. I barely heard her leave.

But I would find her. I would find Sakura. Even if Mother had yelled at her and told her whatever, there was no way I was letting her go.

* * *

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

It took over three hours including traffic to get there. We had to stop once for petrol, but we made it. We made it just before noon.

And it was big. Ishigami Private Hospital was someplace I never knew even existed. It was outside Tomoeda, in some posher area called Nachi.

I felt like dirt when I stepped into the pristine hospital. Embarrassed of myself, with my wrinkled jeans and my snoopy shirt. But I didn't care. I didn't stop once to check who was looking at me. None of us did.

Yamazaki stayed in the front of us and we followed him to the reception. But before we could even get up to speak, Meiling sprang in front of us.

Words were exchanged and I continued to follow in a daze. The whiteness blinded my eyes and I didn't quite realize how hard my heart was beating until we all stopped in front of a private room.

There was a woman sitting outside. Relief subsided as I realized it wasn't Syaoran's mother. But she wouldn't stop staring at me. But my eyes were only on the glass walls between me and the private room.

Soon I was sweating. I didn't hear a word anyone said to me. Because I couldn't hold it in me anymore. I pushed open the door before my heart could burst.

The air hit me in the face, chilling me to my bone.

But my eyes didn't rest, until they rested on a frail looking boy on a bed. And then they cried. My eyes tipped out tears one by one.

Something escaped my lips, and I limped forward, my strangled breath become raspier and raspier. I lost control of my body. I lost control of my mind. I dragged myself in numbness until I stood at his side.

I wasn't aware of anyone else but this boy on the bed. This boy who looked so different and yet so strangely familiar. I wasn't aware of my fingers that had extended, longing to feel that pale skin. I wasn't aware, until I felt warmth underneath my fingertips.

The tears fell quicker and faster. And I shook. My fingers shook as I leaned over him.

"S…" I had lost my voice God. For once in my life, I couldn't find words to speak, "S…" My tears fell on his chest. And I felt the face move against my fingers.

God. Oh god. He was here. He was alive. He was awake. In front of me. In my hold. His skin so warm. God…he was alive.

_Alive_.

He had made it.

"Syaoran…" I pulled myself closer, my fingers savoring the feel and contours of his face.

Brown eyes opened to my call, and in the same moment, my heart leaped.

It leaped over the sky.

* * *

**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

Someone was calling me. Someone.

"Syaoran."

Deep voices. Familiar voices.

And then something warmed my face. _Roses. _The smell hit my nose and I pushed myself into the warmth. This warmth that made my knees tremble. That made my head turn over. That made me swim further into the darkness.

"Syaoran." The voice was so sweet and so near. So familiar. So much like…so much like my…like….

Sakura's.

I willed my eyes open.

And the first thing I saw were the tears of this beautiful face fall on me.

* * *

**Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V**

There were these sudden laughs. I didn't realize everyone was around me. I didn't realize they had been on other side of the bed.

I wasn't aware of anything but these open eyes beneath me. Those same watchful and intent eyes that used to bore into mine and snatch every truth and lie. Those same smoky eyes that made me swoon and grab onto the front of him.

And that's exactly what I did. I grabbed the front of his gown and dug my face into his neck and cried my heart out. I didn't care how hoarse I sounded. Or how loud every pitch was. I just cried and let it all out.

Because my Syaoran was alive.

I could feel his heart beat. I could feel the warmth of his neck. Feel his adam's apple moving as I felt arms wrapping around me.

I didn't hear a word from him. Not a word. But he was awake. He was awake. And that was all I had ever wanted. So I clung onto him shamelessly and didn't stop crying. No one pulled me apart. No one said a word. I was just crying and this hold around me just kept getting tighter.

I had missed him.

I had missed every bit of him. His arrogance. His touch. His hold. His skin. His warmth.

"Sa…Sakura?"

And his voice.

Jesus, his deep, rough voice. I never really knew I missed it like crazy until then. Never until then. Because I started shaking. I started trembling so bad that for a second I thought I might be dreaming. That this was just another one of those nightmares, where I'd suddenly wake up and find myself screaming his name in the middle of the night.

"Hey." His breath tickled my ears, and I relished at the feel of his lips on them.

No. This was real. This was as real as it could get. I was holding him for real.

I lifted my head to meet his open mouth and even wider eyes.

"You're here…" I whispered through teary eyes. "You're…really here."

His eyes looked as if they were searching mine. And then he brought a tube-injected hand to my face. Rubbing the tears away with his thumb, he pulled my face closer.

So closer that I could feel his breath on my face. So closer than I climbed on the bed next to him and pressed my mouth to his forehead.

I pushed the hair of his forehead and he smiled.

"I was waiting for you." His voice was so low, that I had to lean in, until my lips were brushing past his.

"You scared me." I spoke as quietly as he did, or at least tried to. And he smiled again. "You…you scared me…so much." I watched as my tears fell on his cheek and I quickly wiped it away. "So much…" I played with his hair and gave him a watery smile. "You asshole…"

He just watched me. Watched me cry and closed his eyes lightly every time I caressed his cheeks. His own fingers brushed over my cut lip and the light bruise next to my eye.

"I'm sorry." The words tumbled out of my mouth and I never gave him a chance to say anything, "Do you hear me?" I pulled him closer to my heart, "I'm sorry." I needed him to know that. That this apology was coming from my heart. From the heart he had treaded on. From the heart he had stamped and crushed and kissed.

"For what?" his free hand, slipped into my own hair.

"For this. For doing this to you." The flicker in his eyes darkened.

I pressed my forehead against his, and he inched up to catch my mouth. It felt like time had frozen. It felt like his lips had never left mine. It felt like heaven, just like each time I had let him kiss me senseless.

I let him open my mouth. Lost myself savoring the feel of his soft lips. And I cherished every bit of it.

My heart caught on fire and I found myself in a haze so thick that I hardly realized when we had pulled away. I hardly realized that I had stopped crying.

"You've got nothing to be sorry for." I felt his lips smile against mine, "I did it 'cause I'm fucked up." He caught my delirious look, then added, "Seriously."

I shook my head slowly at first, then furiously. He wasn't fucked up. He was made like this by his abusive father. He wasn't fucked up at all and I told him just that. "You're better than anyone." I didn't know what made me say that, "You're better than any loser." Better than Eriol, Van and every guy out there. I said that because it was the truth.

He chuckled lightly and I glowed at the beat of his heart again. His hand slipped behind my neck, and he pulled me further until my head fell beside his on the pillow. "That's why I need you."

He needed me?

"Stay with me."

I bumped my nose against his and kissed him impulsively again, "Tell me why you need me?" I asked even when I didn't need to. Because my answer would always be a yes. I don't know what came over me, but I couldn't let him. Now that I had him with me, in my eyes, I didn't want him gone from my life. Because he meant something. He meant something to me. He was someone special to me. Someone idiotic, moronic, but still someone I couldn't let go of.

"Why?" he repeated my question to himself, and I snuggled carefully into his side. His IV-tube hand came to touch the top of my head again, and I wrapped an arm around his waist. Then he spoke into my ears. And his voice glided around me, "'Cause…" I looked into his tired, baggy eyes, "'Cause you make everything alright."

And I swear to you God. That had to be the best thing anyone had ever said to me in my entire life.

* * *

**Syaoran Li P.O.V**

I never realized when she fell asleep holding me. She stopped crying at some point. She stopped murmuring my name. She stopped shivering.

My usual nurse came in twice, looking nervous and twitchy. I snapped at her when she made to wake Sakura. She wasn't leaving. Not now. Now when I just had her.

I tried keeping my eyes open. But I found myself relaxing back and twisting the back of her shirt around my fingers.

I could hear her breathing. I could hear silent laughter. I could hear the wind suddenly. Rushing through my head. Rushing into my lungs. Swallowing me whole. I could feel my body melting right on that bed. Right beside her. Knowing that there was this girl who I ached to kiss again and again. This girl whose touch made my skin burn.

This time wasn't like last time though. I wasn't gonna let it be. This time, I would wake up with her still beside me. This time, I would be falling asleep knowing that she was beside me. Knowing for sure that I loved her. That her being next to me, made my insides settle down. Knowing that, when I would wake up again, I wouldn't be in another coma. I wouldn't be holding emptiness. But this girl.

Because only someone like her would cry like crazy for me.

Only someone like Sakura would call me an asshole and kiss me at the same time.

Only someone like her would make me feel that this shitty life meant something.

* * *

**§ђϊη§зϊ-Кσќσѓσ**

**A/N: **_There. All out. I finally woke the poor guy up. As for the ending, happy sappy it is. And just two more chapters to go! __Hope you guys enjoyed this one._


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